FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

God, bodyguard work is dull. It always the same dance, some rich prick who thinks they're someone special hires you to spend a night watching their back somewhere that already has security out the ass. This particular client was the real grating type as well. One of the Heart's top real estate tycoons this particular wolfkin was one of those people who let the money go straight to their head. Pompous, immature, selfish... he had it all in spades. Normally the type of person I would ignore but he was paying well and I didn't have any better cases at the moment.

On the plus side bodyguard work gave me a chance to see what kind of hired muscle was making the rounds these days and what kind of equipment was currently popular. A few years ago it was concealed firearms and low profile armor under cheap suits. Now it seemed like the only thing to stay was the suit and even that was hit or miss. I saw everything from handguns at belts to talismans sticking carelessly out of pockets and the armor ranged from high-tech body suits to shield amulets. Then there was me, shoehorned into an expensive suit and carrying a four and a half foot bastard sword across my back. Oh, and there was one guy in full medieval plate armor, though I think he was supposed to be the entertainment.

Most of the bodyguards hovered obnoxiously close to their respective clients. Muscle bound morons and lithe combat mages alike crowded their employers and generally just got in the way. I, on the other hand, tried to stay at least ten feet from my client at all times. Partly because if I got any closer to him I'd want to kill him myself and save everyone else the trouble and because I find that it's easier to keep an eye on things when you're not being crowded. Also it make me feel like I'm there as a party guest rather than private security.

The party itself was pretty nice, a ritzy upper class kind of affair, not really my kind of thing but at least the food was good. Some company put it together as one of those networking social / "we have too much money" kind of things. For the whole trip here my client was going on about the importance of all it but I really couldn't have been asked to pay him any attention. Like I said, the food was good and I got a chance to laugh at the latest fashion trends, which this year seemed to involve showing off as much flesh or fur as you could get away with while still trying to appear classy. It was amusing to watch the ladies, and some of the men, trying not to fall out of their clothes while they drifted from one cluster to the next. Most of them met with little success. I bit my knuckle to keep from laughing too loudly at one wolfkin's extremely embarrassing incident.

I saw my client drifting towards the other end of the ballroom so I begrudgingly followed. A bunch of the more inexperienced bodyguards tried to look intimidating as I passed. Guess my reputation precedes me here. I just gave them a dismissive glance and walked right by. The more experienced ones however gave me either polite nods or exasperated looks, seemed I wasn't the only one here that was fed up with their respective client.

Speaking of which, my client struck up a conversation with a few folk that I recognized as other real estate barons. Looked like we're going to be here a while... I glanced around and to my dismay I saw that we were now too far from the buffet table for me to keep nicking snacks and still be able to keep an eye on him. Now I had to find another way of killing time. I leaned against a wall and decided just to people watch for a bit. It was kind of sad really, it all came down to who had the most expensive outfit, the best payout from their latest endeavors, and/or who just spent the most on something they really didn't need. Amusingly enough, as the only immortal here and my due to my rather frugal lifestyle, I had more money than any of them. And wouldn't that just piss off the lot of them if they knew?

I then saw someone that would probably be able to liven things up a bit. Or to be more accurate she saw me. Anya, a snow leopard-wolfkin hybrid. She seemed to be the thick and curvy kind of girl but most of it was just from her dense and fluffy silver fur. Build like most wolfkin the only thing that hinted at her feline heritage was her fur and tail. Her sides and back are a rich silvery grey and dotted with black spots, the rest was pure white. Her tail has a wolfish shape but is very long and extremely soft, it flicked about and twitched in a very catlike manner. She was probably one of the only sensibly dressed people here, though she still managed to draw the eyes of most of the men she passed, and a few of the women. Her deep grey eyes lit up as she saw me and she prowled through the crowd.

"Well, Mr. Derleth, what are you doing here? There's no chains or whips at these kind of parties." She purred, she had that special kind of voice. The rich sensual kind that can melt even the most frigid of minds and have them begging her for even the smallest bit of her attention. She leaned against me, her tail curling around my waist and leg.

"That all depends on how creative you're willing to get." I told her.

"Not sure if they'll appreciate that here. These people are just so..." Her voice trailed off as she tried to find the right words.

"Dull?" I offered.

"That's one way of putting it I suppose. But in all seriousness, what brings you to a place like this?"

"Got suckered into the bodyguard gig again." I gave her my best wide-eyed sad look and she laughed. A genuine rich laugh and probably the only one to be heard here tonight.

"Let me guess you're babysitting Benjamin Koch?"

That caught me by surprise. Then again it really shouldn't have, Anya deals in information. There's few things she doesn't know or can't find out. Hell, she probably knew who was on the guest list before the venue did.

"Yeah. Lucky me."

"Suck it up, we all know you get a kick out of being miserable."

I chuckled and our conversation turned to more lighthearted matters. Anya has an excellent sense of humor and before long we were taking turns poking fun at the various guests as they passed by. I kept an eye on my client the whole time but the most danger he was in was boring himself to death. And if that hasn't killed him by now than he had nothing to worry about.

"Well it's been fun, but I came here for business. You won't believe how easy it is to get some of these guys talking. It's like they've never seen a woman before, or at least not a real one." Anya cast a particularly nasty look at a passing dragonkin lady that wore enough jewelry to make a disco ball look dull.

"Wouldn't surprise me."

She chuckled warmly and gave me a quick kiss on the side of my muzzle before slipping back into the crowd. That earned me quite a few jealous looks. Don't know why they seemed so surprised by it though. I've done work for her, she's done work for me, and after a while one thing lead to another. Plus it means I don't have to play her usual rates. Then again I suppose my way of doing business is very different from theirs. I watched her vanish with a heavy sigh. A quick glance told me my client was still babbling and I was certain at least one of his listeners was just an illusion, the fact that I saw the same face half way across the room gave it away.

Now I needed something new to kill time. With nothing better to do I conjured a knife and started trimming my nails. After what felt like several hours my client was finally ready to leave. By that point I had trimmed my nails, polished my horns, and made several other guests ill with a few terrible jokes. Since vehicle traffic is banned in the Heart we had to take a Way from the venue to his home in one of the nicer residential districts. My client spent the whole walk talking about something but I managed to drown him out pretty well. Actually I used a subtle spell to blow out my eardrums, sadly they kept growing back too fast. After about a hundred feet or so I wondered if he noticed the steady trickle of blood running from my ears. Then I remembered who my client was and figured he didn't.

Once we reached his home I actually started listening, hoping he would say something about the rest of my payment. The house itself looked quite stately from the outside but from what I saw earlier most of the rooms were empty. Unlike some of the others I've worked for I knew Mr. Koch had enough money to furnish the rooms but he was really just too cheap, and bland, to do it.

I stayed near the entry while he paced off to get the rest of my money. I heard the steady soft clicks of his nails on the hardwood floors, broken by the occasional rug, and the sounds of him rustling about in a safe. It was about that time that I suddenly felt another presence in the house. Though it wasn't like is just appeared out of nowhere, like many private residences this house had protections that prevented Ways from being opened within it. It felt more like the presence had been there the whole time and just grew to the point where I would notice it. It also deliberately set off all my client's security spells, I felt the silent alarm spell trip and knew that the Heart police would be here in about two or three minutes.

I rushed towards the presence and my client, weaving my way through the halls and rooms of the manor. I skidded to a halt and my jaw dropped. I found myself face to face with... well, me. I was just in time to see the fake me jab my client in the gut and then take his head off with an imitation of my own sword. As he gathered up what was meant to be my payment and stuffed it into a cloth pouch that hung around his neck, I lunged for him. He caught my blade across the arm. His forearm hit the ground and dissolved into a shadowy mist, which simply flowed back to him and reformed. He smiled and gave me a mocking bow just as the Heart police burst through the front door. He stepped back into the shadows and seemed to vanish. However, I noticed a small mouse with a smaller pouch around its neck scurry under a couch. Fucking shapeshifters.

In a place like the Heart where there's no laws so to speak the Police seem a bit unnecessary. But situations like this are the sole reason they still exist here. Normally they don't give a damn or they just give out the occasional slap on the wrist. However if someone rich and influential bites it or gets robbed the cops are all over it. Basically they're just another private security firm at this point, they're just lucky enough to be based in the old city police department, though it's been heavily modified, and they have nicer uniforms than most other security companies.

A few seconds later the Heart police team arrived and a surprisingly large number of impressive looking weapons were leveled at me. Well this didn't look good. I was standing over the headless body of my last client and holding a bloody sword. No point in digging the hole deeper. I dropped the blade and laced my fingers together behind my head. Two officers forced me to kneel and slapped a pair of cuffs around my wrists.

"Don't you think you should get me dinner first, Officer?" I asked coyly, testing the strength of the cuffs.

Sadly they both ignored me. Another officer set about photographing the scene while the others gathered around me and we began the long walk back to the station. The Heart Police had their own dedicated Ways, large enough for a whole platoon to cross through, if necessary. They were also off the grid so to speak. Only the officers know how to open and guide them. As expected, we arrived at the station in seconds. Sadly, the longest part of the trip was still ahead. Like many places in the Heart the station was not only bigger on the inside but it also extended quite far underground. The above ground portion was the station but the underground parts made up the prison and barracks.

They escorted me past the front desk and straight to the elevators. We went down what felt like two or three floors and the doors let out an ominous ding as we arrived at the booking line. We stepped into the hallway and the booking sergeant's face lit up. Sergeant Keeler wasn't really all that fond of me, I had helped him out a few times with some rather embarrassing issues and instead of charging him I used them as an excuse to call in all sorts of favors. Sadly I had used the last one on my last major job.

"Well ain't this a surprise..." He grinned. He really was starting to look a lot like a kid on Christmas.

He traded words with my escorts and the look on his face became outright mean.

"Murder and theft, eh? You aren't bargaining your way out of this one Alex. Well I'm sure you know what happens next."

I was escorted to the processing area and made to pose for a mugshot. All because I was handcuffed and outnumbered didn't mean I was about to just play along. It took them close to twenty minutes to get a decent shot since I kept pulling ridiculous faces or using illusions to mess with the camera. The Sergeant was turning funny colors by the time we finished.

"You know I think some of those are worth keeping." I said, pressing myself against the glass and peering over their shoulders as they went through the pictures.

They ignored me and I was shoved unceremoniously into the next room. I took a seat, well the only seat on this side of the glass, and the Sergeant sat across from me. He readied a clipboard and began filling out some kind of form.

"Name: Alexander Derleth." The Sergeant muttered to himself.

"I thought that was my name." He grit his teeth and his knuckles turned white on the pen. Oh this was going to be fun.

"Height: five foot eight."

"Not including the horns." I pointed out. Keeler glared up at me then made a short note.

"Weight: 236 pounds."

"Pretty much all muscle." I got another glare and scribbled note.

"Eye color: green, type: dragonkin. Species: wolfkin-dragonkin hybrid." Keeler droned on.

"Actually its wolfkin and dragon. Mother was a wolfkin while Father was a full blooded dragon." That got him to pause.

"Full blooded dragon... however did your mother..."

"Try not to think about it too hard."

This went on for what felt like far longer than necessary. Sergeant Keeler took notes on every physical detail and distinguishing trait. Though he tried to hastily change the subject when I gave him a few more... intimate details. Once the paperwork was finished the guard popped the cuffs and directed me to a changing area. I ignored that last bit and simply ditched my suit and pulled on the stereotypical orange jumpsuit they provided. I deliberately made a show of it, much to the discomfort of the Sergeant and guards. A pair of guards were quick to snap the cuffs back into place and escort me to my cell. They were quite chatty along the way.

"So what's the big deal about this guy?" asked one.

That made even me pull a double take. I've meet some green recruits before but this was a first.

"Alex Derleth. Hired muscle..." Oh come on I'm more than that. "That's been around quite a while and has caused all sorts of headaches around here. Though never anything quite bad enough to warrant an arrest." answered the second.

Oh this was good idea, have the (somewhat) infamous spellsword escorted to his prison cell by two rookies. Still, I was smart enough to know that causing a scene now wouldn't do me any favors. Not that I didn't start getting ideas...

"Until now...?" Wow this one was dumb.

"Obviously." I answered before the other officer could respond.

"Shut up."

"Say please." I felt their grip on my arms tighten.

This continued until we reached my cell. By now the two officers were dead silent and the dumb one was looking more confused than ever. The other just looked like she really needed a vacation. They threw me in and hastily unlocked the handcuffs, slamming the door as they left. I examined the door, two mechanical locks had already latched and as I looked I heard a loud buzz followed by a loud thud as an electronic lock was triggered. Well I wasn't going to be able to force my way out with ease that's for sure.

I leaned against the bars and glanced around at the nearby cells. Most of the inmates were already asleep but quite a few, probably the newer ones, were still milling about in what little space they had. Most of them had noticed me on the way in and were talking quietly amongst themselves. All speculations on what I could have done to finally wind up in jail. I listened in on them for a while, some of their theories were pretty amusing, but I ultimately got bored and settled down on the bed. Or tried to. The cot was hard as a rock and the pillow wasn't much better. The blanket was little more than a rag and was barely enough to cover my waist.

I sighed and folded the cot up against the wall. I conjured a proper bed and put enough energy into the spell to make it last until morning. I also got out of the itchy jumpsuit and didn't bother replacing it with anything. I didn't plan on being here long so I didn't care about making a scene. Seems I picked a good time to get comfortable, lights out came a few moments later and the cell block was plunged into darkness. It'd been a long night, I'd break out in the morning.

I was awakened by a guard rattling his nightstick against the bars and my bed being dispelled. I crashed to the floor and gave the guard an annoyed look.

"A simple "wake up" or a prod would do it, you know." I grumbled.

"Get over it Derleth, you're not here on vacation. Now get dressed breakfast is in five." The guard didn't sound amused.

I yawned, made a show of scratching myself, and then gathered up the prison jumpsuit. Sure enough, five minutes later, I was with the other prisoners on the way to the meal hall. Though unlike the other prisoners my jumpsuit followed about five feet behind me. A simple illusion spell made it look like I was dressed and another made my jumpsuit look like a different prisoner...at least at a quick glance. I figured the guards would be too busy trying to keep track of everyone to just focus on me.

Breakfast was, as expected, horrible. Something that may have once been an egg served with dry toast and flavorless jam. I passed my tray to my jumpsuit and hoped no one would notice the crumbs falling out of its leg holes. I passed time by chatting with some of the crooks and con men that I knew. Seemed things were business as usual with them; you get caught, do some time, and then get right back to things once you're out.

The walk back was when I decided to get my plan rolling. Well what little bit of a plan I had bothered to come up with thus far. I'm not a big fan of blink spells, they're very difficult to pull off and if you get them wrong you can end up with bits in the wrongs places or even left behind. Plus they make my stomach feel funny, but they seem to be what would work best for what I had in mind. They don't get real skilled mages in here often so I had a feeling there wouldn't be many things in place to catch spells or see through quality illusions. Well my jumpsuit and conjured outfit already proved that much. I would have to be quick in order to blink away then conjure a veil before I got noticed. Luckily I had been given a perfect distraction.

As we drew close to the main elevator on our way back to the cell block I had my puppet leap at the nearest guard. The resulting chaos was almost too perfect. The guard yelled and began to try and fight back only to get tangled in the empty jumpsuit. The other guards heard the commotion and came running, pushing their way through the throngs of prisoners. The prisoners on the other hand scattered, forcing the guards to abandon their entangled coworker and try to restore order.

During all this I took a moment to focus and then released my blink spell. My body flew apart into shards of energy and flew towards the elevator. Less than a second later I came back together and felt an intense pain shoot through my rump. I shivered and suddenly felt a bit light headed, though it wasn't from blood loss, well, not that kind of blood loss at any rate. Glancing over my shoulder I saw that my tail lay in the middle of the hall. Great, now I had to hide not just myself but the blood dripping from the stump. Plus I had to do it all while horny now too. Well here goes nothing, I slipped through the elevator doors as they slid shut, pulling a veil over myself as I went.

Completely invisible I stood in the corner next to the doors and hoped no one would notice the drops of blood splattering against the floor. My tail would grow back soon enough but it's still a messy process. I felt the lift rising and it eventually stopped on the ground floor. Reinforcements piled in and I carefully edged passed them. Now I just had to walk out the door. Behind me I heard someone shouting as they saw the splatter marks. The men scrambled for the lift controls but I guess even in police elevators the "open/close" buttons don't really do much. Still best not hang around until they come back up. I hurried to the door. To make this morning even better Sergeant Keeler was just on his way in.

"It's been fun." I whispered in his ear, clapping him on the shoulder as I passed.

He nearly jumped out of his skin and looked wildly about. Then he grew quite pale and rushed inside. A few moments later a squad came rushing out of the station. But I was already on the roof of the building across the street. Another blink spell had gotten me there and I watched them spread across the street like an infestation of ants. A few more blinks got me far enough away to be clear of the Station's protections and I was able to open a Way. I leaned against and A/C unit and waited for my stomach to settle. It's been a while since I've had to chain that many blinks together and now I was just hoping what little of the prison breakfast I did have wasn't about to come back up to say "Hi". While I waited I thought about where to go. I needed time to get things together before trying to clear my name. But the only way to get that would be to head somewhere the police would never go. Now, there were plenty of places like that in the Heart but the majority of them were filled with people who didn't like me very much. Also I could do with a stiff drink. Well, with that settled I opened a way the brought me out to the alleyway near the bar. I was sure Alice would get a kick out of this one.