Middle School Years: Part 2
Middle School Years: Part 2
So where was I? Ah yes, middle school. My apologies if the sentences I am constructing sound weird heh... Chase got me high on dabs for three days straight and I am slightly high writing this. Was crazy... Yeah. So back to the topic on hand...
So more weeks gone by, there was no problems in school. I maintained my grades, A's and B's, doing my Asian family proud yeah. I was pretty much friends with everyone, I mostly focus on the weird group, but due to my friendship with Chase, I was also allowed to hang out with other groups on the blacktop. Everyone liked me pretty well I would like to think, I mean there were no complaints or backtalk going around about me. Chase still does tackle me from time to time, it hurts still... but we do get a couple of laughs out of it, along with whoever was around at the time. As much as he messes with me; the simple pats, the large tackles, and small smiles every time our eyes meet, I have always felt that they were simple acts of friendly affection. I knew I was developing a crush on this boy for a while now, maybe even since day one, but I had no idea what to do with it. Thinking that he likes me the same way I like him seemed dangerously optimistic at that time. So I kept it to myself, no point in risking everything just for one boy after all.
One day, the school day has begun the usual way, I woke, ate, and rode my bike to school. That day though did have some interesting points to be brought up to my attention. Chase met me at my locker like usual with that bright smile of his. I of course, smiled back. As I drew closer he leaned in and gave me a light sniff. I could only watch speechless as I was apparently sniffed by my boy crush. I looked down at him while his head moves back up from my neck. "You smell good" he whisper and a smile. I froze. A million thoughts running through my head as I try to process the information into my head. I smell good? I use the body wash I always used every morning... Or was it something else he smelled off me... I blushed as I thought back to my morning jerk off session with Chase in mind, doubt it. Anyways I did not know what to do except for stammering a hesitant thank you. I looked around once to see if anyone overheard and saw no one looking. Was it all in my imagination? No. I could still smell his scent hovering in front of me. What the hell am I supposed to think in this situation? My best friend is coming on to me? Hell no, maybe, after all this could be innocent too, after all, I do smell good. Fresh cucumber scented. The day proceeded on as if nothing happened. I still remember that event vividly to this day,
A few days later, after lunch, I was left behind to clean the tables with Chase. I was always the one that likes to focus on details, so my cleaning could take a while. But after I was done, I started to walk out to the blacktop. Only I stopped. The way I was stopped was what made me remember that day till this very present. I was pushed against the glass window walls by Chase from behind. There, he proceeded to wrap his arms around my waist all while pushing me against the glass walls. I was slightly surprised and kept an eye out, in case anyone passes by. No one ever did. "You smell good" I hear him whispered behind me. My arms were splayed out, I was paralyzed as I tried to think of something to say. This situation, now that I think back to it. I wish I done more. Say something, encourage more, compliment him back, even turn around and hug him in return. But instead I just felt the cool glass on my cheek, unmoving, unthinking, paralyzed. Eventually my friend would let go of me and we would continue onto our separate ways, just like always.
We never discussed what happened, I guess I simply just let it go, thinking it was just childhood innocence. I guess he let it go too, maybe he never even held on to it in the first place, after all it could just be something he does. I contemplated a lot of things after that. My sexuality was realized during my elementary school years, 5th grade I think. A hot new teacher who I am sure was my first crush. Blond lion, built (he was the gym teacher), manly, handsome. I have gotten over what my sexuality implicates long ago, to my family it would mean shame, and to my friends; many different things depending on the group I was part of. I do know that I would be treated differently, and I was not ready for different. I was happy with my simple life, great friends, everyone liked me, and I was for the most part happy. I did not think I needed more then.
It was during my final year in middle school that I acted on my impulses and desires. It was stupid, exciting, and depressing. For next time I guess. For now I just need rest, it has been a long day. I am high as a kite, and I am passing out. Comments are always welcomed, I am actually curious on how others would take to my little recollection of the past. This small event, just a page in length, has been on my mind from time to time. This is like a journal if you will, only this would be something I am sharing to you.