Sunshine Days - Chapter 21
As it turned out, the group didn't return from camping until just after 2 in the afternoon despite all of Jonathan's protests that "They could be back any minute!" The rain didn't let up until late in the morning either, making their breakfast and lunch trips to the auditorium a mad dash across the muddy camp. Their only other trip outside the cabin that morning was to the showers, which they had shared alone again. Jonathan still rebuffed all of David's advances. While he was persistent, Jonathan stood firm.
They spent the last of their time alone together quietly reading and listening to music in the cabin. They also stayed in their own separate beds. Jonathan didn't want to get caught in the same bed with David and David showed admirable restraint by respecting Jonathan's comfort. David even stayed fully clothed all morning and afternoon, even though he was frisky and itching to get out of them. He kept them on and stayed on his best behavior at the prospect of getting to play after lights out. He fidgeted quietly on his bed while he attempted to read a magazine and listen to Jonathan's mp3 player.
Jonathan was similarly listening to David's walkman while reading the inserts of the Five Iron Frenzy CDs. He'd gotten to a good stopping point in the copy of Fahrenheit 451 which he'd rented from the library before he left for the trip. He had to admit that he was starting to get into their music, sometimes catching himself humming some of the songs or getting them stuck in his head. It was a little hard to understand some of the things they were saying though, either being too muddled or too quick for him to catch even on the fifth or sixth listen.
He was a little surprised by what he read in the first song on one of the CDs, titled The Old West. It was a catchy tune and it hardly sounded like what he expected it would (He was thinking it'd be sound more western but nope, more ska) but he could barely make out half of what they were saying. The chorus went:
West or bust, in God we trust, "Let's rape, let's kill, let's steal" We can almost justify, anything we feel; I'm climbing up that ladder, more brownie points for me I'll work my way to Jesus you wait and see.
The rest of the lyrics were equally disturbing, sardonically singing about killing 'injuns' if they didn't convert to Christianity, but the song sounded just as upbeat and jovial as if they were singing about having a party. The lyrics were preceded by prologue that gave a brief account of something called 'Manifest Destiny' and a grave warning about what happens when people fail to learn from the mistakes from the past. Jonathan was intrigued and wished that he had access to a computer or a library to look it up. He'd never heard about this in any of his school textbooks or from his church.
He continued on, reading the lyrics for the rest of the songs and growing more and more fascinated. Some of them were standard Christian songs of praise but some seemed like harsh criticisms of modern day consumerism, critics, and even the church itself. He wondered if David paid any attention to the content in his own music.
"Huh..." Jonathan found himself muttering out loud.
The only other song that stuck out to him was a track called "Suckerpunch." It sounded like another one of their silly songs about goofy nerds getting their dorky butts wedgied by bullies but the chorus offered a more serious message:
A song sung for underdogs, for all the left out. A flag flying for losers, somewhere in the Heavens. The God of ever-lasting comfort, believed in me. Loved me when I was faithless, he still died for me.
Something about those words stung him in a way that brought a lump to his throat. He wasn't a stranger to getting bullied back in school. He knew which hallways to avoid on the way to class and how to get away from particular peoples that meant him harm. He stuck close to teachers, sometimes walking behind them like a shadow so that no one could physically hurt him. It didn't stop the teasing though. Or the names.
Four-eyes. Geek. Retard. Faggot.
If there was anywhere he felt an absence of God, it was in public school. If he couldn't rely on his teachers to resolve the constant bullying, or trust his parents to intervene, then how could he rely on God to be there for him? He could only trust himself.
Jonathan's thoughts were interrupted by David getting up and crouching down next to his duffel bag to rummage through it. Curious and a little annoyed at the canine's intrusion into his stuff, he leaned over to the side of the bed and asked, "What are you doing?"
"I'm borrrred!" David groaned as he sifted through Jonathan's belongings, "I've read this magazine like a million times. You got anything else to read?"
"Not unless you're into Ray Bradbury," Jonathan said with an amused little smile.
"Ray Who?" David said, not looking up from his searching. He combed through clothes, thick books with boring looking covers, baggies of medicines and toiletries, and a second pair of glasses in case something unfortunate happened to the first.
The door burst open, making both David and Jonathan jump. The boys had just arrived back from the camping trip and despite the dismal state of the weather, they all seemed to be in high spirits as they crowded into the stuffy cabin to drop their bags and get out of their wet garments. The ones who hadn't had the foresight to pack a poncho or jacket for the trip were soaked to the bone.
Even though neither of them had anything to hide, Jonathan got up and started putting away his stuff as if he were trying to cover up the heinous crime of just hangin' out. David though was up in an instant, padding over to greet his friends. No doubt they had questions as to what happened and why he disappeared on the trip.
From his top bunk, Jonathan noticed the overweight dalmation boy making his way through the crowd to get to his bed. He had a look on his face that Jonathan was all too familiar with. It took an introvert to recognize another. He pushed himself through the hoard of boys without giving them a second glance, keeping his eyes forward and down to the ground. He looked both mad and miserable, dual emotions that accompanied a sense of helpless rage and despair. It was the look Jonathan had when he pushed his way through the hallways of school to get to class, just wanting to get through the day and trying to ignore the intermittent jeers and taunts.
While he didn't have any idea what the pup had gone through on the trip, one name instantly came to mind: Avery. He felt empathy for the chubby boy. Even if Avery or Henry had nothing to do with how he was probably feeling, he still related to the emotion itself.
"Johnny Boy!"
Jonathan looked up and saw his cousin wading through the crowd. He was wearing a blue poncho with a hood but his hair was still soaked flat against his head. There were still beads of rain clinging to his whiskers as he zig zagged through the boys to get to his bunk. Jonathan climbed down out of bed to meet him.
"We were worried sick about you guys! I heard that you got lost and wandered around until you got back to camp." Vince said, before pulling his poncho over his head and balling it up under his arm.
Jonathan opened his mouth to speak but David swooped in and took the floor, slinging his arm around the kitten's shoulder fraternally.
"It was insane! We were lost in the woods for days and had to eat our boots to survive! We thought we'd never make it back alive if it hadn't been for the rescue crew," David said with a cheeky grin.
Jonathan frowned at him but Vince laughed, "Oh really now?"
"Yeah! They even called out the FBI and National Guard to search for us."
"You dork," Vince said playfully and reached over to ruffle David's hair. David wagged.
Jonathan cleared his throat and set the story straight, "We didn't get that lost. We just followed the path back in the wrong direction and got back before nightfall. We were here the whole time."
"Oh yeah?" Vince said, looking between the two with a sly smile. "Did you guys..." He made a circle with his index finger and thumb and thrust two fingers from his other paw through them in an obscene gesture. Out of the corner of his mouth, he imitated the sound of squeaking bedsprings.
Jonathan's mouth dropped open and his cheeks and ears flushed bright red in an instant. David flushed a little as well, his white fur turning a little pink on his muzzle but he grinned wide and whipped his tail.
"Yeah, we had a little fun," David said, turning to give Jonathan a wink.
Jonathan was bewildered and shocked, wondering why Vince would ask such a thing. He wondered if Vince had found out somehow or...
Suddenly, it all started to fall into place. It was the reason why David liked Vince so much and why he always spoke highly of him. It explained some of those weird comments he made about him. "I'm good at picking out scents...It's the same stuff your cousin uses." Vince and David had a little something together, something more than just a history. He wondered how much of a relationship they'd had before and more importantly if they still felt that way towards one another. Jonathan knew that he was in love with his friend and he had thought that David reciprocated those feelings. But in that awkward moment, he wasn't so sure about either. He was struck with a wave of jealousy and humiliation.
"Atta boy, squirt!" Vince said jovially. He reached over to give Jonathan a congratulatory pat on the shoulder but Jonathan shrunk away. Vince and David both raised a collective eyebrow at Jonathan as he turned and stormed off.
"What was that about?" Vince asked.
David shrugged and frowned, looking over at Jonathan as he climbed back up into his bed.
"I always figured my little cousin was a little bit..." Vince said quietly, waving his paw a little to illustrate his point. "What all did you guys do?"
David cast another worried look over at the feline on the bed, seeing that Jonathan was extremely upset about something. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.
Vince turned to David with a stern-mother kind of look. "You guys did the weird stuff, didn't you?"
~~~
It wasn't the weird stuff that had upset Jonathan.
From across the room he could see Vince and David talking, glancing over in his direction with looks of concern. He shifted his eyes a little to the left and caught sight of Avery and his crew. He quickly averted them and hoped they hadn't noticed him.
"You alright?"
It was the dalmation from the bunk across from his, looking over at him with concern. He couldn't recall what his name was.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Jonathan muttered. In truth, he still didn't know how he felt.
"It's Avery, isn't it?" The dalmation asked.
This caught Jonathan's attention right away. "You're having trouble with him too?" He asked.
The dalmation nodded and sighed. Jonathan had a good idea why. He remembered how Avery and Henry had chided him over losing the volleyball tournament. They'd attacked him over his weight mainly. David had been there to nobly defend him and probably would have gotten into a physical altercation if Leader Eddie hadn't stepped in to break it up.
"Yeah..." The pup was quiet for a moment. He looked as if he wanted to say something but was uncertain as to how Jonathan would take it. "He's been on my case ever since I got here."
Jonathan nodded in agreement. It was nice to have his mind taken off the earlier incident.
"Same here...They're real jerks."
The dalmation gave a little smile, seeing that he was in good company. A raccoon boy whose name also escaped Jonathan's memory flopped down on the bed underneath the dalmation. He was smaller than the both of them, scrawny, and had a crown full of curly brown hair on top of his head.
"Whatcha guys talking about?" He asked in a rather high voice. Even though he was the same age as the rest of them, he appeared to be a late bloomer.
"Avery." They said in unison.
The coon nodded and gave an unsurprised smile, "Figures. Did he tell you what happened out on the trip?" The dalmation suddenly looked like he was about to panic. Jonathan shook his head, frowning.
The dalmation rolled to the side of his bunk quickly. "Don't-!"
"Avery found out that Andrew here isn't a Christian," The raccoon said, cutting the boy above him off before he could protest. "He doesn't believe in God."
Andrew leaned over his bunk to look down at the raccoon. "Why do you keep telling everybody that?"
The coon shrugged his shoulders, innocently. "It's no big deal, guy. Everyone knows that I'm agnostic."
Andrew slumped back on his bed and gave a defeated sigh. Jonathan felt Andrew's pain, knowing what it was like to have a blabber-mouth friend.
"So...you're an atheist?" Jonathan asked cautiously to Andrew. Andrew nodded with a little grimace.
As minor a revelation it was, it was still something significant to Jonathan that he was finally meeting one of the fabled 'Atheists' that he'd heard about plenty of times from his parent's, the church, etc. They spoke of them as they would speak of an 'Other' or an outsider to the church and clan. An amoral member of society bent on taking down the church in anyway possibly, whether it was aborting infants, taking God out of the Pledge of Allegiance, or removing nativity scenes and The Ten Commandments from public buildings. Now he was meeting one for the first time, having expected something along the lines of approaching a wild animal or some hostile alien species.
Andrew didn't seem like any of those expected things. Jonathan saw more of himself in the pup than anything else. Quiet, reserved, painfully shy, and most of all, another victim of Avery and his crew. And though he didn't know exactly what an 'agnostic' was, he assumed it had something to do with a non-belief in God in the way the raccoon had made it sound. It occurred to him that the raccoon seemed a lot like David. It was almost like a Bizzaro version of themselves.
In his curiosity he asked very simply, "Why?"
Andrew looked uncomfortable over the question, like if Jonathan had asked him why he was so fat instead of why he didn't believe in God. He mulled it over before speaking.
"I just don't," He finally said. He then added, "I have a friend who... kind of explained how a lot of the universe works and..." He waved his paws emphatically. "Well...It just doesn't seem to make sense that some kind of spiritual being would be in charge of such a large thing, you know? The universe is so huge and massive. And we're like a small, microscopic part of it. I think there's more to everything than just what goes on here on this Earth."
Jonathan nodded, "Yeah, but you don't think God might have created life on other planets too and just didn't tell us?"
The raccoon boy giggled. Andrew smiled a little, "It's possible. I mean, maybe they have gods as well to explain how they came into existence. But I don't think there really is a 'God' or anything that created us or whatever. I believe in evolution and science and energy and matter. There are forces that created everything. Not God."
Jonathan had learned about evolution in school, approaching it with all the caution of a volatile explosive. According to his parents, church, etc, it was a theory...no, a tool, used by atheists to convert other people into atheists. He learned about it in science class, regardless of whether he wanted to or not, because it was going to be on the final exam. It was a little terrifying to him the more he thought about it, not because of being turned into one of those godless ACLU liberals, but because it made so much sense. The 'theory' as it was stated, made more sense than the storybook theory from the Bible. All the evidence was laid out on the table; fossils, sedimentary rock formations, carbon dating. It was all there and he wasn't able to look away. After school let out for the summer, he voluntarily let it all vanish from memory, which wasn't too hard since he already had enough trouble going on at home.
Jonathan looked down at the raccoon boy. Without needing to be asked, he responded, "Personally, I neither believe, nor disbelieve. I can't prove if God exists or not so...I don't really think about all that much."
Jonathan nodded. If his own belief was a vehicle, it would be steering towards that direction. He tried to keep it in park the best he could but felt like something had shifted it into neutral.
"Though it would be interesting to see which religion was right all along," The coon continued with an irreverent grin, "I'd place a wager on it but it'd be pretty hard to collect after you die."
Jonathan smiled a little about that, even though he now had a lot more troubling things to think about. He looked up and saw Vince and David making their way across the room. He glanced away, putting back on his angry mask.
Both the raccoon boy and Andrew looked up when Vince and David showed up. The coon got a pleasant grin on his face and greeted them while Andrew looked away a little embarrassedly.
David approached the side of his bed. "You okay?" He asked with concern.
Jonathan rolled over and muttered, "I'm fine."
David could tell that he wasn't fine but as he opened his mouth to press the issue, Leader Eddie appeared in the doorway of the cabin. His voice broke through the clamor of shouting cubs, quieting almost all of them in an instant as it thundered through the room.
"Jonathan! David!"
Every eye turned from the imposing ursine in the door to the two boys on the opposite side of the cabin. Jonathan and David looked back at him, startled and a little worried now.
"Uh oh..." David mumbled, his ears folding back.
Eddie narrowed his eyes and beckoned them over with his finger. "I need to have a word with you both."
Somewhere, someone said in a low tune, "Oooh, you're in trou-blllle..."