To You
#2 of Excerpts from a diary of a mad dog
To all of you that are not ME
From birth to this shallow moment of literary conception, I can say without doubt or hesitation that everyone I've ever known, be they friend, family or lover has without fail, betrayed me.
That being said, they did not do so alone...
For I sought them out, weak, wounded, downtrodden or confused and made it my mission to make them better, to make them strong and one by one, they each rewarded me in the same manner, in the manner I have come to almost believe is proper. ..
If they were weak I gave them strength and with that strength they pushed me away. If they were defenseless, I gave them claws and fangs, with which they in turn used to rip into me. If they were ignorant I gave them knowledge to which they were better able to denounce me. And for my part I accepted it, wished them well and repeated the process and I now understand that this was my betrayal of self.
For a time I looked upon my shattered heart and thought it a pitiful thing merely so much broken glass and so I began collecting the hearts of others in a clear jar that I might borrow pieces of them before they escaped and use them to mend what was lost from my own. A sick and painful process hidden beneath the tarp of physical pleasure, it took long labors, none of which I am permitted to regret. But now, the resins have set leaving the makeshift chimera that is my heart once again arguably whole and I must warn you off with these words:
Made of jagged glass and sharp corners, it will cut you. Made of broken promises and shattered dreams, it will tear into you. For every smile I give you, I promise you a river of tears. For every sunny memory together in bliss, I vow there will be sullen nights in the dark, brooding and angry. As many years as it took to destroy it and as many more as it took to rebuild it, so shall it be required to sand it down and stain it a new colour and as such...
You who would be so foolish as to draw close have a task unenviable, unforgiving and perhaps all too often thankless. But for those brave, thoughtless, careless, loving or just plain dumb enough to do so, good luck and thank you for any effort you make into creating a human being out of this creature that has modeled himself as a man and cast aside such civilized notions as caring for himself beyond that which is required to make the next step forward into the unknown.
You'll all take on differing titles, rewards and punishments for your efforts..
So be you pet, friend, lover or blood, I bid you my sympathy and gratitude for what you must suffer in coming near me. But with this warning duly posted upon my heart, I offer you no apology and make no promise of further thanks barring a spectacular success.
Should you fail in reaching me and succumb to the wounds I will invariably give you, then take this as my confession and apology.
Should you reach equilibrium with my malice and affection, then consider this my bond.
Should you achieve victory then consider this my wedding vow.
And for all the rest, let this be my epitaph and curse.