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"I am sorry," I finally responded after several minutes of silence.

He was fuming. I suppose he had every right to be. After all in the last few hours he had been thrusted into the camera of just about every news organization in the United States. I half suspected that he had to have been ready for something like this. My perchance for heroism and even he admitted my own bullheadedness could easily have been newsworthy not to mention our own relationship, so he had to have known that the media would come knocking sooner or later. He even had confessed recently to have been expected to be attending my funeral before the allotted time. It was one of the qualities that made Kevin so damn attractive. He had once told me I was one of the last of a dying breed of men who were honorable and heroic. Well at least heroic as the more recent events had put into question my honor. I towered over his shorter five foot five frame of some measly one hundred and forty pounds of undeveloped physique. Standing at six foot four I towered over most people but with Kevin it was also my size. There was barely a shirt in my closet that didn't look like I was poured into it. Even now my chest was hugged by a red v neck t shirt with a bit of fine black hair jutting out that showed off a bit of the rounded pectorals barely contained by the cotton threads. The sleeves were similarly tight around my shoulders and hugged my arms. I had been told that my large rounded biceps and powerful forearms gave me the look of a bull dog. I was built bulky and I was sure my frequent outings to the gym had paid off.

My eyes turned away from him and found themselves locked on the television screen. There was video of the house I owned in one corner. A two story modern looking home with tan vinyl siding and white trim. A covered porch was being slightly illuminated as the media camped between the two oak trees outside. It gave the address 66 Verrill Street as provided by Google. I wondered if I could sue Google for privacy or giving out my address but then again how hard would it be to find a police officer's house. More so how hard would it be the find the address for...Kevin was still sitting down reeling from the revelation. As if on cue the television played the video that had been taken weeks ago and posted to youtube. Since then it had gone viral now catching to attention of the national news. What should have been a heroic scene of a cop saving a mother and her toddler child from a burning minivan instead had become THE story of the year.

The scene now being looped showed me one moment standing by the minivan just as the flames started on the front of the vehicle. In a flash I was at the door tearing it off. Though it was the same uniform and would be the same some what size of the man I was now the form was completely different. The thing tearing into the van's exposed limbs were covered in black fur, it's hands ending in black curved claws. It's legs now covered in the tattered remains of police pants were twisted at the ankle and the feet were now nothing more than large paws. Yes paws clearly standing on the asphalt plain as day. The head that eventually poked out of the van with a crying toddler clinging to a thick furred neck was distinctly not human. A long snout had replaced my round chin and handsome face. My once eyes dark brown were now brilliantly yellow and my brow line always having been somewhat aggressive in appearance now angled down in a snarling grimace. Two pointed ears twisted and turned in the air as I leapt from the van carrying the two survivors towards the opposite side of the street, a somewhat short bushy tail coming out of my mid back. I never realized my tail was so bushy. In a flash of mere seconds I had revealed to the world in a heroic effort that I was a werewolf.

"When were you going to tell me?" Kevin asked rubbing his temples. He was frank just as I had been frank with me afterwards.

Even as the story broke Kevin had raced over and got through the police line. It wasn't hard after all the officers all knew who he was and most had a pretty good clue of his and mine's relationship. Kevin had always said he thought it would be that which would make headlines. Not that a gay cop was rare but in Maine it probably would have been newsworthy. Of course I never expected CNN to be coming in and trying to interview me on the spot. At the moment I half wanted the problem to be our sexual orientation as that would be a whole lot easier to stomach than being a boyfriend who maybe a monster, not that I thought I was a monster. Kevin looked up at me as I stood there almost stone like. I had hardly moved from the spot in the living room since he came crashing in through the front door and started raving at me. He did have every right to be angry.

"When I thought you'd be ready," I answered my eyes darting to the drapes thankfully closed to keep the prying eyes of the press from wandering in. That would be the last thing that would help this situation. I'd probably punch the camera's lens out. Not that I could get away with that but it would definitely help the building frustration I was feeling towards the press.

"And exactly when was that going to be? After a year? The second weekend of sleeping together or the trip down to Boston? Maybe while we are at Ikea you could wolf down a few Swedish meatballs and grab the really heavy boxes while mauling a shoplifter," he scornfully replied.

He was silent again. I tried to suppressed my own anger and hurt at his statement and it did hurt. Still normal couples didn't go through these things did they? Were we normal? Beyond simply being two guys. I was a big burly cop, straight laced as could be, and a gym goer. Kevin was a small, slightly on the thin side with a bit of a gut nerdy type. He worked IT for various businesses, drew, had a garden, read books, and wore glasses. About the one thing we shared in common was our understanding and ability to appear as not being gay. Neither of us cared for the bar scene and even as I was I didn't act like a femine gay guy. I even had fooled my bosses into thinking I was straight as could be. Of course like Kevin, I didn't parade my sexuality around for all to see. If it came up in conversation or someone asked I'd answer honestly. We were honest. Perhaps that's what hurt me the most about all this. It wasn't the fact Kevin was human so much as it was the fact I had lied to him almost from day one. I found myself wondering he even trusted a word I was saying to him.

"Sorry but I never thought I'd be dating a monster," he finally stated rather flatly.

"I am not a monster," I replied rather plainly.

He pointed to the television showing the scene from the van again. The still frames of me in all my lupine glory stood there on the flat screen of the television not only for me to see but for the whole world to see. "What on Earth do you call that then?"

I folded my arms over my chest, the pecs and biceps bulging out a bit from the shirt. "That's me and I am not a monster," I answered his eyes gazing over the screen. "That's me saving lives, doing what I have always done. All that's changed is..."

"ALL THAT'S CHANGE?!" He stood up yelling again. "ALL THAT'S CHANGED IS YOU INTO A GODDAMN MAN DOG!" He charged out of the living room and into the kitchen grabbing the bottle of rum and a can of coke out the refrigerator.

I could hear the murmur of dozens of reporters outside the house as clear as if they themselves had just yelled at me like Kevin had just done. I could also hear the clink of ice into glass and the hiss of a coke can being opened. The twisting of a metal cap and the glug of liquid into glass over ice followed with the tell tale smell of alcohol hitting my nose. I sighed. Knowing that no one but me could even possibly know that information from another room. It was always part of my curse. To smell the alcohol on someone's breath knowing they were lying about their drinking on a DUI bust even before I got to the breathalyzer test. To hear someone talking behind your back, or smell their arousal. That was one of the reasons I guessed Kevin was gay to begin with. Of course his wandering light brown eyes couldn't help it either. He had been a rather nice fit into my life. Offering me a venting post when I needed it as well as a get away from the constant pressure of work. I felt less horrible of keeping my secret from the force and more from him. He deserved better than this. After all in the last few months of us dating he had told me all about his history with men. From men who thought he was handsome and would leave him after a one night stand never to be heard from again, to the boyfriend he had for five years who just up and left him to greener pastures, to the friend who never quite got the depth of his feelings to him Kevin just seemed to be on a losing streak as far as dating.

And here I was rocking his world to the core. Another failure to be added to the list. As I walked down the hall to the kitchen I saw him sitting on one of the four bar stools at the small bar I had. His feet dangled off the floor his short height making him look like a toddler in a high chair more than an adult at a bar. His brown hair was combed back rather bouncily and on his angled face there was a look of profound sadness. He nursed the short glass of coke and rum in his left hand. He wore a dark blue button down shirt that was far too baggy for him and a pair of black dress pants. He looked almost elegant compared to me. I took in his scent. It was musky, male, and fuming with rage. I was not sure exactly how I was able to do it having never met another of my kind before but I instinctively seemed to know how to discern scents of emotions. As colorful and varied as the color spectrum and just as potent. It was to be expected. I didn't know what to do. I had to be honest with him and yet I had kept the most important secret of my life from him. How much trust could there be.

"So full moon?" he asked.

I was confused at the question. "What do you mean?"

"Does the full moon do anything?" he clarified.

"No otherwise Mrs. Roma and her son would be very much dead right now. I can change whenever I want. I will say that on nights of the full moon it does get a bit more harder to not change but it's not like I have to either," I explained.

"Is it painful?" he asked sipping a bit of the drink.

"Sometimes, depends on what I am wearing, if I have changed recently, seems the more I do it the more painful it becomes," I continued. I wanted to be frank and honest with him. I wanted him to know I could be trusted. I would answer as many questions as he had to make sure he could trust me if that's what it took. Though I didn't fool myself. I half expected this to end with him leaving out the front door never to be seen again and I wouldn't blame him at all.

"So I'll ask again, when were you going to tell me?" he inquired sipping more.

"I honestly wanted to make sure I could trust you with it. I mean imagine if I did tell you, would you believe me?"

He sighed. "Probably not to be honest. I mean I guess if you wolfed out in front of me I guess even then I'd be in slight denial. I just...."

"I didn't want it to happen like this. I hope you know that," I admitted. I think it was the second or third time I had said that.

"How often have you done this?"

"Done what?"

"Wolfed out to save others? Told someone about being well a monster," he said downing the remainder of the drink.

"Wolfed out many many times, I tried to keep out of sight, usually at night. Sometimes I don't save others as I protect others from criminals. I have never told anyone I was a werewolf and I am not a monster," I repeated finding the word to be repugnant. I was a good person. I wasn't some mindless killing machine. I went after the criminals and protected the innocent.

"Are there any others?" Kevin asked finally looking at me.

"To be honest. Yes there are. I haven't really met any other werewolves but there are few that have contacted me over the years. I don't have exact numbers but I do know that there are several here in the state, which when you think about it makes sense. I mean it's rural for the most part, full of woods, perfect for..."

"A werewolf, or werewolves," he finished getting up and pouring himself another drink. I did take note that he was pouring more rum into his drink than Coke. "So what next? I am talking us right now. I mean I am human you are a werewolf that's a pretty big divide to come over. I mean sex might even be considered illegal now." He laughed at his own statement. "What are the legal ramifications of me sleeping with a werewolf is it bestiality?"

"Well if it is you better be prepared for jail time," I smiled as it was nice to see him laugh again.

"Are you hitting on me or propositioning something?" he asked.

"I seem to recall the last time we did it you had about three rum and cokes and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy what we did that night. Listen Kevin I've tried to keep this a secret because well it's been a secret. I've lived with this my whole life. Grew up barely knowing my parents, living in foster homes, I was determined to make my life better. The fact I am a werewolf doesn't change who I am or that...I love you."

"I know that you lost your parents when you were just a baby, foster raised, but I mean come on did you just one day wolf out as a toddler or was it more like a teenage thing?" I asked.

"Honestly I don't recall the first time I changed. I was young though, not a teenager. All I do recall was waking up naked outside my bedroom window. Later I found out I had killed a herd of sheep. I learned a lot about werewolves, read up, learned more or less by trial and error. I did run into one werewolf who did help me out. I am not sure if there is a werewolf culture but if there is I am sure we'll be hearing about it." I explained sitting down next to him.

"We?" he raised a brow at me. "Do you think I am going to stick around here with a big bad werewolf as a boyfriend?"

He had hurt me again. His bluntness had gotten the best of me again. Here I was giving him all the answers he was asking and there he was constantly throwing the monster allegory back into my face. It must have seemed so surreal to him and yet he had to judge. Could he not see it now that I was letting me choose.

"That is up to you Kevin. I cannot nor will not force you to stay. You know that's not my style at all," I replied.

There it was black and white and left up to him to decide. I hadn't ever once been the one to end a relationship. That power seemed more intoxicating than the booze he was drowning his sorrows in. He could do it. He could just get up and walk out just like Alex had done, just like all those guys that made promises of being in touch and wanting to be 'friends' and all they really wanted was to take me to bed. It was a harsh reality of gay culture that most gay men thought with their penis. I had thought before I had told him I was a werewolf, that Kevin was the same but I soon discovered how wrong I was. He was honestly just wanting to not be alone and to actually date and in eight months the most we had done was get slightly intoxicated a couple weeks back around Halloween and that was the first time we had sex. It was amazing and the complete opposite of what most men had done. Most of my would be boyfriends did the sex first friendship last if it even got that far which it rarely did. I didn't allow if for fear of how far I would take it.

If he did go though what would happen to me? Could I even begin to live with the fact that the one man who had treated me so good would leave me to be alone. Not only to face a life alone but to face life alone as the first werewolf. Even though I had just told him there were others like me I knew that from this moment on I was going to be considered the first. The one would brought it all down. I wondered how long it had been kept a secret. As he finished off the second rum and coke I sort of figured it went back as far as werewolf myths went I suppose. Why hadn't they found out about us? Maybe they had. After all there were all those werewolf executions in Europe right from the dark ages right up until the early 19th century. What if those had actually been werewolves? Why then did we remain a secret?

"Why the secrecy?" he asked not really thinking ahead.

"Werewolves hunt. Some times people and we both know how humanity treats anyone different. Imagine turning into a werewolf and having the ability to kill someone so easily. Now imagine humanities reaction. Humans kill each other based on differences now imagine how they'd do with an entirely different species?" I pointed out.

"A good point" he nodded. I could see him pause after he nodded his head, those drinks were starting to affect him. He probably hadn't eaten anything that night because I had seen the news. I had sent the first got a text telling him we needed to talk and he would know why shortly. That was when the Portland detectives showed up and showed him the video. What the video on the television didn't show was the aftermath when I transformed back The camera man had zoomed in on my black furred arms that turned back to just having hairy forearms and bare hairy legs. A younger officer had confronted me almost pulling a gun on me. The child I had saved called me a hero and a "good doggie" that alone seemed to spare me being shot by my colleagues. The initial reaction was confusion as EMTs hurried to the mother and son putting her into an ambulance. Mrs. Roma didn't recall anything other than losing control of the vehicle and hitting the telephone pole when she later awoke at the hospital. The EMTs gave me a blanket, I think because they thought I had been burned. I just tossed it aside and went back to my cruiser.

The police seemed to not know how to deal with it. Even my boss the sheriff flatly told me that my record spoke for itself. I was a damn good cop who seemed to be something out of a story book. Though that reality did take time to settle in. Most seemed to rationalize it as I survived the fire. It wasn't until a few days later when the video went up on Youtube. People could pause, re-watch, analyze what they had seen and the images did not fit into the cozy world of rational, logical reason. As the many viewers began to theorize what they were seeing the news started coming in. Soon the talking heads of television were putting out their own theories. Most seemed to think it was filming for a movie or some other factor. Which would make perfect sense if there was a movie being filmed in Portland, but there was no movie. There wasn't anything. At least nothing that could be rationally explained away.The fact was everyone could now see there was a real, live, breathing werewolf in their mists and no one knew exactly what to do. That was the world that I found myself in and as I looked at Kevin I wondered what that would mean for me. There were so many questions but not a lot of answers.