FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I always used to think that falling in love would come with a sweet fluttery feeling. You know; butterflies in your stomach, a light pink hue with little hearts, and a soft melodious voice singing a heavenly tune. That whole deal.

The first time I saw her, my heart sunk into the depths of my chest and left nothing but an aching, stabbing pain.

I'm sorry...

I knew I could never have her. I guess that's why it hurt so much.

But hell if that stopped me from trying.

We first met at a small, secluded lake out of the way-- somewhere in the middle of this old forest we call a home. It was a place of beauty with an open canopy revealing the sparkling blue crystalline waters to the wide sky above. Vibrant grasses and wildflowers dotted the lake shore, and a soft breeze could be felt from between the trees: a gale that tossed the branches from side to side and gave a rustle that soothed the wandering mind.

When I wasn't home, I was here.

I liked it. It was nice and beautiful here. Before her, I believed myself to be the only one aware of the grove's existence. It was always just me, and the wind, and the sun bearing down on the world from above. Peace. Quiet. Tranquility.

And then... her. A sudden flash of movement that caught my eye while I stared down into the reflective blue of the waters. I looked up to see her pace towards the water across the lake from me on the other shore. She caught my eye and offered a little smile, cute, before bending down to take a drink.

It was rude of me to stare, I know. It was an invasion of privacy... but I couldn't help myself. I'd never seen a female as beautiful as she. My eyes followed the movement of her small pink tongue as she lapped at the water, sending ripples along the surface of the lake as well as shivers down my spine.

I was... intoxicated... enraptured by her beauty. It was foolish of me. I know it was. I had only just seen her for the first time. We hadn't talked or even exchanged greetings, and I was already falling for the girl.

When she finished drinking she looked up over at me, smiled again, and then walked off back to where she came from. I almost forgot to breathe the moment she had gone.

Don't go... Don't leave me... not now...

Yes, I was a fool... but I was not wrong for feeling the way I did. And, if the pains in my chest were any indication, I knew it could never be.

There were no defining qualities about myself. Nothing about me screamed 'unique' or 'handsome and attractive'. It was just me. And I'm sorry to say that there wasn't much to just myself.

I was in love, blindly, and damn did it hurt. I'll tell you, there's nothing like wanting something you can't possibly hope to have.

But I wouldn't just give up because I felt it wouldn't work out. What kind of person would I be if I let someone like her waltz out of my life?

So, more often than not, I found myself going back to the grove if only to see her again.

Sometimes she wasn't there, and I would go about my business as usual: sitting down and enjoying the quiet atmosphere, relaxing as per the norm.

Sometimes she would already be there by the lake as I'd arrive, and I would go through great troubles to keep my eyes from straying towards her and resting on her gorgeous self.

Other times she would appear when I was already there, stealing my breath away when I caught sight of her. It brought that ever familiar ache to swell in my chest and forced me back into that habit of trying not to look and respect her personal space.

It was torture. It was pain, but it was also relief. It was an admiration, and it was a yearning: almost a need.

It became an on and off cycle: A torrent of emotions that ravaged me every time I saw her and threatened to break me with desire and desperation and longing. These emotions tore at me day after day for what felt like ages until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to do something about it.

Finding the courage, I managed to walk over and introduce myself to her. The day was bright and warm, so what better time was there for a greeting?

Please...

She introduced herself back with a little smile and flick of her tail that made me want to melt on the spot.

I asked if she wouldn't mind me taking a seat by her.

She said she wouldn't mind at all, and would actually enjoy the company.

And so I sat.

And so we talked.

There was not a word she spoke, not a single syllable that left her lips which I did not hang onto. Her voice was a beautiful song, captivating me, and with each passing second of idle conversation I found my heart twisting painfully in my chest, found it warming my body with each frantic beat, found it dancing along to the tune of her voice as I was held prisoner by my affections.

She was a sweet girl. Enjoyable to be around, cute and funny. And she does this adorable thing where she tilts her head slightly whenever she asks a question. It cut my breath short and stopped my heart for a few precious moments each and every time.

A lot of questions were asked.

She lived alone, much like myself. And she liked to visit this hidden part of the woods when she just wanted to get out and enjoy the atmosphere with a little bit of peace and quiet, much like myself.

Though, I admitted to her, it was nice to exchange quiet for talk.

She agreed wholeheartedly, her smile robbing me of my ability to think coherently.

And so, that became our routine. We would talk about little things, often until the sky grew dark and the stars were our only other companions: until the monlight shone down from above and graced us with its comforting glow.

Those were good times. Those were the sweet, innocent times.

Please... forgive me...

I finally worked up the nerve one night to ask if I could walk her home. She said it would be sweet of me, and the entire way we talked. We talked bout life and our families, and what few friends we had. It was idle chat at best, but I still cherished every word.

We happened upon her place of living. It was a large cavern, big in comparison to my own small cave. It seemed lonely in there. She thanked me for accompanying her, and then proceeded inside, saying we'd meet again tomorrow. She was a princess walking into her huge, barren castle, void of any life.

That night, I returned home with muddled thoughts. She was beautiful. She was perfect, a shining jewel, everything any guy could ever want, and yet she didn't have a mate and lived alone in such an empty, lonely place.

Perhaps I could win her heart, then. Maybe I could fill that hole in her life and be everything she would ever ask of me... and more. I could be the knight in shining armor who'd show up and sweep her away. Happily ever after. Smiles all around.

Maybe. Just... maybe.

I was stupid, okay!?

The first time I confessed to her, we were by our lake. The sun was out and her beauty shone in its gentle light. Of course, I admired her beauty more than I'd care to admit. There was something so captivating about the smooth features she carried, and the soft brown of her fur seemed almost golden in the sunlight. It was as if she were an angel, and I a mere mortal graced by her presence.

She caught me staring and pressed to know what was on my mind. I was acting distant, she said. I wasn't talking as much as I used to. She says she's a little worried about me. That I was acting odd.

So... I gave in and I told her. I told her how I loved her. I told her about how I first saw her, and how I couldn't breathe when we talked like this. I told her about how it felt to live like this. About how it was painful but promising, torturous but rewarding, how it hurts and how it's worth every second just to be able to see her every day and hear her voice.

I told her everything, the entirety of my heart laid out before the girl of my affections. I felt so vulnerable, yet strong and resilient now that I'd gotten it off my chest. There was nothing to hide now. She knew, and however she decided to respond, I'd take it.

In response, she just gave me a sad smile. She said it was sweet of me, really, but she couldn't possibly return my feelings. It's not that she didn't like me. She just wasn't ready for a relationship.

I smiled back. Deep down on the inside I wanted nothing more than to lie in the dark and wither away. But I smiled back, telling her that I understood. Looking down at my paws shyly, I also told her that one day I'd win her heart... or I would die trying.

She just laughed. It was a beautiful, melodic sound... but it broke my heart... smashed it to shards and ground it to dust.

You were so understanding...

We still saw each other now and then. We still talked. Nothing had changed, except now she knew how I felt. And she was kind enough to ignore how I found myself staring sometimes. Kind enough not to comment on the blush burning on my cheeks when she caught me admiring her. Merciful enough to stay by my side and talk instead of walking off in disgust or indifference.

She was more than I deserved, and more than I could ever hope to have.

I should have given up.

I should have given you a chance...

But I didn't.

But I didn't...

And I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. I don't regret a single second.

I'm so sorry...

The years got on and seasons passed. I can faintly recall, even now as I lay here, us two walking across the frozen lake and talking idly amongst ourselves, just close enough to warm each other without touching pelts; our fur combating Winter's chilling atmosphere. Now and then a warmth would spread through my chest when she laughed, causing me to smile.

For her, I could act is if things were normal. Even though I loved her. Even though I yearned for her affection, I could pretend we were just friends and nothing more. However much it hurt, I'd do anything for her.

For her, I could wait until eternity if it meant she'd love me back.

So I waited. I sat by, pushed my desires away whenever I was near her, and I waited.

Every second was as agonizing as the last while I gave her time to get ready and more used to the idea of having a mate.

The thought should have fazed even me. I was still young in my years; we both were, all things considered, but I was more than ready to give my life to this girl. Call it whatever you want: foolishness, recklessness, idiocy. It was love to me.

Yet, I had never wanted something so badly in my entire life. So when Winter had faded away and the first flower had bloomed; there was a fresh rose held gingerly in my jaws as I went out in search of her. I was careful to avoid the thorns on the stem, all too aware of how sharp they were. Why must such a beautiful thing be so dangerous?

She wasn't at our lake hidden in the grove, so I decided to make this a special visit and walk to her home with all the intent of trying once again at her heart.

I couldn't have possibly anticipated the rain.

It came down from the sky: a heavy torrent of water. It drenched me to the bone, and all around the world was dark and dreary; the clouds having blotted out the sun as they came to deliver their sorrow.

I held onto the rose with my teeth firmly, careful not to drop it. I was a messenger of hope. A messenger of love, a bright beacon shining through the darkness of rain, undaunted by the sorrows in life and willing to stick through until the end for better or for worse. The thought brought a smile to my face.

She was going to love this.

I don't understand why you did those things. I don't understand why you did this. But...

I arrived at the open mouth of her den and stared into the oppressing darkness as the rain droned on, the heavy noises of water clashing against earth drowning out almost every other sound.

I heard her call my name from the bleak shadows of her den and she padded towards me, careful to stay inside and avoid the rain.

She called my name again, and a curious tinge entered her voice. Stopping suddenly, her eyes trailed down to look at the rose I held in my maw. She seemed a little lost after that, as if she didn't know what to do with the sight of me there presenting the flower to her. It was kind of adorable.

I smiled past the flower, tail wagging happily at the prospect of even the slimmest chance at her heart. I tried my best to ignore the rain as it came down about me, but there was so much of the unrelenting downpour that I had to shake my head to clear the water out of my eyes. The sight of the rose must have been quite a contrast to the sorry sight of myself drenched in water with rain still pouring around me.

In return, she gives me a smile as well. But it held none of the enthusiasm mine did. Her smile was little, sad, and held no warmth or welcome understanding that I was hoping for. She apologized to me in a quiet voice and then turned away, walking back into the darkness of her home.

Realization hit me almost immediately, and I bit down on the stem of the rose to keep from crying. The thorns cut into the flesh of my mouth, and I tasted blood. It flowed along the flower, staining the petals and the leaves and the stem a dark shade of crimson. But that didn't matter. Right then, nothing mattered but the sound of the rain and the ache in my heart as it danced to its sorrowful tune.

I left the rose leaning against a nearby tree where she would find it tomorrow morning. Hopefully the blood would have been washed away. As I walked home I finally allowed myself to break down and cry, my tears mixing with the rain as they streamed down my cheeks.

I'll admit. You were so sweet...

Days later, she wanted to apologize for having left me out in the rain. She would accompany me wherever I wanted. Anywhere at all.

There was still a lingering depression in my heart from those transpired events. I would look at her, and my chest would ache. It'd get hard to breathe and a lump would rise in my throat and tears began to well in my eyes before I could blink them away.

She did her best not to notice, always smiling, her eyes revealing that even she wasn't happy that I felt like this. I reached out for the hope that maybe it even hurt her when I was feeling under the weather, but put the thought out of my mind as soon as it came in. I didn't want her to be sad. And especially, I didn't want her to be sad because of me.

So I smiled back because no matter how much it hurt, even I couldn't turn down her offer. It would be like a date of sorts. Except of course that it wasn't going to be a date at all. As far as the world should have been concerned, I was just taking her somewhere else we could talk. Somewhere else I could tell her about unimportant things and smile and pretend that I wasn't slowly dying on the inside knowing I could never have her.

I'd take my small victories where I could get them.

I was just scared...

I knew the perfect place. It was nearing dusk, and the sun was slowly making its descent in the evening sky.

We walked until the trees parted to reveal a sea of grass and flowers. Bright colors dotted the horizon in splashes of purple, yellow, oranges, reds, and whites. Flowers were sprinkled along the vibrant green grasses and the rolling hills: all cast in a soft, fiery glow as the setting sun touching the distant land bid its farewell to the earth for today.

It was a breathtaking sight, and she stopped in her tracks for a moment as it greeted her; our conversation giving way to silence.

I smiled at her, and she smiled back. Only this time, it was genuine and carried none of the usual sadness and regret that I was so accustomed to from her. That at least was a nice change of pace.

We talked about various things as usual, admiring the view of the setting sun. We talked until the moon rose into the sky with it's graceful silver shine and continued to talk: on until the light of dawn began to brighten the clouds with its tinge of soft pink.

I was tired. We both were. Staying up all night isn't an easy feat, but it's definitely bearable if you have someone to pass the time with. Yet, there was still enough energy left in us to speak, and to laugh, and to smile, and to comment on how beautiful the sunrise looked.

In my exhausted state of mind, I found myself admiring her. The warm colors of the sunrise washed the area in a sea of beauty, and she was the centerpiece to it all.

The soft brown of her fur looked angelic, and the shine in her eyes was enough to stop my breath for a few blissful seconds. Her smile only served to send another sharp pain through my chest and remind me of exactly why I love her. She's a beautiful, sweet, kind little creature who graces me with the honor of being able to sit by her like this. To be able to talk to her is a gift, and the sound of her laugh is a sacred treasure.

She's my goddess, and I want to worship her and tend to her needs and see to it that she's always happy because she deserves no less. I want to be there when she wakes up. I want her to lean on me for support, and I want to be the shoulder she cries on in the rare case that she's ever sad.

I wanted a lot of things.

I wanted to comment on how beautiful she looked, if only to watch her cheeks go red and see her look away shyly in response.

So I did, because who was stopping me other than myself?

As predicted, she turned away from me to hide the blush rising to her cheeks, and that only urged me to continue: hoping for her to understand what it felt like for me.

I told her. I couldn't hold it back because she looked so divine in the wash of morning light that it tugged at my very heartstrings and pulled every single word out of me.

I told her that I loved her. That I needed her to just answer me instead of turning away every time I try to get close. I told her that she didn't know what it was like to love someone so badly, knowing that you could never have them.

She looked up at me then, lost, apologizing to me with her eyes so full of tears.

That's it then, I asked her.

Is that it?

I can't have you.

I don't have a chance.

I should just give up.

She calls my name softly, asking me not to go there and telling me that it wasn't like that. It breaks my heart to see her look so sad.

I slowly lean closer, my eyes locked onto hers. I can practically hear the painful ache beating in her heart that resounds in my own. I can feel the pain that we share, and I want nothing more than to replace it with warmth and happiness.

I didn't mean to...

Slowly inching closer, the tips of our noses touch. Her eyes are so deep and beautiful it hurts.

I never wanted...

I can feel her breath on my lips. My heart's racing, mind struggling to catch up with the reality of the situation. And...

And she brings her paw up with a cry, swiping me across the face and leaving three bloody marks across my cheek.

There isn't time to get over any initial shock, or react properly to what had happened. I grit my teeth and look back at her, pain in my eyes as they water both from the tears rising to the surface and the stinging pain clawing at my cheek.

She's about to cry, too. I see it there in the soft brown windows of those eyes. She's hurt, afraid, frustrated and apologetic all in one. Her eyes glisten with tears, and she looks like she's torn apart between apologizing, hitting me again, or breaking down in tears.

I want to tell her it's alright. I want to tell her that I deserved that cut on the cheek and so much more. I was being selfish and didn't care to think of how she felt. I shouldn't have tried to force it. I wasn't worthy of the kiss I had so lusted for, and I absolutely dearly wanted to apologize for stepping out of line, for daring to act so forward and disrespectful.

But I couldn't. I could only stare at her beautiful face and let the tears slide down my cheeks, speechless, questioning the gods what I had done to deserve this. Why did I have to be tortured like this? Was I just a plaything for their entertainment? Did some greater power enjoy watching my heart shatter and break at the hands of such a precious, delicate little creature?

She turns away and runs off without a word, leaving me standing alone in a field of flowers amid the warm glow of the sunrise. The beauty of the morning doesn't help lift my spirits.

My tears slip into the gashes on my cheek: the stinging pain and irony of salt in the wound only making me cry harder.

I never wanted to hurt you...

I spent so long holed up in my home after that. I didn't want to see the light of day again and found solace only in those quiet times to myself with nobody to bother me. I needed to sit and wallow in my despair. I needed to let it consume me and numb the pain that was constantly chipping away at my heart.

I would let the claw marks on my cheek be the catalyst for the end of my world. I would let them remind me of my foolishness and forever mark the day my spirit was crushed.

The next time I saw her, I refused to speak.

The lakeside of our clearing was glistening in the soft rays of sunlight. I stared at my reflection, eyeing the scars on my cheeks that had closed up and healed only days prior. I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't have the resolve to keep from breaking down into a miserable pile of tears.

There's a tension in the air keeping us silent. She's only a few steps away, but she might as well be on the other side of the world. I can feel her eyes on me, burning a hole into the faint scars adorning my cheek. Wounds she herself inflicted almost an age ago.

She had grown since that morning. How long had I shut myself away for? For how many days did I lay in the darkness of my home, allowing the depression and sorrow do as it pleased? It seemed I only became more ragged and torn while she grew more pristine and beautiful.

In the time I lay in the suffocating dark, she walked along golden rays of sunshine. While I resigned myself to the dirt and slept in grime, she closed her eyes and rested her head in the clouds far up above and out of my reach.

I wished so badly that I could join her, but time and time again my wings were clipped, and I was cast aside; denied the opportunity to be with her in such a beautiful place.

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks if I'm okay. The clear concern in her voice only twists the needle in my heart.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to ever think about it. Isn't it enough that she's hurt me? Why is she asking me if I'm okay? Why does she care so much about me? I'm nothing to her. Nothing but a sad excuse of a male. I'm pathetic, stupid, and worthless.

So... why?

Why is she still here?

Are... are you listening?

She pesters me, pushes the topic, saying that she's worried about me and that it would be nice if I answered her. She tells me that it's been so long and that she was concerned when I just up and disappeared and am I okay? Am I_really_ okay?

I snap. I turn and I shout, and with all the frustration in my heart and tears brimming in my eyes I ask her why. I ask her why she cares so much. I ask her, my heart seething with pain, why she doesn't just leave and find someone better for her.

I ask her why she doesn't find someone better than me instead of coming back here day after day, torturing me by being so perfect and so damn beautiful! And for a few moments... I hate her.

I look at her right now, seeing the tears brimming in her eyes as the tears are already flowing down my cheeks, and I absolutely despise her. She's done nothing but hurt me. She's taken my heart, shoved needle after needle into it, shredded it, and cast it aside. Maybe not on purpose, no, but all I ever asked for was a chance. Just... a chance!

And she... she has the nerve to question if I'm okay! She has the nerve to sound so caring now of all times, when I've been so battered and bruised by her actions that I can only look upon her beauty now and despise her for breaking me.

But I don't want to hate her.

No matter how hard I would wish, whatever anger and frustration that I felt just melts away when I see her tear up and cry.

She's sobbing, paws covering her eyes while her body shakes. She's so delicate and frail, and I want more than anything in the world to be able to comfort her. But I can't. There's nothing I could say to lift her spirits, and time has proven again and again that I'm not worthy of resting a paw on her shoulder or letting her lean on me as I hold her close to whisper the worries away.

I can only watch, suffering with her and drowning in the empty ache pounding away at my chest.

Can you hear me...?

It's almost forever before she quiets down, wiping away the tears at her eyes and giving a little sniffle, quiet gasps sounding here and again in as the hiccups start to fade away.

She looks into my eyes with that soft brown gaze of hers, lips parted a ways as if she were readying herself to say something.

Leo...

Behind her, a Nidorino steps out of the greenery lining the edge of the lake.

Please, I...

The creature gives a light growl, the horn at its head glowing a sick purple color. My body moved without thinking, and I quickly jumped to shield her back as thin glowing needles shot from the poison type's direction.

Five needles hit my side, one in the neck, and the other few dotted around my shoulders. I could feel them pushing something awful and foul into my blood, something thick and rancid that burned inside me.

There's poison in my veins.

I'm not able to react fast enough and find a few more poisoned needles shot into my stomach and legs. She screams while I act as a shield for her, protecting her from the onslaught of a painful and slow death.

That sound in itself is all I ever needed to be spurred into action. A certain rage fills me while I rushed at the pokemon who dared to wish harm on her. I let her scream fuel me, and I allowed the poison in my blood to be the adrenaline that pushed me to fight.

Everything was hazy. My vision was filled with claws and fangs and blood. My body was weakening with every second, and the activity only helped rush the deadly toxins through my body. I had known then, as the Nidorino scratched and clawed and bit at me, that even if I were to win this fight... I definitely wouldn't survive it.

There was too much. Every other moment, it seemed, the pokemon would fire more poison needles at me which burrowed into my chest and stuck themselves into my body; falling away in the midst of battle after their job was done and they had delivered their cold, deadly nectar.

Perhaps I would die. But, if I had to go in any way, I would prefer this. I would want to die protecting her. The thought of this creature wanting to hurt her was what kept me fighting. It was what kept me from falling and letting the exhaustion and fatigue take over while the poison worked its way through and settled in my blood.

I would fight! I would suffer through this agony and die if only so she could see the light of tomorrow's sunrise. What am I anyway?

Am I a pawn to be sacraficed in battle so that my queen may live on? Or maybe I'm just a prisoner of my heart, living in torment and dying happily just to be rid of it? Better yet, just a silly boy who wanted maybe too much... who tried too hard to win her love? A boy who was pathetic... miserable... maybe even worthless?

To her... who am I, anyway?

I don't remember much of the fight. Funny how I can recall so clearly the moments spent with her years past, yet an event that happened just moments ago is nothing but a blur in my memory.

The Nidorino is gone. It ran away after I hurt it enough. Maybe it thought that it could find easier, weaker prey elsewhere. I collapsed after it left. My body just... seized up.

It was hard... I always wanted to tell you that...

I'm on my back now... staring up at the bright blue of the sky. And... she's here. She's been here, talking to me. Shouting at me... screaming words. I don't know how long, but this whole time I've just been fading in and out of consciousness. She's been here with me... trying to get through. I could hear her voice even in the darkest of moments. What a beautiful sound.

I always... wanted to tell you that...

My vision sharpens enough to see her there above me, with the sun behind her... that brilliant white that dazes me. It's only for a few moments though, before my sight swims again in murky waters as everything gets blurry.

I love you, okay! Is that what you wanted to hear?

She shouts at me, but not out of frustration. Even through the veil covering my sight, I can see how badly she wants to break down. When she looks at me, her eyes water and shimmer and she struggles to hold back a weak cry. Her claws dig into my chest, possibly out of frustration at the futility of the confession.

I love you.

Her voice is a whisper. The poison reached my lungs a long time ago, but that isn't why I find it so hard to breathe right now.

I love you...

She leans down slowly and kisses me.

Her lips are quivering against mine. She kisses me roughly, meshing the end of her muzzle to my own and sending a small flash of heat through my body that soon fades. But I don't mind because her lips are soft. They're warm...

She breaks away with a choked cry, and she holds me tighter as she looks into my eyes.

Your lips are cold...

She's crying now. I can only look up at her and watch as she tears up. The sadness emanating off her is enough to break my heart. Her claws dig into my chest again, and she holds onto me for dear life.

Please... don't die...

I can feel her teardrops splashing on my cheeks. One after the other, a gentle patter.

Don't die... Don't leave me...

She's sobbing now. Her chest heaves as she clings onto me, and her cheeks are wet with tears.

I don't want to be alone...

She's crying, and every inch of my being yearns to reassure her. To cheer her up. To make her smile and laugh, because I want her to be happy. Because she deserves to be happy.

With what little strength I can find, I bring a paw up to gently cup her cheek. It's hard, but I smile. I smile for her.

I smile even though I want to cry.

Why did she have to wait until now to tell me? What took her so long?

This is so unfair.

I don't want to die anymore... please...

Let me stay...

Let me be with her! Let me be happy! Let us be happy together! That's all I want.

That's all I ever wanted...

But... if the Gods are real... and if Arceus exists... then he can't hear me. I can feel myself slipping away. I'm losing my strength, and it's getting harder to keep my eyes open. Along with that, I feel cold. It's so cold.

Pecha berries!

A sudden hope fills her eyes past the wet tears. There's an almost desperate joy in them at those words that I can't help but stare, captivated by such a thing.

T-they cure poison. I... I just have to find some.

She gets up to leave, the warmth of her body separating from mine while she prepares to take off in a search for something possibly futile at this stage of poisoning.

I didn't want to die. But if I couldn't help it, then more than anything else...

I didn't want to die alone.

So I cry out for her. I pour every bit of energy I have left into calling her name and begging her to stay with me. Pleading for her to keep me warm. Begging...

Don't leave me. Please... don't leave me.

Not again. Not now.

I can see the conflict burning inside her. She wants to run off and find the berry that would help me. She wants to get a fruit that might save me. But in doing so, the last time I see her is when she's walking away. Like she always did, putting so much distance between us.

Try to save me and break my heart for the last, final time... or stay by my side and know that I died the happiest I've ever been.

I can't blame her for leaving.

The tears fill my eyes as I watch her go, vanishing into a blurred, hazy world. I'd been hurt so many times that I expected the painful ache in my heart and welcomed it with all the bitter sadness I could muster.

So I lay here, broken and shattered with tears silently flowing down my cheeks. Breathing is becoming harder by the second, and I contemplate just letting it take me. For a moment, I just want to let go. I want to drown so that all I feel is nothing, and all I see is darkness, and all I hear is the soft beat of my shredded heart. I could have my peace. I could get away from all of these terrible things forever.

There's a constant pain rolling through me. I can feel the poison in my veins surging in my blood and bringing with it the promise of death. It has settled in my heart, and each weakening beat pushes it further through me, sealing my fate. I have no hope.

At least I'll find some solace in knowing her eyes were the last thing I ever saw. I'll be comforted knowing the last noise I heard was that smooth, velvet sound of her voice. I can die happily, knowing that my last memories would be of her... someone so beautiful and perfect that it makes me cry tears of joy and elation.

The wind blows through the trees, and the sway of the branches causes the leaves to rustle. It's a sound that soothes me even in death. The sky is a soft, vibrant blue: a color that shines brilliantly in the light of day. This really is a beautiful world. I don't want to go, but such a world is only meant for beautiful people. Maybe this is life's way of telling me I don't belong.

I see a beautiful thing. I want a beautiful thing. I... can't have a beautiful thing. Even though she was mine at the end, I can't have her. After so much pain, I get only a moment of bliss.

A kiss that lasted a few seconds.

As I lay here in the comforting embrace of death, a soft smile plays on my lips and shallow breaths show the slow rise and fall of my chest. My eyes close, the warm blue of the sky fading away to darkness while I ask myself just one question.

Was it worth it...?

Was it worth experiencing all that pain? Was it worth feeling so low and pathetic that I didn't want to live in such a cruel world? Was it worth hurting so much and losing more than I'd gained? Was it worth dying in the end, if only to have her love me? Just to have her kiss me, finally... a little thing that didn't last long enough.Was that really worth spending my life on?

Devoting myself to her. Always her, the most precious thing alive. A sweet girl who'd burdened herself with me for too long. A beautiful creature, kind and caring, would live to see tomorrow's sunrise only because I died today protecting her.

Was that worth it?

Was_she_ worth everything?

Well... I think so.