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Love Love

By Al Song

It was about two weeks before the school year started that the boy's tennis team played against Snider High. I'm from a town called Newton, and Snider neighbors it. Snider was also where my boyfriend Jack lived and our high schools have always been archrivals. I met him during freshman year when Newton High was up against Snider High in boy's tennis. The morning of that match I was telling a few of my teammates that I didn't have time to eat breakfast. Then a plucky husky ran up to me with his fluffy tail dithering back and forth. He offered me half his sandwich and some string cheese, stating that it would be unfair if I had to compete while I wasn't at one hundred percent. We became best friends, and later I came out to him. He gave me a big, cheerful hug and he came out back to me. Soon we started dating. He said that I was 'the badger of his dreams' and was glad to find me since neither of us knew anyone else gay at either of our schools.

During this meet we were both seniors and varsity stars on the tennis team. Only a couple friends of ours knew he was gay, but I was out to everyone at school, and I had to be careful not to reveal anything about Jack. When it came to his parents and many of his friends I was balancing on a suspended tight rope constantly being hyperaware of what I said and did.

On the team bus that took us to Snider, my friend Kevin waved at me. The fox shouted, "Hey, Fancy Feet get over here!"

It was my nickname since my footwork was pretty good due to break dancing club and marching band. It was also my nickname since I was the only gay guy on the team.

"You getting a letterman jacket this year?"

"Yeah, I think I might."

"I hope you pick all the right badges, since you're a badger. Get it?"

After he said that I just stared at him. He was the kind of guy that liked to joke around and to try to lighten things up but occasionally his jokes fell flatter than an untuned instrument on cement. I can't blame him too much, though. He craved attention and he was and still is a really good friend of mine.

Kevin was eating corn chips and offered some to me. I felt a little guilty since both he and Jack still had their braces in and had to eat chips one by one. The fox said something about how lucky I was that I got mine removed earlier that summer. He said something about not wanting to have braces on in college and how they ruined his game. Jack and I had to take some time to figure out how to make out with each other. It was definitely a relief for me to have mine out, but Jack had to get his tightened to a painful degree a few weeks before.

I struggled to open my backpack, and it ripped open as I broke the zipper. I exhaled a sharp breath and grabbed the banana out of bag and took a bite. Kevin grinned at me while nodding. "Nice," he said and winked lecherously. I just stared coldly back at him.

"Chill out, dude. You're going to get to see Jack. Isn't that going to be nice?"

"You know during the meet I can't talk to him like he's my... you know." I never understood why he couldn't just take the hint that he was making me more agitated and frustrated.

"Yeah, but you guys can hang out and stuff," he said with another crunch.

When we got to the high school tennis courts I ran to my coach and nervously asked who I was playing against. She was a tall happy-go-lucky gray kangaroo who was always positive and encouraging. Something inside me broke when she said, "Let's see, Jase. Alright, you'll be playing against Jack Mass." She said some more things to me, probably to reassure me but I just stared at my boyfriend, who looked back at me and smiled brightly.

I snapped back into reality when my coach said, "You two will be up last so go rest and talk to your friends."

"Okay." I smiled nervously and felt my stomach churn.

I sat on a bench with my earbuds in watching the first matches while trying to calm down. I hated that my uniform was getting tighter. I should have asked for a larger one that year. I should also have bought bigger shoes before the season started, or at least I shouldn't have tied them tight enough to burst. Jack sat next to me on the bench and gently pulled out my earbuds. I then strung my fingers through the metal diamonds of my seat and my muscles tightened.

The gray and white husky smiled gently at me and rubbed my shoulder. "Don't tense up. Whatever happens, happens."

"Yep," I nodded looking at his shining braces.

"It's okay," he said trying to comfort me.

I know that everyone says that I'm high strung but it really sucked that my own boyfriend couldn't loosen me up.

"Yeah, it is okay," I said uneasily and clenched my jaw into a smile.

"You don't look okay," he said, concerned.

"Jack, come help us tighten the net!" one of his teammates yelled.

"Gotta go," he said ran to the adjacent court.

I watched a few tight matches as I dreaded my own and soon I was standing on the opposite side of the court from Jack.

He just smiled at me and wished me luck. I just stupidly shouted back, "Yeah, you too." The end of the sentence faltered as I spoke quieter.

I bounced the ball against the court twice and gave it a good toss straight up above me. I hopped and stared as the ball slowed as it rose to its pinnacle. I wound my arm back and smacked the ball as hard as I could and landed on the front of my feet. My collar flapped a little and the black and white fur on my face, shins, and arms waved as I rose and fell. The ball landed outside of the service box with a thud and I yelled, "Fault."

I silently grumbled and grabbed another ball out of my pocket and took a deep breath. Everyone was staring at us. All the other matches were over and even Kevin was gawking intently as he picked a corn chip out of his teeth and braces.

"Don't tense up so much. I can do this," I whispered to myself. "Please," I said desperately. I struck the yellow ball and it bounced and zoomed past Jack.

"Ace," he shouted and grinning at me.

At fifteen-love I served again. He achieved a return ace against me and I clutched the handle of my racquet and gritted my teeth.

As the set went on most of our games had lengthy rallies. We'd go back and forth and run to each side of the court staying even. We knew each other's strengths. I was strong and had good footwork but he was faster than me and could execute trick shots quicker and better than me.

We had danced that dance before, just with less people around and less pressure to win. I liked practicing with him at the park near my house where other students wouldn't be around. He was a great 'dance partner' on the court but during that match I felt like I wasn't always on beat and my movements weren't as precise. I needed to be en pointe when I danced and played tennis but this was going sloppier than usual. I tried to be in sync with what the match demanded but all was failing. My nerves had a strangle hold on my performance and it seemed like the fences were closing in on me.

The midday sun baked the court and kept shining in my eyes. My sweat made the uniform cling to my fur even more. At times I felt my grip slipping even though I felt like I was holding on for my life.

I was getting frustrating and a large part of me wanted to be done with all this. Every time the ball slipped passed me I silently swore at myself and I had to calm myself down.

Jack just smiled the entire time and it looked like he was having fun. Whenever I scored against him he just looked amused and I knew there wasn't anything malicious behind his grins, but still. Everything bothered me at the time since it seemed like I was the only person stressed out while everyone else was enjoying themselves.

It was a constant chaotic pattern of back and forth between the two of us trying to make the other miss the ball. My feet and breath were on fire. He looked a little fatigued but there was the same determined smile. He grunted and I shouted when the ball made contact with our rackets.

I won the first set six to four. He won the second six to four. We were evenly matched despite all the discomfort and pain that was in me.

And so this was it, the last game for the last set for the entire match. It was the tightest match of my life so far. The love of my life was across from me and my heart wanted to burst for so many reasons. The crowd around us was taut with silence. After I served the ball, Jack returned it and we entered another intense rally. We were both close to the net, and I've always hated playing the net. He got me into a position where I needed to constantly alternate between forehand and backhand strokes. He made a drop shot to my left and I dove to lob it. As I stretched into the dive I felt something rip loose in my leg. I wailed in pain and fell over as I saw him jump and smash the ball into the ground behind me. The strings of his racquet had snapped from the force of his strike.

Everyone clapped politely and Jack walked around the net to help me up. "Good game," he said pulling me up.

"Thanks," I replied and smiled through the pain. I hobbled on my good leg and he supported me.

"No problem," he said gently, and then he kissed me. At first I was shocked and worried, but then I just relaxed into it despite the agony in my leg, the unbearably hot sun, and the gasps coming from around the court.

Finally, all the tension was released.