Changes.
#1 of The darker stuff
This is a little thing I came up with when I was doing some practice writing. It's about boy with developing mental problems and is discovering things about himself. I tried to extend it from what little I have written to make it longer, since the original was only a paragraph.
May/2/14
I think I might be gay. I was going trough a porn website, and I clicked on something I thought was lesbian. It turned out to be gay porn. And I liked it. A lot. It turned me on better than anything I've watched before. I don't want to tell anyone. I don't want people to think I'm weird. I don't want things to change.
May/9/14
I've started to get sad a lot. The littlest things will make make me cry. If someone kills a bug, I cry. If someone takes something from me, I cry. If someone even MENTIONS a sad part of a movie. I cry. I have to block everything I hear out, I can't let people get their fucking hands on or near my things, otherwise I might cry. And if I cry in front of people, they'll think I'm weak. They'll call me pussy. They'll make FUN OF ME! I can't have that. I've never been bullied before. And that's not going to change.
May/15/14
I only watch gay porn now. And I hate myself for it. But it's just so fucking good! Why did I have to click that one clip, WHY! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE JUST BEEN LESBIAN! I've tried to watch straight porn. But it won't turn me on anymore. I'm fucking broken. I hate being broken. I want to be normal. I want things to stay the same.
May/30/14
I got bullied today. It fucking happened. I cried in front of people. THEY CALLED ME A MOTHER FUCKING PUSSY! They followed me of school grounds and they BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I WANT THEM TO PAY! I want to make them cry. I want people to call them pussyies. I want them to beat up the same way they beat me up. And I want things to stop fucking changing.
June/4/14
I get angry real fast now. I think about different ways to kill the BITCHES that beat me up. I have thought of soooooo many different ways to do it. And it scares me. I'm not a violent person. I could never kill anybody. But now, it's all I think about. I want them to bleed, but not because of me. I want them to hurt but not because I hurt them. But I want it to be me at the same time. Why wont things stop changing.
June/23/14
It's the last day of school. The bullies have let me go somewhat. They still called me names and pushed me around, but I could handle that. But today, they attacked. And I fought back. They came at me, and they got the first hit. Their mistake was going after me. I went into a pure rage. I kicked all 5 of then in their TINY LITTLE DICKS! And I knocked 2 of them out cold. They were the pussyies now. But I still didn't like the change.
August/1/14
I had started to feel better during july. I wasn't as sad, and I wasn't always thinking about ways to kill someone. But today, I swear I heard a voice whispering to me when no one was around. It said 'Hello.' And that was it. I thought things had gone relatively back to normal. But I was stupid to think the changes would stop.
August/30/14
The voice is nice to me. It's the only good change so far. It helps me calm down and cheer up. I talk to it when I'm alone. But I think my parents can here me when I do. They asked me about once, so I just said I was talking to a friend. This is the only change I hope stays.
September/22/14
It's the first day of school today. The kids that bullied me stayed away from me. I had finally felt better. I wasn't sad anymore, and I wasn't angry. And I had a new friend only I knew about. I've even come to accept the fact that I'm gay. But i do still wish things were how they were when 2014 started. At least I'm finally used to these changes.
October/6/14
It started again. I'm sad and angry again. But this time its worse. Sad and angry seem to be the only emotions I feel now. I snap at people if they annoy me even a TINY bit! And the same goes with the sadness. The friendly little voice in my head has gotten angry too. It happened when the bullies came back. It keeps telling me to kill them. It says that if I do it will shut up. But I can't kill anyone. IT EVEN TELLS ME I'M A FUCKING FAGGOT! IT TELLS ME THAT GAYS DESERVE TO DIE! I hate these fucking changes.
November/1/14
My life has changed completely. I'm gay, I'm always sad, and always think about killing people I hate! Why can't things just go back to how they were! I DON'T WANT TO BE SAD ALL THE TIME! I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT DEATH! AND I DON'T WANT TO BE FUCKING GAY! WHY DID THINGS HAVE TO GOD DAMN CHANGE!
November/26/14
I don't know who I am anymore. And it's driving me insane. The only things that make me happy now are fantasizing about men, and thinking about death. I don't want this life anymore. I want a life thats normal. I want things to go back to how they were. Back to before I was gay. I want to change things back.
December/25/14
All I got for Christmas was insanity. I stole a crap tone of money from a rich guy. I made a costume. I bought a sword and guns. And I ran away. My first victims were those 5 bullies. They died slowly. They died screaming. I am a hunter. I am the taker of lives. I am the deadliest psychopath to ever live. I am the Wolf. I change people with death.
END.