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Chapter 6: Who's to Blame?

Kate did not know what to say and henceforth found herself stumbling over her words.

"But- y- n- no, hold on," she stammered quickly, "you said-"

"I know what I said," Humphrey interrupted, "but you have to try to understand."

"But-"

"Kate listen," Humphrey interjected again, tears rolling down his cheeks, "it was all my fault, alright? Their blood will stain my paws for the rest of my life and there's no way to change it."

Kate remained silent and stared at Humphrey, watching as he broke down and began to sob. She did not know what to do or what to think because what he had told her was simply too horrible for her to comprehend.

Was it really true? Did he really murder his family?

No, of course he didn't. He would never do such a thing... would he? And if so...

"Why?" Kate asked him slowly.

Humphrey remained silent, his sorrow and his regret seeming to engulf the entire atmosphere of the den around them.

"Humphrey?" Kate asked, stepping forward.

Humphrey's ears folded flat against his skull and he sighed.

"You know how they say that everybody is born with their own curse?"

A&O

Lilly's eyes fluttered open to find that the last light of the waning day was slowly beginning to fade into the oncoming night and slowly lifted her head from her paws.

"Kate?" she called, turning her eyes about the inside of the den, but she quickly found that she was alone.

She sighed in distain and pressed herself starkly to her paws then began to pad slowly out of the den, stepping forth into the dimming light.

She wondered why Kate had yet to make her return and wondered why it was that there seemed to be such an immense buzz and energy in the atmosphere throughout the park, but pushed such thoughts away with a sigh then began to make her way back toward her den. Perhaps Kate had already talked to him and he was waiting for her back at the den, but she somehow knew in her mind that such a thing was nothing but a dead hope.

She arrived in the den about three minutes following her departure from her sister's home only to find that her predictions were indeed as she had previously made when she entered the den and her eyes fell upon Garth, finding him to be in the exact same place as he had been when she left him.

With a soft sigh she stepped forward and paused in front of his face, staring down at his eyes, blood shot from the tears.

"Garth?" she called to him softly, "Garth, honey, can you hear me? Is there anybody in there?"

Garth, just as she had expected, didn't even move.

"Garth, can you please just talk to me?" Lilly begged, her pent up sadness and frustration beginning to bleed out of her through the tears that leaked slowly from her eyes, "I can help you make this better, but you have to talk to me, Garth, please."

Again, Garth remained as still and silent as the grave.

Lilly felt the hot tears beginning to flow freely from her eyes and began to tremble.

"Fine!" she yelled suddenly as her stress, anger, and dejection finally burst out like water from a dam, and turned away from him, "if you don't want any help then you can just sit here and rot for all I care because I've had enough!"

She began to storm her way toward the entrance of the den, angry tears rolling freely down her muzzle, and just as soon as she was outside, she paused, breathing heavily. She cursed and ran a paw over her head and squeezed the fur on the back of it, biting back her tears, but the calamity and the stress was simply too much for her to take. She felt her mouth begin to salivate and felt her stomach begin to lurch, causing her to gag. She gagged again and swallowed, then finally, with a final lurch of her stomach, she spewed vomit into the grass between her paws. She spat, trying to rid her mouth of whatever putrid substance remained, but lowered her head once more as another volley of vomit shot forth from her mouth. She gagged again, spat in disgust then wiped her mouth with her paw and leaned against the wall of the den. With another curse, this time one that was more of defeat than anger, she allowed her body to slide down the wall until she fell onto her side and began to sob loudly.

These sobs, however, did not go unheard, for they entered the den and pierced Garth's ears, causing them to stand open and alert.

Now what was that awful sound and where was it coming from?

He thought that it sounded familiar, but he was not quite sure, for such a sound shared many similarities with Lilly's voice, but he had never heard that sound from her before. How curious... hmm... wait a minute, yes it was Lilly, but what was- ah that's it... she was crying. Hmm... why was she crying? Oh... right... it was because of him. She cried because of him.

His ears folded onto the top of his head once more and he sighed deeply, for he hated that she should have to suffer because of him, but at the same time he knew that there was nothing that he could do. He had already done so much that if he were to simply snap out of it now, there would be no way that he could redeem himself to her. He had caused her far too much pain and he knew that.

But at the same time, how could he ignore her like this? How could he sit idly aside and watch as she slowly wilted under the stress that he caused her? What was wrong with him?

He sighed and lifted his head, regarding the entrance of the den with wistful, teary eyes, and continued to stare, listening as his only love suffered.

Lilly, once her episode was finished and she once again gained control of herself, wiped her eyes, sniffled, then pressed herself to her paws.

She looked both ways quickly to see if anybody would have seen her break down the way she did, then shook herself off and began to walk back toward the den, acting as though nothing had happened.

Garth now had a crucial decision to make and he knew that he had to make it quickly, for he could hear her drawing nearer... but what should he do? Hmm...

Compromise!

Address her, but do so in a respectable manner, almost as though he were a stranger trying to apologize to her, but take it slow; don't immediately try to make things the way used to be. Let the relationship's spark slowly build until it turned once again into the roaring flame that it once was. He sighed, seeing her shadow grow long in the den's entrance, but did not lower his head.

This was it. Time to be a man and face what he had done.

A&O

The only memory that Humphrey had of his mother was a brush of a tongue across the top of his head and a faceless scent that he had smelt briefly a matter of moments before he was taken away from her, but as brief as his experience may have been, he remembered it to this day, and though he may not have seen who he had smelt or whose gentle tongue it was that had caressed him when he was but a blind, helpless newborn, he somehow knew it was her. She may have spoken to him, but he would never know what her voice sounded like as he was born with impaired hearing, and would know nothing more of her than that strange, empty feeling he felt every time he thought of that peculiar, nameless scent and when he remembered a tongue that was even gentler than Kate's, providing for him his first senses of security.

Though his size now would not attest to such a fact, Humphrey, along with his deceased sister, was born prematurely, for his mother was tragically incapable of birthing pups, and after she had given birth to him and his younger sister, she passed away, leaving behind for Humphrey nothing but a faint memory and an immense feeling of emptiness that could never be filled by another.

And this was not the worst of their tribulations.

His sister was born healthy and strong without a single defect to be found, but Humphrey was in bad shape. Though he was the oldest of the two, his body was not fully developed. One of his forelegs was shorter than the other, which attested for the strange way he walked, and he was also born nearly deaf, deathly ill and extremely weak of body. The healers who took care of them following the passing of their mother gave his sister an eighty percent chance of living, the only real cause for concern being that she was a premature birth, but Humphrey on the other hand, being in such awful shape as he was, was not expected to last the night. This drove their father mad with grief, for not only had he lost his mate, he was now about to lose his only son as well.

The outcome, however, was not entirely one with the prediction, for the healers who stayed up with the pups all night to tend to them and watch over them found that by the next morning the rolls to had been reversed. His sister, the strong one, the one voted most likely to live, had perished during the night for reasons unknown, while Humphrey, the one for whom a grave had already been dug, survived. It was inexplicable, a true miracle, but for Humphrey, his life would only end up as a curse that he could never outrun.

Though the deaths of his mother and sister were not really his fault, his father turned away from blaming God and began to blame him since he was the first, the one the healers believed to have so mortally injured his mother. No longer would he curse the thing in which he had once believed, as once they passed from his life, he lost all faith in what invisible being had created him, but instead, cursed what he could see with his own eyes and maim with his own paws when he saw fit.

As such, Humphrey was treated poorly, but was never harmed to the point that the general public would notice and intervene, oh no, Samuel was way too smart for that. He would make sure that the one who killed his family suffered dearly for what he had done. He would keep Humphrey alive and just healthy enough to where he was always inconspicuously sick, but starved him nearly to the point of death.

And to all of this, the others in the pack were unaware, for Humphrey, being as sick as he was from his lack of care and his weakness at birth, never ventured outside, and all symptoms he experienced were perceived by his healers, who checked up on him every other day, as ailments brought about by his early birth.

Samuel was also a master at condescension, for he always spoke to the pup, even before he could understand, in ways that made him feel worthless and as though he deserved to be punished, as though all of it was brought about by his own doing, but Humphrey could never understand why- that is until Samuel openly blamed him for the death of his mother and baby sister. It was at this point that the real verbal sting began to set in, for what child wants to hear about how he allegedly killed his own family, how it was his fault that he didn't have a mother, and how he starved his sister to death because he drank too much milk when he was born? After Humphrey had learned what he thought to be the truth, he became bitter, depressed and angry, but mostly with himself, and after a while he accepted that he did in fact deserve what he was getting, and for a while, welcomed the beatings and the pain as penance for what he had done, but that would soon change.

At nearly a month old, most of his visible defects from birth had faded to the point where they were almost unnoticeable and the same could be said for his physical impairments as well, which caused quite the dilemma for Samuel. No longer could he maltreat the pup the way he had in the past and get away with it, for Humphrey had to have a social life, so he had to change his tactics. He used fear to control Humphrey and to assure his silence and when fear didn't work, a good slap to the face was all it took to remind him who was in control, but Humphrey could only endure all of this hell that he forced himself to withstand for so long because with each foul word, each threat, and each stinging slap that slammed into his face, a monster began to grow inside of him, one that lay like a ticking time bomb inside of his head with an undetectable presence and an unknown trigger time that slowly dwindled to zero.

And to all of this, Humphrey was unaware, but in his seventh week of life that detonator finally zeroed out and that was when all hell broke loose.

A&?

Humphrey entered the den cautiously, yet as casually as he could just in case anybody should be watching him and paused once his tail breeched the mouth of his home. He peered anxiously into the den's interior, but once he found it to be empty, he released a sigh of relief.

"Good," he muttered to himself, "he's not back yet."

Humphrey always cherished his time away from his father, for, though he had previously welcomed the beatings, he was beginning to dread them, as they seemed to get worse and worse every time and he was not sure how much more he could take before it finally ended him.

He shook his head and walked further into the den, making his way to his corner in the back and laid down, exhausted from his day, but his peace did not last long for not five minutes after he got comfortable did he hear the pawsteps drawing near to the den.

"Awesome," Humphrey muttered to himself with a shake of his head and lied still, hoping that if he were to appear to be sleeping, he would be left alone.

This, however, was not the case, for as he heard the pawsteps draw near, he heard his father's voice.

"You must think I'm some sort of stupid," he heard his dad demand firmly, "I know aren't asleep, I could see you trembling soon as I came in."

Humphrey tensed upon hearing this and slowly lifted his head, trying his best to hide his fear from his father, as his fear was fuel for Samuel's cruelty, but his bodily tremble could not be controlled and therefore, Humphrey's brave face was nothing more than a bad joke.

"Oh save it boy," Samuel said dryly and stepped on Humphrey's tail, causing him to yelp involuntarily.

Upon hearing this, Samuel chuckled and ground his tail under his paw then turned away, leaving Humphrey to nurse his tail, but was stopped when he heard Humphrey crying.

"Oh quit your crying you big baby," Samuel demanded bitterly, "or I'll give you something that is worth crying over."

Humphrey continued to cry despite his father's warning and tucked his afflicted tail in close to his body, hoping that by stroking it with his tongue he could alleviate some of the pain, but just as soon as he lowered his head to nurse the stricken area, he heard a soft growl and felt a paw slam into the side of his head.

Immediately he fell to the ground and began to cry harder, for the pain and indignation of being struck weighed heavily on his already tattered emotions.

Samuel laughed at him darkly and struck him hard in the muzzle when he tried to rise again, sending him once more to the ground, but little did he know just what kind of monster he was poking.

Humphrey lied on the ground sniffling and wiping the blood from his nose with the side of his paw and when he saw the light crimson liquid which stained his fur he began to see red of a different kind.

"What's the matter boy?" Samuel asked him indifferently, picking the pup up by his throat, causing him to gasp, "think you've experienced any kind of hurt yet that would make up for what you've done?" He threw the pup into the wall, causing him to cry out. "We've only reached the beginning," Samuel seethed as Humphrey bounced to the ground, "and by the time I'm through with you, you'll beg me to kill you. Then, you will have suffered as I have."

Humphrey again tried to rise to his paws, but was greeted by yet another blow to the face and sent to the ground once more.

And that was when Samuel heard the snarl.

?&?

"I don't remember anything after that," he concluded, "all I remember is waking up to find him dead on the ground."

Kate was awestricken and found herself at a loss for words.

"So go ahead and say it," Humphrey said to her in her silence, lowering his eyes, "I'm nothing but a freak."

"But... if you killed your father, he deserved it," Kate reasoned, "after the way-"

"I don't give a damn about my father," he interposed, "it's my mother and my little sister."

"But you weren't responsible for their deaths," Kate argued, "you had no control over that."

"I drank too much milk," Humphrey replied, "I starved my sister when she needed-"

"Humphrey he lied to you," Kate tried to comfort, "he said those things just to get to you, to make you feel bad for something you could not prevent."

"Then why does it still hurt so damn bad?" Humphrey asked, lowering his head.

Kate licked him between his ears, trying to sooth him.

"Humphrey, you can't blame yourself for what happened," she said to him, "remember what you told me that night after you saved my life? You told me that there was nothing that I could have done to prevent the den from collapsing and that there was nothing I could have done to save my brother's life." She locked her eyes with his. "I blamed myself for that for so long, but you listened and you helped me get over it, now it's my turn to do the same."

Tears began to roll down Humphrey's cheeks again and he buried his face into

Kate's shoulder.

"Kate, I didn't even know their names," he cried as all of his pent up pain and sorrow began to finally flow from his body, "I don't know what they looked like. I never heard her voice. I don't even know if she was in pain when she died. All I have left of them are these... ghosts that haunt me in my dreams, wanting for me to remember them, but I just can't. I was too young."

She brushed the back of his head, allowing him to release all of his sorrow into the fur on her shoulder.

"Shh, Humphrey," she crooned, "you have to let these thoughts go, let them pass forever beyond the door, but keep their memory alive in your smile, in me, in our family. Honor them by living your life to its upmost potential, and one day when whomever is in charge decides to call you home, they'll be waiting for you with warm smiles open arms."

Humphrey sniffled.

"But how can I live to my upmost potential if I can't even take this damned training?" he asked her, a hint of anger present in his tone.

She pulled him tighter into her body and draped her neck and chin across the top of his head.

"You'll complete the training," she assured.

"They won't let me," Humphrey argued, "your dad told me himself."

"They'll let you," Kate said to him, lifting her head and locking her eyes with his, "because I know you better than they, and once we can prove to them that you can overcome this, you will become Humphrey: the alpha with an omega's heart, the future leader of the Central Pack."

She then moved her paw toward his binds and began to cut them.

Humphrey had his doubts about the whole thing, but he trusted Kate, even more than he trusted himself, and if she believed in him after all he had done, then just maybe he could make everybody else believe as well, but he knew the road ahead would be rough. Nobody trusted him anymore, and some even feared him, but every great alpha started from somewhere; he just had a much steeper hill to climb.

The last of his binds fell from about his ankles and his legs were lowered to the floor. With a great sense of gratitude, he rolled over onto his paws and embraced Kate in a hug, nuzzling the back of her neck.

"Thank you," he said to her warmly, "for everything."

She returned the hug then after about another minute or so, the two separated.

"Now, let's go show them who you really are," Kate said confidently.