Random Combustion Day
this is one of my first stories, its not my best. i have many grammatical errors and it is probably dull. please feel free to emotionally beat me up on comments if it sucks.
1:Random Combustion Day
Hello there. Yes you. I see you. In fact. I'm touching your paw. No the other one. Yes, I know it's creepy. But this is how the world works. Creepy things happen all the time.
As you sit there with your tail, wagging in curiosity and confusion, let me warn you now my dear pup, kitten or whatever you may seem to be. Today is... RANDOM COMBUSTION DAY... meaning at any given minute, You or someone you love will spontaneously combust. Their fur disintegrates and their flesh will be reduced to a crisp and ash. Their very existence will be scrubbed clean with the fire and heat that you might find in a volcano or even the very heat that comes from the giant glowing thing that keeps us warm during what we perceive as " day time".
In celebration of RANDOM COMBUSTION DAY, take time to keep necessary and mandatory supplements. Things like water and fire extinguishers could but won't be useful as the fire is paranormal and burns not only the flesh, but your soul as well. Also remember that during today there is a 36.6% chance that the feelings below cause the RANDOM COMBUSTION and should be abandoned during the remainder of the holiday:
· Happiness
· Joy
· Pleasure
· Hunger
· Longing
· Laziness
· Love
· Tranquility
· Excitement
The committee of RCD strongly believe that these feelings attract unholy energy and can cause anything from magical powers to random pawing.
The committee would like to also remind you that satanic and sexual sacrifices is highly recommended during the deration of the holiday. Some of you are asking "why"? Well that's simple, for the glory of Satan of course.
I would also recommend foods that should NOT...not be eaten during the fallowing holiday. Anything that has tomato, cheese, or wheat in it should be considered highly flammable and combined together is the equivalent of explosive HIV.
Remember my friends that today is a day of celebration. Enjoy the time given to you by the great furry god and live it the best you can. Because at any moment, you or your mate or someone you love immensely... will catch fire. Their skin will be that of the sun. They will scream for help but you know deep deep down that the supernatural flames will only engulf you as well. Watch. Watch as the flame scourges their flesh and as they scream in agony.
Lastly my fluffy cuddly friends :3
Tomorrow is Post-Traumatic Stress Day. The streets will be filled with explosives and guns. Remember everyone is invited. I recommend dragons under the age of 13 do not attend due to whatever reason I feel the need to say so. Nothing wrong with dragons...just ones that are under 13.
Thank you for reading my fluffy friends :3 come back later for the update on Post-Traumatic Stress Day. remember to have a furry day :D