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Fuck...why does falling asleep have to be so hard? My eyes open groggily, so I can get a look at my clock. 4 A.M. For christs sake...I roll onto my back, lay back against the pillow, put my hands behind my head and sigh. It appeared that it was still freezing, even with my big, thicker build, grey coat, and thick plush blankets I was still shivering. It was a dull grey outside, light barely coming through the window. I turn to the side and curl up, pulling more of the covers over me as I snuggle into a warm cocoon. Another sigh.

For a few moments I lay buried in my sanctuary of covers, content and warm. But of course I start thinking about it again. Today was it Chris...just thinking about it made my stomach turn into a thousand knots. Did I really have to do it today? Maybe I could just ask him next weekend...NO I promised myself no more waiting. But still, the thought made me nauseous. I need to stop worrying, I don't even need to do it until tonight. So why can't I sleep at all? Ugh.

I lay buried for a few grueling minutes before I reemerge. That's when I flip over in the bed to look at him. God damn...he looks so peaceful, how does he do that? His back was facing me, his small form was covered by both blankets and fluffy pajamas. I could make out the rise and fall of his deep breathes. Just seeing him makes me smile and bite my bottom lip. He looks so soft and...gentle from this perspective.

I pull myself closer, hug my cougar to my bare chest, and bury my snout into the crook of his neck. I wrap my arms firmly around him as I snuggle closer. Mart begins to stir underneath all the blankets. He gives a deep silent yawn.

"Whatd'ya want, hmmmm?" He mutters sleepily. Mart awkwardly shifts so now we're front to front and burrows into my chest fur and continues to snooze. This made me grin wider.

"You feel like getting up?" I ask quietly as I gently kiss him on top of his head. His ears twitched.

He just quietly laughed. "Are you...*YAWN*...fucking insane? It's not even light out and it's a Saturday morning. I thought you liked sleeping until a god-forsaken hour every morning?" He didn't even open his eyes to say this.

I didn't reply, continuing to smile. I pulled us deeper underneath the blankets, shielding us from the cold as we snuggled. Then we sat there, warm and toasty. I listened to Mart's deep breathing as he fell back asleep. I saw his face, and it made me grin more. He was snug against me, a plush pillow, and thick covers. You could only see his eyes up since he was so burrowed. Even asleep...the strong curves of his face...his well groomed brown coat...his good looks...God he was just handsome. I love him. I love him so much.

Soon he was fast asleep in my embrace. I kissed him on the head tenderly again. We were so warm like this. Even though I was the top of the two of us, when I was with him like this it just made me feel safe. Like I don't have to worry, I can just feel the pleasure of the moment. Whether that was sex, or just sleeping entwined like this.

But falling asleep wasn't an option for me. Not with all the knots in my stomach. Dreading what was coming. I had to tell him...he deserved to know.

I slowly climb out of the bed, careful to place pillow underneath Mart. Then I tuck the covers in, making sure he was snug. He just kept on snoozing, already fast asleep. I stand by the side of the bed and watch him sleep peacefully for a few moments, before I turn to my dresser.

I slip a white undershirt over my bare top, and put a pair of grey sweat pants to cover my boxers. I make my way through the dark empty house to get to the kitchen and flick on the lights. Coffee machine was promptly turned on and buzzing making my morning savior, as I lean against the counter and think. Was I ready? Was Mart ready?

A *Ding!* prompted the morning ritual of coffee as I began to drink it. Good shit. As I make my way to the living room, I pass by a mirror. Thin white shirt stretches over my thick muscular build and gives me that sense of pride every time I've seen my hard work at the gym pay off. But that reminds me that I haven't gone in a few days. But then I see the reflection of the grey wolf with a pitiful expression. My nausea only got worse.

I plop my rump down on a coach in our silent living room. Sip my coffee. I stare into its black depths.

I love him...we live together. Why did this need to be so hard? I guess...I'm afraid of what Mart will say. Maybe...maybe...

I put my coffee on the table, not able to stomach anymore. My anxiety finally gets the better of me. I walk back into the kitchen and stand in front of the pantry. This was it. Today was the big day Chris. I opened the door and bent down so I could pull it out of its hiding place. There was a box of cereal with some cheesy logo all the way tucked in the back. Something I knew Mart wouldn't notice. I grab it and open it, turning it upside down so its only contents can fall out. There was a soft thud and I threw the cereal box back into the pantry so I could look at my prize.

This was it...this was it...wow. I was holding a small black box, and with a deep breathe I opened it.

I always gasp when I see it. The ring. It was the best I could possibly afford. I just wanted to give him everything...Today is when I'm going to ask him. The Big Question. Again, I panic at just the thought. I didn't know what the fuck else to buy for my gay lover for the question. So I had to settle for an engagement ring. I hoped he would like it.

The ring was pretty though. The diamond was a nice snug size, and the designs were also nice. But it....I don't know I just hoped it would be enough. A day of cuddling and watching Netflix, a nice walk, a romantic dinner....a night of ecstasy. I have it all planned out. Now all I need to do is just work up the guts to ask him. A 180 lb. bodybuilder wolf terrified of a little ring. Pitiful.

I just sat there, on the kitchen floor gazing at the ring for a few minutes, my thoughts in a turmoil. What if it scares him away...what if he says no...will we still be together...does he love me? Am I ready? Is he ready? Are we ready?

The urge to vomit soon overpowers my worry, and I have to put the engagement ring back into its hiding place. I stand back up and take a minute to look around the house. Our house. This is where we live...together. I love him...but...GAH!

I pull out a chair and sit at the kitchen table, a nervous wreck. I'm shaking...fuck....I don't wanna lose him....no, I can't lose him. He's all I have. My family, they don't accept me for what I am. But I don't care. Fuck them. I have Mart. My lover...the one that keeps me warm at night, my umbrella on a rainy day. I just shake in my chair even more, having a breakdown. A tear rolls down my cheek...FUCK, CHRIS, Pull yourself together! Stop it! Now! But I can't. My mind just keeps on racing and racing thinking up all of the worst possible outcomes. Maybe I just shouldn't bother at all.

A soft yawn comes from behind me "Chris...? What're you doing up?"

And like that the storm comes to halt. All the bad thoughts get blown away. It's always been hard for me to worry when he was around.

I get up from the table and turn to see my sleepy cougar behind me. His eyelids were drooped, one arm hugging himself, the other rubbing an eye. I smile. I forgot how cute he looks with those pajamas on. I walk up to him, wrap my arms around him and peck him on the check.

"What are you doing?" I mutter quietly.

"It's fucking 0 degrees outside. Someone's gotta keep me warm" He hugs himself tighter as he leans into me more, trying to get warm. I press my muzzle onto the top of his head.

After a few moments I mutter into his fur, "Do you know what today is?"

Mart gives a big yawn, his muzzle stretching wide open showing off his neat fangs and morning breathe "Saturday...?" He asks sleepily.

I smile more "What else, stupid?"

"Don't say it please..."

Another one of my stupid grins "Oh? Why not?"

"It's too early for me to try and be romantic and crap..."

I peel away from Mart and tilt his head up gently, so we're looking into eachothers eyes. His were a brilliant dark blue. One of the many things that made him so handsome-looking. He was smiling a little through his tired expression. I leaned in close and closed my eyes and let our muzzles interlock naturally as we kiss. We both lean into and rumble a little as we play a small game of tonsil hockey. After a bit we pull apart and I gaze into those eyes some more.

"Happy Anniversary" I say.

He just rolled his eyes and smiled "Does this mean we can go back to bed now? It's 4:30 in the fucking morning you lunatic."

I swiftly duck under him and quickly pick him up bridal style eliciting a laugh from him. On our journey back to bed he leaned his head against my shoulder and closes his eyes. Again, I get to see that beautiful face of his.

He was good-looking...hot as hell...amazing in bed....but he's also the best person I know. Mart always smiles so much and has the biggest heart. I...I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found him. He had given me a home...not a place to live....a place to feel safe and happy. I've known for a long time now that I wanted to be with him forever. I don't need to worry.

Soon enough I have both of us wrapped back up in the blankets and falling asleep. My exhaustion finally gets the better of me, and the combination of Mart's warmth, the blankets, and the pillows soon have me dozing off.

"I love you" he whispers, barely audible.

I smile again, "I love you too."