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I Don't Love You

Chapter 36

As evening light fell across the sky, Aina noticed Nhlahla sitting alone on the edge of the camp, upon a fallen pillar that rose gargantuan from the earth like a precipice. Her legs dangled over the moss-covered edge, swinging slowly. Her white cropped mane hung forward, hiding the side of her face and her eyes. Aina could hear her singing softly as she drew near.

Since giving herself to Sampson, something seemed to quiet in Nhlahla. The rage, the anger and pain were still there, but the madness and delusions were all but gone. Sampson's strong arms seemed to have grounded her, and the gentle giant in turn was very happy with their budding love. It was not uncommon to see him lean down from the sky his head so often occupied to offer her a tiny flower that was pinched in his large fingers. She would rise up on tiptoe and take the flower with a kiss on his cheek, and they would walk away into the trees happy. And content.

Aina felt a twinge of jealousy every time she saw the affection between the two, but she knew she was being selfish for feeling that way. She had moved on to new love a long time ago. And while it was difficult to see Nhlahla with someone else, she was still happy for her.

Elsewhere in the camp, love was also budding. Chauncey had proposed to Neeki, and they held a wedding not unlike Aina and Evelyn's. Chauncey removed his jacket and armor and took to wearing a deerskin skirt and bare chest, like a true fox warrior. He allowed the hunters to paint him with clay for the wedding, and his amber mane was laced with flowers by the giggling maidens of the tribe. He took Neeki's paw and danced the ceremonial dance with her, and when they retreated to the fields to make love, it became official: they were married.

The camp was in a divided state following the wedding. The elders complained that they were losing their youth "to the dogs," while the youth giggled and gossiped, glad for something to distract their minds from all they had lost. Many children innocently wondered what sort of child Chauncey and Neeki might have, if it would be a cub or a pup or some horrid cross between the two that would appall them all.

But Aina and the other foxes knew the stories of failed dog-fox pairings. Aina had even found a mural depicting the stories. She and Evelyn explored the deepest corners of the submerged ruins to find murals of the first dog king. The murals stood in a room that had been flooded with water and hung with vines. They waded through in the still silence, and as Aina held her glowing paw high, they examined the murals together . . . and were saddened as ever by what they found.

When the foxes were finally conquered and their kingdoms run to ruin, the King Shepherd known as King Antony took a lovely queen vixen as a sex slave. The murals on the walls depicted her on her knees, leashed and crying, as the dog king sat on this throne, hard in his trousers. Her name had been Queen Nadheertia, and according to the mural, she had been a beautiful white fox with lush fur and big breasts. Runes on the wall claimed the dog king took her each night in the hope that he would father a child with the magical powers of a fox and the look of a dog. The child would be the first dog sorcerer in history and the world would tremble at its feet.

But no child ever came of King Antony's passion. Finally fed up, the dog king had Queen Nadheertia publically executed under the belief that she had used her magic to prevent a pregnancy. The foxes continued to believe to this day that dogs were unable to reproduce with foxes - not because of any physical reason (which Aina thought far more likely) but due to the everlasting curse of Queen Nadheertia, wrongfully slain and wrongfully touched.

While Chauncey and Sampson were taking fox lovers, Eldon and Lenard were growing ever closer. Aina once entered the ruins and stumbled upon them making love. Thankfully, they never noticed her, and for several guilty seconds, she actually stopped to watch. Lenard had Eldon against the wall, legs spread, and was slowly feeding his thick erection between his buttocks as he fondled him in careful strokes. Eldon's helpless moans and cries echoed off the walls. He held himself up with trembling arms and bowed his head when Lenard bit his neck with sudden aggression. Aina gulped and quietly backed away and was very glad to escape with neither of them the wiser.

Aina sometimes wondered why Lenard did not catch the love bug and marry Eldon. But Lenard was very much set in the ways of his own religion and culture. He tolerated fox culture, but he was not going to convert to it. Aina got the feeling that if he couldn't have a church wedding, he didn't want one at all. What was more, Eldon was half Lenard's age, and he seemed perpetually guilty over the fact. Eldon practically had to coax him into talking, coax him into kissing, and coax him into the relationship. That they'd been having sex deep in the ruins meant that perhaps Lenard had finally given in, even if his tremendous guilt was still there.

Aina set her foot against the pillar and climbed up its incline toward Nhlahla. Nhlahla's ears pricked forward and she stopped singing, her legs stopped swinging, and she was still. She rubbed her arm uncertainly as Aina settled beside her. Lying in the moss between them was Thandanani's staff, and Aina touched it for the first time since reuniting with her tribe.

"It should be yours," Nhlahla muttered. "I'm sorry."

"No . . ." Aina frowned, unable to a look at her. "If it makes you happy, keep it."

"It's my last memory of him," Nhlahla said softly. She swallowed hard. "You know he was like a father to me."

"Of course," Aina said. Her ears flattened to hear the sorrow in Nhlahla's voice. She wanted to rub her back, to sooth her, but knew better.

"After that . . . horrible night," Nhlahla whispered and shook her head. Her white mane shifted around her ears and settled again to cloak one of her eyes. ". . . I ran back to the burrow. The dog lord had shot me in the side and I thought I was d-dying. But your father, he found me. He picked me up and carried me home. Said he'd received a vision that I would be there, but that you and Ukudlala were now lost forever." She stared unhappily at her knees.

Aina bit her lip and hated to see her hurting.

"He said Ti'uu had told him to just let you go. That I should let you go." She looked at Aina and said in a tiny voice that cracked, ". . . so I did."

"Nhlah . . ." Aina began apologetically.

Nhlahla looked away. "He told me I was lucky." She laughed flatly. "That the bullet had only grazed my flesh. He healed me, and he told me that if something were to happen to him, I was to lead the tribe in his place." She looked at Aina with a trembling lip. "I should have known then what would happen."

Aina frowned. ". . . please, don't cry."

Nhlahla looked away, tears dripping off her lip. "There's something you should know."

Aina waited, watching the younger vixen with her ears pricked forward.

Nhlahla took a shuddering breath. "After you ran away, Uku told me he was going to find you and I begged to come with him. As we searched the forest, he told me that you were in love with a foxhound."

Aina stiffened, watching Nhlahla intently.

"And that he had seen you following it through the forest. He'd seen you touching yourself as you watched it bathe. And when things happened to it, you would protect it. You drove away bears and wolves to keep the creature safe." Nhlahla's lip curled in disgust as she stared at the distant shadows of looming ruins. "I refused to believe him. I refused to believe you had become infatuated with one of those things! But he insisted it was true. I got so angry that I went off alone to find you, and what did I find?" Her eyes glanced once at Aina, sharp with quiet rage. "You were with the dog bitch after all! Uku was right!"

Aina stared at her lap and said nothing.

"But . . . he was wrong too," Nhlahla whispered unhappily. "That day you found him in the forest, he had set out to kill a dog, to show you that they were ruthless monsters. He was going to return with a dog pelt and present it to you with some tale of his bravery." She rolled her eyes. "He told me he snuck up on two males and tried to kill them. His spear missed. And they were fast. They had him on his knees in seconds. . . ."

Aina closed her eyes, trying not to envision Ukudlala on paws and knees as Red Mane and Long Face prepared to rape him.

"They spoke of making him a sex slave," Nhlahla said darkly. "It was a pity he didn't manage to kill them after all --"

"Why are you _telling_me this?" Aina blurted.

Nhlahla lowered her lashes. "Because I want you to know . . . Uku was wrong. I was wrong. They aren't . . . all bad." She smiled dreamily, and Aina knew she was thinking of Sampson.

"And if Uku had killed the dogs that day, perhaps no one would have stopped him hurting me later."

Nhlahla looked at her miserably. "I am so sorry, my princess." She closed her paw on Aina's knee and squeezed. "I t-tried to stop him. . . . I w-wanted him to hurt you . . . because you hurt me . . . but not like that. Not like that!" She broke down sobbing, her face contorted.

Aina's eyes softened. "Hush, Nhlah . . . it's okay . . ."

"No, it isn't!" she insisted. "After your dog stabbed me, Uku found me and healed me, and I told him we must kill her, that we must punish you - can you ever forg-give me?" She sobbed harder. "I never m-meant for it to go that far . . . my princess, I never wanted him to . . ."

Aina brushed the tear from Nhlahla's lip, and on impulse . . . kissed her. Kissed her tenderly. Nhlahla sighed as Aina's tongue slid wet in her mouth, moaned when Aina pulled her close with sudden desire. She slipped her arms around Nhlahla and kissed her so deeply and slowly, her head tilted back. Nhlahla didn't stop her, nor did she resist. She surrendered sweetly, as if she had been secretly hoping for it, and Aina only stopped when the guilt cut through her. She abruptly pulled away and was going to rise when Nhlahla caught her paw.

"You still care," Nhlahla said breathlessly and sudden tears rose in her eyes. "I thought you didn't love me anym-more --"

"We shouldn't . . ." Aina tried to pull her paw away.

Nhlahla jerked her down close and kissed her desperately. Aina melted into the kiss. Her forehead was touching Nhlahla's when their lips pealed apart. She frowned helplessly. "N-Nhlah . . ."

"Tell me you don't love me," Nhlahla demanded breathlessly. "And I'll take Sampson, and we'll go far away."

Aina shook her head. "Nhlah --"

"Tell me!" Nhlahla shouted.

Aina looked into Nhlahla's eyes and suddenly realized that she did still love her. And for that reason, she could not allow her to perish with the others.

Aina drew back and her eyes hardened as she whispered, "I don't love you."

Nhlahla stared at her, tears trailing as the hurt filled her eyes. She shook her head and swallowed hard. "That's not true. The way you just k-kissed me --"

"Hada," Aina hissed, and when Nhlahla's soft fingers grabbed at her arms, she shoved her in the shoulder with the heel of her paw. Hard. Nhlahla jerked from the blow and barely caught herself. But she still didn't believe it. She reached for Aina again, sadly imploring, and with a heave of her breasts, Aina brought her paw up . . . and slapped her.

They both fell still in the wake of that awful strike. Nhlahla stared at Aina with fresh tears in her wide eyes. Aina had never struck her before, and what's more, she had slapped her so hard, her neck cracked and her teeth cut her cheek. The blood pooled in her mouth as they stared at each other.

"Get out of my sight, slut," Aina whispered.

Nhlahla's face contorted. Her fangs flashed in a sudden grimace of pain, and snatching up Thandanani's staff, she fled sobbing.

Staring straight ahead in her cold resolve, Aina swallowed hard as she listened to those sobs and a tear trickled from her eye.