FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Gonna try and abandon my smart-sounding talk for a bit. This time, I'm going to flesh out the facts of who I am, instead of just the feelings and worries I suffer.

I beat around the bush way too much, so let's get to know each other as if for the first time.

Q.) "Hi, who are you?"

A.) "I like to call myself "KimonoBoxFox", or simply "Kimono", but my real name is Anthony Lutz. I'm a 27-something male undergrad, just figuring things out as I try to further my career."

Q.) "Why do you call yourself "Kimono"?

A.) "That's a story that requires a little background. Rivet thyself in thy seat for a story by firelight.

In 2009, I explored my desire to build an identity for myself, after a long period lurking around the furry community. I had a mild love for Japanese culture, and a really absurd love for the Kitsune myth. For those uneducated, foxes in Asia are thought to impersonate beautiful women, and ingrain themselves into society as impostors--where they usually cause trouble with their power (often on sheer fault of fitting the 'evil woman' stereotype). Some kitsune are alleged to take the identities of prominent historical figures, and in these rarer examples, the foxes can even have a male identity. In a more general respect, foxes were also thought able to cause mischief to travelers with illusions and tricks, like the fair folk of European folklore, getting them lost, or stealing from them. 'Kitsune' is simply the Japanese word for 'fox'.

That explains the 'fox' part of the name, but in regard to the 'KimonoBox' part--I have a love for survival horror video games, and to a lesser degree, horror films. Of particular responsibility for my handle/fursona is Sadako Yamamura, A.K.A. the "Ring Girl". Her likeness appears in the PS2 title "Fatal Frame II", as a being called the "Woman In Box", a gaunt female figure that climbs out of--that's right--a Kimono Box. That year, I just happened to love me some Fatal Frame II, and it just seemed like a cool idea--that scene from the well, with a ghostly, monstrous fox, in place of a dead girl. "Box" happened to rhyme with "Fox", and it just overall rolled off the tongue in a funny way. So there's nothing particularly deep in my name--just a vague, outsider's love of Japanese mythology."

Q.) What made you a furry?

A.) "One day, space-aliens beamed a vision into my brain, of being a walking, talking fox-suit person, who yiffs the defenseless, poor butts off of innocent wild foxes.

I'm kidding, of course. Actually, when I was young, I read lots of Sonic The Hedgehog Archie Comics on account of my older cousins having a Sega Genesis, and Sonic at the time, being, well the tits (this is leaving aside his squirrel/chipmunk girlfriend Princess Sally, who literally was the 'tits' of the comic dynamic). The 1980's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animation (and the film) made a huge impact, and especially all the merchandise depicting stuff like April O'Neill turning into a cheetah-woman. An early exposure to the 'Donkey Cabbages' Grimm Fairytale, as well as the well-known transformation scene in Pinocchio also inspired my fascination in magic and curses that transform a human being into a feral beast.

And of course, anything that was werewolf-related up to actual mythological accounts, and all the way down to Goosebumps paperbacks, fascinated me. I actually was more interested in merfolk, and selkies, and whatnot, for a time before that, as well. By that point, heck, turning into anything non-human was a fascinatingly awesome concept. I owe finding out about the Kitsune myth to Pokemon, what with Vulpix and Ninetales presenting the concept to me for the first time, to pique my curiosity. (plus the whole firebreathing thing, which sort of fits into some depictions of kitsune, as well--though usually in artistic rendering rather than as a story device).

By the age of 16, I wanted to stop being human, because of depression and negative experiences with fellow schoolmates. What actually brought that to a head was moving for the first time, away from familiar people, including my only friends at the time. I met another furry, and he was the one who actually made me aware of the fandom. We basically got into it at the same time, sharing (at that time) similar dreams, of turning into werewolves. Physical maturity simply dictated that we be turned on by the things we dreamed were attractive, and well, now you know why I fap off to pictures of anime wolf girls with dog-dicks. I mostly blame Princess Sally."

Q.) Do you hate 'normal' people?

A.) "Humans aren't bad, but they can be paranoid as all-fuck, myself included. I think part of what makes people shitty to one another is that they expect hostility, and fear a forced expectation to conform to one another's standards. The very thing that makes furries victim-complex individuals, in my mind, is what makes non-furries hate them (I mean, I would really be bugged if I thought someone else was trying to make me become like them, and well, I often want the world to change to accept my strange image of beauty). It's almost like how some people think that gays are trying to make everybody gay, when really, gays just want to be left alone to be gay themselves.

So-called "normal" people are the exact same way. They don't want to be furries, they want to be what they want to be.

To drop from my moral high ground for a moment: People who know about furries, and are not furry themselves, can sometimes be bullies, and so can people who 'are' furries, who are uncomfortable with who they are by association with other furries. And those people, yes, I want to slit their everloving throats for it when they act unpleasant, but I'm sure I provoke my fair share of ire unintentionally, so I can't really complain that I'm being persecuted unjustly.

I really think if we'd just let the whole matter of being a victim go, things would move on with the times."

Q.) What do you do, that makes you a furry? Do you have a Fursona? How do I become/avoid becoming a furry?

A.) "I continue deeply wanting to be part-animal, in a magical, hypothetical way. I either dream of super-science or divine providence (i.e. reincarnation) giving me a life as either a part-human, part-animal creature, or as a total, complete, wild animal. In my case, I particularly fetishize the actual process of change, and would love being able to have a 'slider' I can pull, to decide how 'animal' I am at any given moment.

One of my favorite fantasies is dreaming of myself as an anthropomorphic Ninetales woman, with sophisticated mannerisms and tastes, but a beastly and volcanic nature, like the kind you'd imagine of a dragon from western mythology. I have a lot of iterations on that personality-theme, and it's not always so crazy evil, but I kind of like the role of a villain. As for whether that's my fursona, well, I suppose. I really ought to get around to drawing or having something drawn of my character, sooner or later.

As to how to be/not be a furry, here's the thing: Your turn-ons and fantasies of power have everything to do with it. Being a furry is about trying to be, what you can't, really, physically be. Even if it's just in the kind of things you draw, or the kind of shows or games or books you like--you must want to make those things your whole world. The more desperately you cling to these impossibilities, the more pathetic-looking you can become, as a furry. I know, I know, I'm talking about it in a negative light--but this is the question that you want to ask yourself: "Are you being the negative stereotype you are trying to avoid being"?

I believe that furries can be respectable, and that this is something we really gotta think about. If you're trying to get into furry because you're looking at the positive aspects, my recommendation would be "Be a creative thinker, be respectful of humans 'and' animals, and want to be more than what the world is now." Idealism, reverence of other species and your own, and a deliberate decision to embrace the identity of a furry, for all its virtues and vices, are necessary.

Don't worry about it too much. What you wear with pride as a 'furry', probably brings someone else embarrassment just on the fact that we have a dirtied reputation. It's like identifying as anything else in this world--there's a reputation that comes with the brand."

Q.) Who is the character in your avatar? Are they your characters?

A.) "No on all counts, I'm a talentless hack using placeholders, for the time being. The tangerine-haired girl is Akane the Fox (that's pronounced ah-kah-nay for non-weebs), from an obscure anime called "Angel Tales". She's a fox-turned-guardian-angel. The other characters are Zoisite and Fish Eye, villains from Sailor Moon (the two ponytail 'chicks' in blue outfits) who are highly effeminate men. The smoking lady with the cigarette stick is Dee Vasquez, a film-producer from the hit "Ace Attorney" series, who is implied to have yakuza ties. The golden fox is Tenko Kuugen, a kitsune and the main protagonist from the series Wagaya no Oinari-sama (Our Home's Fox Deity). Pink-haired succubus is just that--one of many Succubus from the Disgaea video game franchise by Nippon Ichi Software. Pacifier-chick is Susie Summer, a decapitated talking head from the bizarre and awesome Suda-51 game, Killer 7.

Lastly, Sadako Yamamura practically speaks for herself. I think I'm going to have to find some less Japanese avatars at some point."

Q.) That's nice and all, Kimono, but what do you do?

A.) "Mainly look at a lot of porn, and try to be philosophical, but type way too much about how I feel to get all the way there. I also write a lot of stories about pretty girls shitting their pants and turning into savage wildlife. Charming, I know.

In all honesty, I have a massive talent for video gaming, and am tentatively working up the courage to host 'Let's Plays' on YouTube, taking great inspiration from the successes of James Rolfe, Arin Hanson, and Ryan Letorneau (that's the "Angry Video Game Nerd", "Egoraptor", and "Northernlion", for those more familiar with their internet alter egos). I have a thirst to be a celebrity, simply to inspire people of how cool being a furry can actually be, but I trip over my own fantasies a lot. My dream career is as an artist or inventor, though I am a little bit of a Luddite on account of how much I revere simple savagery. One of my long standing dreams was to become a Genetic Engineer/Biochemist, and work on studies with stem cell research. I'm particularly fascinated in the concept of human/animal chimeras, so you could say for a long time, that I wanted to be a reverse Doctor Moreau.

Recently, I've opened up more to let reality in, and I'm trying to make friends, and develop some art talent. I've changed majors, and I'm trying out various mediums from pottery to drawing... and it looks like my school schedule has deigned I finally have a run-in with 'costume design and stage makeup'... meaning I'll get my first exposure to the infamous past-time of the fandom, of dressing up, very soon.

Ultimately, I'm just a scared kid with few friends, learning not to be so scared, and to open up and try new things, and to have a higher opinion of myself."

Q.) Well, that's nice and all, but I've gotta run. You have fun doing whatever you're planing on doing. Please don't set me on fire and eat me.

A.) "That's not a question! AND NOW, YOU DIEEEE!!

Seriously, y'all are alright for reading this far into what is basically just a way for me to vent creatively. Maybe one day I'll repay it to you with some really crazy furry body art, costumes, or drawings--or at least a ray gun to sprout tails and cat ears on internet trolls through their screen, so they can troll themselves for being furries, instead of trolling other people for being anything."

Thanks for reading this pointless, faux questionnaire. There is no cake, for your sacrifice. I will not say why, suffice to say the cake is...

END...?