Lemon Juice & Razor Blades
LEMON JUICE & RAZOR BLADESby Agrius"I hate you! I FUCKING HATE YOU!! No... no...oh god ohgodohgod..."There came a loud thud just outside the bathroom door, followed by crazed, manic laughter. Chubby black fingers slipped beneath the crack, wiggling in Jasper's general direction. From his seat on the porcelain throne, Jasper tried to stomp the invading digits into oblivion. The fingers, however, were just too fast for the wolf's pain-wracked reflexes to smite, and slipped easily away."You okay in there, Babbehcakes?""WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME?!" Jasper screeched through the hollow-core door. The scrawny wolf was bowled over in pain. Each movement from his insides felt like a load of broken glass working it's way down his
large intestine."Hey now... you were the one who wanted to try buttsex," the voice on the other side of the door intoned solemnly, like a court stenographer reading back an admission of guilt. "Yeah, but... FUCK!" Jasper gritted his teeth as another wave hit him. "Did you cornhole me with a frag grenade??!"Sam, Jasper's best friend, giggled childishly into his paws. Tears of laughter ran down his chubby cheeks. His glasses were fogged. "The first time's always the hardest," Sam stated matter-of-factly. "Just relax. And don't clench. I know it's counter-intuitive.""THERE'S BLOOD!!" Jasper screeched."How much?" Sam sat up from where he'd been laying on the carpet. "Just a little bit? Or a lot, like that scene from The Shining when the elevator doors open up.""I don't know!" Jasper whimpered, his voice small and strained. "No one ever taught me how to gauge rectal bleeding! They don't offer that elective at my community college! Like... not too much, but... oh god..."Sam grinned, laying back down again. "A little bit is normal, dude. You had a dick plowing your ass for, like, twenty minutes. Chill. Don't worry. I used plenty of lube.""Oh well that's fucking great," Jasper hissed through clenched teeth, his voice brimming with angry cheerfulness. "Sam used plenty of lube! Fucking-A! So now I don't have to worry about HOW MUCH MY GODDAMN COLON IS BLEEDING.""It sounds so un-romantic when you say it like that.""GggHHHHH..." Sam clapped his paws over his pointy ears as Jasper let out a long moan. He waited a good minute until he was sure the wolf was done moaning, then removed them. Nope. Not done. He covered his ears again. "HOW DO GAY PEOPLE DO THIS?!?!""Huh?" Sam uncovered one ear."How do you guys do this??? This is awful! Jesus... ggn... this is, like, giving birth.""It's only bad after the first couple of times, I promise." Sam twiddled his fingers together over his chest. "Once you get used to it, you'll be able to hide a flag pole up there
with zero issue. I swear. Sometimes I rent mine out to my neighbors as a second garage when they have company coming over.""We are NOT doing that EVER again," growled Jasper through gritted teeth. Sam smiled. "Oh yes we are.""NO. No we are NOT. That shit was a one-time, for-experimentation-purposes-only event. It takes too damn long to douche out. And the whole time it felt weird. Like I... ffffn... like had to go."A dirty grin split Sam's face from ear to ear. "That's not what you said while we were doing it. You got into it, dude. You did. At one point, you were begging me." Here, Sam's voice switched over to a rough approximation of Jasper's. "Oh god... harder dude... yeah... give it to me... shove the fucking knot in... take the condom off and nut all over my...""You have no proof I said any of that!" Jasper snarled menacingly.Sam snickered. He heard the toilet flush, followed shortly by the sound of a meager, exhausted weight being hefted off it. The faucet ran. Not long enough to convince Sam that paws were actually being washed, but he still appreciated the consideration. The vent turned on. He sat up as the door opened a crack and the scrawny wolf slipped out, quickly shutting the door quickly behind him.Standing up and dusting off his knees, Sam could see the strain of the past ten minutes etched into his best friend's face. Jasper's fur was matted and slick with sweat. He had lines under his eyes and creases on his brow. It looked like he might have popped a capillary in his left eye."Never... again." The wolf panted, eying the chubby fox with a death glare."Uh-huh."Taking advantage of the lithe wolf's weakened state, Sam closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Jasper's shoulders and giving him a tight hug, pinning him against the bathroom door. Before the wolf could protest, Sam's lips mashed against his, his tongue slipping into the long, pointed maw with ease as the burly fox's fingers reached down to grab some bulge.Huffing in resignation, Jasper allowed himself to collapse into his friend's sturdy arms, being kissed and kissing back a little in turn. This was weird. This was definitely weird. But... he had to admit... with his pelvis grinding painfully against the doorknob and Sam's breath tasting distinctively of Goldfish 3-cheese crackers... this still felt pretty good.After a while, Sam let him come up for air. A thin line of saliva spanned their lips. Their noses brushed together affectionately."So," Sam grinned, his fingers now stroking along a
half-masted wolf erection. "Just a one-and-done?" Jasper growled weakly. His nose snuffled his best friend's neck. Sam's fur smelled like green tea shampoo and the inside of a dimly-lit comic book store."Probably." he managed weakly. "But... we'll see."