FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Alex held open the door of the bar for the smaller gray wolf and the hyena walking out together before he entered. He scanned the bar carefully. No sign of Darryn. Typical.

The muscular black wolf seated himself down at the bar. Favian, the orange-red vulpine bartender gave him a smile and a nod of acknowledgement before returning to his conversation with a cocoa-colored horse down a few barstools from Alex. He noticed the number of empty shot glasses accumulating before the equine male. Poor guy. Must be going through a rough time, he thought.

Alex picked up a menu and pretended to read it while he waited. He already knew everything on the menu and its price. He had come to the Tricolor Beguile nearly every week for a few years now, ever since he moved to the city. Alex had tried just about everything Favian offered at the establishment and knew all the other regulars by name. That's how he met Darryn, his black and white husky boyfriend of a year and a half. Over time they had grown _very_intimate and grew to enjoy each other's presence greatly.

Well, when he's around, anyway. That was one of the problems with their relationship, at least in Alex's eyes. Whenever they were together, the canine felt happy, felt like they had a future together. But when they were apart his thoughts ran afoul and made him think that he wanted to break up with Darryn. Maybe I should just marry him so we can be together forever and I don't have to think negatively about our relationship. The wolf felt a sudden twinge of doubt. He sighed. He knew marriage wouldn't fix the problems, which seemed to be popping up in unexpected places and ways more and more often.

For example, the husky didn't seem to be as forgiving as Alex previously thought. Darryn recently brought up a time when Alex went to see a new movie with his friends and didn't invite him, even though he had been too sick to want to leave the house at the time. The wolf had completely forgotten about the incident until Darryn brought it up in a passive-aggressive way a week ago. Alex thought his boyfriend would be over that by now, but apparently that wasn't the case. Another thing that was getting on his nerves lately was Darryn's apparent lack of caring when Alex would tell him personal stories or his thoughts on meaningful subjects. He could hardly get a sentence about the same subject out of the husky, who would soon switch to his own, unrelated stories. It drove Alex up the wall.

These problems, of course, weren't grounds for breaking up. In most other aspects of their relationship the two canine lovers were doing great. They had an active sex life, fun times playing videogames, and intelligent conversation.

_Pretty much in that order of importance, too,_Alex thought with a frown. It seemed that most of their time together lately was spent playing games or 'snuggling' on the couch. While entertaining and satisfying, the wolf wanted to spend more time getting closer with the husky on an intellectual and spiritual level. But whenever he wanted to talk about such things Darryn's clothes had a habit of coming off and, well...

Alex knew he should be happier. Most people would envy such a relationship. But he wasn't like most people. He wanted to reap every benefit of having a relationship, not just tend to one or two.

The wolf looked up at the mirror behind the bar. "Shit," he said under his breath. At the far end of the establishment sat a leather-clad jaguar smoking by himself. The slender feline's name was Tiago, and he was the subject of Alex's thoughts lately. The two met here at the Tricolor Beguile about six months after Alex started dating Darryn, and became good friends quickly. They were both gay, and so were able to share with each other many secrets and thoughts the wolf would normally hesitate to divulge to most people. Tiago was highly intelligent and wise beyond his years, and was fun to have conversations with. He was a skilled DJ who often performed at this very bar, and Alex was a huge fan of his style and taste in music. The jaguar was also a good singer, and the two of them enjoyed singing karaoke together for fun whenever possible.

When he wasn't working as a DJ, Tiago performed as a stripper in one of the less upstanding establishments of the city. Alex had never seen him in action but could very well imagine what the jaguar would look like underneath the leather. Tiago was tall (but still a good six inches shorter than Alex), slim, and sported ample musculature. When talking with each other the wolf often found his eyes lingering over the feline's graceful curves. The jaguar's long tail brushed against the floor and swished from side to side when he was happy or excited. There were so many cute little things Tiago said or did it was all Alex could do to remind himself they were just friends.

There was no denying it: Alex had a crush on Tiago. Once in a while he got indications from the other that the feelings were mutual, but it was never enough to be certain. He would love to have a relationship with the jaguar, to sing and be sung to, to live with him into old age...

The wolf shook his head. What am I thinking? I'm already in a good relationship with someone I'm fully comfortable with. I don't know Tiago in ways I know Darryn, and don't have to in order to be happy. I can live the rest of my life happily with Darryn.

There it was again, that twinge of doubt he felt when thinking along these lines lately. He didn't used to feel this way--just months ago Darryn was his boyfriend and Tiago was a good friend. But now the lines between the two titles seemed to blur. It was so disconcerting that Alex wanted to curl up and scream.

"Hey Alex! Good to see you again!" The wolf cringed, thinking it might be the slender jaguar, but to his relief it was just Favian. The fox had finished talking with the horse, who was now leaving. "Sorry to keep you waiting. You thirsty?"

"Yeah, but I think I'm gonna wait until Darryn gets here."

Favian's ears perked up and his tail starting swishing side to side happily. "I getcha~ Heh, I remember when you two first met. How are y'all doing lately?"

Alex shrugged. "Eh, can't complain."

The swishing tail slowed to a stop. "Hmm, not quite the answer I was expecting. Something up?"

"Well, y'know... Same old story. Things are going good for the most part, but it's all the little things. Like Darryn being more than--," he checked his watch, "ten minutes late. Or not seeming to listen or care when I'm talking about personal things. I know I shouldn't pounce on stuff like that but... It's just not getting any better. Kinda like our relationship. It's good, but it's not great. Not continuously improving."

"I'd disagree," Favian said with a frown. "I remember about six months ago when you came in here about ready to break up with Darryn because he was ignoring you, right? Things have gotten better since then, haven't they?"

"Well yeah, but it's all still not where I want it to be." The muscular wolf sighed. "Sometimes I wonder if it's best to just start over with someone new."

Favian picked up on Alex's eyes drifting to Tiago's reflection and was able to trace his line of sight to the jaguar. "Someone in particular, I presume?" the fox asked knowingly.

"Yeah..." The wolf buried his head in his paws. "It feels so wrong to like someone other than the person you're going out with. All the guilt of cheating on someone without actually doing so. I freaking hate it."

The vulpine bartender busied himself drying and polishing glasses. "You should acknowledge your feelings for him. Accepting you have a crush on Tiago will help you control your feelings."

"I've already done that! It helps a little but it doesn't make the feelings go away."

Favian exhaled loudly. "It's not supposed to make them disappear. Nothing can do that."

"Which means I'm stuck the way I am unless I do something about it. I'm done with not getting better. I'm done being stuck."

The fox eyed him closely. "Surely you're not serious about breaking up with Darryn so you can go out with Tiago."

"Gimme a shot of tequila and I'll be serious about it." Alex put his credit card on the counter.

The fox didn't move. "Alex, have you even thought about the consequences? Haven't you told me before that Darryn has depression issues? Do you really think breaking up will help that?"

"Tiago has depression issues too. I can't make both of them as happy as I can at the same time. I'm sure Darryn will find someone who makes him more happy than I do. Besides, I deserve to be happy too."

Favian leaned in close with both hands on the counter. "Alex, listen. I used to have a gambling problem. A bad one. It got me in a lot of trouble and put me in danger. You know why? Because I'd always throw away something I knew was good for the tiniest chance of getting something great out of it. I always got screwed over. Don't gamble away a relationship like this, especially if people's safety hang in the balance."

Alex was taken aback. This wasn't the Favian he was used to seeing. He thought it was impossible for the jovial vulpine to act this serious. The bartender's ear-to-ear smile was nowhere to be found, replaced by an uncharacteristic scowl. The wolf didn't want to see this side of Favian ever again.

However, Alex had already made up his mind. "Please, Fave. I always treasure your advice and really appreciate what you're trying to do. But I've got this gut feeling that this is all gonna work out alright. For everyone. Could I just... have a shot of tequila? I promise everything will be okay."

"I don't take gambler's promises anymore."

"As a friend, then. I'll make it all work out. Tiago feels different than Darryn. I can really see us going far. He and I will be happy together, and I'll still be friends with Darryn and make sure he finds someone who makes him equally happy. I promise."

Favian looked him hard in the eye. Alex could tell the vulpine was frustrated with him, and rightly so. Favian cared for everyone's well-being and wanted to help everyone be as happy as possible. The fox knew his own advice had helped many furs make the right decisions and be happy, and didn't like it when they blatantly ignored his counsel. But his gaze was slowly softening. Maybe he truly believed Alex.

The door of the Tricolor Beguile opened and a black and white husky walked in: Darryn.

Alex and Favian exchanged a glance. The wolf gave a slight nod. The bartender hesitated for a moment, sighed, and reached for a shot glass.