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Chapter 7 - Animus

When it had come time for them to finally rest, Evans was less inclined to sleep with the images of the dried up, burned carcass of his ally on his mind. They were very close to the surface, and it became apparent when certain roots of trees had been see snaking their way down into the structure. They had not gone as deep as he thought, and he would admittedly feel safer if they were. The thumping and slamming of the door far off in the distance had given away, and at some point--the dead had managed to slip into the hall; it was unnerving, it was sickening. Evans had spent most of his life fighting battles, but this occurrence brought back a sickening feeling of fear; he heard their feet shuffle in and out of the halls, hunting for him.

They were in a massive room that had one corridor near the middle, which led into a different area. Monitor tables and control panels lined the walls, and it was dimly lit by a mixture of yellow, blue, and red lights. There were two thick walls where Solitude explained that the information as stored, comparing them to Computer Towers for Evans sake, though he knew what they were all ready. Solitude explained this area was one of the many areas used to monitor those in Cryo-stasis, various organisms that had been used as subjects. To his left was a staircase that led up near the main testing facility, which Solitude displayed on his HUD was like a Spider Web, punctuated by large dome structures.

When the doors had been barricaded by whatever Evans could find, he had moved to sit beside Ze'ev. The two leaned back and gave off a sigh of relief, with Ze'ev wasting no time in retrieving their meal from inside of the pack, handing an arrangement of meats and fruits to Evans, who could not tell the difference between them.

"Z, why do you wear that thing?" Evans began, motioning to the Cloak.

"It is all that I have." Ze'ev replied between bites.

Evans cocked his eyebrow, "there is a story to that isn't there?"

Ze'ev replied with a shrug of his shoulders and human-like dismissal of the statement, but he knew Evans saw through it; he leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, thinking to him-self. Evans watched him carefully and retracted the bag he had brought out from his shoulder's compartment, laying it down and reaching for the lighter he had brought with him. If Ze'ev was not going to open up about him-self easily, Evans wondered if getting him buzzed would make it easier; he was thankful Spartans were not tested for the stuff. He'd used it for a long time to help with pain and nerves, especially after what had occurred; he decided, telling his story would help Ze'ev open up.

"Z--you want to know the story of this arm?" Evans began, motioning for his cybernetic appendage.

"I had wondered--but I felt impolite asking." Ze'ev admitted, sitting more upright and glanced over it with curiosity. He eyed the strange technology used in its crafting, and had wanted to touch it, but he kept his hands together in his lap.

"Yes, please tell!" Solitude chirped, almost floating down to sit beside them. "I have never before encountered this technology applied to a human!"

Evans laughed, "Well--on my helmet, you probably saw a gap of videos."

Ze'ev and Solitude both nodded to him, anxiously waiting. Evans proceeded to recall to them the story of it, starting back two years prior to that day when it had occurred. He described at first with vim and vehemence about their descent into an infected human colony aboard a moon which supposedly had been ransacked by Covenant Soldiers. Evans recalled the homes being built on the side of a mountain, with precipitous stairs hanging over the cliffs with an ocean directly below. He seemed enjoying of it as he described his men staying until nightfall, and had continued to move into the underground bunkers that were used to shield them from the powerful storms that had occasionally struck the village.

"The place was ancient too--the families had lived there for ages! Probably lived a hundred years there; when we arrived, it was obvious something had occurred. From the beginning we never encountered a person, and there were signs of struggle. We checked the entire village and surrounding forest; so we decided to go below. As we got lower, we began to smell a lot of carrion; I had seen dead birds lining the floor, rats, and shit. Well--it was about an hour into this investigation, we were nearing the aqueducts below, and that was when we were first given a glimpse of it. There was this one guy--he was shriveled up, days old too; not the first time I'd seen it, but this one was fucked up."

"How was it fucked up?" Ze'ev asked, unsure of the words meaning.

"He just looked--mortified, and totally dead. But his eyes weren't glazed over, kind of like--I dunno, he was aware he was dead, you know? I guess with me seeing zombies here, I am kind of realizing more about it. But--well, we continued, and something was bugging me; I did not like it. The others ignored me, but there was just something off about the fact that everything was underground, that we'd seen no dead bodies--and dead birds were everywhere."

Evans looked down and frowned, setting the food away. "My friend Thomas-047 had been there with me. We were from the same orphanage, had grown up together; he was like a best friend, even if he was a complete ass to me. Both of our parents died in the war, I liked to eat bugs as a kid--and he liked to hide them in people's stuff. Hehe, he was a great guy; you probably would have liked him."

Ze'ev smiled and nodded, "If he was your friend, then I attest he was of good company."

"Heh thanks Z." Evans took a moment to think to him-self before he continued, and he missed his friend now, having moved past it. He did not speak for a few moments, but continued before he felt him-self get depressed.

"Well, we split off into groups to help secure the area, and noises began to occur a lot; something was down there, moving, and following. We were hunted, and hell we didn't even care, I mean we could easily take care of the flood! But then we were ambushed by the villagers, or what was left of them. They killed off three of us in just seconds; I guess no one was really prepared. Some of the men were pulled down into the water and did not reappear; no gun fire, no struggle, just vanished! The fight broke out down another tunnel that alarmed us, as well as the sound of my team screaming, before just vanishing. I tried pulling them back and out of there, but it was pretty fucked; Thomas, had been caught by something. One of the parasites got him, and was digging through his armor into his back! I tried to cut him loose, I punched the head of that little fucker and grabbed my knife, cutting its little ass off!"

The human's eyes grew slightly red and his jaw trembled as he became visible upset, and he wiped his eyes clear of the tears that had formed. "Thomas was a fucking idiot--he knew he was going to die, he was screaming in pain! He tried to push me off as he popped a grenade, but I didn't see it; next thing I know, everything goes white, and hot, and I'm thrown back against the wall. I could hear my heart beating in my ears--and--I was able to retreat back with two others."

"Evans--you do not need to tell me this, if it hurts too deeply." Ze'ev assured him, "If this stirs too much pain, then you must not express it."

"No, it is fine. So--Thomas died, and half the team was killed. I was almost decommissioned because of my arm, but I refused to! I am not just going to give up, after that shit--so I demanded a new one, and they gave me this." Evans lifted up his heavy metallic arm and ran his hand over the smooth titanium plates, thick carbon tubes that looked like where his muscles would be. It resembled the Hunters in a way, which grossed him out in the beginning, and he explained that the agony of its attachment was indescribable. It took months of rehabilitation, but he refused to be treated like he was just any less; he said that because he had not saved Thomas's life, he wouldn't stop until he saved someone else's. Evans strongly held back his tears but Ze'ev could tell the human indeed wanted to cry, but he cleared off his face and sat up, cleaning his skin off with his hand.

"So--that is my story. I guess when I saved you, I was thinking of Thomas; you didn't look like you were out there to harm anyone. And I may be stranded here, but I don't regret it for a fuckin' moment."

"How can you not?" Ze'ev asked at first, "Do you enjoy abandonment?"

"Not really, but I have you here man, and I feel safer with you than I've felt with anyone else."

Ze'ev felt struck by the feeling of gratitude and he smiled brightly with a weak feeling at his eyes, looking away but for a moment but he could not hide how the words affected him. "Thank you Evans. I have not--felt something like that, for a long time."

"Why do you say that--Z, I mean--what has happened that made you think no one cares about you? Because I sure as hell do!"

"I. . . I cannot tell you." Ze'ev whispered almost, as he turned his eyes away and closed them. "Please do not ask me."

"Z--I am not going to judge you. I just don't understand how you can think that way dude."

Evans wanted to know badly, something about it bothered him that a warrior like Ze'ev could be treated like an outcast; he half expected Ze'ev to say he was some battle hardened guy who hated people, or had killed innocent people. But Ze'ev did not say that, or anything for that matter; he instead went quiet, and held his mouth open on the occasion that he looked like he wanted to talk. He brushed his face and sighed low, closing his eyes, and decided the human had a right to know at least enough of his life.

"I will tell you my own story. Why I am the ex commander--but this is it."

Ze'ev sucked in a deep breath and sat up right, and turned to face the human, who looked at him with great concern. Ze'ev admitted it felt good to his soul, to see so much concern in his eyes; he noticed they were a bright green, a strange color, in fact it was rare. Evans nodded shortly, having not thought much about this, but it must be important--he looks really serious.

"Eternity's Sunrise was part of the genesis of revolution. I, Eyth 'Kha and many others defected from the military and our leaders after a series of ordinances, and social restrictions. These had begun growing over the recent years, from dismissal of ancient Sangheili traditions, to even inviting the god damn Jiralhanea into our military! We aspired for freedom--I, more than anything, wanted to lead my brothers away from the oppression of The Covenant; I saw them for what they were. They held murderous intent from the beginning. We were fodder--nothing more."

Evans nodded slowly, and Ze'ev politely continued, while Solitude lingered near them and floated slowly, recording.

"Over the months we amassed a large regiment. I named it something that would imply forever the reincarnation of our species! The eternal sunrise--a symbol of hope; I had taught the men philosophy, doctrines and disciplines of strength, and honor that were away from insipid bloodshed." Ze'ev lowered his voice as that old burn of disappointment began to grow. "These teachings were undone by 'one' incident. An agent had infiltrated us, and he was discovered after a message was intercepted."

Evans nodded once, "He was working for The Covenant--they must have feared you."

"They did, rightfully. I was not always as calm as I am--I used to be mighty, fierce even! I was a proud, vociferous warrior--for some time; when I was younger I believed in hope, redemption, and even being loved by my own species. It was a dream that I held onto, it guided me--and then, as quickly as I breathed, my dreams died before me."

Evans at forward slightly and nodded, "What--happened?"

"This mole--his name was Vria 'Kyoree. When he was captured by Eyth 'Kha, and interrogated, we learned he had been spying for close to a year. He was clever--this much is true. I learned from him that the Covenant black mailed him."

"How did they manage that--if he worked for them?" Evans asked, confused.

"He intended to join our ranks, Vria was a Special Operations Officer and he had, at a point, confided in me that he wanted to defect. High Charity threatened to execute his clan if he did not agree to join and then report all information. If there was but one week he was silent--they would murder his wife and his children."

Evans dropped his jaw almost in horror at this, narrowing his eyes and remarked under his breath, "Jesus Christ they're sick."

"No--sickness was not known, until--Eyth 'Kha came in. I had decided to spare Vria, to treat him like a double agent. We could use him to probe information, to recruit even Honor Guardsman, and take the Covenant's power away! We had so many preparing to join our ranks," Ze'ev turned his eyes up as he remembered the excitement, and Vria's compliance. "Eyth 'Kha saw this as a display of weakness."

Ze'ev ran his hand over his face, and shook it slowly. The memories were as vivid as they were painful, and the screams that he heard had since, not that day, faded. Evans allowed him to take a few moments, and Ze'ev continued on.

"He convinced my brothers, somehow; he poisoned them into seeing me as a threat. I had worked so hard to garner their respect, but it was quickly annihilated! That bastard made a scene one afternoon when I had come back from a walk--just a simple walk! And he waited! HE IS A COWARDLY BASTARD WHO SHOULD HAVE DIED!"

Ze'ev snarled as he grabbed his face with a hot anger, and he stood onto his feet and stomped away, breathing more quickly and squeezed his fists as tightly as he could! He slammed his fists into the wall now hard, with such force it echoed out like a shotgun in the room, and Evans twitched at the display. He felt an anxiety gripping his stomach as the Elite suddenly became verbally aggressive and violent, slamming his fist into the walls hard and grabbing his head as he screamed out.

"He killed him! I begged him not to, I pleaded for him to realize his actions! Vria was on his knees, near death and he was pleading for them to listen! BUT NO! HE DID NOT LISTEN! NO ONE WOULD!"

Ze'ev slammed his fist into the wall in a maddening anger, and the tears slipped from his eyes and down his cheeks. He cried hard now as he pressed his face into the wall, and he spoke between his hard sobs, "He ripped his organs from him and threw them upon the ground! And they held me back, forcing me to watch! GOD DAMN THEM ALL! I WASTED MY LIFE ON THEM!"

Evans did not speak, he did not know what to say; he had never heard a story like this, nothing in his history or anyone else's was similar. Ze'ev brought him-self together and his black face was wet with tears, and he wiped it off, turning to look at Evans, his shoulders, and hands shaking hard. He held his face and continued to tremble, and Evans began to stand, waiting for him to calm down, or to continue, before he moved.

"After he disemboweled him--I was beaten until I could not move, and held up by ropes. They made me watch as he devoured the flesh from the neck. The blood flooded his feet; and it was the last I saw."

Ze'ev shuddered and he felt cold, numb, and empty. "I awoke in chains--and had been there, for months. Until your team came."

"I--saw his body." Evans said slowly, almost above a whisper.

"You saw it?" Ze'ev began slowly, looking up. "I did not see what became of Vria--I saw nothing but that room for months; when I closed my eyes, I saw him, and when I opened them, I saw the dark stone cell."

Ze'ev put his hands to his face and shivered, speaking lowly, weakly now as he felt his body grow cold, and empty as he recanted this. "It was not until I heard the music that I had felt a peace--months of torments. Eyth 'Kha grew only more maddened--and I felt all was lost; I had failed, every-single-brother. That is all I am! A failure! This life has been a god damn failure since I emerged from my mother's poisoned womb as the abomination I am!"

"Z," Evans began slowly, taking a step towards him, and he looked up to him. "You are not a failure! And you're not a fucking abomination either!"

"Oh but I am!" Ze'ev spit out at him in rage, his voice echoing through the room in a deafening catharsis of anger. He panted and snarled and slammed his hands into the wall hard, slapping and punching at it, "From birth I was hated! This skin--this black skin, it is the sign of mutation! I am the embodiment of being infected! The path that this universe created--it amounts to nothing!"

"What the hell are you going on about!" Evans shouted back at him as he moved closer, "I don't know the difference between your skin colours!"

Solitude had moved beside Evans and hovered for a moment, and explained to him before Ze'ev could scream out for him to stop what it was he had tried to hide from him for days.

"Solitude, do not! DO NOT OPEN YOUR MOUTH!" Ze'ev roared at him and charged forward, attempting to grapple him! Evans pushed him back hard and yelled back at him to calm down, and Solitude drifted high above them. Ze'ev looked at the Monitor in betrayal, and Evans could see the desperation and anger--but most of all now, he saw an almost fear in the bright blue eyes.

"Ze'ev is a tetraploid Sangheili." Solitude began more calmly than usual.

"I--what the fuck does that mean?" Evans asked, looking up, and then to Ze'ev who had stomped off, grasping his head and scratching it angrily.

"It means he has five copies of his chromosomes. His genetic makeup contains the chromosomes of his father, and his father's half-sister. Due to this, the abnormality experienced is skin of extremely dark pigmentation, the additional appendage he has kept hidden, and his eyes. It is a rare deformation in his species and almost prehistoric; most infants do not live past the incubation period."

Ze'ev stormed around the room out of site and Evans listened as he slammed his fists upon the walls and kicked and shouted, throwing whatever he could find across the room and acted out in wrath. He raved for minutes on end whilst Evans stood there in silence; he ran all that he heard through his brain, but he did not dwell on these facts. He did not think it relevant, whilst it did certainly shock him, and incestuous breeding was something he had never encountered--it did not colour his view of the Sangheili he had grown to care for in their short time. Ze'ev muttered Evans must now loathe him, must have thought him revolting and encouraged him to no longer refer to him by name. But Evans was thoroughly pissed off at this and stomped around the server towers into view of Ze'ev who was leaning against the wall, staring up to the ceiling. When he imagined that Ze'ev had relaxed enough--Evans cautiously spoke.

"Is this why you looked--so upset, when you touched me?"

"No. It was because you had to touch me." Ze'ev replied angrily with spit from his lips, "You touched my filthy skin!"

"I do not think your skin is filthy!" Evans protested, and he immediately stomped up to Ze'ev's person, and looked him in the eyes. The pain inside of him was ostensible, but Ze'ev could no longer face Evans and wanted to break Solitude to pieces for telling him what he did! After which, he simply wished to hide him-self, and vanish.

"Ze'ev--I cannot take away all of this shit from you. I don't know where to begin!" Evans rubbed his hand through his hair in frustration and stood upright to show his sincerity. "But you are MY friend, and you saved my life! I am not going to ever judge you, for any reason!"

"It does not matter!" Ze'ev argued as he crossed his arms and turned away, "Even if I did--I will live a life of loneliness always!"

"I've watched soldiers die for years--I was taken from an orphanage, and told from day one I was expandable. I cannot--take away that pain, fuck man, if I could suffer for you, then I would--hell, I wish I could have at least met you earlier in your life! If I had--I would have beaten the ass of ANY person who treated you like this!"

Ze'ev looked down to the human for a moment, which grew red with anger at him as they argued, and he turned his eyes away from him. "How can I offer my-self to the universe--to this path, if it has only led to nothing? How can I--even begin to accept my life if it has only abused me! HOW?!"

"You think I can just unravel the universe like that?" Evans snapped back at him, "You think I can just convince you to let go of that agony just little to build a better future? No! I can't just--fucking convince you!" Evans grew red with anger as he shouted, "But I know you're not going to live a fucking life of loneliness!"

"And how are you so sagacious?" Ze'ev muttered to him-self, glancing to Evans from his scowl. "You do not understand this loneliness."

"Like hell I don't!" Evans slammed his hand into the wall hard, "You're being selfishly blind, dude! I never had a family; my life never had meaning except what was given to me by the military! And even then, EVEN THEN , I'm not a person, just--a thing! Just a fucking slab of meat genetically engineered, but completely expendable! I have no purpose!"

"And you think I do? That I somehow developed this--celestial definition to my life!?" Ze'ev shouted back, turning to face him, "What makes you think I matter, when the day finally draws to an end!"

"Because you changed the lives of hundreds of people! Yeah it bit you in the ass because one of them was a fucking psycho, but you tried! That is something no one else can ever say!" Evans laughed and rubbed his face, "And don't give me that shit about loneliness either! You were surrounded by people who genuinely loved you, I've never even had a guy say something like that to me!"

Evans mouth stopped moving mid sentence as he had made a slip of the tongue that almost seemed far too well placed for him, and he realized what he had done, and took a step back. Ze'ev looked at him for a moment and then turned away, trying to steady his breathing, and barked out an order for Solitude to play music. Solitude, not understanding anger but realizing the intensity of the situation had said nothing, but recorded their altercation. The music began to play but Ze'ev was momentarily not drawn into it as the emotions were too high for him, but he tried hard to collapse his anger.

"Well fuck it. You know what, let's be honest. I'm gay--I have a fucking cybernetic arm, and people hate this shit!" Evans began as he looked at his left arm, "I was almost stripped of my military position, something that was forced ONTO me. Not only does the meaning of my life really have no meaning, but being into guys has brought me under fire almost all my life! I mean fuck--do you have any idea how hard it is to be gay?"

Ze'ev looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, "And what have you experienced?"

"Death threats, taunts, man, you name it. Gay guys like me have it rough--not like you, but some have been killed. One out of every five people who are gay, someone fucking kill them-selves! I know stories from ancient humanity, and today, of teenagers who commit suicide, who would be raped, and being fucking humiliated for it! I remember--one teenager was tied out in the middle of a field, and beaten until he died! He was only--like sixteen or something; they found him with blood on his face, and clear streaks where he cried him-self until he died!"

At this Evans had nearly spit out of his mouth in anger and he recalled the strife of his younger years at thirteen, where during their training, he underwent immense harassment for his sexuality. It was determined for him that he was gay, though he knew all ready; when the report was spread by word of mouth about a gay Spartan, it changed his life for years to come.

"I was beaten a lot. At night they'd hold me down on a bed and slap the shit out of me, spit on me-- whatever they were in the mood to do." Evans muttered quietly with a deep frown at his mouth, "It wasn't until I joined Stigma that--it changed. They accepted me; I guess they were all different in one way, from religion, to their lives. This is why I don't care what you are--I just care about you, Z. I see you like I would a brother."

Ze'ev dropped his arms as Evans spilled out this information in anger at him, and he continued to listen now as he softened in demeanor, and put one hand over his eyes to conceal his shame.

Evans told him of this strong prejudice against him-self, the numerous times he was forced into tears as a child; and how the remark of a specific disease was said to be invented to kill of his kind. Evans became visibly as angry and consumed by this as Ze'ev was and when he had finally crossed into the realm of admitting that he at times hated his own life, he stopped short.

"I--am sorry for all you endured, Evans. I had never heard of such things occurring--though in my own society, it has been known." Ze'ev whispered as he felt heavy with shame for being so selfish now. He was a one of a kind--but Evans was part of his species, integrated biologically, but seemed to be hated irrationally. It was like him in a way, and the knowing of this similarity brought an almost excitement to his soul, but it was anxiety that made his shoulders tremble.

I am such a fool--this human is no different than my-self. How--could I have become so blinded by my own anger? Forgive me Evans!

Ze'ev decided removed the mantle that he wore, and Evans watched him in confusion as the Elite undressed before him. He tossed the cloak aside, and he stood naked; the shock of it all was grand, but it was this additional appendage that brought him into surprise. A long black tail had somehow been hidden, it was thick, with a design similar to alligators, and Evans looked at the naked Elite.

"What--the fuck, why are you naked?"

"So you can see all of me," Ze'ev remarked with anxiety at having exposed him-self, but he stood upright. "If you are so unfazed by this, I wanted to test the merit of your words! If you are disgusted by me--please, be honest."

Holy--fuck. Why the hell is he naked? Jesus Christ.

Evans did not immediately reply as his eyes scanned over the body in meticulous observation as he examined all of the muscles in detail, the black salamander like skin. Evans felt a lump in his throat as he gazed over the prodigious body, but he fought to keep his eyes away, not wanting to grow any kind of perverse thinking.

"I--you are so much larger than me. That is all I really noticed."

Ze'ev lifted his head to hear the words as Evans paused, and the human looked away.

"That--is it?" Ze'ev asked in bewilderment, "My size is all that you see? How do you not see this abhorrent display as the ultimate aberration of nature!"

"Well--aside from enough muscle to make our Marines feel small--and a tail, no I see nothing but a naked man in front of me."

Ze'ev nodded once as he looked over him-self, seeing his skin had always brought resentment to him; Evans looked over and eyed him in full detail. From the vein popping legs, to the abdominal region, and every other part that bore a tight, sculpted physique that made him feel tenterhooks in his stomach. Ze'ev noticed that he looked paler now, almost sickly, and asked him if the site of this body had brought this feeling, presuming as much that the human lied about his feelings, just to make him feel better.

"Have you lied to me?"

"No."

"Are you sickened, by this site?"

"No." Evans began shortly.

"Then--what is it? You appear pale." Ze'ev began with a low tone, "I can tell by your voice--something is wrong."

Evans turned to look at him, "You're naked, dude! You don't just strip in front of people, damn! Please get dressed."

"You are obviously disturbed" Ze'ev pressed further, sure that the human was in fact unnerved by his site.

"Uggh, no." Evans said with frustration as the Elite seemed too confused and ignorant.

"Then tell me!" Ze'ev demanded and stomped forward, "What is it! I must know!"

"Calm-the-hell-down, Z!" Evans demanded, and he sighed in embarrassment. "You're exposing your-self and yelling at me, I mean shit, what do you want me to say?"

Ze'ev felt no embarrassment as this was customary for his people, the human was obviously ignorant of this, and many things. However--he did not react, retreat, or recoil; he did not look at Ze'ev in disgust, but he did see the human's eyes looking over him.

"My thermographic, and bio analysis indicate an increased rise of blood pressure and blood flow to his genitals. His pupils have also become dilated," Solitude chirped as he studied this reaction closely; all ready now Ze'ev, and Evans, had become staggered by this statement. "These are the signs of arousal, or a desire to copulate."

" OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD-HOLY-SHIT!" Evans nearly screamed out at Solitude, stammering and cussing at him, but Solitude seemed to giggle, enjoying this spreading of Data, and the odd reactions that organics made. Ze'ev's face was a mixture of shock and awe, as he stood there looking at Evans speechless, and Evans had looked away with his face growing almost hot in embarrassment. He assumed that now, if the friendship was not over, it surely would have been put into a bad place by the impromptu confession of Solitude. He looked to the Elite who said nothing still, but looked back at him; Ze'ev felt anxiety in his stomach and heart that was unlike anything he had previous experienced. An adrenaline rush that was unnatural, and the calming music had, in its wonder, had made him only stand in silence.

"You are--aroused by this?" Ze'ev asked unsurely, questioning the human.

Evans was silent for the immediately following minutes, but he gave off a brief nod. "Well, yeah."

"What about me--is arousing?" Ze'ev asked slowly, taking a step away from this strange human.

"Well--you're, you know--well built." Evans looked over to the body, and the space between his legs where a long, foreskin covered black penis resided. His testicles were equally as well endowed, though it was cold, Evans felt small in comparison to the large orbs. Ze'ev could feel the eyes on his body and now he too felt the embarrassment of nudity, and a slight rise in his heart beat. Evans snapped his eyes away and rubbed his face, "Fuck--I mean dude, you're junk is huge."

"My what?" Ze'ev asked quaintly.

"He means your penis is quite extraordinary." Solitude continued for him, "In comparison, you are exceptionally larger to the human genitalia. I presume that based off the mannerism of Evans, he indeed wishes to bree--"

" THANK--YOU!" Evans rolled his eyes in anger at the Monitor, and he looked to Ze'ev who had still remained silent. Finally the Sangheili chuckled quietly under his breath, then he laughed hard and loud out as the anxiety had compelled him into a fit of uncontrollable hysteria! He held his hips and bent over at the waste in laughter, and Evans was more than embarrassed enough that he wished he could just disappear from the universe now. Ze'ev attempted to speak between his deep howls of amusement, and when he had arose to face the human, he felt almost delirious, as if he were dreaming.

"What in the hell is so funny?" Evans asked in aggravation, looking over to him, attempting to not let his eyes be drawn to the lower region.

"Review our situation!" Ze'ev told him with a smile of disbelief. "This situation--and all of its contents. Us, this place--the things said here, tonight. Would this--not be a good movie to see?"

Evans cocked his eyebrow, "You're seriously making fun of this?"

"No--but I laugh from the shock of it all. You are aroused by me. I never would have thought a man would say this."

Evans began to cuss but Ze'ev stopped him with his hand, and he closed his eyes. He breathed slowly and nodded to him-self, "Regardless of your attraction to me, I am still an aberration! As it stands--I am not meant to breed, or share a relationship."

Evans did not understand this, and he objected that Ze'ev should not live his life alone; Ze'ev then asked him what he should do, as there was not a member of his ken whom wouldn't turn their eyes from his site. As the human struggled to find words, the Elite waited patiently for what he would say, he lingered in the cold room, and Evans finally knew what to say to him, after minutes of silent deliberation.

"How are you not--weirded out that a man is attracted to you?" Evans demanded to know.

"Because I--have an attraction to males, as you do." Ze'ev began slowly, this confession taking a lot of strength to complete. He sighed a bit in relief, "Males taking husbands is not uncommon; however, it is also not 'cherished', so many retire from the military, after doing so."

"No--no way. No friggin way, you're gay!" Evans stammered wide eyed, "Seriously?"

Ze'ev nodded once, "Yes--but it does not matter. Regardless of that, in my world, no warrior would sacrifice his honor to be with me. Nevertheless, to know there is someone else, who is like me--it makes this embittered existence easier."

Evans shrugged his shoulders as he glanced over the Elite. "Well--I'd probably be exiled or shot if anyone knew I was--you know, turned on by you."

"For that, I consider you're the most--unique human to ever exist!" Ze'ev attested and laughed a little, with a feeling of anxiety in his gut. He looked down and he was silent, I--cannot believe this. Has the universe decided to play with me, with my heart and soul?

Evans felt his stomach knot up so hard it nearly brought him to the stage of puking, and Solitude alarmed him that his blood pressure had risen, and his body temperature increased by two points. Ze'ev worried Evans might in fact be sick but Evans had to tell them it was just embarrassment and anxiety, and the whole day, weighing down on him. He looked over to the Elite and sighed under his breath, and then felt at a loss of what to say. They stood in silence for a while longer, over an hour has transpired since the beginning of their rest; Evans now felt the room was trapped where time had stopped.

Evans rubbed his face, and bravely said to him, "I guess it does not matter; no one is here anyways."

"What are you talking about?" Ze'ev began unsurely, "Do you feel safer seeing me, because you are alone?"

"No nothing like that." Evans answered. He sucked in a deep breath, and forced the words from his mouth without inhibition, while feeling like he had just violated the universe. Evans felt his blood pressure exponentially increasing and he was hot with embarrassment, but he reminded him-self he was a big boy, and he could handle this. He took a deep breath and stood at attention to try to keep his hands still.

"It just means it would be easier for me to tell you that I would not have any second thoughts about you, if we were to become something."

"W--w--what? Do not toy with me Evans, you understand what I am!" Ze'ev felt his whole body go cold now, "It is enough to be attracted to a monstrosity--not to be entwined with one!"

"That only applies to people from your species dude!" Evans remarked quickly, looking him in the eyes. "I can't judge you based on what you are!"

"But this blood is unpure! It is the product of a great sin; I could never let you or anyone love me at the expense of your own honor!" Ze'ev rubbed his face as he turned away from the human, "You cannot be attracted to me. I demand that you not be!"

"Well that is easier said than done." Evans remarked, and he walked forwards to Ze'ev, who looked at him and took a half-step away from him.

"Please, Evans!" Ze'ev demanded, "This--this is all too much for me!"

"Z--listen." Evans calmly began, as he looked up into the bright blue eyes. "I don't care what you say; I guess it is pretty disgusting to you for me to desire you."

"What?! No--it is not, but I cannot allow you to be stripped of your honor, for the likes of me." Ze'ev shook his head, "You're too brave a warrior!"

"You need to calm down, dude!" Evans demanded, "I don't care what you think about your-self; I mean I do, but I don't just follow traditions if they don't benefit people!"

"This is no tradition--this is a natural law! Teratophillia is but of legends." Ze'ev looked down at his hands and gripped them as his heart raced, "I am a monster. For sixty years I have been!"

"I don't think you are!" Evans argued, "Even if you think you are--you're too special of a person for me to just blindly disregard you! I care about you way too fucking much, to just ignore you!"

Ze'ev looked up and felt his lower jaw tremble; he felt a sickness in his stomach and the swelling behind his eyes. It was not a normal state he felt--he did not understand this, he too cared for the human who fought him incessantly on the topic. Before he could react, Evans grasped him by the arm gently, and Ze'ev demanded him to release him but Evans did not; Ze'ev was trembling hard, the Elite reduced to but a quivering mess. As the human held onto him and touched him so gently, Ze'ev dropped onto his knees and cried, begging to know, to be told, how he was not disgusting. It was so much to endure in this single instant that he could not fathom how what was happening was real. Evans grabbed Ze'ev by the shoulders and held onto him, embracing him tightly as the Elite cried against him.

"I've been a failure! An abomination! And--and yet, here you are!" Ze'ev wept and spoke under his breath with his arms by his side. "Why now--why in this place? Tell me why you suddenly appear!"

Ze'ev's shoulders shook, and he felt his heart shudder as the human spoke these words, trying to heal these age old scars. Like the first time he heard music, the touch was almost frightening, as he did not know how to react to it. Evans decided to move closer to the Sangheili and he pulled Ze'ev into his chest again in a more intimate embrace, finding he was consensual to the hug. He softly rubbed the Elite's back and shoulders in smooth circles, touching his skin with interest as it felt slick and soft.

"I'd give anything take away all the suffering you've had, Z. The universe made a mistake doing what it did--but I am here, right now. And I am not going anywhere!"

Ze'ev trembled and he wrapped his thick arms around the human, closing his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek, as his face grew hot, and his mind dulled. The warmth of this hug had brought out the tears until he wept dryly, and he no longer could heave out, but he felt the exhaustion wash over him as he held onto Evans as tight as he could. He told him that they could die before Eyth 'Kha was destroyed, and that Evans would be left alone, or killed-- but Evans ignored this possibility, saying it was not likely. As the Elite relaxed into this hug, he closed his eyes and lay his face against the chest gently, as the feeling of this touch had left his heart still racing.

"Evans," Ze'ev began slowly, "I--I cannot just take you. Not so quickly--because this is beyond imaginable."

Evans then spoke gently, "It is fine, and I didn't ask you to just date me right now. Just know I am here for you always, ok?"

"I--thank you, thank you Evans." Ze'ev was able to express, commenting how embarrassed he was by his constant outbursts, and displays. Evans told him quietly that everyone needed to let it out, and told him he would always support his Commander.

"Come on; let's go to bed at least. I'm exhausted."

Ze'ev looked up at him and nodded once, staring into the human's bright green eyes. Evans smiled back at him and it was a handsome smile, though his face was so different to see now, as if his view had been changed; it was enlightenment, and not one Ze'ev had been able to explain. He dressed him-self back into his mantle but as they prepared to sleep, Evans had moved their bedding side by side. Ze'ev was hesitant to, but he lay down onto his back; and Evans shifted to lie beside him, and then rest his face on the Elite's chest. Evans wrapped an arm around his mid section and a leg over Ze'ev's, which made the Elite's body go stiff as he was paralyzed by this intimacy, and did not move at first.

"After all you have seen today--and all you were put through, why did you choose to spend it like this, with me? Why would you even chose me, over another human?"

Evans looked over to him from his chest and moved onto his left elbow. "The universe I guess just demanded I did. I'm not going to fight it," Evans looked up and smiled. Ze'ev now saw more attributes closely, that he had not studied before; the bright emerald eyes, yellow and brown hair around his chin and jaw. He was handsome in a bizarre sense, but his smile held honesty, and his eyes were unwavering.

Ze'ev looked at him and smiled slightly, all too nervous to fully be capable of reciprocating this alien affection that Evans shared. The human reached up with his right arm to touch the Elite's face gently, running his thumb over the mandibles and Ze'ev watched his arm, and then Evans as the human looked down at him.

"I can't force you to be with me," Evans said painfully. "But I want to be with you."

"I--I just fear the repercussions." Ze'ev admitted, rubbing his face slowly, "and I prioritize saving this universe firstly. It would be unfair of me to not give you the deserved attention.

"Big guy, I am right there with you." Evans assured him, "Stopping that ass hole is our first priority; I told you, after we get off here, we're going on a date first. Dinner and a movie." Evans grabbed at the Elite's hand and held it gently, looking him into his bright eyes with a confident smile, "I waited this long, I can handle a few more days."

Ze'ev's lip twitched as the human's warm hand caressed his jaw; the situation he was in was beyond the realization of a dream. The human then leaned close to him, and Ze'ev felt the warm heat of his breath, the smell of skin, and he wrapped his arms now around the human's back, and held him close to his chest. The day had come to an end; the horrid realization of their isolation, of the perils of death upon them; and yet, Evans had subtracted from all of this. The universe had unfolded before them, and Ze'ev now believed--if only partially, that fate perhaps had waited to give him the one person who would, without any inhibition, who under the great strain of their mission and the threat of the universe--wants to end his night, in the arms of an abomination.

He closed his eyes now as he drifted into a sleep that he had crave for years; the weight of Evans against his chest, the touch of his hands that made him shiver, and shake. Ze'ev felt happiness in his chest and he gripped the human tightly in an embrace. They held each other until sleep had taken them away from the dark world that had tried so hard to consume them; before consciousness slipped away, Ze'ev remarked under his breath.

"My soul had known pain; my life a legend of woe, until you came here. And now I know bliss, at a time of great peril; you became my hope."