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It's funny how a stranger can inspire you to make a change for yourself... Talking to them made me realize I was dwelling too much in the past, looking for answers and never really managed to accept the things that ever happened. I was never able to change it, no matter how much I wanted to. I had to accept it one way or another but having answers for yourself makes it so much easier... The thing is, I never had any answers... So I suppose I never was able to move on... And I knew there were a lot of things I would never get an answer to but looking at my parents locket, I realized that I at least had to try... He might not know everything, but he knows a whole lot more than I do... I had no idea what to expect if I was going to talk to him... And I realized that some things might not be very pleasant to listen to if I was going to see him... But I thought he had to talk to someone who's been there as well... I just didn't know if this would help me to close down a particular chapter of my life... Talking to Samantha made me realize that I had to do this for myself, no matter how difficult it was going to be...

It took me several days to scrape enough courage together to actually see and talk to him. But on a Friday afternoon when I got home from college, I finally decided to go... I got my locket with me and drove to Gainsborough Boulevard, the place Blain and I visited a while ago and had dinner there... I wasn't entirely sure where it was but after strolling around on the boulevard for about half an hour, I found the diner and hesitated to go inside... Seeing the name of the diner above the door made me smile... I didn't noticed it before when Blain and I had dinner there... "Ozgan Tohghanya"... It literally means "Great food"... Hehehe... It wasn't false advertisement, I can tell you that... I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath... But when I was ready, I stepped inside the diner and a little bell went off the moment I got inside...

A young leopard guy was sharpening a knife behind the counter while another leopard guy was grilling all sorts of meat on a lava grill... Unlike Blain, these leopards weren't entirely black... These guys had a deep golden and tawny coloured fur with black and grey rosette patterns... It seems the further you come from, the more exotic and more complicated your patterns get... When I looked around, I noticed how crowded the place was... Almost every table and chair were taken... The place itself wasn't that large but it was big enough to fit about sixty hungry customers... I know why this place is so popular because I ate there myself... Another leopard rushed from the kitchen in the back to the counter up front to serve two plates for a guy and presumably his girlfriend who were sitting there... All of the employees seemed to be under a lot of stress considering how crowded the place was and they didn't noticed me at first... They all talked with a bit of an accent but nowhere near as heavy as Tarik's accent...

'Mesut! I want you to take this order to 24th Hillis Gate Road. Two lamb Dürum, two Lahmachun's, four fries, one pita Merguez and one pita Döner.'

'Hillis Gate Road?'

'Yes, across the post office, near King's Square. It's rush hour, take the scooter.'

'Right, I'm on it.'

'Go, go. I need you back in fifteen minutes to deliver another one.'

'Sure thing.'

The leopard behind the counter gave the other guy two plastic bags containing all those dishes and the other guy went off to deliver... I made my way to the counter and that leopard guy seemed to stay so calm despite all the pressure... Nevertheless, he walked up to me the moment he noticed I was patiently waiting and had a friendly smile on his face...

'Hi! Can I help you?'

'O-Oh, uhm... I-I'm not here to place an order... I-I, uh... I was actually looking for Tarik... Is he here?'

'Tarik? He's in the kitchen.'

'Can I see him, please...?'

'Yeah, of course. Tarik!'

'Yes?!'

'There's a tigress here to see you!'

I saw Tarik in the open kitchen behind the counter and the moment he noticed me, Tarik just looked surprised at me at first and stared at me for a moment... Tarik is quite tall and his rather muscular posture can be intimidating yet he seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't hurt a fly... Like all tigers, Tarik had a complicated stripe pattern yet it looked nothing like mine... His stripes were more refined and even than mine... Also, he had stripes covering his cheeks, all the way to his muzzle... Orange coloured eyes... His fur looked a little pale... Broad, short snout... And the tip of his tail was black... Nevertheless, despite his intimidating posture, Tarik was very friendly to me when I first met him... He quickly took his apron off, placed his knife on the kitchen counter and washed his hands before he walked up to me... I had a weak smile on my face while Tarik smiled right back at me... I got my locket out of my pocket and firmly held on to it, not entirely sure what I was supposed to do with it and if I had to ask him right away...

'Sumas badrim, Tarik...'

'Salam bashir...'

'Heh...'

'It's good to see you again.'

'Likewise...'

'You wanted to see me?'

'Yes, actually...'

'What can I do for you?'

'I-I, uhm... I was wondering if, uhm... If I could talk to you about something... Something "specific"..'

Tarik averted his eyes for a moment as he nodded slowly after I've said that... I think he already knew why I was there that day when I said that... It stayed silent for a long time again and when he finally did face me, he scraped his throat...

'I see...'

'A friend of mine who's a Sercian veteran told me he shared his stories online with other veterans... And he told me that I should do the same with someone who's been through it as well... T-To, uhm... Heh...'

'It's something time cannot heal...'

'No... N-No, it can't and... Uhm... All these years, it's been part of my life and, uhm...'

Tarik took a deep breath and sighed quietly while he averted his eyes from me again... He hesitated for a while and didn't seemed to be so keen to talk to me about it... Tarik looked down for a moment while he sighed quietly once more...

'I-It's okay if you don't want to, I understand b-but it's just, uhm...'

'I can't... I'm sorry...'

He wanted to walk away from me and all the hope I cherished was shattered to pieces, just like that... I got a little emotional myself when I realized he didn't want to talk to me about it... I can understand but... I felt I really had to in order to move on...

'Please...?'

Tarik stopped and turned around while looking at me again, staring right back in my eyes for a moment... He scraped his throat once more and looked down on my hand where I held my locket...

'What's that you're holding there, kitten...?'

I handed him my locket and he took a good look at it when he held it up high...

'Can I open it...?'

'S-Sure, yeah...'

Tarik carefully opened my locket and stared at the pictures of my parents for a moment... He gently closed the locket and placed it back in the palm of my hands and used his other hand to close my fist while he looked me in the eyes...

'You should hold on to this dearly...'

'Heh... I-I, uhm...'

'Come, let's go outside... Demir?'

'Yeah?'

'I'll be out for a while, okay?'

'No problem, we'll handle it.'

Tarik nodded to the leopard guy behind the counter... Tarik looked at me and before we went out, he opened the refrigerator and took two bottles of water as he handed one over to me... I thanked him and after that, we walked out of the diner... It stayed quiet for a long time as the two of walked next to each other, strolling on the boulevard... Every once in a while, we looked at each other but we weren't just talking yet... Nevertheless, I can honestly say that I was very nervous... But if there was someone who was able to give me some answers, it must've been Tarik... We kept walking until at some point, Tarik stopped and leaned on a wall as he overlooked the ocean, staring ahead in the distance... It stayed quiet for another while until he broke the silence...

'You know... I've met a lot of people here in this country... But I never imagined I would ever meet someone who's been there as well...'

'Neither did I...'

'And now that you're here, I don't know how I feel about it...'

'Heh...'

'The Lo'kohardisha community here in Renaria consists out of tigers who were either born here or did not experience the war...'

'But you and I have...'

'Yes... Yes, we did...'

'Heh...'

It stayed quiet for another while as he sighed quietly once more and sat down on a bench just up ahead... When I stood in front of him, he looked up and gently took my hand... And that's when I sat down next to him...

'What is your name, dear...?'

'Ceylan Saida Tahani Al-Naijir Ibn La'Akhlaq...'

"Daughter of Akhlaq..."

'Yes, I am...'

'Tarik Muhayr Khuzaymah Sa'ad Al Sahin...'

"Pillar of faith..."

'Indeed...'

Tarik stared ahead for a long time as I could see he was carried away in thoughts. I could see in his eyes that he's been through a lot... His eyes looked worn and scarred from all the things he's been through... He looked tired... Tired of all the struggles and hurt from all the losses of his loved ones... He had a lot of difficulty to talk about it... But he still did, nonetheless... It took a while before he broke the silence once more...

'You and I are not so different, Ceylan... I too look for answers and know that I will never get them... We want to know why it happened, a reason, something that might justify that it ever took place but truth is, there isn't any... It just did...'

'It'll never be justified, no matter the reason...'

'Exactly... So why are we still trying to pursue for an answer when we both already know its meaningless...? Would it give us peace when we know why it happened...?'

'... No.'

'And yet here we are, trying to find answers for ourselves once more...'

'Heh...'

'When the war broke out, Ceylan, we fought for what we believed in... Fought for what we thought was right... But when the genocide act came in effect, we stopped fighting for what we believed in... And we had to fight for our very existence instead.. Nothing will ever justify the genocide that took place... And a lot of people died defending for what they believed in...'

'Including our loved ones...'

'Yes... Including our loved ones...'

Tarik sighed quietly once more when he closed his eyes for a short moment... The moment he opened his eyes, he kept staring ahead in the distance... I looked down and closed my eyes for a moment... And that's when I quietly started to talk...

'I still think about them every day, you know...'

'About your family...?'

'Yes... My little brother Sanjay and my father went out one day to go to Jakurash... I'm not sure if I remember correctly but Sanjay was sick... My father went to a Red Cross distribution site along with my little brother and others who were going there for supplies and medical attention... It was the last time I ever saw them..'

'What of your mother...?'

'She stayed at home with me... But when the RLA troops made their advance to the south, we knew we couldn't stay.. The genocide act was already in effect by the time we fled... And that's when the MNAF escorted us, along with other refugees to Turaif...'

'I see...'

'Heh... I wish I was never brought there... Sometimes I wonder if my mother would still be alive if we stayed home...'

'Have you ever talked about it before...?'

'Yes... I only told a handful of people... But... Talking about it never helped for me...'

'Why is that?'

'Even though they tell you that they understand, I can see in their eyes that they don't... They're just saying that to make you feel better and to provide a shoulder to cry on... I know they mean well but it never really helped me, simply because they didn't see the things that I did... Theycan't relate because they weren't there when it happened... '

Tarik looked down for a moment and I could see him thinking... I looked at him for a moment and that's when I started to talk again...

'And, uhm... When you told me that you've experienced the war as well, I've been meaning to talk to you about it... Just so that I have someone to relate with... But it's not until now that I've found the courage to actually do so...'

Tarik nodded slowly and opened his bottle of water to take a sip from it... After which, he closed the bottle and stared ahead as it stayed silent for a while... When Tarik started to talk very quietly, I could hear the emotion in his voice...

'Then you have more courage than I have...'

'Heh...'

'It's the reason why most stories are left unspoken... Untold stories of those who died for what they believed in, but also untold stories of those who survived... Including ours... What would we expect from people if we do share our story...? What do we want them to say...?'

'I honestly have no idea...'

'Exactly... If everyone would stand still at everything that is happening in the world, no one would have a life of their own to live...'

'Heh...'

'But you're right... People can't relate to the things we've been through, simply because they weren't there and hasn't affected them... Either way, it doesn't take away the fear and anger that you feel... It doesn't make it any easier to live with... That is why I feel that looking for answers is a waste of time... By doing so, you're dwelling in the past and neglect the present... And yet I'm still striving for answers, even though its pursuit is meaningless...'

'Meaningless...?'

'Yes, I think the chase for an answer to a question no one is able to give you makes it meaningless...'

'Maybe... But isn't that what gave us the strength to move on...? To live with the idea that someone, somewhere can answer it for us...?'

'I gave up on that a long time ago, Ceylan...'

'And I understand... Because I share the same fear and anger that you have... But I believe that no question is meaningless... And maybe I really am cherishing false hope... But it's still hope, nonetheless... It's what kept me going for all these years...'

'I see...'

'It might not give me peace if I do so... It might not take away the fear and anger that I feel nor can it ever undo the things that happened or bring back my loved ones... But at least I'll know that I'm not alone... For fifteen years, I felt alone and always thought that I was... And I can imagine that you feel the same...'

Tarik nodded slowly once more and he had a weak smile on his face... He looked down for a moment... When he faced me again, he took my hand and gently squeezed in it...

'You shouldn't be thinking of these kind of things at such a young age, kitten... It clutters the mind...'

'Questioning things is all I ever did... And even though I try to stay strong and move on with my life, I realize that I never was able to...'

'No one expects you to stay strong... Especially not me...'

'Heh... There are just so many things unanswered and so many things that I don't know or things I can't remember... It influences my life more than I should and I-I just... uhm...'

I was this close to break down in tears... When Tarik saw that, he placed his hand on my shoulder as a reassuring gesture as I wiped the tears from my eyes... When I looked at Tarik, I could see he got a little emotional himself... Perhaps it reminded him of what he's been through... And that's when he said it... Very quietly, with a weak smile on his face...

'Gortoz 'a ran...'

I looked up and faced Tarik the moment he said that... It's a saying in my native language that I've always lived by... "I wait..." We wait for someone or something that give meaning to our lives as we make a difference in other people's lives... To help each other out, if you will... Sometimes, people are waiting for you to come along... And sometimes, you wait for others... But it wasn't until then that I realized that Tarik and I have waited for each other... Just for us to know that we were not alone... I looked at him and had a weak smile on my face after it stayed silent for a while...

'Na'am... Gortoz 'a ran...'

Tarik had a weak smile on his face the moment I looked him in the eyes... And I don't even know how to describe it but... Something just felt so familiar... Something that felt genuine and real to me even though I didn't even know him... And yet somehow, it felt like we were connected... Maybe not in blood... But in kinship and beliefs... That one moment that made him realize that he was not alone... And something told me that he too felt the need to share his story... And from that moment on, Tarik and I talked to each other in our native language... Urdu...

<'Can I ask you something, Tarik...?'>

<'Of course.'>

<'Do you often think about the things before the war...? How it once used to be...?'>

<'Yes... I do... And about how different everything is now...'>

<'I can imagine that it wasn't easy to start a new life here...'>

<'No, it sure wasn't... But I managed to settle in with the help of other people... I came in contact with the Lo'Kohardisha community here in Renaria who helped me settle in after my immigration... There, I met Khalid who offered me a job in his restaurant as a dishwasher in Linacyre after I told him I had my own restaurant in Quaryat Shurraf. The problem was that my education in Salahadihn was not recognized in Renaria. But he helped me get the right papers and I passed my exams, which entitled me to work as a chef. So I started by washing the dishes until I was able to work as a chef in his restaurant.'>

<'Really?'>

<'Yes, I worked for five years as a chef in his restaurant and Khalid helped me to set up my own establishment on Gainsborough Boulevard. I have the restaurant for six years now and business is going great...'>

<'So that restaurant really is yours, Tarik?'>

<'Sort of, Khalid is officially the co-owner but he lets me run the business the way I see it.'>

<'The name of your restaurant isn't false advertising...'>

<'Haha! Thank you! It started as an inside joke but I figured why not?>'

<'I just never came across a Daijirian styled diner before... I can't remember the last time I've had a Dürum.'>

<'Hm...'>

<'It just reminded me a lot of home, you know? Just like how my mother used to make them...'>

<'Yeah... It's all in the dough...'>

<'Heh... That's what she always said as well...'>

I took a sip from my bottle of water... Once I placed the cap back on it, I sighed quietly and stared down... And then Tarik started to talk...

<'Before the war broke out, I had a humble little restaurant in Quaryat Shurraf. It was located in the Shemeshmehden Bet-Sahil district, right across a small bakery. It was a small community and everyone knew each other there. I had a lot of regular customers.'

<'Oh...?'>

<'The restaurant belonged to my father and after he passed away, I took over the business with my wife. Serving local dishes and deserts like_Mutabbag Bel Laham, Shabakiya_ or_Othmaliye Bil-Kishta._ Every morning, my wife went to the market to do groceries after she brought my little daughter to school while I prepared the kitchen with my staff.'>

<'I see...'>

<'And every year, on the twelfth of October, there was a festival held on the local town square, right in front of my restaurant, in celebration of the Khameresh.>'

<'Can I ask what Khameresh is...?>'

<'Khameresh is the religious celebration which marks the end of the harvest. The festival lasts for three days and its purpose is to share time with your loved ones and enjoy great food.'>

<'Oh, I see...'>

<'There were carnival games, music and people dancing... The Khameresh was always such a wonderful time... It's where I met my wife all these years ago...>'

<'Hehehe...'>

<'My little daughter played the violin and performed on the town's square whenever a celebration took place... I often watched her and the crowd of people she attracted and I couldn't have been more proud of her...'>

<'I can imagine...'>

<'Hm... No one's life is perfect... Nevertheless I was happy with everything that was given to me... Things stayed relatively the same when the war broke out... But everything changed when the RLA occupied Quaryat Shurraf...'>

Tarik sighed quietly once more when he closed his eyes for a short moment... The moment he opened his eyes again, something told me that he wasn't very keen on sharing his story... But nevertheless, he still did... Very quietly...

<'Heh... We had to leave everything behind shortly after because of the increasing hostilities...'>

<'Where did you go...?'>

<'We moved to the other end of the city and stayed with relatives... The RLA raided homes shortly after the genocide act came in effect and placed people under arrest or were transported somewhere else... The city was heavily guarded... Those who tried to flee the city were shot on sight... Waiting it out was the only thing we could do...'>

Tarik took a swig from his bottle of water and looked down after he twisted the bottle cap back on... He sighed quietly stayed silent for a while again... Once he looked up, started to talk again...

<'My entire family and I were deported after the second raid in Quaryat Shurraf... RLA troops came in the middle of the night were we had to leave our homes and weren't allowed to bring anything with us... Those who resisted were clobbered half to death... All of us had to board the trucks that were waiting for us... My wife and I got separated from our relatives but at least we were together, with our daughter...'>

<'Where did they take you...?'>

<'To Baghran Hadad...'>

<'Was it one of those detention centres...?'>

<'No... Baghran Hadad was an industrial city where we were placed in ghetto's and had to work for fourteen hours a day in factories or construction while females had to work as tailors or on the fields... Once a workday was over, we were escorted back to the ghetto, which was heavily guarded...'>

<'I see...'>

<'One day, the forced labour took its toll on a young boy, who was beaten to death by an RLA soldier when he refused to continue his work until he had something to eat...'>

<'The Deberan Rebellion...'>

<'Yes, have you heard of it...?'>

<'I've heard about it...'>

<'Deberan was the name of the boy who started the rebellion against the RLA, inspiring hundreds of people to do the same... But the rebellion got struck down violently... And a lot of lives were lost that day... '>

<'Heh... So you were there when it happened...'>

<'Yes... To ensure that a rebellion would never take place again, they had to set an example... So they selected fifty cubs two days after... Lined up in five rows of ten, on the Djimanduar square in front of the Mayisaf Temple of Heavenly Peace...'>

<'Oh...'>

<'And we failed to save them...'>

I saw how his lips were trembling and that his eyes started to get soggy... Tarik was this close to break down in tears... I was so moved when I saw that, I can't tell you what it did to me... It stayed quiet for a long time as Tarik looked down as a tear rolled down his cheek... I placed my hand on his and the moment I did, Tarik looked at me with red, soggy eyes, looking absolutely shattered... And I already knew why...

<'Your daughter was among them...'>

Tarik scraped his throat once more as he sighed quietly as his lips were trembling... Talking became more and more difficult for him...

<'You remind me of her, you know... Of my daughter... She would be your age by now... Ever since you first came by, I was hoping I would see you again one day, just so that I could look in your eyes and be reminded of how it used to be... And what it could've been...'>

<'I'm so sorry to hear that...'>

<'Don't be...'>

<'Heh...'>

<'Sometimes, I can still hear them, you know...? Their desperate cry for help as they got taken away from us... To have seen the scared look in their eyes...'>

<'Heh...'>

<'Countless of others and myself tried to intervene, to prevent it from happening... We plead, we begged and when that didn't help, we fought and we ran towards our children... But to no avail... They just opened fire on anyone who tried to prevent it...'>

<'What about you...?'>

<'Heh...'>

Tarik lowered his collar and I could see two pink round scars... One near his shoulder blade and one located below, near his heart... The fur on his wounds never grew back...

<'I got shot before I could reach her... A doctor in the ghetto managed to save my life that day after I got rushed back... Out of the hundreds of people, only a handful survived, including me...'>

Tarik took another swig from his water bottle and sighed quietly as he looked down... It stayed silent for a long time as every once in a while, he wiped the tears from his eyes...

<'No one was allowed to bury the dead... It served as a warning for the new arrivals... Those who arrived months earlier made way for them... Those who were sick and old were left behind to die in Baghran Hadad... Everyone else had to board a train to Haydan... They saw us as a threat after the uprising, one that had to be eliminated quickly...'>

<'Oh...'>

<'After our arrival in Haydan, we were transported to Topzawa and got placed in detention centres... All males were separated from the females and we were interrogated when they accused us of being insurgents... Tortured... Beaten... I saw people who had to dig graves for others... People who had to dig their own graves... Fathers who had to dig graves for their sons...'>

<'Heh...'>

<'For seven months, we had to stay there... And one day... Our barrack was cleansed...'>

<'Cleansed...?'>

<'Yes... Every month, a barrack was "cleansed", meaning everyone who stayed there was to be trucked off and executed...'>

<'Oh...'>

<'We had to board the trucks and drove off to a remote swamp... Hundreds of corpses were rotting in that godforsaken place... The smell was unbearable...'>

<'Heh...'>

<'They lined us up as a firing squad was preparing itself... But as they lined us up, two males tried to run... The firing squad opened fire on them and in the confusion and chaos, me and everyone else grabbed the chance to run as well... Most didn't make it very far...'>

<'What about you...?'>

<'I let myself fall down a ditch but I didn't escape unharmed... A bullet grazed me in the waste and I had cuts all over my face from that nasty fall but I managed to stay hidden underneath a dead body... The entire firing squad caught up on us and executed those who were still alive... I stayed there until nightfall and found another male who survived it by hiding underneath a dead body as well... That's how I escaped with my life...'>

<'Wow...'>

<'We kept traveling together at night and stayed hidden during the day, having no idea where we were going... After eight days, we reached a remote farm where a family of Royandoshi's took care of us and kept us hidden... I stayed there for several weeks until one of their relatives smuggled us to Khereshdem Sa'el Sunadrim... From there on, it was a four day travel to an Osirian controlled Green Zone... A refugee camp... And I stayed there until the war was over...'>

<'Wow...'>

Tarik stared ahead and his hands were shaking a little the moment he untwisted the cap of his water bottle. He chucked it down real fast and sighed quietly once more...

<'What happened to your wife...?'>

<'When Osirian troops managed to liberate Topzawa, they discovered the mass graves... Her wedding ring and necklace was found in the confiscated item storage of the people who were executed... All kept in perfect order and labelled with the serial numbers and names of the prisoners... About eighty percent of all the bodies in the mass graves were identified... And my wife was among them...'>

<'Oh...'>

<'I can't think of the things they've done to her... And what they might've done to her...'>

<'Heh...'>

Tarik stayed quiet after that... And judging his reaction, I think it was best not to ask any further about the war... I think it was enough for one day...

It stayed silent for a while as I kept looking around... The two of us were both carried away in thoughts as all of his words took a while for me to sink in... But once it did, I could feel the tears rolling down my eyes... Not only because his story really moved me... But also because it reminded me of what happened there to my family... The things that happened to me... The moment Tarik saw that, he placed his hand on mine...

<'I, uhm.... I-I'm sory, I'm just, uh...'>

<'It's alright...'>

<'I know what it's like to lose so many of your loved ones...'>

<'I know you do...'>

<'I don't know about you but sometimes, I ask myself what I ever did to deserve the things that happened... But truth is, i-it's just the way things are, you know...? And you and I can't change that...'>

<'No, we can't...'>

<'But that's exactly what makes me feel so guilty...'>

<'You feel guilty that you can't change it...?'>

<'No... I feel guilty to have survived it while I shouldn't have...'>

At some point, I just couldn't hold myself anymore... I looked down and wiped the tears from my eyes... Tarik gently placed a hand on my shoulder and when I faced him, I looked him right in the eyes... And it's so strange because I didn't even know the guy... But that moment, when I looked him in the eyes, I could see something familiar... Something I haven't seen in quite a long time... Something genuine... Perhaps we really felt compassion and sympathy for each other... And it felt good to know that Tarik was able to understand...

<'I shouldn't be alive...'>

<'Yet here you are...'>

<'Yes... And it's strange because... What happened that night in Turaif was, uhm... Heh...'>

<'How old were you at the time...?'

<'Seven or eight years old I think...'>

<'I see...'>

<'There are so many things I can't remember but that night... I remember like it only happened minutes ago... I still have nightmares about it and, uhm... Heh... I-I, uh...'>

<'Of the things that happened in Turaif...'>

<'Yes... I've seen what happened there and uhm... Up to this day, I still do...'>

I wiped the tears from my eyes and started to feel nauseous again... I tried to swallow a chunk that got stuck in my throat as I felt my stomach twisting... Drinking some water didn't help a bit... It wasn't until Tarik placed his hand on mine when that nauseous feeling slowly went away... I looked him in the eyes and even though Tarik wasn't saying anything, I could tell a lot from the way he was looking at me...

<'That night, my mother woke me up and told me to hide... So I did, underneath my stretcher... When they came for her, my mother was pleading and begging to them but she got interrupted when they hit her to the ground... And I could see her face covered in blood while she was looking at me... One final look, as if she already knew what was going to happen...'>

<'I see...'>

<'My mother got dragged outside as she plead and begged and uhm... I started to cry after seeing that... Just one small whimper... All of a sudden, I saw someone down on his knees, staring right at me... A bright flashlight shined in my face... He dragged me by my hair from underneath the stretcher...'>

<'Go on...'>

<'I managed to claw his face out of fear when he got hold of me and I ran away as fast as I could, yelling for my mother but in the chaos, I wasn't able to find her... A soldier found me and carried me as he ran towards a building where more people were hiding inside... At least, I think he was a soldier, I'm not sure... He looked like one...'>

<'You were hiding there...?'>

<'Yes, I was hiding there with people I didn't know... I heard gunshots outside and people screaming and uhm... Heh... After what seemed like an eternity, RLA soldiers entered the building and rounded up everyone they could find... I crawled underneath a fallen desk to stay hidden...'>

<'Hm-mm...'>

<'One of them said it was a waste of ammo... So they got their machetes out instead... They cut through them like butter... I-I saw how a young girl was hit on the back of her head a-and as she fell down, t-they pulled her head b-back a-a-and... Uhm... T-They just... O-Oh god...'>

I had to stop for a moment... I closed my eyes for a while and tried to calm myself down by taking several deep breaths... I almost broke out in uncontrollable sobbing...

<'H-He just tossed her head on the ground like it was nothing...'>

Tarik nodded slowly and I could see that he was quite moved by things I told him... After it stayed quiet for another while, Tarik broke the silence...

<'How'd you manage to escape...?'>

<'I stayed hidden underneath that desk for a long time... When I thought it was safe to come out, I saw another RLA soldier who was searching the bodies... And I wasn't quiet enough when I stood up...'>

<'He saw you...?'>

<'Yes... And uhm... I couldn't move when I saw him coming towards me... He grabbed my arm and pulled me over which made me fall down... And when I tried to crawl away, he hit me on the back of my head with his rifle... I passed out after that... Heh... I still have a scar right here...'>

<'I see...'>

<'I think that passing out actually saved my life... Maybe he thought that blow to the head killed me so... Heh... But uhm... Many hours later, I woke up and uhm... There was nothing but total silence... No more screaming, no more gunfire... I had a lot of pain and a lot of difficulty to orientate but once I got out of the building, I saw the devastation... Burning tents, people who were set on fire and... So many dead people...'>

<'Hm...'>

<'And I just kept walking around in search of my mother and... Heh... I eventually found her not too far from where our tent was... I tried not looking at her wounds... As if that could bring her back again... By the time the sun came up, Osrian troops arrived but they were too late... Me and a handful of other survivors were brought in and uhm...'>

<'That's how you survived...'>

<'Yes... That's how I survived... But I shouldn't have... I'd trade places with my mother if I could...'>

<'Then perhaps I would sit here with your mother talking about you instead if you did...'>

<'Maybe...'>

<'Those pictures inside your locket, are those your parents...?'>

<'Yes... It's the only thing I have from my old life... It has a lot of sentimental value to me...'>

<'I understand...'>

<'Up to this day, I still don't know why they ever gave it to me... I need answers and I always thought that this locket contained them... But the longer I try to find answers, the more questions are raised... Sometimes I think that they already knew what was coming... And that this locket is the only way for me to see them...'>

It was difficult not to break down in tears... I didn't even know why I tried my best to hold it back... I had no reason to... Tarik nodded slowly and stared ahead in the distance... I looked at him for a moment but he just kept staring ahead... I opened my locket and caressed the pictures inside as the tears were rolling over my cheek... Tarik stared at the pictures inside for a while and then kept staring ahead...

<'It's called a_Taymullah._'>

<'I'm sorry...?'>

<'Your locket.'>

<'What'sa_Taymullah...?_'>

<'It is tradition with the Lo'kohardisha to give your children something personal, something that once belonged to you.'>

<'Really...?'>

<'Yes... Once the _Taymullah_has been passed on to you, you should hold on to it and never let it go.'>

<'What is its purpose...?'>

<'It is believed that your parents arestill part of your life after they have passed on from this world... And that the _Taymullah_is the only link between this world and the next in order for them to be with you. See how long the chain is...?'>

<'Yes...?'>

<'It reaches down to your chest when you wear it, where it stays close to your heart. The closest where your loved ones can be...'>

<'I see...'>

<'Before it is passed on to you,the_Taymullah_is ritually cleansed with incense and blessed with prayers...'>

<'Is it religious in nature...?'>

<'It is, yes... It's from the Kahnaru... Do you know it's meaning...?'>

<'No... But I know a story called Do Eoji et e Janandira... I think it's from the Kahnaru...'>

<'Yes, it's from the Kahnaru... About our everlasting fight against our inner demons.'>

<'Is a Taymullah always a locket...?'>

<'No, it can be anything that holds great sentimental value to someone. They're willing to give you something that they cherish the most... And even though its not easy for someone to part ways from something they hold so dearly, it shows how much they love and care for you when they entrust you to something that was once part of their life...'>

<'I see...'>

I nodded quietly as I wiped the tears from my eyes... And I had no idea what to think of it... I just couldn't grasp it just yet... All I did was staring down at it as my mind turned blank... And Tarik could see that I had a lot of difficulty with it...

<'It's not easy to leave your old life behind and move on, Ceylan... But when I first got here in Renaria, the people who looked after me made me realize that I had to in order to move on...'>

<'Heh...'>

<'And just like you, I never really was able to... I couldn't let the past rest... Knowing that I wasn't able to change it made me feel so powerless...'>

<'Exactly...'>

<'I lost my daughter, my wife... Friends and family... Everything I ever worked for... A lot of things were taken away from me during the war...'>

<'Yeah...'>

<'We know the value of friends and family... The value of life and what it means... I know you feel guilty and that you feel guilty to move on... I know I felt like that... But I realized that was not the problem... The problem was how I dealt with it... I realized I wasted my life by dwelling in the past and neglected the present... I was neglecting a second chance that was given me... It opened my eyes to see all the things I have now... And I was wasting it while I should've been grateful...'>

<'Heh...'>

<'Moving on with your life doesn't mean you should forget... Never forget where you came from and what you've been through... But most importantly, never forget your loved ones... People take a lot of things for granted and are lost once its not there anymore... We've been there... But now we're here, surrounded by other people who love and care for us... And they need us just as much as we need them, even though it might not always seem like that...'>

<'Hm...'>

<'There hasn't been a single day gone by where I haven't thought of my wife, my daughter, friends and family... I think about them every day... And I miss them, of course I do... But I'm grateful that they've shared their lives with me... Grateful that they're still part of my life, even though they're not with me... And with that in mind, I live my life as best I can... To love those around you and make a difference in someone's life... To give meaning to your existence and don't let others bring you down... But never forget where you came from and what inspired you to make that change for yourself... Because we know its value like no other...'>

<'I see...'>

<'Live a good life, Ceylan... You owe that to your loved ones...'>

<'Heh...'>

<'After all, what's the point of our existence if we don't...?'>

I don't know how long I sat there with Tarik... We sat there for hours, talking.... And by the time we left, the sun was already set... I had no idea how I felt after I talked to him for so long... The moment we said goodbye, Tarik placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled... I didn't really understand when he told me that we weren't all that different but after we talked, I finally realized what he meant with that... I smiled back at Tarik and thanked him that he took the time to talk to me...

When I got home at eleven PM, I went straight to my bedroom... I got undressed, took a quick shower and brushed my teeth... Once I got back in my room, I saw my locket on my night-stand and it had me thinking... The things that happened during the war had a huge impact on my life... But when I sat down on the edge of my bed and stared at the pictures of my parents inside, I finally realized what I've been afraid of for all these years... The reason why I kept dwelling in the past... All of a sudden, my eyes were opened... I always felt guilty... And I always thought I felt guilty because I survived it... But that wasn't the reason... It prevented me to live my life to its fullest with the people I love and to neglect the second chance that was given me... I was afraid to move on and to forget... For years I tried to forget the things that happened during the war... Truth is, I shouldn't forget... The tears were rolling down my cheeks the moment I realized that... To know that I had to say good-bye in order for me to move on... Deep down inside, I didn't want to... Because a part of me kept clinging to the past and wanted to continue my pursuit for answers... But Tarik was right... It's pursuit is meaningless, seeing as no one will ever be able to give the answers I want to hear... And even if there was, I realized that it would never give me peace... It wasn't until then when I understood why Tarik gave up his strive for answers... Simply because no one can ever answer it for him... It made me realize it was best for me to give up in order to move on... Because sometimes, giving up doesn't mean that you're weak... Sometimes, it means you're strong enough to let go... I never got the chance to say good-bye to them... But I realized that it was never too late for that... I gently caressed the pictures inside as I quietly whispered to them...

<'I-I don't want to let you go... But I have to, in order to live my life... I know I'll see you again one day, where we can all be together once more... To live our lives together as a family, the way it was meant to be... But until that day comes, I-I need to make the most of the life that was given me with the people who love and care for me the most... Just because you're not here with me doesn't mean you're forgotten... And that's what I've always been afraid of... To move and to forget... Dad, you once told me that we're too busy to live our lives that we forget what it really means to be alive... But it's not until now that I understand what you meant with that... So I know you'll understand why I have to do this... Why I need to say good-bye... You'll always be with me and I'll never forget what happened to us... But most importantly, I'll never forget about you... Thank you for everything you've ever given me and the life we shared together... I'll always love you... Always...'>

The tears were rolling down my cheeks as I gently kissed the pictures of my parents... I took one final look at them before I closed the locket and placed it the drawer of my night-stand, right next to my diary... I picked it up and as I read through the pages, countless of memories passed by from when I was little... Sanjay and I causing mischief... Sanjay who picked a rose from my mother's rose garden and how furious she became when she found out... Me lying with my father in his hammock watching the starry night sky together while it was way passed my bed time during the weekends... Me playing with my friends near the waterfalls, even though my mother always told me I wasn't allowed to... Heh... I've read these pages countless of times but instead of feeling sad, I started to feel content... I can't tell you how I felt that night... The longer I was reading my diary, the more peaceful I started to feel... To feel grateful that I ever shared my life with them... I remember bits and pieces from my youth but whenever I was reading my diary, all of these memories came to life... And I knew I had to cherish that, now more then ever...

I sat there for a long time reading every page and I stopped when I reached the pages that described the war from my point of view, when I was seven years old... All these years, I focused on those pages which described the war while it should've been all the other ones... I closed my diary and placed it in the drawer of my night-stand, right next to my locket... Once I got in bed, I turned the lights off and closed my eyes... And just before I dozed off, I could swear I felt someone caressing my hair and a gentle kiss on my cheek, followed by her voice, wishing me goodnight...