FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Favian watched as the black and white husky stormed out of the bar. The door slammed shut, rattling the glasses hanging behind the counter. Alex stood in the middle of the establishment, breathing hard, clearly trying to keep his emotions in check. The black wolf finally growled in frustration and exited the bar. Based on their easily overheard conversation, Favian had a feeling Alex wouldn't be following his now-ex. A worried-looking jaguar sitting in the corner got up and followed the canines out

Favian shook his head and busied himself cleaning glasses. The fox hated seeing other people unhappy. He tried to help others as often as possible to prevent events like the one that just unfolded in front of him, but sometimes they were unavoidable. Hopefully it'll all work out for the best...

"Hey bartender!" a chipper voice called from nearby, bringing his thoughts back to the work at hand. The voice belonged to a handsome tan-and-gray wolf that looked like he had some coyote in him. The canine in question had just come from the dance floor, where Favian had seen him dancing with a lioness. He was panting from the exertion and sat down at the bar looking thirsty.

"Heya, friend! What can I get for ya?"

"Gimme a beer, any kind. I wanna get back on the floor real quick."

"Gotcha," Favian said with a wink. His experienced paw made the selection with hardly a thought, grabbing a bottle of one of his favorite micro brews and setting it in front of the wolf on top of a Tricolor Beguile coaster. The canine slid the cash across the bar and started chugging.

"Woah there, if I'd known you were gonna do that I'd have given you something cheaper," the fox chided. "I don't get very big shipments of those, so watch how quick it goes down!"

"Yeah yeah, don't worry, I'm just enjoying it quickly. My compliments to the-... well, to you," the wolf said, raising his bottle in a salute.

Favian watched the canine carefully as he drank another gulp. This was only the second drink he'd served the coywolf tonight, but judging by his demeanor it was possible he'd been spending his night so far bar-hopping. He remembered the wolf's ID card: Levi, age 22. The fox remembered seeing Levi in the Tricolor Beguile one other time, but other than that the wolf was new to him. Judging by who he was dancing with and how he was acting around the fox, Favian had to guess the other was straight and single. At 22 years old he was either a college student or someone in the early years of their career. Earlier he had caught a glimpse of a student ID in Levi's wallet, so he guessed it was the former. A college kid looking for love, Favian thought, remembering that part of his life and wishing he'd been able to go to college.

"You know something?" Levi said in a low voice, breaking the fox away from his thoughts. "That lioness over there on the dance floor? She's pretty hot."

Favian smiled. "Well, it's not my place to make such observations about customers, but I could agree with you there, hon."

"Yeah... After I finish this beer I think I'm gonna ask her out," the wolf told him. "You think I'm her type?"

Favian struggled to suppress a giggle. The lioness in question was a regular here, so the fox had gotten to know her pretty well over the last few years. He struggled whether or not to tell Levi she was lesbian. "I don't know. Right now I don't think she's interested in a relationship," he said evasively.

The tipsy wolf's eyes widened. "You mean..."

"No, I don't think she's interested in that, either," Favian said with a chuckle.

Levi pouted. "Man, that's just not right. How can someone stand not being in a relationship? Being single sucks."

"It does have its advantages," the fox told him, trying to recall what that was like all those years ago. "You're not tied down to anyone or any place. You're free to do what you want, when you want."

"Yeah, but if what I want is love, then that's a little hard when I don't have anyone."

Favian scanned the bar briefly to assess if any customers needed drinks refilled or if there were tables in need of clearing. Everyone seemed to be fine for now, so he leaned on the bar and resolved to learn more about Levi. "So what is it you want out of a relationship, exactly?"

The coywolf shuffled in his seat. "Well, y'know. The usual. I want someone to cuddle with, someone to make me feel less lonely, someone who isn't too needy and who I can live with happily for the rest of my life."

"All important points. What about having intellectual conversation, or having someone you can confide in and who will support you through thick and thin?"

"Oh yeah, those are important too," Levi conceded. "It's just... I guess the things I just listed are what I'm used to in a relationship."

"I see," Favian said, starting to put the pieces together. "Are you recently single?"

The wolf sighed. "Yeah, yeah I am. Two weeks ago my girlfriend dumped me. I really miss the times when we were together. I miss the physical contact, y'know? And not just in the sexual sense. I miss kissing, holding hands, snuggling together on the couch watching a movie... I can't really do that with friends. And as weird as it sounds, I also miss the tedium of having a relationship: texting someone goodnight, talking with them during the day, making plans to hang out or go on dates, thinking up surprises for their birthday or a holiday... I mean, I guess it's possible for me to be happy single, but I still don't know if I'll be able to feel the same sense of fulfillment."

Favian nodded. "I completely understand that. Sometimes it's nice to have a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship. Just don't think you have to have one to be happy."

"I suppose." Levi took another large gulp of his drink. "Ahh, that's nice stuff. Have I said that already? Here, gimme another." The wolf dug in his pocket for his wallet but ended up spilling half of the things stuffed in there on the floor with a clatter. A few heads turned. "Ah, shit. My bad."

Favian went around the counter to help him pick things up. He didn't want Levi falling off the barstool and knocking his head on something trying to pick it all up. It was strange, after only two drinks he seemed to be relatively far gone. Either he really couldn't hold his alcohol or... Ah, that's what I thought. Favian picked up a transparent orange cylinder from the ground. Alprazolam. Now there's a familiar sight. "You should have told me you're on medication, Levi. You shouldn't be drinking while on this stuff."

"I only took a half dose tonight, don't worry. I can still have one more drink without any problems." Levi said. The skeptical-looking fox gave him back the pill bottle and his car keys. "Ah, thanks man. Wouldn't want that to go missing. So, since I guess I'm not going back on the floor for a bit, what can five bucks buy me?"

"I've got a super smooth tonic and gin I like to mix up," Favian said, already going for a glass. "My own recipe. It's on the house."

"Really? You're a saint, man."

The fox giggled. "I dunno about that, hon." Levi was too busy watching the dance floor to realize Favian never even touched the gin bottle while mixing the drink. Within moments he placed the finished placebo in front of the wolf. "There. Pretty popular, that is." He watched as the wolf guzzled it down. "So, you on medication for anxiety, or recreational use?"

"Yes... Oh, uh, I mean, anxiety. I've got a doctor's note and diagnosis and all that. I'm on a few other meds to treat the depression, too. Don't worry, I've been on the mend."

"Well that's good to hear. So you think the stress from ending your relationship with your ex is a contributing factor?"

"Doc says it could be. I dunno. We left pretty peacefully, it's not like we had a huge fight or anything. Not the doc. You know what I mean. My ex and I are still friends. I feel fine now about how we ended. If the relationship was the reason I'm like this, I'd already be feeling better now that it's over, right?"

"Possible," the fox mused. "Now, turning things around: do you think the depression was a factor in the declining relationship?"

Levi stopped mid-sip. "Huh. Never really occurred to me. It's possible, yeah. But we had enough problems and differences already. We were probably on that road either way."

"I see." Favian picked up a glass and started polishing. "So it sounds like you've been to a doctor already. You figure out what's been triggering all this? If you don't mind me asking."

The wolf put down his empty glass and gave a sigh. "Family shit, mostly. Every time I deal with a bout, it always seems to be because of family shit. Specifically involving the parents. I mean, I'm out of the house now, for most of the year. Living at college has been great. But they still keep pulling me back into that dark pit, y'know? A few months ago I... Well, nevermind."

"What happened?"

"Oh. I was just gonna say a few months ago I worked up the balls to come out as bi to my parents. That didn't go over super well, as you might imagine."

Favian nodded. "I understand. One hundred percent." Huh. Didn't have him pegged as bi. Gonna have to recalibrate the ol' gaydar. What's with all the bisexual people here tonight?

"Well. I'd been dropping hints for years," Levi continued. "And I mean years. I was trying to make it not seem like a surprise when I finally told 'em, but either I'm too subtle or they're too oblivious, because my mom was shocked. It took a day or so for it all to sink in, but she seemed to be fairly okay with it."

"What about your dad?"

The wolf shifted uncomfortably. "That's where it got tricky. See, I didn't want to tell him, because I knew he wouldn't take it well. He's just that breed of asshole. So I was gonna start upping the number of hints I was dropping to try to make things smoother. But apparently my mother doesn't know anything about gay culture, especially the whole 'don't-out-someone-else' thing."

The fox winced. "Oh. Ouch. What was his reaction?"

"He didn't throw a fit or anything. No yelling, no cursing, no name-calling. Instead he just... acted like I didn't exist. For three days. Three entire days. No eye contact, no interaction, nothing. The most he ever said to me over those few days was, and I quote, 'pass the salt.' Honestly I'd rather have the name calling."

"I'm sorry," Favian said. It definitely wasn't the most tragic coming out story he'd ever heard, but it was sad in its own way. He didn't know what was worse, getting kicked out, or having to stay in that kind of house. "That's gotta be rough. Did he ever warm up to you again?"

"Well, at the end of those few days, he just acted like everything was business as normal. Like it had never happened. No acknowledgement, no recognition, no 'sorry I've been acting like a dick,' nothing. I don't know if he still pretends I'm completely straight or what. But there was no closure whatsoever. It's been months and we still haven't talked about it. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Also act like it never happened? I can't do that. I can't _not_be me."

"Does your mom support you?"

"I wouldn't use the word 'support,' more like acknowledge." The wolf flicked his tail. "I mean, that's a good start, but that's not what I need right now. She's so wrapped up with him sometimes it's like they're the same person. There's her acknowledgement, but there's also the same undertone of disappointment as him."

"I'm sorry." Favian leaned across the counter and gave the coywolf a tight hug. "I know it might not mean much, but you're always welcome at the 'Beguile. I'm here whenever you need to talk."

"Thanks, Fave." Levi didn't let go for some time.

"Maybe you should try talking to him about it again," the fox suggested, letting go and wiping down the bar. "Now that the initial shock is over, he's gotta be more open to the whole you-being-bisexual thing, right?"

"I mean, I guess." Levi finished off the last of his water-and-tonic.

"And you could have your mother in on the conversation too. She'd be on your side, right?"

"...Probably?"

The fox smiled. "I think you should do it. You'll be just fine. I mean, the worst part is over, right?"

"I guess that's one way of looking at it, yeah," Levi mused.

"Tell ya what," Favian said, leaning in once more. "I think you need to go through with this and try to get that closure. So next time you come in here, I wanna hear how it went. Good or bad. If you go through with it, I might just throw in a free drink to sweeten the deal. Sound good?"

The coywolf's eyes widened. "Could I get another one of these?" He held up his empty glass.

Favian giggled. "Anytime, hon."