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Bonus Chapter #4

Easter 2015

Ooooh crap, I thought, taking off after Roy. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!

How had he managed to do that? I hadn't even taken my eyes off of him, for crying out loud! How fast would somebody have had to move to snatch a wad of bills out of my hand like that, much less put something else in it? I didn't know, but I was going to find out. I'd already seen how angry D.K. could get when I didn't bring home his cash. I wasn't going to make myself go through that again!

If Roy had managed his little trick with speed, he sure wasn't putting forth too much energy into getting away from me. I could still see him in the distance, in no small part because of his blindingly colorful jacket. Being a werewolf, I was faster than any human, so I managed to catch up to him in less than a minute.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked, turning around just before I plowed into him, slamming him into a nearby wall. "Ow."

"How did you do that?" I demanded.

"Do what?" he asked, innocently.

"You know what," I spat. "How did you get my money?"

He shrugged as best he could, pinned against the wall. "It was nothing, really. You wolves just aren't fast enough to catch a rabbit!"

I growled at him, accidentally letting my wolf voice out. "Can't catch a rabbit? Boy, you don't know what you're..."

I paused, his words finally registering in my head. I wasn't sure what surprised me more-- that he knew I was a werewolf, or that he had called himself a rabbit.

"A rabbit?" I asked, giving him a weird look.

"Heck yeah!" he said. "Check it out!"

Then, just like that, he slipped out of my arms. It was like trying to hold onto butter-covered wind. What surprised me even more, though, was what happened next. Roy began to sprout fur all over his body. It was a lighter gray than a werewolf's tended to be, and much shorter-- it was more like fuzz than proper fur. A fluffy little tail peeked out from under the hem of his shirt, and the changes completed as his ears elongated to a ridiculous length, pointing straight up into the air.

"Tadah!" he declared, striking a dramatic pose. "Happy Easter!"

I stood there, frozen in shock, looking at the giant rabbitman in front of me.

"You're--" I stuttered at last, pointing at him, "you're a werebunny."

"Nah," he laughed, waving the remark off. "That'd be ridiculous. I'm the Easter Bunny!"

I took a second to let this sink in, and then shook my head. "Okay, a wererabbit I might have believed, but the Easter Bunny? Now _that_is ridiculous. I mean, it's not even..."

Oh, wait. It _was_Easter. How could I possibly have forgotten something like that? So, yeah, it was Easter. Happy Easter.

"Okay, fine," I gave in, "you're the Easter Bunny. But why did you take my money?"

Roy shrugged again. "It ain't easy, being the E.B.!"

I held up my hand. "I already have one punk in my life who abbreviates his name. Don't you start, too!"

"Well, that's too bad," he said with a grin. "Oh well, I've got lots of work to do. See you later!"

With that, he crouched down and then launched himself forty nine thousand, six hundred and thirty two feet into the air with his massive rabbit feet, streaming a trail of rainbows and hardboiled eggs behind him. I raised my arm to keep the eggs from hitting my face, but I had already lost sight of him.

"Okay, that was weird," I muttered. Then again, I was getting way too used to weird. The strangest part, of course, was that nobody around me seemed to have cared about the giant anthropomorphic rabbit that had just shot himself into orbit.

"Where do all these weirdos come from?" I wondered. "And why do they only show up on holidays?"

Wait a minute. It was Easter. Easter was a holiday. And that meant...

"Sup?"

I spun around, and saw exactly who I had just been thinking about. My big, hunky dreamyacht leaned against a lightpost, eating a Taco Bell burrito in one hand, and a hardboiled egg in the other. Egg white and greasy meat both stained his shirt, giving him the suave, sexy look he always...

"Hold on," I said, coming to my senses. "I don't actually feel attracted to you this time."

"I know," he said with a mouth full of food. "That joke was getting old, so I decided to try something else."

"Joke? What joke?"

He shook his head, swinging a string of melted cheese from his lip as he did so. It made me want to throw up...

"You wouldn't understand if I told you," he said. "Just run with it, okay?"

"I don't understand anyway," I pointed out, folding my arms. "And why do I only remember these things on the holidays?"

"Because it's noncanon," he answered. "When it's all over, everything will go back to normal."

"Noncanon?" I echoed. "Like, a story? What's that supposed to mean?"

A wicked gleam lit up his eyes, and he dropped his egg and taco. A chill ran down my spine, and I took a step backwards. There was something seriously wrong with this guy, and that look in his eyes was enough to make me want to run for the hills.

"You want a cannon? Okay, here's a cannon!"

He reached behind himself and from somewhere, I have no idea where, he produced a big honking civil war era cannon. He set it down on the sidewalk, pointing it at me, its wooden wheels creaking under the weight.

"Whoa, hey!" I exclaimed backing up until I was pressed against the wall behind me. "Watch it with that thing! That's... that's not even how you spell canon!"

"It is if I say it is!" he cackled, standing on top of the giant gun. "Because in here, I'm God!"

With that, he gave the pull cord a tug, making the cannon go off with an eardrum shattering BOOM! I managed to dodge out of the way just in time, but the cannonball still made a hole in the wall behind me, spraying bits of brick and cement everywhere.

The force of the blast made the cannon go rolling backwards, down the street, with the bearded weirdo riding it like a skateboard.

"Tally ho!" he screamed at the top of his lungs before it went around a corner and I lost sight of it.

I stood there for more than ten minutes, trying to figure out what all had just happened. Finally, I shook my head, sat down against the wall he had just blasted, and hugged my knees.

"I give up. I just give up."

Happy Easter, friends and fans! As I'm sure you know by now, THIS DID NOT ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Roy is not really the Easterwerebunny, and nobody shot a canon at Amber. Tune in next Saturday for the REAL next chapter of Amber Silverblood! Will she get her money back from not-bunny Roy? Or will she have to face the wrath of (also not-bunny) D.K. all over again?