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                In a

far away kingdom, in a land now obscure, there lived a king and queen.  He was tall and handsome in the way only a

member of the weasel family can be, with his kind stoat face and his regal,

luxurious fur.  His wife, the queen, was

of the rare breed whose coat was white, and though she had been a commoner, he

had made her his bride.  His name was

Ferrell and hers, Ermina. They were very happy together.

                She

gave birth to a daughter, equally as beautiful and equally as unblemished as

the newly fallen flakes of winter. Because of this, she was named Snow White.

She was the most lovely child and an extremely happy one. The entire kingdom

seemed to rejoice after her birth, but sadness fell when her mother died a year

later. Illness had run rampant through the kingdom, and it made no

differentiation between rich and poor, regal or commoner.

                The

king remarried, not out of love, but out of necessity. A king needed to have a

queen. She was from a nearby realm; statuesque, as martens were, and while

beautiful and of noble blood, she was also conniving and narcissistic. She had

a magic mirror to which she would ask daily, mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most beautiful one of all?

                It

would always answer back the same thing every time. "Oh great queen, it is you

beyond compare; you have beauty, magnificence and a countenance ever fair."

                This

satisfied the new queen, who cared not a whim for anyone else. And when the

king died unexpectedly (and some say due to poison in his food), she cared for

the kingdom and it's people not one bit more. She threw parties and always

invited people who were less beautiful than herself to make sure she was always

the belle of the ball. And what happened to Snow White during all this?

                Up to

this point, nothing bad. But she also had nothing good in her life. Her mother

was gone, her father was gone, and outside of a few faithful servants, no one

ever paid her any attention. The queen pretty much forgot she even existed.

That is, until one day when the mirror unexpectedly pronounced the young girl

as now being the most beautiful in the kingdom.

                The

queen went wild with fury. In her haste and anger, she called the royal

huntsman, an old grizzled badger, to the throne room. All the courtiers and

attendants were sent away. "I have a job for you."

                "Yes

your majesty?" he said with deference, despite his dislike for her.

                "I have

a need for organ meat in my diet."

                "Well,

your majesty, that can be easily obtained, for there are many animals from

which..."

                "Silence!

I need the heart and lungs of only one creature; Snow White. You will take her

with you to the woods, on the pretext of teaching her how to hunt, and once you

are deep within the forest, you will kill her and bring me what I have asked

for. Do you understand?"

                The old

badger was horrified, but it was a command from the queen, and he could do

nothing else.  He took the girl with him,

crying inside at what he was being forced to do. On the way he showed her

berries that were edible, and the greens that could be eaten, and how to catch

fish in the cool deep streams. She learned quickly, wondering that she had

never before been allowed to go outside the castle walls.

                After

three days, and having hiked through valleys and over hills, the huntsman felt

they were far enough. No one would ever find her body out here. He pulled out

his hunting knife and stood over her, prepared for a killing blow when his

courage gave out. He dropped he blade, which clattered on the rocks beside her.

                She

looked up and saw the look on his face, and the knife lying on the ground. He

growled. "Get out of here girl! The queen wants you dead, but I have no

strength to kill the likes of you. RUN!"

                She

took his words to heart and dashed through the trees, tripping over vines,

running headlong into bushes, until she was lost from his sight. He sighed and

went looking for one of the dumb beasts that wandered the woods. Finding one,

he killed it, removed the required parts and gave them to the queen.  She ordered them cooked up and she ate them

as she said she would. She was so happy with herself that she ignored her

mirror for weeks.

                Snow

White however, was not so happy. The branches kept striking her as she ran

through the underbrush, and her dress became a tangle of torn material. She was

bewildered by the attack on her person by the huntsman, and the fact that her

stepmother wanted her dead. For all intents and purposes, she had paid little

or no attention to her for years. Why did she suddenly hate her?

                As she

walked along in a daze, she found an animal path, where the walking was easier.

The deer knew the best ways through the woods, and other animals used their

trails too. She had no idea where it would lead, but she knew that it had to

lead somewhere.

                After a

few hours of travelling, she came upon a glen, with a running stream and a

quaint ancient house. That it was old was clear from the look of it. It was a

solidly built structure, crafted by skilled hands. The stone blocks and hewn

timbers were precise, the carvings were elaborate, and the slate shingles,

where they could be seen under the clumps of moss, were sharp edged and aligned

like dragon scales. The windows were dirty however, and from the appearance of

the area around it, it was neglected. That didn't mean it looked deserted, for

there was one single path that was well worn, and other smaller ones that lead

to the stream, or to the woods behind it.

                Snow

White knocked on the door. No one answered. She tried the handle and it opened

at her touch. She ducked a little to get inside, finding the house built for

smaller frames than her own. The ceiling was low, yet probably fine for short

persons, just like the table and chairs.

                The

table in question was long, and could seat eight, though there were only chairs

for seven. There were dishes in the sink, and scraps on food on the table.

Whoever lived her didn't seem to care for the niceties of a clean home. Snow

White wondered about that. Feeling lost and alone, she found comfort in

cleaning up for the poor slobs, in the process devouring the scraps left

behind.   

                She

went out, gathered water from the stream, and built a fire in the stove. She

poured hot water in the sink and cleaned up every last one until they shined.

Some looked and smelled like they had been there a while. The table she washed

clean, and the dishes were spread out like there was going to be a great feast.

                Grabbing

a worn broom, she swept up a great pile of dirt and gravel, noticing for the

first time a few worn pickaxes and chisels stashed on a corner. That might go

far to explain all of the filth on the floor. The occupants were miners. She

knew little of the working class, but she had to figure that they spent a lot

of time underground and maybe only came to their house occasionally.

                She

spent another few hours dusting, even opening up the windows to exchange the

air inside. It smelled sort of, well, like the royal stables inside there. She

found some beer mugs and filled them with water, sticking in bouquets of

flowers and herbs.  Upstairs she found

rows of beds, seven of which were disheveled and unkempt.  While the sheets needed washing, she did her

best to make them up, and when she was done, she climbed in an empty one and

fell fast asleep.

                Meanwhile,

a group of seven gophers were returning from their work in their mine. They

were a motley lot; not bad mind you, not evil; but typical, unattached males.

They were not related, leastwise most of them weren't, but they lived under the

same roof and worked in the same mine for one reason only; to find gems and

precious metals so that they could move on and have better lives elsewhere.

                They

worked as a co-operative community, albeit a small one. Members could stay as

long as they wanted, and they could leave when they wanted, but only after

working for a certain number of years. They were also craftsman, learning or

having learned how to create jewelry and armor, weapons and tools. Their wares

always demanded a high price, and they were not without money. But out here in

the middle of nowhere and at this time, they had little use for it. So it was

hidden away until such times as members decided to leave.

                They

spent little time on their hygiene, as it afforded them no advantage out here.

There simply wasn't anyone to impress.  Chores

were shared and cooking fell to whoever got stuck with the duty that week, and

the rest had to stomach whatever dish that person created. Needles to say, they

had tough stomachs.

                Oh, and

before I forget, the seven did have names. If they don't sound proper to your

ears, that is not my fault. Modern versions are often nicety-nice, with

simpleton names like Dopey and Doc. Pah! What garbage!

Their names were Ardillo, Graven, Gaufrey,

Citello, Mengalli, Horcsog and Susel. And while they might have a common goal,

they were neither alike nor proper in their ways. They were all males and they

were all alone and they did want they wanted.

This day, upon returning to their

cottage by the stream, they knew something was amiss right away.  "Which one of you dolts left the windows

open?"

"Not I!" came a chorus of cries.

"Well, they didn't open

themselves." They stepped though the door and stopped. "Well, what the hell

happened here?"

"Looks like a wizard laid a spell

on the place. I ain't never seen it this clean...ever!"

"Hell! These plates ain't never

been this clean. I can see the glaze now!"

"And look!" one on them said. "You

can see the floor too! I never knew there was a mosaic inlaid into it!"

"And look at this," another said, a

sour tone in his voice. "Someone has shamefully used our beer steins as

stinking vases!"

Ardillo sniffed the air. "I don't

know. Smells a hell of a lot better in here than normal. I say leave 'em for

the moment."

"But who did all this? I ain;t

saying I'm not happy, but this is just weird. Seems like someone wants a big

favor from us if they've gone to all this bother."

"You might be right. What say we

look upstairs. If they did as much work there as they did down here, I just

might give it to them."

They thudded up the wooden planks

until the stairs turned and opened into the great room. Every bed was made. But

in the far corner, on one of the spare beds, was a form hidden under the

covers. There was no clue to the person's identify except for the bit of white

tail sticking out the side.

"Lookee here boys. I think we have

our culprit. But who and what the hell is it?"

They stood around the bed, trying

to figure out who and what it was. No one was brave enough to check. Susel

sniffed the air. "I know that smell."

"Well what is it?"

"Female."           

"Female what?"

"Hell, I don't know. Pull back the

covers and check. It's not like she's going to do anything to us; we outnumber

her."

The covers were pulled back to

reveal the slumbering princess. There were a few gasps and exclamations. The

problem was, they recognized her form, but not her station. None of them had

ever been anywhere close to the castle, and even if they had, they would never

have seen her. She was rarely allowed out to mingle.

"Whoa! Would you look at that! A

dame!" Susel's eyes were wide.

Ardillo frowned. "Shut up! This

ain;t no dame. Too young. She's some sort of albino weasel or ferret or something. She's

too damn small to be an adult one."

"A freak huh? She looks big enough

to me. Maybe someone dumped her out here."

By this time the arguing and noise

woke poor Snow White. She sat up, yawned and then stared at the seven pairs of

eyes that were staring back at her. "Hello!"

" 'ello yourself darling. What the

hell do you think you're doing in our house?"

"Oh, just sleeping. I got lost in

the woods and found your charming cottage. I hope you don't mind that I cleaned

it up a bit. It was rather disgusting."

"Disgusting? Why I'll have you

know..."

"Shut up Gaufry! The place was a

pig sty. What's yer name girl?"

"I'm Snow White."

"I see that. I was asking for your

name, not a description of ya."

"That is my name! I'm the daughter

of the former king!"

Ardillo scratched his chin. "You

don't say. I did hear tales of his daughter, and I guess you might just match

that description. But what the 'ell are you doing out here?"

She told then her story. Since you

already know it, I'll spare you the dialog. The end result was that they

decided to keep her on, since she was so good at cleaning.

"How are you at cooking?"

"I've never tried, but I'm willing

to give it a go."

Susel was eyeing her. "She can't be

any worse than the rest of us. Let her try. If not, I'm sure we can find other

things she's good at."

Snow White failed to get the tone

of his suggestion, and the others were too kind to explain it. As it turned

out, she was decent at cooking, and so a new arrangement was made. She would

cook and clean while they were working, and in return she could stay as long as

she wanted.

When the queen found out that Snow

White was still alive, she went into a rage. She kept the information from

everyone, including the huntsman, who she feared might try to find and save the

girl. It was a secret known only to her and the mirror.

The queen knew a little magic, and

in the depths of the castle she cast a spell on a lovely bodice. Disguising

herself, she approached the cottage, and finding the girl alone, pawned herself

off as a hawker of goods and trinkets. "Here girl, this will make you even more

fetching to the menfolk, for it gives them the illusion you have more to offer

them that you actually have."

It sounded like a compliment, but

it was a dig at Snow Whites youthfulness."Thank you kind woman, but I don't

think it is right for me."

"But girl, look at your dress. It's

torn and stained. Certainly you could use something new?"

"Perhaps, but I have no money."

"Fine, fine. Never let it be said

that I am not generous. Here, take it. It is a gift."

"Oh but I couldn't!"

"Oh try it on at least. I think

that once you do, you'll never take it off again."

She was right. When Snow White put

it on, the laces tied themselves, constricting her chest and making it hard for

her to breathe. The moment she passed out the queen was off, laughing evilly at

her dastardly deed. 

The problem was, she had

miscalculated the size of the girl, and so it never killed her like she had

planned. The miners came home early (since there was now a reason to do so) and

found her trussed up like a pig. One of them pulled out a knife and cut the

cords, which writhed and crawled on the ground before going limp. "Hell's

bells!" one of them cried.

Once the queen found out that her

attempt on Snow White's life had been foiled, she tried several more times,

showing her persistence and the princess's rather trusting and open nature. As

I'm sure you know, in the end, she was taken down by a poison apple. The

problem was, the queen wasn't as proficient at magic as she thought she was.

The poison didn't kill Snow White, it merely put her into a state of stasis,

not quite alive; not quite dead.

The seven were devastated by her

death, for they knew nothing different about her condition. To them, she was

dead. They constructed a coffin made of gold and glass, embellished with

jewels, which they place on a pedestal in another glen across the stream.

They would visit it every day when

they came home, marveling that the body did not decay. Ardillo said it best.

"Her beauty is so great that not even death can take it away."

Susel seemed to be the one most

taken with grief. Despite his rough manners, he wept when they found her, and

he was always the last to leave her coffin before they returned to the cottage.

No one questioned it, for it seemed impolite. If he was experiencing sadness,

then they let him deal with it in his own way.

This went on for weeks. It seemed

to them that during the day he was morose, but when he made it back to the

cottage after nightfall, his steps were lighter. Since he seemed happier, the

other's found it practical to not mention it. It seemed a bit obsessive, but truly

none of them were perfect.

One night however, it was his turn

to cook. Ardillo declared that enough was enough. There was still a house to

run, and gems to mine, and if he wasn't going to hold up his fair share, he

could pack up and leave. Mangalli volunteered to retrieve him. "I'll try to be

nice about it. But I think he was really rather stuck on her. "

He hopped the rocks that dotted the

stream and made his way up the path. It was still light out, but the sun was

setting in the west. As he approached the glen, he heard muffled sounds and

crept up quietly. From his crouched position he could see the lid to the coffin

was up. He stood and worked his way from behind, so as to not be seen. With the

sun to his back, he saw a sight that nearly knocked him off of his feet.

"Susel!"

The gopher nearly jumped out of his

skin. "What the hell?"

Snow White's legs were draped over

the sides of the casket. Susel was on top of her, and it was obvious that he

wasn't just giving her a light kiss. His pants were on the ground.

"Susel, what the hell are you

doing?"

"Oh Mangalli. It's just you. What

they hell does it look like I'm doing?"

"I know what you're doing you

filthy lecher. It's disgusting!"

"Is it? I wanted this dame the moment

I saw her, princess or no. We don't get no women out here. She might have been

young, but she was bigger than me, so why not? Then that bitch of a queen came

along and killed her."

 Here his tone went into a whisper.

 "Only she'd didn't kill her, you see. She's

still warm, even now. That spell or whatever must have backfired or something.

I'm not into porking some cold corpse, but she's warm! She might as well be

sleeping! Seemed a shame to have her laying here going to waste. I knew you

goody two-shoes would have nixed the idea, so I've been doing it myself. You

have no idea how good it feels to get a load off on a regular basis."

Mangalli looked back towards the

stream and the cottage. He turned to stare at his friend. "You son of a bitch!

I can't believe you'd do something like this. Do you have no decency?!"

             "You're

pissed because I'm screwing her? She won't notice it none- I promise!"

             "No you

jerk, I'm pissed you didn't tell me about it. Now hurry up. I want a go at her

too before the boys wonder what's taking us so long!"