FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Self Improvement 2: New-U

What started off as an isolated incident became several case studies within a matter of weeks. Half a dozen curiously human but strangely animal beings had emerged in the developed world, and it all traced back to the manufacturer of various health and nutrition supplements. Investigations were launched, inventors were taken to court, and the powers that be tried to throw the book at the company for tampering with nature.

Within the first week of the trial, there were hundreds more documented cases of biologically augmented people emerging in the world. By week two so many were emerging, that the court gave up trying to list each new one in its case against the company. In the end no good grounds were found to restrict the actions of free citizens, as all the arguments always fell towards the grey area of morality. The company was slapped with a few token charges for not properly informing some of its users of the full effects they should expect to experience, and that was that.

It didn't take long for them to split the organization into their main food additive and nutritional branch, plus a second branch to handle this new business of user directed artificial evolution. Their exact process was quite secret, but that was their business. Within months, everyone had heard of this wonderful new product, and were itching to try it out themselves.

It was available everywhere in short order, and those that wanted it could have it. There were of course protests, riots, and those who thought that once again mankind was stealing fire from the gods. But they were of course welcome to buy something else.

Wooden clogs, perhaps.

Marketing themselves under the mantle of "New U", the company soon found a niche audience the world over, one that grew in number as its users often grew in scale. They celebrated a million happy customers within their first year of operation, and several million the year after that. The world was a very different place these days, but one that many enjoy dearly.

One such fellow was enjoying things very much, as he walked into his local New U retailer. It was a fine summer day, a bipedal bird of some sort was chirping over near a kiosk, a rather large grasshopper was playing a violin outside, and a 7 foot tall mass of very muscular and very female mountain lion rumbled a welcome greeting to the prospective customer.

He was a short man, at least compared to a lot of the creatures present. With the rest of humanity in mind, he was of average build. But the overwhelming majority of augmented creatures in the world tended to take a larger lot in life. Doing his best not to blush at the casually dressed feline looming over him, he cleared his throat and extended a hand in greeting.

"Hello there. I was hoping to have a look around, or get a consultation. Whatever process is involved with you folk."

The offered hand was enveloped and shook, and the ample cat led him over to a plain desk, there to sit him down and offer refreshments. Tea and little snack cakes were provided, as was proper these days, before they got down to business. Civility and open-mindedness was the name of the game, in this day and age.

The plus sized kitty was the first to begin the conversation anew, in between gulps of tea and cake.

"So! What brings you to New U today? Thinking of taking the plunge, are we?"

The man shuffled in his seat somewhat, before putting down his cup of tea.

"Well yes, something like that. This has long been an interest of mine, of a sort, you see... And now that it seems safe and common, I thought I might browse a catalogue, or something like that..."

The oversized feline arched one fuzzy eyebrow, and reached over to hand him a pamphlet. As she leaned in close, the fellow could see that she was wearing a name tag that announced her as the store manager.

"Catalogue? We don't have one, not for our primary business, anyways. It sounds like you haven't looked into the literature just yet, or found out all that much about what we do here."

The fellow was confused, and opened up the little bi-fold paper to take a closer look. It was true that he hadn't looked at all the fine print. He just saw all these wonderful new creatures emerging from the homes of friends and family, and decided it was time to get over his anxiety and join the party. On the second page of the document, right in bold for all the world to see, was a disclaimer that made him pause, before taking a nervous swig of his tea.

"So... I can't choose what I want to be? Is it chosen for me? I'm afraid I don't quite understand..."

Pointing at some information further down, on her own copy of the document, the manager read along to help clarify things as best as she could. It was always their most confusing point of business.

"Not quite. See here? I'm afraid this has always been somewhat nebulous, but here we go. The New U formula works to make you into what you think you should be, on some deep subconscious level. The finer details are currently a trade secret, and they don't even tell us front-line folk. Personally I thought I'd wind up being a wolf when I made the change, but here I am. And as everyone has eventually attested to, the new you just feels... right somehow."

It was a lot to take in, especially knowing that the changes were permanent. No way had been found to reverse the process yet, though fortunately nobody had really wanted to go back, once they'd spent a few days as their new selves. They continued to speak for a while, and the fellow was clearly getting quite nervous with the situation at hand. Seeing that he was at a crossroads in his life and might need a push, the oversized feline leaned over the table and rested a large hand on his own.

"Look, it is obvious to me that this is something you want to do. Hell, this might be something you need to do, in order to move forward with your life. Trust me, if you've come this far, then this will most likely be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. Give New U a chance, what have you got to lose?"

It was an honest speech, perhaps laced with a bit of a sales pitch, but it worked. Minutes later he was ringing up his purchase, and walking out the door after having his hand shook by everyone in the building. They all wanted him to come back after he'd gone through his change, to see how he was doing, and what he became.

On his way out the door, the nervous fellow caught the eye of the busking grasshopper, and flipped a few coins into his tip jar. That got him a bow and a big smile in return, as the chitinous individual continued to play his heart out. Spurred on by a lovely tune, he raced home as fast as he could, jogging down the street to catch the afternoon train. He'd get home, have dinner, and make use of his purchase. Then perhaps, this new chapter in his life could truly begin!

* * *

Empty cartons of fast food takeout were left on the kitchen counter for later, and the fellow found himself sitting in a chair leaning forward, looking at what he'd bought. It was a single bottle, placed on the coffee table. Gone already were the days of having to take pills for weeks, instead you just drank some wonderful concoction, and stayed inside for a day or two. He'd been told that he'd likely want the time to adjust, and the change would be over before he knew what hit him. Reading the instructions, he removed the cap from the bottle and began to drink. It tasted like lemon flavoured water, and nothing else. Most curious, that.

With haste, he remembered the second part of the instructions. He only had a short while before changes would become evident, and decided to close his blinds. He was also cautioned to consider a size increase, so he went about moving some of his furniture closer to the walls. He was left with a large empty space in his modest living room, with plenty of space to lay down if need be. He also had direct access to his patio doors, should they be needed. It was always good to plan ahead, after all.

He didn't want to sully his bedroom, so he brought out an inflatable mattress and deployed it in the middle of his living room carpet, and fetched spare pillows and sheets. It was about then that he felt a wave of pain and intolerable pressure, and glanced down. He'd still been wearing his shoes, now they felt several sizes to small. He rushed to tear them off, even as he saw them begin to stretch and pop at the seams. He was able to toss the tattered remains off into one corner and sit down heavily, the sense of pain passing almost at once. Instead he was just left with pressure, and a strange stretching noise. Looking at his tortured feet once more, he could clearly see his socks distending around rather large three-toed feet, the fabric ripping at the tips. As wicked looking claws popped out, the socks popped right off, becoming nothing but rags still secured to his thickening ankles.

Taking a few stumbling steps, and balancing himself against this and that, he soon noticed that his hands were rather... off as well. At first glance he was missing a finger, then he was missing two from each hand, and the remaining two were growing thicker and longer. His thumbs were doing much the same, and new claws popped out, cutting scuff marks into the paint job along one wall. Gasping at the speed of it all, he barely had the time to wonder what he was becoming. If given the choice, he felt he might have selected something modest, like a dog of some sort, or perhaps a nice bird.

Fate, luck, his mind, or the universe itself seemed to have other plans for him, as he felt his spine popping and elongating. A tail exploded through his pants, causing them to fall down around his ankles and trip him up. He was busy cutting away the tatters of his wardrobe with his surprisingly handy finger claws, when his neck seemed to swell up and get longer, followed by his shoulders moving around. In short order, all he could do was lay belly-down on his air bed, and watch the room spin and distort around him. His confusion and fast returning anxiety only deepened as his skull began to change shape, as well as his mind within. It was all too much for him in so short a time, and he fell blissfully into unconsciousness. His last conscious thought was registering that his potted plant had fallen over, after something large and heavy crashed into it....

* * *

He dreamed. Or at least he was fairly certain this was a dream. It was odd to be aware of the dream, as it was for all but a small few. But there he was, apparently, taking a walk through some ancient forest. It was a nice summer day, humid, and misty. Something moved in the distance, and caught his attention. He ran after it, huge feet and powerful leg muscles making short work of the distance between. Whatever it was stumbled, and fell into a pile of leaves. He found himself savouring the prospect of a fresh kill, of locking his jaws upon whatever he found as he swept the brush away with his arms...

He found a microwave meal just sitting there, shivering of all things, and steaming hot. It was the biggest such meal he'd ever seen, and it was full of all the food he liked. Plunging his face deep into his prey, he began to eat like somebody was going to take it away from him, filling the hole that he felt deep inside his very being.

It was the best meal he ever had, but he found himself wanting some hot sauce. And maybe a glass of water. He certainly was thirsty, and his tongue felt thick in his mouth...

He awoke slowly, blinking his eyes with the faintest feeling of misery, with so many pressing needs weighing down on him all at once. He felt the need to relieve himself, and he was so very thirsty, and hungry too. The thirst seemed the most pressing, and he was soon up off his front, and crouching down to reach his kitchen nook. A cabinet door came right off its hinges as he pulled it open, so he placed it on the counter to worry about later. The first three glasses broke when he picked them up, but he eventually got the hang of things, and was soon gulping down one glass of water after another, as fast as his water dispenser could spit them out.

Several litres later, he made a b-line for the washroom, only to run head first into the wall above the door, and scuff his head against the ceiling. Groaning surprisingly deeply, he turned to one side and slid both balcony doors open, and was soon wiggling his shoulders and hips through the gap. It was a close fit, but he made it. He'd have never thought of urinating on the bushes prior to this day, but right now it really hit the spot. He found himself groaning with relief and the faintest bit of pleasure as the pressure on his bladder subsided, tongue hanging loosely from one side of his large face.

He left scuffed paint behind as he dealt with the rest of his needs, cramming himself back inside to raid the kitchen for food. All of his microwaved entrees were heated and consumed, as was his frozen produce and fruit. A carton of liquid eggs was thrown in a bowl and turned into a quick scrambled concoction in the microwave, as was an entire packet of turkey sausages. When all was said and done, the kitchen was bare, minus anything that really needed careful preparation on the stove. With a few more litres of water poured down his gullet, he turned around and retreated back to his improvised nest, not even bothering to close the patio doors. He briefly caught sight of himself in a large wall mirror, and turned to look at this new face.

A rather large Theropod stared right back, making him crack what was perhaps a silly smile.

"Huh, a Dinosaur."

With that he yawned wider than he'd ever been capable of, and passed out on the floor.

The air bed had long since burst under his weight, but he really didn't care. He was dead tired, and decided more sleep was in order. It was still the early hours of the day, after all, so it was only natural to desire a few more hours of shut-eye. Soon he was snoring away, rattling what was left of his dishes in the kitchen cabinets.

The following morning was shaping up to be a big one., and then some.

* * *

The following morning was met with the sound of much groaning and stomping about, followed by a fully grown adult Tyrannosaur crashing and stumbling out into the back yard. The garden was swiftly turned into a toilet once more, and the big fellow stumbled back indoors just long enough to confirm that there was indeed no food fit to eat. Remembering to grab his wallet, he began to shuffle along down the street, heading towards a favourite morning hangout.

He kept catching glances of himself in the reflection of windows, off the mirrors built into parked cars, and could only blink back with bloodshot eyes. The former whites were now quite green, it seemed, and his irises were almost a glowing shade of purple. Very fetching, he thought. Still, his sleep fogged mind was on another subject entirely.

Breakfast.

He arrived at the little diner, and sat down facing the front doors, which were several feet below him. The roof looked easy enough to remove, but that would be far from polite. Instead he reached out and knocked, gently, on the glass. A slightly nervous looking fox emerged, peeking around the doorway. The big fellow recognized the server, and tried his best to smile.

"Hello there, June. Lovely as always this morning. Sorry for spooking you, but I'm having a bit of a rough start to the day. I'd like my usual, if you could. Hot tea, pancakes, eggs... Better increase the portion size a tad. And I think I'll take you up on your offer of having sausages with my eggs."

A wave of calm spread over the features of the fox, and the hair on her head and tail settled down. Only one person she knew ordered that same combination day in and day out...

"Archie? Is that you? Well I'll be damned, you finally went and did it, didn't you?"

Chuckling and smiling once again, the huge dinosaur nodded and scratched at the side of his head with the slightest bit of embarrassment. He was the size of a large city bus, and then some. Reddish-tan hide mixed well with a low stripe of black feathery fluff that ran from the back of his head all the way to the tip of his tail. Other than that, he was clad in nothing but the odd scratch from extracting himself from his home, and some dust. The fox was polite enough to ignore his very naked frame, and soon other familiar faces were piling out of the diner to help move a table, and load it up with things to eat.

They all remembered how hungry they'd been after making the change, so the portions were piled on. 10 litres of tea and dozen entrees later, Archie was feeling quite like himself again. In fact, he reasoned that he'd never felt better. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, other than his new body of course, but everything was right now. Colours seemed brighter, smells sharper, and he didn't start when people came up beside him to see how he was doing with his food and drink. Instead he smiled and asked where he could find something to wear, as he'd left his pants with his other self the night before.

They were all too happy to help, and let him pay for his bill with his cards. They all knew who he was, and he felt like he was just starting to figure that part out himself for the first time in his life. He was informed that New U helped to take care of people after the change, should they need help of course. Archie was pleased to find that he was willing to accept assistance, and welcomed it. No more being stubborn, and by the looks of it, no more having to worry about not being able to reach things on the top shelf.

His arms were quite long for his breed, as far as his memory went. He had two thick fingers and a thumb on each hand, and his tail felt long enough to properly balance out the extra weight. It suited him, and he was quite eager to put this new body to good use, one way or the other. It was a short walk to get back to the New U, and he arrived just as they were opening for the day. The top-heavy feline store manager rounded the corner to find a rather large dinosaur leaning one elbow up against the building, tail wagging around and slapping into a nearby tree.

"Oh, hello up there. You look like a fresh one, that or it was one wild party last night. Can I help you, mister.... ?"

The large dinosaur smiled, and leaned down to extend a hand in greeting once more.

"Archie. My name is Archie."

* * *

Months later the New U company celebrated its 20 millionth customer, and also celebrated defeating yet another attempted cease order on their business. It was thrown out like all the others, due to dubious claims of higher morality. Rumour had it that a group of humans were trying to buy up land somewhere and wall the place off, to keep all the "freaks" out. It was just distant background noise to the rest of the world, who continued on down this path they'd set for themselves.

Archie was set up with a highly paid tour guide job at a national museum, and of course he was all too happy to show people around all the palaeontological exhibits. He had custom tailored clothes that fit quite well, a lovely new place to live, and good friends to have over for dinner and drinks on weekends. He'd even opened up to various new experiences, and wound up joining a gaming and adventure club. Some days he'd join them to roll dice and defeat trolls, other days he'd be stomping around a forest swinging a padded sword.

He had a lot to do, as a level 12 dinosaur warrior.

What was very clear was that he'd never been more alive in his life, and aimed to stay that way as long as he could. The New U corporation posted record sales for another year, and another life was changed forever. Both came out on top, as it should be. Archie looked down the line of his snout, and raised his sword high complete with battle cry. The day was young, and there were baddies on the horizon!

And with that, he charged.

-Tombfyre, 2014