FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I watched the way the lights from the fair further down the pier lit up the ends of his fur, turning him into a golden-silhouetted shadow. The sound of his voice mixed with the sound of waves rolling over the sandy beach below us.

"We were just about to start walking back," he said into the phone. "No, we're still here."

The air smelled briny, and was warmer than the coast usually was this late at night. I remembered thinking maybe it was because practically every bonfire pit for a mile was being used. Lights further away had that glowing halo around them from all the smoke rising up. It was humid too, but not so much that it made our sweaters too hot to wear. Just in that special, salty way that let you know you were by the ocean.

"More? You finished both bags already?"

I could just make out his eyes as they turned to me briefly, meeting mine for a few seconds before the person on the other end made him look away.

"He did what? Freaking Calvin man," he laughed. His eyes looked at me again, grinning and shaking his head before turning away again. I took a half step towards him, wishing he'd look at me just a little longer.

But instead we both looked down the beach in the direction of where our friends were. We had all come early for the fair, but by the time anyone had tried to claim a pit, all the closer ones had been taken.

By now everyone had left and were all sitting down the beach somewhere around a fire. Everyone but Thomas and me.

"Yeah, we'll bring another one," he said. "Alright, be there in a bit."

The Wolf walked up to me as he put away the phone, resting his arms on top of my shoulders.

"What happened?" I asked

"They want us to bring another bag of kettle corn."

He swayed us side to side in an absent minded gesture. When we had first got together I was always afraid of doing something like this in public. But now I easily settled into it, resting my cheek on one of his arms as I raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't they have two giant bags with them?"

"Yup," he smirked. "But Calvin kept trying to roast them and ended wasting like one of the whole bags."

"Nice," I laughed.

"Yup. So now they want us to go buy another one."

I pretended to make an annoyed face. "Is Calvin going to pay us back?"

"He should right?"

His smile did funny things to my insides, and that funniness stayed with me as we turned around and started walking back towards the bright lights. "So now we have to walk all the way back, use our money, and then walk all the way back to the fire pit."

My fingers reached for his hand, and he accepted them easily. I tried hard not to hold on too tight. "I like walking with you."

For barley a half second his body language shifted. But then he put us back on track by just saying, "We could have been walking on the sand though."

I let out a little laugh and bumped my side against his.

The fair was relatively small, since there was only so much you could fit on a pier. There were game booths and food stands, and at the end a few small rides and a Ferris wheel. The rest of our friends had had their fun and left already, but Thomas and I had been on everything at least three times by now. I knew this was supposed to be a chance for me to spend time with everyone, but even thought they had all gone down to the beach I kept asking Thomas to do something else with me. And he hadn't once said no.

"How long do you think it takes to set this up?" I asked him.

"I don't know," he said. "Probably at least a day. I want to know how they got the Ferris wheel on here."

"Yeah," I agreed, watching as the lights on it flickered and flashed to make giant moving patterns on its side. "Maybe they like, bring it over in pieces and assemble it on here."

"Maybe. Still, I wonder how they assemble it you know?"

"Yeah." I nodded my head. "Well I guess it's not that big."

"That's true. Although it feels big once you're inside it."

I smirked. "That's what she said."

"Wait, so I'm straight?"

It took me a moment to realize what he meant. "Shut up," I laughed.

"Ha, got you."

"You're so stupid."

"Well you date stupid people," he countered. "What's that say about you?"

"That I date people out of pity."

"Whatever," he laughed, rolling his eyes.

Around us the sound of people, music, and wheels running along metal tracks joined the quiet roaring of the waves underneath the pier. Lights flashed in fluorescent brilliance, chasing away the darkness of the night. Even after the sun set, the fair did everything it could to keep itself shinning. I kept watching the lights on the Ferris wheel changing patterns until I felt the Wolf nudge me.

"Jesse, look."

With a nod of his head he directed me eyes to where the kettle corn was sold. The line had grown to the point where people had to cut through it to pass by.

"Oh wow," I said. "This is going to be fun."

"Freaking Calvin," he said again as we walked toward the back. "I am so going to make him pay me back for this."

"We should just not let him have any. I mean he's the one who wasted the entire other bag."

"Right?" he agreed. I rested my head against his shoulder, letting out an involuntary yawn. Even in the humidity, his warmth was comforting.

"Do you wanna sit down and wait for me while I stand in line?" he asked, gesturing towards some tables.

"No," I answered automatically. "I want to stay here with you."

His body language shifted again, this time lasting just a bit longer. But then he lazily wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against my shoulder. "Okay."

In two weeks I was leaving for graduate school. The scholarship I had been given had been too good to pass up, and the school was one of the best for my major. But it was way on the other side of the country.

Of course, everyone had acted thrilled, and said how lucky I was, and how stupid it would be for me not to take the opportunity. That's what this whole summer had mostly been about. All my family and friends had been organizing things and taking me places, giving me one long, drawn-out farewell season. This summer alone I had probably spent more time with everyone then I had the whole rest of the year.

And, I mean, of course I was happy about it too. This was basically a dream come true. I was passionate about what I studied, and had been ever since I was little. And now I was practically given the golden ticket to study at one of the best schools there was.

But as the time for me to go got closer and closer, the more excitement started turning into something else.

I hadn't realized we were at the front of the line until Thomas had to try and pry me off his arm so he could pay for the bag.

"Oh, sorry," I apologized. "I zoned out."

"You alright?" he asked. The aging Rabbit behind the cash register handed him a giant carrot shaped bag of brownish popcorn.

"Yeah, just tired," I said, starting to walk back.

But then I felt him come up beside me and put a piece of kettle corn to my lips. I opened my mouth and let him put it on my tongue. Instantly I was filled with the sweet flavor, salty in a way that was distinctly different from the saltiness of the sea air.

"Are you sure you're alright Jesse?" he asked.

We stopped walking, but I knew we hadn't actually stopped. In a few minutes we would be sitting with our friends, probably watching Calvin try and roast more popcorn while we all laugh about it. And then tomorrow would come and we'd do something else, and keep doing things until I needed to start packing, and everyone would keep saying how much they were going to miss me but how happy they were for me. And then I'd be getting on a plane, and flying away as everyone watched from the airport, knowing I wasn't going to see any of them for months at the least.

"I don't know," I told him, shrugging.

And then Thomas did what he always did. He made things better.

His free arm snaked around my back, and right in view of everyone he brought our faces together and pressed his lips against mine.

I closed my eyes instinctively, and through my lids I could still see the flashing lights of the fair, and hear all the songs each booth was playing, and smell the ocean as it moved below us, and taste the sweetness of kettle corn, and it all became Thomas.

He kissed me like summer.

Then he pulled away, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to do it.

I could say goodbye to my friends. I could go down the beach and sit with them by the fire, and let them say goodbye to me as the time for me to leave got closer. I could tell my mother and father not to worry, and that it wasn't really going to be all that long.

But I couldn't do that with you Thomas.

I couldn't tell you that that we would still be able to see each other over breaks. I couldn't just keep pretending that I wasn't counting down how many hours we had left with each other. I couldn't fly off in a plane, knowing I was leaving you behind somewhere on the ground.

I couldn't say goodbye to you.

But, I couldn't say any of that to you, either. I couldn't risk ruining the last few days we had together by reminding both of us that all we had left was summer.

And that no matter what we did, or how hard we fought against it, summer was ending.

So instead I asked, "Can we ride the Ferris wheel again?"

And then you did it again, made it impossible for things to get better, by making things better.

"Okay."