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Smoky Rain

The cold wind whipped up the freshly fallen snow into a light flurry that swept over the gently rolling grounds of the cemetery. Oblivious to the cold and wind was a single figure, silhouetted and crouched against a gravestone.

Robert's black nose twitched as a snowflake landed upon it, and he watched the little piece of the sky melt into a tiny puddle of water as it hit its warm landing place. Bright blue eyes peered out across the landscape, and a thin white tail with black spots swayed in the breeze.

The dalmatian walked slowly towards the knelt-down figure in the distance. He had been at this place before. In fact, as he looked at the snow, he realized that he had been in this very cemetery on this very occasion. His heavy boots trod their way through the several inches of snow as fast as they could. He could see now the figure was wearing a dark navy coat, with black winter gloves, and a bright green beanie. It was the same exact outfit as Robert was wearing, and as the mysterious man looked up and their eyes connected he nearly stumbled backwards. He was looking at himself, and his doppelgänger was looking right back.

For a brief moment, his eyes wandered to the headstone, and it was exactly as he remembered it. No fancy phrases or flowery images. In fact, the only thing that perhaps stood out on this marker was the unfortunately narrow range between the two years.

Elena "Ellie" Marie Shultz

1984-2006

"You know what?" Robert snapped his head up at the sudden words. They were in his voice, but didn't come from him. He looked back at his double, who had clearly been crying, for the tears had started forming little icicles in the short white fur around the eyes. The other stood, and regarded the memory intruder with a look of hurt. "I don't think you were ever good enough for her."

Those words seemed to echo around his head, until they blurred into a repetitive beeping sound. His eyelids drew up at the prompting of the alarm clock, and a paw slapped the obnoxious noise off. A few beams of morning light snuck around the edges of the drapes and stung his just opened eyes. He looked to his right, where Jonathon should have been. The absence of the familiar warm body produced a heavy sigh from Rob. This was bound to be a rough day, and it being a Monday sure didn't help.

There was something else bothering him: he felt like he'd had another nightmare. Stress, probably, he told himself. It wasn't the fact that he was having bad dreams that was irking him. It was their subject matter.

"Ellie..." he said, in a scratchy tone from his dry, morning mouth. The dreams had all been about her, he knew that. Though the details of them all were lost in the ether.

Once he was finally out of bed he threw some house clothes on. A white paw and forearm, curiously absent of any spots just like its counterpart, hesitantly reached for the doorknob. He didn't want to face the awkwardness of this day. In fact, Robert mused, he might even prefer being back in that half-remembered dream to facing the reality of his waking world. The door creaked open as he turned the knob, and he poked his head out. There were no signs of anyone else being home. Most notably absent to both his ears and nose was the sizzling sounds and heavenly scents of breakfast from the kitchen. Jon always cooked the two something in the morning, and as Robert confirmed his partner's absence he also realized he was on his own for food now.

Some part of him really did hope that the events of the previous night were also a dream: that Jon hadn't made good on his threat to move out while he was away at work. Alas, the threat was not an idle one.

Rain greeted him outside the apartment, when he finally did leave, though it was a bit later than normal on account of his odd morning. The dalmatian smiled at the weather. He took a bit of solace in the fact that the world itself seemed to be reflecting his mood. After all, there wasn't much worse than leaving home in a foul mood only to be greeted by a majestic sunrise and happy world on the drive in to work.

The day itself went more or less normally. The unfortunate part about a mindless factory job was the amount of time one's mind had to wander around. The tangents one could create in their own inner thought process were astonishing. At least a few hours that day went into trying to remember the dream he'd had. Those thoughts inevitably ran off into the far-flung corners of his mind about his current situation. It had been an ugly one, as far as fights go. A few days of cooling off hadn't helped, and Jon had announced he was leaving. Amazingly, right then that daunting fact had taken second place in his mind to the strange dream he'd had. Ellie's face was eluding his mind, and it was driving him mad.

"Hey." He heard the word, but didn't register it at all. It took feeling the sudden paw on his shoulder to get Robert to finally understand someone was trying to get his attention. He took off his work gloves as he spun around to face the person who had interrupted his reminiscing. It was one of his coworkers, Brian, a complete stereotype of every blue collar, redneck factory worker that one could ever imagine: short, chunky, a rat, and constantly with a wad of chew in his maw. Nicest guy in the world though, and one of the only coworkers that he ever talked to on a regular basis.

Brian had a bit of a high pitched and scratchy voice that could be grating at first, but without fail always actually became a point of charm for him. "You alright? Seem out of it. It's break time, Robby!" God he hated being called Robby, but almost everyone at work did it anyway, so he had just come to accept it as a fact of life. Truth be told, the nickname didn't even really bother him much anymore.

He certainly couldn't tell Brian about the breakup. That was for sure. It was a hard time not being able to tell the people you talked to every day about something like that, but it was a necessary pain. Even if some of the coworkers would be okay with the gay aspect, others wouldn't be. The issue then became that Rob's dad had worked at the same plant, and the old curmudgeons that were still around would be quick to out Rob to his family. Robert checked his phone. It really was break time, and 'Robby' had established himself as someone who always left for break early, never on time or late. He noticed that his friend was still giving him a concerned look. Could he actually be wearing his emotions on his sleeve that plainly?

"Yeah I'm alright man, just thinking about..." He caught himself, ever wary of being outed at work. It was an intensely homophobic workplace, but in this one instance he realized that he could actually be honest. "Was just thinking about this girl I knew."

The rat nodded and spit a wad of disgusting brown liquid onto the concrete floor. "You ain't talked about this girl before; she really messing with ya' that bad?"

"Yeah, had this dream about her last night. I think I did, anyway. Don't really remember for sure, ya know?" He hesitated, wondering why he was opening up so readily to this person he never talked to outside of the confines of work. "I dunno. You see...she died." Robert bit his lip a bit and shifted around uncomfortably. "I guess I don't really remember my dreams much, just know they've been about her."

"That's rough, buddy, but maybe I can help."

Help? How in the world could Brian, the strange little man from work, be of any help in this? Brian grinned as he sensed the apprehension. "Listen, you know the head shop on Main Street?"

Robert scoffed at that and shook his head. This wasn't going in a good direction. He didn't care what other people did, but weed wasn't his poison. "C'mon, I think I've told you before that stuff doesn't really agree with me."

The rat gave him a friendly, if not a bit painful, slap on the back. "Nah! I ain't sending you there for pot. They're the only place in town I know that has this herbal supplement."

Oh, good, some holistic bullshit remedy. "Yeah okay. How's any of this helping me, again?"

Brian took his wallet out and fished around until he found a business card, which he handed to Rob. The card was plain, with just a few words in a simple font across the front.

Relive Memories

Renew the Past

Ask for Smoky Rain

"It's a natural supplement, nothing psychedelic. It just gives you some wicked lucid dreams."

Robert looked at the card, then back at his coworker. Every red flag in his being went shooting up at the whole thing, but yet there existed some allure to the idea. Dreams, though, he hadn't considered this might be something for that. Was it so farfetched? That some supplement would make it easier to have certain dreams? "Have you..." He looked up, but Brian was a good twenty paces away and headed for the break room. "Hm."

The rest of the day went by slowly, with Rob constantly trying to inquire more about the so-called supplement, but getting very little information. "Just go and try it. Trust me; you'd have to try it to believe it." That's what Brian kept saying, and the dalmatian finally gave up. He would have to just go see for himself if he wanted answers.

It was on the way home, anyways, Rob justified to himself as he brought his car to a halt in front of the establishment. Dirty, knick-knack adorned windows, a wooden door that looked about half rotted out, and a sign that was barely readable; yep, looked like that kind of a place. He shook his head, looked at the business card for the hundredth time, and keyed off the ignition. If the outside appearance of the shop was as stereotypical as one would expect then the inside was just as cliché. The powerful aroma of burning incense stung the sensitive nose of the canine, and in the dim light he could see that there were a few counter displays full of various pipes, grinders, and other paraphernalia.

"Afternoon!" Rob's ears swiveled at the voice of the shopkeeper, and the rest of his head followed them. Behind the counter, on a stool, sat a panther. He looked around fifty years old, and had a warm smile to greet the newcomer. He patiently waited as his young customer, still wearing his dirty work overalls, approached the counter. The shop keep was accustomed to seeing guys from the plant. It was a boring job, and plenty of them enjoyed a little toke on break. "What can I get you, friend? Looking for anything in particular?" The panther had a pleasant voice to match his soft expressions.

Rob shuffled a bit. He had butterflies. What if this guy didn't know what he was talking about? He'd feel stupid. The proprietor of the store was staring at him, with a little head tilt, waiting for some sort of response. "Uh...I'm looking for something called Smoky Rain?"

As soon as the words left his lips, the dark feline sat up straight with a sly smirk. "Ah, one of those customers." He held a finger up, to preemptively silence his client.

Robert pursed his lips as the other man disappeared into a backroom. The situation was starting to make him even more nervous now. Why would something so innate need to be held out of sight? What did the man mean by calling him 'one of those?' The employee returned with a large plastic bottle, which he set on the counter.

"This is a very simple supplement. Take one pill each night, and as you are drifting off to sleep, think of the person or place you want to remember."

That was it? "That's it?" Robert queried. "It doesn't need to build up, just works the first night? What about side effects?"

The panther met his question with a chuckle, "Yeah, that's it buddy. No side effects except for nostalgia. Works right off the bat."

Sure, why not, Robert mused. "How much?"

"Five dollars a pill, but I'll cut you a deal and give you seven doses for thirty dollars!" The panther had a deal, and Rob had a small plastic baggie that held one week's worth of the mysterious pills.

"So how does this work, exactly?"

Finally, the panther introduced himself as Joe, so that if there were any questions he could be reached at the shop. Joe explained that it stimulated this or that chemical in the brain-Rob suspected BS-and enabled very lucid dreaming with full retention of the dream in the morning, so that it would feel like a fresh memory and not just a fuzzy fragment. The only thing needed was to be thinking of the person or place that one desired to remember. Joe suggested looking at a photo, or a souvenir, before bed.

There was nothing to do now except for Rob to go home. He hesitated at the apartment door. Maybe, by some miracle Jon would be back and last night would just be a bad dream. It was still possible, right? He pressed the key against the doorknob, but it took a few moments for his willpower to come through and open it. On a normal day, Jonathon would be seated at his computer by the time Rob arrived, and as it was situated straight back from the door, Jon always got to watch his partner make an entrance. There no longer was a desk there though, nor any other shoes by the door. There was no spectacled husky greeting him with a smile.

He tossed the baggie of pills along with his keys and wallet onto the coffee table and sprawled out on the sofa. "Dammit..." he grumbled and sat up. The couch still had the faint scent of his ex on it. Not surprising, since Jon had spent the last week sleeping on it. "Fuck this, I can find better things to do than laze around all night."

By better things, he really meant nothing. Rob passed the night away playing games and chatting online. Every so often he glanced over at the pills on the coffee table. It became time to prepare for bed, so he swallowed one of them right before brushing his teeth.

Joe had told him to get something that reminded him of Ellie before bedding down for the night. The unfortunate fact was that Robert had thrown away everything that reminded him of her long ago. He felt nothing strange, as he imagined he would. If anything, he had a little trouble falling asleep, probably in anticipation of what would happen when he did pass into dream. Thoughts of Ellie filled his head as the world around him slowly faded into that of the one he used to know.

*

"Oof!" The dalmatian struggled to maintain his balance but came up short as he went over the side of the hayloft and down into a large pile of straw. Rob grumbled and looked back up at the perpetrator. "Be careful, geez! I don't need to break anything."

The collie looking back at him burst out in giggles. "Oh if you aren't the biggest wimp I know..." Rob was lying on his back in the hay pile; arms and legs spread out in random directions and straw stuck to his whiskers. She hopped down gracefully and landed beside him giving the hay-covered spotty dog a little condescending pat on the head.

Rob sighed dramatically and rolled on his side to face her. He couldn't help but break out in a beaming smile when he looked at that gorgeous, perfect face: black patch over her left eye and rusty red-rimmed ears that set her apart. Ellie was such a wondrous clash of a fiery spirit, a strong body built from hard work on the farm, and a brain that he didn't think could possibly fit in that head. And she managed all this while looking, to him, absolutely beautiful. The tomboy collie came off as plain and raw to a lot of other guys, but it was exactly what Robert thought of when he thought the word 'perfection'.

He poked her in the ribs playfully. "You sure your family is out of town this weekend? I really don't feel like meeting your dad yet."

El rolled her eyes and ruffled her companion's hair. "Have I been wrong yet?" They weren't really dating, per se, but he sure as hell didn't want Mr. Schultz catching him in the barn with his daughter. Her family was quite religious, and El herself was a good little Catholic girl in most regards. She insisted that her parents would be okay with Robert, but he wasn't ready to test that theory quite yet.

She hopped down to the ground. "C'mon, let's go inside and get something to eat!"

Before Rob was even off of the straw pile, Ellie was already out the barn door and running towards the house. He grinned and started after her.

"So who's that?" That voice...this wasn't part of his memory.

Rob became suddenly aware of the fact that he was dreaming. He had been so absorbed in the moment that he'd nearly forgotten. There was a light snow falling inside the barn, but it accumulated much faster than it should have, coating everything in a layer of white. It was the cemetery again, but there was no kneeling doppelgänger this time.

He nearly jumped as he felt a paw on his shoulder. Before even looking he knew who it belonged to. That familiar touch, gentle but heavy, and always in the same spot could only be one person: Jonathon.

The husky was certainly on the chubby side, though not obese. His thick fur was a creamy white color all around, and his nose and ears were a muted shade of pink. Jonathon Cousino never was the overly expressive type, and this time was no exception. His face showed little emotion, and his view was focused on the gravestone. He repeated the question he had asked a moment before. "Who is that, Rob?"

The dalmatian didn't know how to react to this intrusion, for it was not entirely unwelcome. Maybe this was part of his subconscious. It made sense that his mind would be processing his recent breakup. "I don't know how explain it, love." Rob blushed as he addressed the shadow of his recent ex in such a manner, but he supposed it couldn't hurt. It felt good to say that again, even if it was really just to himself. "It was so long ago."

The paw on his shoulder squeezed a bit, and he turned to look tenderly at Jon. The husky smiled and shook his head. "Really? A long time ago?" He pointed a finger off towards the gravestone, except where the marker had been was now the barn he had just been in with Ellie. Rob smiled to himself and looked around. It was perfect; like he really was back there. Even the cool breeze into his short fur and smells of the farm were spot on. "It was just a minute ago, for you."

It_was_ just a minute ago.

Things started to fade. The barn, Jon, everything he had just started to become involved in was whisked away with a sudden fury.

It was his phone that jarred him from the precious memory. He couldn't believe he had left it on before sleeping, and a quick glance at the screen produced and angry growl. An email notification, of course. What else would it be at this hour of the night? Rob silenced the foul phone and rolled over, wishing for nothing else but more of what he had just been robbed of. He thought of the sweet collie, and smiled as his body and mind relaxed once more.

The soft feel of Ellie leaning against his side jolted Rob out of his self-induced trance. He subconsciously slipped an arm around her midsection and blinked a few times as he glanced up and a gust of wind blew more leaves off the nearby tree. The wind swept them swiftly down to the ground where they danced around a bit before settling down in with the rest of their orange and rust colored companions.

The air was humid and sweet from the smell of fresh fallen leaves. As the cold dampness of the ground bled through to his bottom he shifted a bit and stretched out his legs. They'd been sitting on this little grassy hill in the park for quite some time now. This would be their last day together for at least a few months, perhaps more. El was headed off to college the next day, to a nursing university that was a nine-hour drive away. Rob still had another year of high school to finish, since he was two years younger than she was. The age gap was something that never really came into account for either of them before. Now though, that gap was looming over them both.

The collie stood up suddenly and reached down to give her companion a playful tug on the ear. "Let's go for a ride."

He nodded, stood up, and stretched briefly before following after her to her small silver car. The idle talk they made during the trip was detached and surreal. They drove around for almost an hour. By old hangouts and the schools they had attended, past the parks where they had sat many a day such as today, and finally she turned down the long dirt road that led to her farm.

The leaf-shedding trees on either side of the road opened up to a large field where the horses were grazing near the road. The horses turned their heads up on hearing the familiar sound of Ellie's car and began walking back slowly towards the barn on the far side of their field. She always greeted them when she got back from school or work. Rob noticed the driveway was void of any other vehicles except for his. That would at least give them a few minutes alone to say a proper goodbye, then.

The pair got out and headed for the three horses that were waiting. Rob took her paw in his as they walked. She smiled and gave the three a good pat as she reached them, but nothing else. "I'll say goodbye to you three later."

As she turned to face Rob he took he took her other paw in his as well and pulled her close to him. It startled her, and the horses as well as their neighing indicated. She didn't get a chance to say anything though as Robert had his body, and lips, pressed firmly against her own. Her paws tightened around his while her ears perked up in surprise.

The two really hadn't even kissed before, unless a peck on the cheek counted. Their relationship had been an odd one. The subject had come up a few times between the two, but even they weren't really sure if they were lovers or just best friends. Maybe they were both. Would that be such a bad thing?

Ellie slackened as she overcame her initial surprise and kissed the dalmatian back. It was a pretty clumsy first kiss as most first kisses probably are, but not for lack of trying. Robert opened his maw and his partner did likewise; being careful to avoid his sharp canines. He fought back a chill as he felt her warm saliva on his lips and tongue, and it may have been a bit too much for her as she pulled back immediately; though she did so in a soft way to let him know she wasn't upset. He didn't need a drug-induced dream to always remember that moment: everything seemed so still, serene, and colorless. It was as though nature itself recognized the solemn occasion and dared not let the sun shine on the affected.

"I love you." He looked down at her eyes. It was something he'd wanted to say for years but never had actually felt right saying, and with that blurting out he finally did. It had a good effect too, because she was clearly blushing.

"I know you do, and you know I love you back."

"Ah, and did you love me just as much?" It was Jonathon again, who had taken the place of Ellie right in the arms of the stunned dalmatian.

Rob angrily shoved the other away, and they were in their apartment suddenly, sitting across the dining room table from each other. "Fuck, why are you here again, Jon?" The dalmatian looked around desperately, looking for El or any sign of his memories, but they were gone. This wasn't what he wanted to remember.

Jonathon tilted his head in a look of genuine confusion. "I don't understand. You're the one bringing me here." Those words confused him. What was Jon, or his mind, trying to communicate to him? The entire room flashed black for an instant, then again. "Don't go waking up on me now, we're not finished yet."

Rob sighed and rubbed his temples. He didn't want to wake up yet, for sure. "Are you telling me I control when I wake up?"

The husky held his paw up and waved it back and forth in the classic 'ehhhhh' gesture. "You'll wake up eventually either way, but this is a dream, hun. You can live out a year in here before that alarm goes off."

"So what are you?"

Jon smirked and leaned back in his chair. He had that look on his face, the one that said he wasn't going to tell everything that he knew; that he for sure was hiding something, which was pretty strange considering this was just all in Rob's head. "Just an observer. Maybe I'm you, trying to help to guide yourself in this journey." Maybe? His own subconscious was playing games with him. Cute.

The dalmatian shrugged. "Guess that supplement works. Hard to believe I'm even dreaming this. It's so damn lucid."

Jon shrugged. "Show me what happens next."

The dining room vanished, and now they were driving.

That old piece of shit Saturn. Oh boy. Even seeing the interior of the car brought back the bad memories of it.

Robert checked his printed out directions quickly and looked up at the street sign. He'd been driving since dawn and the combination of the setting sun and heavy clouds that evening made the world a bit darker. He had to be close though, as the sheer number of students meandering around the area made it clear he was in college country.

He noticed that Jon was in the passenger seat. No, not this time, he thought, and was actually surprised when the passenger replied to his silent thought. "Okay, I'll be back when you need me."

A car horn behind him jolted him momentarily and he muttered under his breath as he dove up another block. Finally. He made a right turn onto SE 3rdStreet and just a few houses down he spotted the address he was looking for. He flicked the map light on and pulled down the visor to check his appearance in the mirror, making a few adjustments as needed. Following that he popped a breath mint and gave himself a quick spurt of cologne. With a deep breath he got out of the car and started walking towards the duplex where Ellie lived.

It'd been almost a year since he'd seen her. Robert had no intentions of it being that long, but things kept coming up every time he wanted to take a trip down here. They talked quite often on the phone and online but she'd been at the school for two years now, and the days of hanging out around the farm were but a fleeting memory.

Between taking fifteen credits a semester and working fulltime at a local restaurant, Ellie had certainly kept herself occupied. Rob hadn't told her he was coming down to visit, but he did know that she wasn't going anywhere for spring break and was planning to just relax the week away. So he knew she'd be here.

He reached the door and held his fisted paw in front of it a few moments before giving it a few solid, commanding knocks. Almost immediately the door swung open and Robert was greeted by the sight of a short and slightly overweight female rabbit. The unknown-to-him girl had more piercings in one of her ears than he dared to count. He smirked as he wondered how the long ear could possibly stay erect with that much weight on it, but shook off the thought. This must be the new roommate El had mentioned.

She scrunched up her nose as she looked the well-dressed dalmatian up and down. "Who the hell are you?"

He extended his paw and smiled, which just got a raised eyebrow from the unimpressed doorkeeper. "Uh, I'm Robert, here to see Ellie."

She stared at him a few more uncomfortable moments and then turned back into the house; yelling with a voice that was sure to carry throughout the entire dwelling. "El! Some...guy here for you. I'm headed out to get some smokes."

From somewhere within the house came Ellie's familiar voice acknowledging her roommate. With that, the rabbit girl pushed her way past Rob, making sure to give him a good sneer on the way out. What a bitch, he thought.

Rob stepped inside the living room and took a deep breath. The living room was pretty much what he expected for a couple of college girls. The hardwood floor was worn out and not well maintained over the years, and the couch looked like it was probably held together with duct tape and superglue. The living room had the kitchen right off to the left and straight ahead from the door was a staircase that led to the second story of the house.

He heard some movement from the second floor going towards the stairs and he composed himself. Rob knew she wouldn't give a shit about how he looked, or him showing up unannounced, but there still was that moment of insecurity about the whole affair.

As soon as Ellie came into sight on the stairway, though, all those negative thoughts went out the window and he beamed brightly. She stopped a few steps from the floor and stared at him, surprised, before grinning and running right at him and nearly toppling him over in a giant bear hug. "I did not expect to see you here!"

He gave her a good squeeze back and a little peck on the nose. "That was the idea!" He chuckled as he looked at her. She must have just gotten out of the shower, as her long fur was still damp. They let each other go and shared a moment just smiling at one another, which Rob broke.

"So uh, what's with the half-rabbit half-metal roommate thing of yours?" He gave his own ear a little flick as he mentioned the metal bit.

The joke made El slap her hip playfully and laugh. "Oh boy, yeah, that would be Shelly. I'll tell her to leave you alone." She sighed and looked up at Rob silently for a few moments. "I've really missed you, ya know. A lot more than I thought I would."

The dalmatian's jaw dropped partway as he feigned hurt. "You didn't think you'd miss me?!"

She growled and punched his arm playfully. "You're impossible." She checked her watch. "Look, I'm meeting some friends at the pizza place down the road and I'm already running late. Why don't you tag along?"

Rob grinned and nodded. "Alright. Sounds like a plan."

As Ellie went to grab her coat, Robert's surroundings shifted once again. He was in a restaurant booth, but not the one he and Ellie had just been on their way to. No, this was a different one, but still familiar. In front of him was a martini, and he knew the occasion.

The strong taste of gin and vermouth calmed Robert down a bit. He had to admit that the place made a decent martini. Of course, even if they didn't, he'd be having a few anyways. He would be meeting Jonathon's mom anytime now, and he was doing anything he could to calm his racing nerves. This was something new for him. Rob may have dated his share of guys, but he'd never met their family, well not openly as their son's boyfriend, at least.

Crunch time. Robert spotted Jonathon enter the restaurant, followed by what must have been his mother. From the closing distance he made an initial eye contact with her. Not a terrible looking lady really. A little too perfumed, perhaps, as the involuntary scrunching of Rob's nose indicated. She was a bit overweight and certainly middle-aged, but she had a great friendly glow about her, and a cute black blouse that complimented her quite well. She had that nice black and white facial masking going on, while Jonathon lacked it. They both shared in common those mesmerizing, near hypnotic, blue eyes though.

Robert stood up as the pair approached and extended his paw towards his boyfriend's mother. "Good evening, Miss Cousino." He gave the most sincere smile that he was able to through the nervous haze.

She took the paw and gave it a friendly, short little shake. "It's very nice to meet you, Robert."

"Oh, you too, Miss Cousino. I've been looking forward to this." He hoped the slight tinge of apprehension in his voice didn't come through and make him seem disingenuous.

They both sat down opposite each other, and Jonathon took the seat next to his mom with a little approving nod and smile towards his partner across the table. He wasn't sure how to take this. Was this just his memory of Jon, or was this the other Jon: the subconscious and seemingly self-aware Jon that had been stalking his dream?

She was the first to talk, with a little motion of her paw towards the mostly empty martini glass. "What are you drinking there, Robert?"

For a split moment he almost thought about making something up. He wouldn't want his boyfriend's mom thinking he was some sort of drunk. Lying about it would be a pretty stupid move though. After all, it's not like her canine nose couldn't pick up what was in there already. Hell she could probably pick out the brand of gin if she wanted, so she was really just being courteous with the question. "A sweet martini. I've heard they make a good one here, so I figured I'd try one out."

Jonathon's mom's eyebrows rose slightly. "And was rumor true?"

Rob perked up a tad, giving her a quick little nod and tail flutter. "Oh yes! It was great." Well so much for the original plan there. Hopefully she wouldn't have asked unless she was actually curious.

The waiter was over shortly upon seeing that the rest of the party had arrived. Miss Cousino ordered, "Whatever he's having," with a gesture towards the dalmatian seated across from her.

After the server departed, the table shared an awkward silence for what felt like an eternity. Rob started to say something, but Miss Cousino immediately halted him.

Her warm paw clasped his own and she looked directly at him, her gaze as warm as her touch. "I..." she stammered a moment, trying to form the words that she wanted to express. "I just want you to know that this is something very unusual to me." She glanced over at her son. "But... I've never seen my son so happy as he has been with you, so I don't want you to worry about me. You have my support."

Rob blinked and nodded reflexively. That certainly wasn't what he expected. He felt a surge of relief wash over him as he connected with her bright blue eyes. "He's in good hands, ma'am."

He smiled and raised his glass to her, which she met with her own with a 'clang', and then he had shifted locations once more. He was in El's bedroom, the same night as he was remembering before, but later into it. The pair winked at each other before they each took a big sip. Rob set his empty glass down and leaned in to kiss the boozey muzzle of the collie. The whiskey didn't even burn anymore, but he could sure smell it on her breath.

"Ugh, we should probably get to sleep." She glanced over at the clock on her nightstand. It read near six in the morning. They had been in the bedroom hour hours now, reminiscing over old times while downing absurd amounts of liquor.

"You're probably right." He looked around the room sheepishly, and then back at her. They'd not discussed sleeping arrangements yet, and as many sleepovers as they'd had in their younger years, they certainly hadn't spent a night together since they both matured. "Uh...so you want me to on the couch or something?"

El raised a brow curiously; perhaps in complete disbelief at the question he had posed. She sighed and slipped her tail up onto his lap. "Are you for real, dude? You think I'd let you drive all this way, after all these years, tell you I love you, and not invite you to come to bed with me?"

Rob shrugged. "Was hoping you'd say something like--oh." He was stopped mid-sentence by the sight of his near lifelong crush pulling her shirt up over her head and tossing it aside. He'd caught glimpses before, but this was the first time she was disrobing right in front of him. While he was busy taking in the new territory of her body, she was already undoing her shorts.

Ellie gave him a look the likes of which he'd never seen from her. She grabbed him by the wrist and placed the palm of his paw right below her belly button. He didn't need any direction. Rob slipped his fingers under the rim of her panties, feeling the wave of heat from her nether regions as he lifted the elastic band away.

He watched her lean her head back and curl her lips into a devilish smile as one of his fingers brushed over her opening. He felt himself smiling as well as he hit his mark. This was something he'd wanted for years and he couldn't believe he was actually doing it. He half wanted to stop, ask her if this was right with the two of them in their drunken state, but he knew deep down that both of them wanted it.

"Why are you still clothed?" Her poignant question evoked a blush from him, and he immediately started unbuttoning his jeans. As he slid his pants off he nuzzled into her crotch and grabbed her long-furred tail, giving it a playful little tug. The sharp, yet gentle, smell of her filled his nostrils.

In a complete abandonment of any sense of composure he yanked his shirt off and sent it flying in a random direction. He was atop her in a flash, kissing and nipping along her neck. He felt a paw feeling up his shaft, which had already slipped its sheath. It was too much; they could make love another time. Right now they both needed a good hard fuck, one they'd waited for far too long for.

The two clumsily fumbled for a few moments trying to get lined up, but as soon as Robert felt that inviting heat seep around his tip he drove it home. Her fingers clasped around his rear as she let out a surprised gasp. "God, you're not such a little boy after all, are you?"

No, he certainly wasn't. He gave her sides a playful little squeeze as he withdrew. The second and third thrusts were no less forceful and soon they were in the thick of it; arched back, long full thrusts, the occasional nip and moan. He was mesmerized by the sounds she made with each trip in, and her mouth gaped open a bit more each time. For his part his breathing was ragged and incoherent, interspaced with primal grunts and incomprehensible words.

By then his knot was rubbing up against her with every hump. Every sense of better judgment told him to hold back. Her face, and his every baser instinct told him not to. Vulgar desires won out, and with one final push he lodged himself fully inside of Ellie. It was more than enough to send him over the edge, and he felt his warm fluids escaping their prison and painting her insides as he let out a completely undecipherable growling moan. Her eyes shot open at the sudden intrusion, but when he finally had calmed down enough to look at her she was giving him that trademarked sly smirk of hers.

"Boy...now we're stuck for a bit. Goddamn, Rob, where was that all these years?" They shared a laugh and Rob collapsed atop her, nuzzling into her neck a bit. It was nice to just have that feeling of spent closeness.

He recoiled a bit as he felt something cold and wet land on his nose, then felt several more. Raindrops? No, not yet. The memories were going somewhere else now, and he knew exactly where.

He got up, and walked out barefoot into the wet grass of Ellie's front lawn. She looked at him, with a raised brow, from her door. Rob gave her a 'come on' wave and she relented; padding out also barefoot in the wet grass towards him. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Shelly spying on them from the window, and he gave her a wry smirk.

Ellie smiled that sweet, soft, gentle smile that Robert remembered well as she took his paw in hers. He, in turn put his other on her side.

It was years ago that she'd said it. In a little carefree truth or dare she confessed what she thought the most romantic thing in the world would be. Her reply had stuck in his head, and he always fantasized making it happen. She wanted to dance in the rain, and that's exactly what he was going to give her.

They were clumsy about it at first, nearly tripping over each other a few times. The pair settled into something resembling actual dancing though, soon enough. They exchanged no words. Her eyes conveyed her astonishment that he'd remembered such a small desire of hers, and his beaming grin showed his utter self-satisfaction in having fulfilled it.

The wind whipped up, and Ellie faded away into a thousand shimmering lights and was carried away in them. Things started to shift again, right in the middle of his most cherished memory. This was happening too fast now, he felt like he was losing control.

Jon's voice came from behind him. "It's almost done." They were in his apartment again, but it was decorated like it had been years ago: when it was still Rob's bachelor pad, and before he'd even met Jon. Outside the window it was a gray, cold day. There was a football game on the TV that he had long since stopped paying attention to. The smell of baking cookies filled the air. Oh, he knew what vision was about to come. He would have no part of it.

"No..." Robert shook his head and took several steps back. "No, I don't want to relive this part." He searched around for a way out with his eyes. The vision wasn't fading, wasn't responding to his will.

Jonathon sighed and pointed a finger back towards the desk, where there was now a double of Robert seated. "Very well, but you must still watch."

"Why? Why do I have to watch this? I don't want it!" He realized how childish he sounded, and how unfazed Jon was by his protest.

"Is something wrong with the memories? Are these all a lie?"

Rob shook his head, and leaned against a wall. No, it was all perfect. Not one snowflake in the cemetery, nor one brown freckle on Ellie's muzzle were off. "It's exactly as it was."

"You must watch all the memories, my love." The phantom husky gently patted the head of the distraught dreamer.

"What are you, the fucking ghost of relationships past?" The dalmatian turned angrily at his ex's shadow. The shopkeeper had lied to him earlier. He didn't have nearly as much control over this vision as he thought. "Tell me!"

"If I was?"

There was a knock on the door, and the copy of Robert casually stood and walked towards it. The dreamer grabbed at the image, but his paws found nothing but air. He watched hopelessly as the door opened. It was Ellie standing outside. The non-Robert grinned widely in surprise, but her face was stern, and did not return the enthusiasm. She entered the apartment silently.

Robert sighed and sat on the floor, watching his past self and Ellie sit on the couch. The two were silent. She spoke first. "I know it's been a long time, and I haven't been talking with you. Surprised to see me randomly?"

"Of course I am." The seated dalmatian's face was slowly turning from joy at seeing her to hurt as he remembered how long it had been. "Why did you disappear for so long?"

She looked away, and spoke softly when she did. "I was pregnant."

The ensuing silence was deafening. It was a moment Robert had already relived thousands of times, and he needed no reminder of this. Those words she spoke said all he ever needed to know about her absence. Still, he had inquired in a shaky voice, as his mirror image was doing now. "Mine?"

"I made some tough choices, did what I had to do to protect you."

He never bought that line. Protect him from what? From the reality that he was a father, or rather should have been? He already knew without her explaining a thing. The fact that she would go and make such a decision without even talking to him about it, and on top of that cut him out of her life over it...it was inexcusable. Her motives may have come from the right place, but the end result wasn't anything resembling 'right'.

The dreamer growled and yelled at the images. "Why didn't you call her on this?! Why are you just sitting there!" He spun around in one direction then another, desperately trying to talk to his past. "Goddammit, talk to her! You won't ever get to again!"

The images started to finally fade, and Robert sat on the featureless black ground. He felt warm tears escaping his eyes, and in his blurry vision saw Jon watching him. "That was the last time I saw her. We didn't talk much... I couldn't. I don't know why. I should have gone after her, should have...something."

"She wronged you."

Oh that was certainly true. What Ellie had done to him by concealing such a truth, hiding herself away, and making such a decision without so much as a peep to him was beyond the pale; yet he loved her dearly even so.

There was an arm around him, and he leaned into the familiar embrace of his ex-boyfriend. Rob suddenly didn't mind that the image had taunted him, or that it was painful to be reminded of yet another failed relationship in his very appearance. He wanted to be held, and wanted to forget what he had spent all this time remembering.

"Tell me, Rob. Are you going to take those pills some time and think of me, and scream at your past self just as loudly?" The husky kissed the dreamer softly on the nose and the pair shared a brief instant of eye contact, bringing back to Rob a thousand emotions. "Will you wish you had gone after me, just as badly?"

Rob lowered his head and wiped his wet eyes. "I think...yes. I think I will, but it will be too late, and you know that."

"Try, Robert. Don't let love walk out of your life again without a fight. Even if you fail, you at least know you will have tried." The gentle touch of the dream-world guide gave his torso an affectionate squeeze. "You think everything has to be perfect, like love is supposed to be some fictional romance story. As soon as we found ourselves in a serious rough patch and things didn't fit your preconceptions you just assumed it was over. So you gave up."

It was true, and the dreamer knew it. "And when Ellie brought the bad news I did the same thing."

Jon nodded.

Rob stood up, gave a weak nod to Jon, and took in a deep breath. "I'm ready, and I have no more to see." There was a rumble, and the shapeless floor opened up into a chasm. Rob fell, his arms flailing around helplessly. It was sudden, as if he hit a mass of water. He gasped, and shot up in his bed.

*

The real world felt strange, cold. The air was heavy and sterile. The dreams, visions, or whatever one could call them were hauntingly fresh. He got up cautiously, not even sure if he was really awake. The doorknob of the bedroom slowly turned and he just as slowly opened the door. Everything was just as he left it, almost.

A brilliantly bright flash caught his eye, and he realized it was something lustrous--

something metal-- reflecting the rays of the morning sun. It came from atop the bookshelf in the corner and he hurried over to it. He had left nothing there, he thought. When he saw what it was his knees became weak and he teared up almost instantly. It was the silver pendant and chain that he'd bought Jon for their first anniversary, and right alongside the pendant, hanging from the very same chain, was a ring. It was the engagement ring he'd given to the husky only a year ago "He snuck in last night..." snuck in to return precious gifts that he no longer wanted.

The realization that Jon had been in the apartment sometime during the past night sent Rob's barely-awake mind reeling, and he suddenly registered a sharp headache and pressed his fingers into the side of his skull.

"No side-effects, my ass." He chuckled to himself as he remembered the question he had asked the head shop employee the day before. The moment of levity was not enough to jolt him out of his melancholy mood, however.

It was amazing, really, just how clear everything from the 'dream' was. Smokey Rain was no bullshit. Remembering Ellie in such vivid details was...amazing. But that's not who was on his mind. This whole adventure started as a way to escape into the past, and to happier times. Such dreams, as they were, were folly. His past was no happier than his present, but maybe, just maybe, there was some hope he could change one of his sad stories.

Rob sat down on his couch and leaned his head back against the wall. He slipped a paw into his pants pocket and grabbed his phone. Though his attempts to navigate his contact list were clumsy in his drowsiness, he found and dialed work. "Yeah, it's Robert Tillman. I can't make it in today; taking a personal day. Alright. Yep, I'll see you tomorrow." He tossed the phone to the other side of the couch looked around at the empty living room.

Through his headache the wheels upstairs were turning. Jon, the one from the dream, had basically told him what to do. Robert needed to fight, to never again let the rare good thing that happened to him just walk away because of his inability to stand up for it.

"Pick up that phone, Robby. Call your man." Rob heard himself say those words. If he didn't know better, he might have sworn that it was Jon talking to him again.

It was then that the little plastic baggie of pills on the counter caught his eye, and his newfound courage faltered. That was all just a dream. An amazing and profound dream, but a dream nonetheless. That wasn't really Jon that was talking to him throughout it, was it? No, the real Jon had been so cold at the end. Maybe going after him wasn't worth the risk, he thought. After all, he could see Jon any night he wanted; he was just a capsule away.

His first experiment with Smoky Rain was just one_night, and he relived years of memories. How much time, how many _years could he spend with Jon in just a week of dreams? He looked over at the phone, and back up longingly at what sat on the counter just beyond it. His ears fell with his chest as he let out a big sigh and once again rested his head back against the wall. He had the day off anyway; maybe a little more sleep would help clear his mind.

After all, what harm could a little more dreaming cause?