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Chapter 1: On a Rail

Tiny particles of dust zipped back and forth like thousands of little insects through the thin beams of light that trickled in through the crack in the door, casting a frail halo of light into the otherwise tenebrous train car. It may have been a few hours, it may have been a few days, and it may have even been a few weeks, but he was not entirely sure as time seemed to blend into itself in the train car; all he did know was that he could never go back, not after all that had happened.

He had made his decision to leave and had almost remained regardless of such a decision, but in the end, after convincing himself that this was the only option, he found himself here, alone and heartbroken.

He did not know how long he cried before he had finally passed on into the haunted realm of his dreams, disturbed by the images of "them" after their wedding, making the love that should have been his to make and raising the children that should have been his to raise. One looked just like her mother, as he imagined, with her beautiful golden coat and amber eyes, but the other two resembled everything that was his to despise. He hated them as much as he hated their father, the one who took away his future and the one who was responsible for all of the pain he felt. He hated them all.

But how could he think such things? She was happy and if what she was doing was making her happy, that was all that mattered to him. He would just have to suffer alone, and so it was to be Humphrey the omega, wanting nothing more than happiness for those he held dear even if it meant that the rest of his life would be spent in misery.

Did he wish things would have turned out differently? Of course he did, but he would never regret his decision. He tried his best to make her care and he failed. He tried his best to change the inevitable and he failed, and he tried his best to deny to himself that he had failed, and he failed. Solitude was the only place where he could find refuge from his seemingly endless list of failures in life.

So now there he lay, in the corner of the train car in the nest he had made from hay, blinking tiredly as he watched the dust zip in and out of the light, his body rocking with the gentle rhythm of the car.

He did not know where he was going, but he knew that anywhere would be better than back there just so long as he could forget what he was running from once he got where he was going.

?&?

"Um... yeah... I'm getting married," she said to the two waterfowl that stood before her, "who told you?"

"I did," Humphrey replied, turning the corner.

The two birds shifted awkwardly as he approached and quickly dismissed themselves from the scene, leaving just the two of them.

Humphrey stepped closer and she lowered her eyes, either of shame for what she was doing or for what she had done, but he broke the silence with a sudden yelp.

"Excuse me," he pleaded, scratching behind his ear, "little flea," then from behind his ear he produced a beautiful pink flower, "it's just a little something for your big day," he said to her as he placed it behind her ear.

"Thank you," she thanked then watched as Humphrey's smile faded from his face.

"I just wanted to say goodbye," Humphrey stated dejectedly.

"Goodbye?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah I'm thinking about doing a little traveling," Humphrey replied, scratching his chest fur, "you know, seeing where the train takes me. And hey maybe I'll visit our friends the bears. I'll tell them you said hi."

The two shared a laugh as Humphrey rose to his feet, preparing to take his leave, but she followed him.

"Wait," she called, "you're leaving Jasper?"

"Yeah," he replied with false confidence, "you know, it's a 'lone wolf' thing."

"But I know Humphrey the fun loving omega," she argued with a smile that quickly melted into a heartbroken frown, "not Humphrey the lone wolf."

"So I'll be a fun loving lone wolf," Humphrey replied, biting back the tears, and turned away from her, but as he left, they broke free and began to run freely through the fur on his cheeks.

"I don't doubt that," she mused, watching him leave for the final time.

?&?

Humphrey's eyes blinked themselves open and he lifted his head to find that the light which had once shown through the door had been replaced by darkness. With a sigh, he lowered his head and rolled over over onto his back, staring intently at the ceiling above him. He wondered if anybody missed him yet or if they even realized that he was gone. Probably not. They were probably all still celebrating the unification, eating well, drinking well with drinks of sweet fermented berries; perhaps he would be missed tomorrow when Salty, Shakey, and Mooch came knocking at his den and he wasn't there. Salty, Shakey, and Mooch... his only true friends... He would miss them dearly, how would they take his sudden departure, and most importantly, would anybody try to come looking for him once they realized that he was never coming back? He truly hoped not, for he would hate to put them through all the trouble of trying to find him just to send them home empty-handed, and besides, the whole thing would just be too painful for everybody whether they gave a damn or not. This was just one of those things that was better off left alone. He held a paw over his face and studied its silhouette against the darkness of the car, pondering what he should do next. He knew that he could not stay on the train forever, but where would he even start in trying to establish a new life after leaving behind everything he had ever known? He lowered his paw and rolled over into his stomach then pressed himself up to his haunches.

Perhaps a little bit of fresh air would help to clear his mind, provide for him a better atmosphere in which to think.

He rose to his paws and ventured over to the door then pushed it open, being greeted immediately by the cool embrace of the night. He sat down and ran his eyes out over the vast plains before him, watching the dew on the grass as it sparkled in a brilliant array of light beneath the rays of the moon and emitted yet another sigh.

Would she care that he was gone, or was anything that appeared to him to be her caring nothing more than his imagination, a delusion created by his hope that she loved him the way that he loved her?

He brushed such thoughts away, for continuing to think about her would only make him feel worse than he already did, and swallowed at his bile, then returned his attention to the land before him.

He blinked away the veil of tears that blurred his eyes and studied the land intently.

Perhaps he could start here?

No, it was far too open. There were not enough trees and there was no place that he could see that would be suitable for a den. Besides, he still felt as though he was too near to Jasper. He sighed and laid himself down, hanging his forepaws over the edge of the car.

"I guess I'll just have to keep going," he thought to himself and let his ears fold flat to the top of his skull.

?&?

"Smile, Kate," Eve slurred to her daughter, roughly nudging her shoulder with her paw, "this is a happy day for all of us."

"I know," Kate replied, distancing herself slightly, "but I just..."

"Just what, sweetie," Eve asked with a cock of her head and sat down for she nearly fell over.

"I just don't really feel up for this right now," Kate replied with a sigh and lowered her head.

"Oh I see," Eve replied, blinking heavily, "bu-bit of a long day, huh?"

Kate nodded, only telling half of a lie, for she was tired, but mainly she was distraught and wanted to distance herself from this atmosphere for a while so that she could think. She knew this was wrong, but marrying Garth was her responsibility, it was her duty to the packs to sell herself to somebody for whom she had no feelings to ensure the well-being of those around her. In doing wrong she was doing right, which was somehow supposed to make this alright, but a wrong and a right come nowhere close to making a right when the thing she did wrong was hurt somebody she truly cared about in order to do right for everybody else. Sacrifices, sacrifices... always do for the other even if your own happiness, or the happiness of those you care about, was compromised, and so is how it was to be Kate, the alpha daughter of the Western Alpha Pair.

"Alright Hun," Eve said to her, leaning over and hugging her quickly, nearly knocking both of them over, "you g-ho and get some rest."

Kate pulled away and nodded.

"Looks like you could use a little yourself," she said bitterly, but Eve was far too inebriated to detect it.

"Oh no," she replied with a large amount of undue emphasis, "I'm perfectl- perfectly fine for uh... for now."

"Alright," Kate said dismissively, "well I love you."

"Love you too sweetie," Eve replied.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

With that said, Kate turned away from the party and began to make her way back to her den, but just as soon as she was out of sight, she sighed and shook her head.

"I'm sorry Humphrey," she mumbled, turning her head to the moon above.

For a matter of about five minutes, she stood inert, gazing up at the white face of the moon, then turned away, blinked the veil of tears from her eyes, and walked slowly home.