Edition Enhancement
Sort of silly
Krusk the half-orc barbarian timidly waited in the front of the line with the rest of his party behind him. He wasn't quite sure why he was here. They hadn't even completed their last adventure. He had been in the middle of rampaging through a camp of his savage kin when they had been transported into this strange place. Earlier Folkor, the gnome illusionist of the party, had tried to explain the why of their circumstance, but Krusk, with his intelligence barely above that of a weasel, had not been able to comprehend the reason.
"Next!" A voice screeched.
Krusk remained in the line.
"Go on, Krusk!" Folkor said from behind him, pushing the half-orc lightly. "It's your turn!"
Krusk obediently stepped forward until he stood in front of a desk. Behind the desk sat a woman clad in cloth armor. She adjusted her glasses as she stared at the brute before her.
"Where's your character sheet?" she asked.
The half-orc was stumped. Character what?
"Your right pocket!" Folkor called. "No, your other right pocket!" Krusk took out a disheveled piece of paper. He squinted at it. He couldn't understand a word inscribed on it, which wasn't a surprise. After all, it was only a hard constant that allowed him to know any languages at all.
"Give it here," the woman said.
Krusk held it out to the woman. She took it and wrinkled her face when she saw its condition. She set it down, waved her hand, and it was clean.
"What have we here..." she muttered. "Ooh. No no."
She handed the paper back to Krusk.
"You're not going to be updated. You're going to be overhauled. Half-orcs aren't even a player race. And barbarian? Not slated 'till the next Player's Handbook. Don't worry, we'll get you up to date with the latest edition. Reams will just have to make some major adjustments. Here--" She held up the paper. "Take this."
Krusk took the paper back from the woman. He still had no idea what was going on. Handbook sound liked book and books were bad. He wasn't liking the sound of this.
The woman snapped her finger and a swirling purple portal appeared beside her. She gestured through it.
"Step on through."
Krusk looked back to Folkor. If there was one thing he had learned since he had started adventuring, it was to never split the party. In fact, it was the only thing he had learned.
"It's ok!" Folkor said. "I'll see you on the other side."
Krusk hesitantly stepped towards the portal. The only thing he distrusted more than empty rooms was magic, and magic encompassed a wide variety of things, portals among them. Still, if Folkor had said it was okay, then it was okay, right? He entered the portal and vanished with it.
"Next!" the woman screeched.
Krusk didn't understand. One minute he had been in a sterile, white building and now he was in some sort black room with a translucent ceiling. He glanced upwards, but there was nothing beyond the ceiling other than the infinity of the void.
"Welcome," a voice spoke softly.
The half-orc lowered his gaze until it fell upon a bespectacled bald man sitting before him. Krusk scratched his head. He hadn't been there before, had he?
"May I see your character sheet?" the man asked.
Krusk handed over the bald man. The man squinted at it. For a few minutes he examined it, occasionally shaking his head and mumbling under his breath.
"Interesting," he said. "Very interesting. Krusk is your name?"
Krusk nodded. At least that's what everyone called him.
"Stereotypical. That's straight out of the handbook. And barbarian? Kids have no imagination these days. You can't comprehend how many drow rangers I've gone through today."
The man was right. Krusk actually couldn't.
"Do you know how many of them dual wielded scimitars? Every. Single. One." The man sighed and rubbed his bald head. "It's not really your fault. Still, frustrating. I'm Reams by the way."
Reams held out his hand. Krusk stared at the offered extremity and turn his head. The bald man sighed again and looked down at the paper.
"Of course you wouldn't understand. Not a single word. Well, I've got some good news for you at least. They're doing away with stat penalties. Bad news is that they've done away with half-orcs as well. Sorry buddy, but we're going to have make some racial adjustments. Hmm..." Reams tapped a finger against his chin. "I think we'll do this laterally. Yes, but first--"
He snapped his fingers and Krusk suddenly felt very cold and lighter somehow. He looked down at himself and saw that his apparel and equipment had vanished. He crossed his legs in embarrassment, covering up his privates.
"Just a precaution. You'll be clothed soon enough. Now, for the race change."
Reams snapped his fingers again. Krusk shivered as his body tingled all over. With his gaze still focused on his body, he yelped in surprised when he saw scarlet scales overtaking his skin. The flesh beneath these new scales gained mass and grew denser so that the half-orc was even stronger than before. While the scales were covering his legs, the toes on either side of his middle toe merged together. The three toes on each of his feet thickened and sharp talons extended from each of them. A similar change occurred on his hand as his pinky and ring finger joined together. The rest of the digits, thumb included, widened into strong, talonlike claws.
Then the changes reached his head. His cranium extended into a blunt, reptilian muzzle. The ritually filed teeth within became finer and sharper than before, and their numbers multiplied so that he had a complete row of incisors. While his ears altered into finlike shapes, rough ridges sloped into existence starting near the tip of his muzzle along with two curving horns on either side of his head. Finally, what remained of his hair retreated to the back of his changed cranium and formed into thicky, ropy strands of unscaled green flesh that hung off his head. More of these strands extended from the back of his skull until their multitude created the illusion of actual hair in the form of dreadlocks.
The former half-orc looked down at his body. He was satisfied with his form. It was stronger than before, and taller too. He felt more intimidating. The only aspect of the change that concerned him was that he could not see his manhood between his legs, only a slit. Without a care for his modesty, he reached down and touched the genital slit.
"It's still there," Reams reassured him. "For now. Let's see here..."
The bald man looked down at the character sheet.
"Five others. Large, but still within the average range." Reams shook his head. "But a total sausage fest. Nope, can't be like that. Not in this day and age. They're looking for inclusiveness." He looked up at Krusk. "Ok then."
He snapped his fingers. Krusk's reptilian eyes widened when he felt a pulling from within his genital slit. He didn't even have a moment to react before his internal manhood withered away into nothing within the slit. He reached for the slit just as it warped and twisted into a puffy pussy. _She_stared at the soft, scaled lips in bewilderment as her thighs thickened to accommodate her new sex and her hips widened in preparation for potential children. Her form as a whole began to shrink as it lost a portion of the muscle and mass it had gained before. While her arms and legs thinned into slender, more feminine structure, her ass plumped up until it was soft and supple. The only part of her body that actually gained mass was her upper chest as two small buds upon it quickly inflated into two breasts that were average sized for her species, though they were fairly large given her overall height.
"But," Krusk said, still shocked and uncomprehending of what had occurred. "Krusk male."
"Not anymore, you aren't. All right, we got your race and gender panned out..." Reams paused as he examined the sheet. "Your age looks fine, we'll get to the name later, alignment can stay the same...ah! Attributes! Let's get them matching."
Reams reached a hand and pulled a pencil out of nowhere. He turned the eraser towards the paper and rubbed it against the left section of the sheet. Krusk felt totally paralyzed for a moment; then, Reams began to fill in the portions he had erased, starting at the top. At once, more of Krusk's strength left her as she shed more mass and bulk. She was still stronger than average, but much less so before.
Reams moved to the middle portion and two changes took place. First, Krusk was now unsteady and less nimble on her feet. Second, her mind expanded. It emerged from dim misunderstandings into an enlightened enrapturement. Now she could count without the assistance of her fingers and magic no longer seemed like an unknowable art, but subtle secrets to altering reality. She wondered why her memories from before seemed too hazy and unintelligent. Those primal thoughts just didn't meet her superior intellect.
The bald man scratched in the numbers of the final section. Only one attribute truly changed this time, and it was aided by her racial bonus. Her average sized bust grew two sizes larger. She cupped the breasts and a lustful smile stole across her face. At the same time, her "hair" lengthened so that it flowed down her shoulders and nearly to her rear.
"Perfect!" Reams shouted, glancing over Krusk's attractive form. "With that much charisma and intelligence you'll make a perfect warlock. A little cheese, but who doesn't love cheese?" Reams erased Krusk's old profession and added the new one into the empty space. Immediately knowledge of secret magicks poured into Krusk's mind, arcane arts that were feared and hated throughout the world. Her scales lost their scarlet pigmentation for a ghostly green. In addition, strange symbols traced their way across each strand of her hair and a few eldritch tattoos inscribed themselves upon her belly and right above her crotch. She had made a pact with an unfathomable entity for the power and she was still not satisfied with what it had given her. Oftentimes she would stare into the night sky and search for something else that could empower her further without stealing her sanity.
"And equipment, level appropriate of course..."
A small leather bra appeared on her chest, enveloping her breasts. However, it did more to reveal them than hide. In addition, tight leather shorts fit snuggly around her waist, tightly hugging at her crotch. Not the most protective of armor, but it fit the requirements to provide her the full benefits of its protection. A belt wrapped itself over the shorts, complete with a couple of red potions and a pact dagger stained with blood. Lastly, a cloak of ever changing colors draped itself around her neck and hung against her back down to her ankles.
"And your name...something sinister..."
Reams thought long and hard on this. Naming a character was always the hardest part after all.
"Xisliann."
Reams wrote down the name and that was that. Where a dim half-orc barbarian had stood minutes before was now a sleek and sexy dragonborn warlock. The bald man held the sheet out to her. Xisliann brushed her dreads back before taking the character sheet. It disappeared into the back pocket of her shorts and into the extradimensional storage space that only adventurers had access to naturally.
"We're all done here," Reams said. "Thank you for your cooperation."
Xisliann leaned towards Reams, granting him sight to her cleaveage. She stared into his eyes.
"Cooperation?"
"Yes, you've been wonderful. You are now properly adjusted for the new edition. Just go through the portal and the rest of your party will meet up with your shortly. You'll be adventuring again before you even know it!"
He snapped his fingers for one last time. A portal, this time yellow in coloration, appeared before the warlock. She stepped through it without hesitation and vanished with it. Simultaneously, a nervous Folkor stepped into the room, exiting out of a purple portal.
"A gnome, eh?" Reams said. "And an illusionist as well? Well, I'm sorry to inform you that..."