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I awoke the next morning and sat up, then flinched, startled at the surroundings, uncertain of where I was for a moment. I quickly looked at the bed where Artos had lay down the night before but he arisen before me. There was a twinge of nervousness at this; even that early on I was associating protection with Artos. I rumbled to myself. If he had gone and did not come back what would I do for food? What about the other humans? Surely they would be cruel as most humans had been.

Troubled I crawled to the edge of the bed and looked over. As I have said, at the time I was far smaller than I am now and the bed was quite a ways off the ground. To me, it seemed a long distance down. Glancing over, I noticed the steps that Artos used to climb into the bed more easily. I stood and carefully walked over and started down them, only to miss the second step and go tumbling. My wing joint hit the floor hard enough that I cried out in pain, as well as giving myself a knock on the head, blurring my vision.

The door burst open and I dizzily tired to stand and run but only fell. I squealed in fear as someone approached me, then hissed, which was nothing more than a bluff.

"Hey, easy now!" Artos said in a worried voice. "What happened?"

I stopped trying to back away, recognizing his voice and just whimpered in pain.

"Blast, you hurt yourself," Artos said, "How did you manage that?" My vision cleared and I looked up at him where he looked down at me worriedly. "Must have fallen off the bed. I have no idea what to do for you." He shook his head. "Perhaps I should get Phaegus. He would know something about you if anyone would, or perhaps Lady Dawn."

I had no idea what he was saying, but he was not yelling, nor did he try to grab me and hurt me further. I got to my feet, carefully, and staggered forward. Artos gave a startled cry and caught me, lowering me easily to the ground. "Hey, stay down now. Easy my friend, easy," he said soothingly.

I looked up at him, eyes wide, trembling. He had kept me from falling? He did not laugh at my pain or misfortune. He seemed worried for me. I closed my eyes, not dizzy from the knock on the head, but dizzy at the thought. He carefully ran his hand over my head and I found myself thrumming before I knew it and he laughed softly.

"Well, you sound better, but I think I should get Phaegus just in case. I will be right back."

He stood and went out the door and I found myself frightened once again. I looked at the closet door and went over to it, still a little dizzy, and pulled on the latch. It swung open and I went inside, pulling it shut, and took shelter behind one of the chests, trying to cope with these unfamiliar feelings.

Those who know me know that I am slow to trust, especially if I am unfamiliar with the person. I am somewhat comfortable around those I know in passing, the retainers, those who I see on a regular basis, but no one would say that I am quick to trust anyone I do not think. At first Artos would encourage me to talk to and get to know people until he found how much it frightened me to do so. I am not so much frightened now as wary.

Yes, I am trying to describe my feelings Artos. I know that you wish me to.

To those people, and even to myself, it may seem odd that I started trusting Artos so quickly. Perhaps it was that I had no other choice, really. Perhaps he was the first person who would not just let me alone but would actively seek me out and try to be in my company. He was certainly the first person to have been so close to me for so long. Phaegus though at the time, and we learned later, that there was a reason for this, an instinct if you will. If my story interests you enough to continue reading, you will find out more.

As I said, I was trying to cope with these new feelings. I had felt precious little comfort in my life to that point and very little other emotion other than fear. There were times I was not afraid, times when I had a full belly, and even times when I can remember running and chasing butterflies for the sheer joy of it, but those times were few and far between.

And now those feelings were starting again. And it scared me.

Even more strange was this feeling of trust that was starting to build, so odd that I did not even recognize the feeling at the time. Fear I was used to, but fear of humans coming near me, not of one leaving! This was not the way things were supposed to be!

Sorry, Artos.

Humans were fearful, hurtful, mean creatures that tried to starve or capture me. And yet this human had captured me and was not beating me, not jeering, and even feeding me.

I found myself scared that he had left. Frightened that he would not come back or that someone else would take his place. I began to fear that the humans would harm him if he left or went out too far. They would try to hurt me so surely they would hurt anyone who would be kind to me.

I wanted these thoughts to go away! Hard enough to deal with my own thoughts and concerns for my own person, base and simple as those thoughts were. It is hard to rise above base thoughts when your focus is on your belly. These new thoughts were so foreign, so strange, that I resolved to escape. Better to be hungry, to be embraced by thoughts and feelings that I knew well, than to live in fear of those that I did not know at all. I wanted to jump away from the rock that was Artos and find peace in the shifting mire of fear and hunger that was my life.

Easier to live in fear and hunger that I understood than to deal with a human that cared for me that I did not at all understand.

Artos...please, do not be upset by these words. I am here now.

I went to the door to open it, to find that I could not work the latch. Panic instantly set it and I started to cry out, clawing at the door, digging at it with my talons. I even started to slam my shoulder against it to force it to budge, as foolish as that was considering my size. I tired quickly and sank to the ground, fingers hurting, shoulder hurting, able to do nothing more than pant and whimper.

I heard the outside door open and got to my feet, backing away from the closet door. I could escape once he opened it. I could run for the window, perhaps break through it, perhaps get out the door before he could grab me. I tensed up.

I heard Artos calling for me, though he had not named me as yet. The door to the closet opened and I saw him standing there, looking in the closet worriedly. He set his eyes on me and smiled. "There you are! Feel safer in here do you?"

I ran to him.