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World of Warcraft Bustyman Tactics Guide: Raid Bosses - Part 2

Due to the surprisingly-high interest in my first raid manual, mainly from fellow male adventurers oddly enough, I have decided to work on compiling information on more of the amazingly-stacked evil-doers that plague our world of Azeroth. I hope you and your companions find the tactics laid out in my notes useful, and that they help you better handle these terribly-busty threats. - Jerek Stormblade

Garrosh Hellscream

I thought I'd kick start this edition with perhaps the biggest threat of our time, the commander of the Kor'kron himself, Garrosh Hellscream. Don't let his utterly-mountainous assets fool you, he's as fierce as they come, and wont hesitate to cleave anyone ogling those delectable brown mounds in two. I'll warn you now, he prefers to battle shirtless, so do try and enter the fray with a level head - Jerek

Phase 1

Chain of Submission - Garrosh lashes at a random ranged raid member, wrapping them in a chain and pulling them towards himself. He then proceeds to smother them between his ludicrously-expansive melons, dealing heavy damage over 5 seconds. During this time the raid member is essentially stunned. Healing must be focused on the target raid member.

There are certainly worse ways to meet one's maker - Jerek

Hellscream's Warsong - Letting forth an inspiring yell, Garrosh and his allies are bestowed with 50% increased health. As well as this, their breasts swell tremendously, increasing the damage of Garrosh's Chain of Submission, as well as his allies chest-related abilities, by 25%.

I'm very pleased to admit that I managed to experience a Chain of Submission while this was up, just... lovely - Jerek

Garrosh's Allies- During the entire fight, Hellscream's minions stream into the room periodically. As the warchief's health decreases, more and more will arrive. They're expected to be killed quickly.

Kor'kron Warbringer

Despite being mere grunts, these guys sure pack a punch, and like Garrosh's other servants, he's gifted them with breasts nearly massive enough to rival his own - Jerek

Blood Frenzy - Upon arriving on the battlefield, and after 6 seconds have passed, Warbringers will enter a Blood Frenzy, tearing off their armour and throwing themselves at a nearby raid member, pinning them to the ground and repeatedly bludgeoning them with their enormous assets. Deals medium damage-over-time, and will continue until they are defeated, which is made somewhat easier by the fact Warbringers take 25% increased damage during this time. The target raid member is essentially stunned during this. Warbringer deals more damage with this if buffed with Hellscream's Warsong.

Farseer Wolfrider

The more magic-oriented minions of Hellscream, though gifted just as gigantically-up-top, these guys are often more dangerous than the warbringers, but thankfully appear less often - Jerek

Greater Healing Wave - Farseers will spend most of their time on the field healing their allies. Weaving their own milk expertly, they can heal even more effectively than when using a shaman's more traditional restorative element, water.

Who knew orc milk was so nutritious? A shame they refused to offer me a mug of the stuff - Jerek

Thunderous Echo - After a while of being in the fray, farseers will let forth their most devastating ability, Thunderous Echo. Tearing off their tunic, they swing their own goliath globes fiercely, side to side, the sheer force of such immense mounds smacking together, likely helped on by their shamanistic magic, unleashes a continuous, raid-wide attack that deals medium, periodic damage, and slows casting speed by 25%. This ability is strengthened by Hellscream's Warsong.

Goblin Snipers

Coming in on the balcony, these little guys have jugs as big as they are! As resourceful as all of their kind though, they've found a way to put their mountains to a dangerously-effective use - Jerek

Kill Shot - Will pick out two particular raid members and place the debuff, ' Singled Out' on them, accompanied by a large, glowing target above their heads. They'll then begin toying with their massive teats, building up their milk into two devastating 'bullets'. These bullets deal massive damage to their targets, and will likely kill them. A fellow raid member is expected to stand in the line of fire and 'take the hit', and will find it deals merely 'medium' damage to them. Is a guaranteed kill if the goblin is imbued with Hellscream's Warsong.

Phase 2

Upon reaching 10% health, Garrosh will absorb the Power of Y'shaarj and heal back to full health, gaining new abilities in addition to his previous ones.

This increase in power is accompanied by him doubling in size and his tits ballooning out like zeppelins, but what else was I expecting? - Jerek

Desecrate - Garrosh will unleash a torrent of corrupted milk over a large portion of the room. Any raid members caught in it will suffer large shadow damage over time, and gain the stacking debuff, Desecrated Dairy , reducing damage and healing dealt by 10% per stack. Simply run out of it as quickly as possible. The pool will not disappear during the fight, and so you must defeat Garrosh before he floods the room.

Tainted Taste - Garrosh will periodically force his main target onto one of his nipples, sending a thick spurt of his tainted milk down his throat. This gives the tank a stack of the debuff, Taste of Y'shaarj , and upon reaching three stacks, the target will become permanently mind-controlled. The tanks are expected to 'juggle' Garrosh.

I mean I -know- the stuff has been tainted by an Old God of all things, but -still-, I envy those tanks to this day - Jerek

Thorim

One of the Watchers of Ulduar, tasked with guarding Yogg-Saron's prison. With the Old God having broken out though, he's succumbed to the evil energies that were released along with the beast. The Old God controls him by having him believe his deceased husband Kif is alive, and is controlling him through the ice vrykul's image. Certainly the easiest on the eyes out of the four watchers, I'm really not sure -what- the colossal giant sees in that man - Jerek

Phase 1

In order to reach Thorim, who sits atop his throne, the raid must split into two, one half remaining in the coliseum that he overlooks, the other fighting through his 'gauntlet', a long, winding corridor that ends up at his throne.

Those staying in his coliseum must fight a constant onslaught of the Watcher's formidable army of iron dwarves and vrykul. Naturally these soldiers are stacked tremendously, and don't hesitate to use their enormous assets to devastate their enemies.

Those fighting their way through his gauntlet battle similar foes, though in greater numbers, before reaching Thorim. Upon reaching the Watcher, two raid members must climb the colossal hulk, and latch onto his huge teats, pumping and suckling on what they can of the mammoth nubs. Their goal is to arouse Thorim enough to snap him out of his Old God-induced stupor. While the two raid members are toying with Thorim, the rest of that half of the raid must distract Kif by battling with him.

Adds

Dark Rune Warbringer

The 'fodder' of Thorim's army. Though they lack any dangerous abilities, their sheer number is their greatest strength. Let yourself be overwhelmed, and you'll quickly find yourself smothered under a sea of metal-clad melons - Jerek

Aura of Celerity - Charges his allies with arcane power, trebling the size of their chests, and granting 5% increased haste and damage. Dispellable.

While this spell seems to mainly be for show, watching a dozen pairs of breasts tripling in size is certainly an experience, but the real treat is watching Thorim get 'buffed' - Jerek

Runic Bludgeon - Deals minor damage to a target.

Dark Rune Evoker

The spellcasters of Thorim's army. On their own they're fairly harmless, but coupled with some hard-hitters, they're deadly. Easily identifiable by their ludicrously-mountainous chests, and that's saying something - Jerek

Runic Lightning - Discharges lightning from their nipples, dealing medium damage to a target.

Heavenly Cream - Blasts thick wads of cream over one of their allies, immediately healing them a medium amount. The heavenly cream also makes a nourishing treat, granting the target the buff Nourishing Milk which gives them 25% higher critical strike chance, and of course a hefty boost to their bust size.

I'm sorry to say that if you choose to latch onto one of these guys, they wont relinquish their load no matter -how- much you nurse - Jerek

Heavenly Rain - They point their tits to the skies, and unleash a torrent of their milk, it raining down over the entire area and granting their allies within 50 yards the buff Heavenly Rain , reducing damage taken by 50%.

Dark Rune Champion

The elite warriors of Thorim's army. Despite my earlier words about the size of the Evokers' busts, these guys are on a whole other level! - Jerek

Torrential Whirlwind - The Champion spins around on the spot with such power so as to force a torrent of their milk right out of their nipples and over the raid. Unfortunately their cream is so thick so as to be surprisingly-dangerous! Deals medium damage over time to any raid members within 30 yards.

Runic Crush - The Champion simply attempts to crush the target with the sheer weight of their impressive bust. Deals large damage to their target.

If he's affected by Aura of Celerity and Heavenly Cream, expect to have to send a search party in after them - Jerek

Kif (Gauntlet Only)

Frost Bolt Volley - The tragically-flat-chested Kif, will attempt to cool the raid off with a volley of frigid frostbolts. Though they only deal medium damage to nearby raid members, they also hit Thorim, cooling down his rising passions, and giving the raid members a harder time at arousing him. Interruptible.

Such a spoilsport - Jerek

Phase 2

Once half of the raid has reached Thorim and pleasured him to full-mast, he'll snap out of his trance, questioning just -what- is going on. Alas, Kif will sweet-talk him to turn on the trespassers - that's you.

He'll jump down into the coliseum and engage the raid, the other half are expected to jump down after him and enter battle. Though without any 'traditional' weaponry, the raid has just granted him with perhaps the most devastating tool in his arsenal, his fully-hard, mighty oak of a cock.

Kif will spend this phase channelling the spell, Veil of Ice , on Thorim, which decreases all damage he takes by 100%. Luckily for the raid, however, their attacks are still felt by the Watcher, well, if they're targeted at his gargantuan privates. Dealing damage instead fills up a separate 'Arousal' bar, and upon filling, Thorim will let loose a bellowing roar, before unleashing a tidalwave of his hot, thick spunk, completely flooding the area, finally clearing his mind, and successfully drawing the encounter to a close. After kicking the fake-Kif's ass, he rewards the raid with a large chest of loot.

Veil of Ice will slowly lower the Arousal gauge, and so dps must be high enough to negate this, and still make progress filling it.

Thorim's minions will stop spawning in Phase 2, however, any that still remain from Phase 1 will need to be dealt with immediately.

Unbalancing Clobber - Thorim whacks the target hard with his utterly-colossal manhood, dealing medium damage, and with it's sheer size, a hit by it is easily enough to knock the target Off Balance , increasing damage they take by 20% per stack. The tanks are expected to 'juggle' the boss.

Impressive Strike - Bringing his gigantic junk back, before sweeping it harshly towards to raid, any raid members within 30 yards in front of him are knocked back a further 30 yards and suffer a large amount of damage. 2 second cast time. Uninterruptible.

Muffle - Thorim leaps at random raid member and lands balls-first on top of them. The sheer force of the Watcher's goliath sack smothering them deals a large amount of damage, and interrupts spellcasting, locking them out of that school of magic for 8 seconds.

Alas, being a class who doesn't cast spells has it's disadvantages, not being teabagged by balls bigger you you, is certainly top of the list - Jerek

Lightning Charge - Around the room are a number of pillars with large orbs atop them. Periodically one of them with activate, and begin channelling electrical energy at the Watcher's colossal weapon. For every 2 seconds it does this, Thorim receives a stack of the buff, Charged , and his abilities will deal 10% extra damage as lightning damage for each stack. However, the current of electricity pumping through his enormous endowment also causes him extra stimulation, and so his Arousal bar fills 10% faster per stack. The raid is expected to find a comfortable amount of stacks, before interrupting the beam by positioning a raid member between the pillar, and Thorim's pillar.

While I could swear that colossal shaft grows with every stack, it could be wishful thinking. Still, with the unusually-high number of size-enhancing spells that seem to exist in Azeroth, it may be a safe assumption, hmm? - Jerek

Al'Akir, The Windlord

The elemental lord of air himself, Al'Akir. Legends hold that all the winds of Azeroth originated from within his truly-titanic breasts. At their size, I could certainly believe it, and with how he uses them in battle, doubly-so - Jerek

Phase 1

Ice Jet - Two powerful jets of ice-cold air blast out of the windlord's immense nipples, leaving two large patches of frost on the ground, which deal high damage to anyone caught in them, as well as lowering movement speed by 25%. The tanks are expected to turn Al'Akir when this happens. These patches fade after a short while.

Please, do -not- make the same mistake I did, getting your tongue stuck to the ground during a raid encounter is -not- a good idea - Jerek.

Static Shock - The Windlord grabs at his gargantuan peaks, rubbing them together harshly. The friction caused by this is discharged to all nearby raid members, dealing medium damage, and interrupting spell-casts.

I mean really, I couldn't have been the -only- one curious to know what it would feel like to be between those mammoth mounds when he did that. Unsurprisingly, very painful - Jerek

Lightning Storm - If the Windlord has no melee target in range, his nipples will erupt with a catastrophic series of lightning bolts that deal heavy damage to the entire raid. A raid member -must- be in melee range at all times.

Wind Burst - The Windlord will pull his breasts apart as much as he can, before releasing them. The resulting SMACK as they hit each either sends a strong gust of wind out to the entire raid, dealing medium damage and knocking them back. Stay away from the edge of his platform.

Lightning Rod - Every 8 seconds, Al'Akir gains a stack of Lightning Rod, increasing his already-tremendous bust size, and the damage of all his abilities by 10%. Dispellable.

Phase 2

Upon reaching 25% health, Al'Akir shatters his platform, and lifts all players into the air, giving them the Eye of the Storm buff as long as they remain near him. This buff allows flight, and increases movement speed by 300%. As well as retaining all of his previous abilities, the Windlord also obtains a new one.

The fact the entire raid made immediately for his cleavage, well, it may have been a wipe, but -what a wipe- - Jerek

Chain Lightning - During this entire phase, the Windlord's majestic mountains will be releasing lightning which deals minor damage to a target, and jumps to nearby targets. Damage increases by 30% for each jump. The raid is expected to remain relatively far from one another.

Ice Jet now leaves miniature ice storms in their wake. Again, raid members should avoid them at all times.

Lightning Rod is now undispellable.

They don't stop growing, I've tested it myself - Jerek

Archimonde

Archimonde, not only one of the leaders of the eredar, but also one of the highest-ranking demons in all the Burning Legion as well. Measuring in at... well, hundreds-of-feet tall, not only is he gifted tremendously up-top, but he's utterly-enormous below-the-belt to boot! - Jerek

Nether Weave - Archimonde sends out a wave of arcane energy at the raid, teleporting all raid members that are more than 20 yards away from him, hundreds of feet into the air. Each affected raid member is expected to use the item Arcane Sapling to instantly transport back onto the ground. The item can be obtained from speaking to Malfurion Stormrage before the encounter. Any targeted raid members who do -not- use this item will find themselves falling right into the eredar's near-bottomless cleavage, lost in that valley for all eternity.

I know, I know; I make it out like that's a -bad- thing - Jerek

Meteors - Archimonde will squat down, bringing his apocalyptically-massive balls crashing down upon the raid, dealing heavy damage to anyone within 80 yards, and inflicting them with a stack the debuff Archimonde's Musk , which reduces casting speed by 30% and reduces chance to hit by 30%. Raid members are expected to scatter when they see those colossal nuts descending on them. However, their sheer size means they must flee pretty far, and so this manoeuvre is tricky without speed-boosting abilities, even with the long 'cast-time'. If a raid member gains 2 stacks of Archimonde's Musk , they become mind-controlled for 30 seconds. 8-second cast-time. This ability has a 60 second cooldown, and the debuff lasts 80 seconds.

And here I thought Thorim was massively-gifted in that area. Actually, come to think of it, I think even just one of those things is probably larger than the Watcher himself - Jerek

Soul Drain - If a raid member dies during the encounter, Archimonde will drain them of their soul, gaining a stack of the buff, Soul Charge. His victims' souls gather in his immense balls, increasing their size, and thus increasing the damage and range of his Meteors ability by 10% per soul he drains.

After a particularly-long attempt, and after going through plenty of battle-resurrections, his sack shadowed most of Hyjal - Jerek

As the fight goes on, the eredar's monolithic manhood swells and expands, reaching it's full-size when Archimonde reaches 60% health. When this happens, he gains access to a new ability.

Archimonde's Fervour - His simply-gargantuan shaft will begin to leak copious amounts of precum, leaving trails of the stuff in random locations across the battlefield. Any raid members caught within these pools will gain the debuff, Eredar's Excitement , which deals medium shadow damage over time. In addition to this, for every raid member currently afflicted with Eredar's Excitement , Archimonde will gain a stack of the buff, Slick Superiority , increasing his casting speed by 10% per stack. Because this reduces the cast-time of his Meteors ability, it is vital that he never gains too many stacks of this buff.

As the battle continues, and his excitement builds even more, his goliath meat will be unleashing even greater amounts of his preseed, causing a greater number of pools to appear, and larger pools at that.

When he reaches 10% health, he gains access to his ultimate attack, which he will immediately begin casting.

Infernal Flood - If Archimonde is allowed to successfully 'cast' this ability, he will release his entire reservoir of cum onto Azeroth, completely submerging the zone of Hyjal, and many beyond in his hot, thick cream. Naturally this will wipe the raid. Due to it's long cast-time, the raid is expected to expend his remaining 10% health before his immense whopper goes off. 15-second cast-time.

A few failed attempts at him and likely the entirety of Kalimdor will be slathered in the giant's load. Still, I can't foresee an awful lot of complaints - Jerek