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Chapter -6- Old Wounds

August 4, 2029 - 1pm, JST Tokyo, Japan ...

"Tamamo-san, I am here to help you," said the doctor. "This is our third session together and I am ready to make progress together. Aren't you? Today I'd like to start by acknowledging what put you into the hospital."

Tamamo smirked. "How about we don't start there, please? I'm not ready to talk about that just yet."

"Very well. Where would you like to start, today?"

"Your name," she said with a smile. "Usagi. Interesting surname. I am a fox, and you are a rabbit. Do you know what foxes do to rabbits?"

"Tamamo-san, I'd like to tell you something very important. Do I have your attention?"

"Hai, Hakase," she said, referencing the doctor by his title, but using a tone that sounded condescending. "Impart upon me your education and knowledge. I am always interested in learning more."

"I have tolerated your belief that you are a fox for our last two sessions together. Now, I am not here to tell you that you are wrong..."

"Hai. You think that would make me, your patient, become defensive."

The doctor frowned. "Perhaps. However, you need to know something important. For the past one hundred years, the medical community has operated under the guiding principles that fox possessions do not occur in humans. Whether or not it was a myth, or perhaps fox spirits stopped possessing us, I do not know. We also have _another_fact to consider."

"I am listening," she said.

"Fox possessions only reportedly occur in Japan. Even now, even the modern rare claims of such will only take place in Japan, reported only by people familiar with our culture. No one else in the world claims to be possessed by foxes. The West has claimed to be possessed by demons, however the Japanese strictly claim fox spirits. Now, why do you think that is?"

"Most kitsune do not waste their time with people who do not believe in us. Only followers of Shinto believe in us, so we have a symbiotic relationship. But I hope you are not eluding that we are not compatible with non-Asian humans. I, myself, possessed an American dock worker twenty-five years ago."

"Do you think that's what I am eluding?"

She looked him over, briefly, then tilted her head, pondering his thought track. "Mm, perhaps not, Hakase. Are you trying to suggest that cultural assumptions on behalf of humans are to cling to their belief systems? So Japanese believe in fox spirits, so the insane believe they are possessed by a fox? And the West believes in demons, so their lunatics claim to be possessed by demons?"

"Tell me, isn't it at least possible?"

Tamamo shook her head. "I know better, Hakase. Kitsune exist. Demons exist. Angels exist. Patron saints exist. When you go home tonight, I want you to say a prayer to Inari-no-kami, Amaterasu ... in fact, I want you to say a proper prayer to every manifestation of the Musubi. Our gods are unique amongst all the gods in the heavens, because they are a manifestation of more than stories told by the theatrical storytellers with clout. They are exemplary towards what you, humans, should strive."

"Tamamo-san, I do not believe in Shinto deities. I believe in the metaphors. I believe in the meaning behind the stories of their lives."

Tamamo grimaced. "You disgrace the 'shinkai,' our realm. We fight for you creatures, and for what? You need to be aware, Hakase. The 'kannagara no michi' is in danger without the faith of the humans we protect in return for your service."

"Are we talking about religion or philosophy now, Tamamo-san?"

She leaned back in her chair and gave a gentle tug on the single sleeve that kept both of her arms bound together. "What is your belief system?"

"Science."

"Science and religion can exist in harmony. It is only when you accept that both complement one another that you are able to conceive the notion of true awareness. Are you conscious, Hakase? Is your mind awake? Or do you go through your life accepting what your superiors publish as gospel and truth?"

"With all due respect, Tamamo-san, science is the new religion of the world. It is evolving as we come to better understand it. It has a guide, it has proven facts, and it has myths that, like any religion, are half-truths wielded by ignorant people."

"Religion is a science."

"Science changes humans, where humans change religion."

Tamamo shrugged with indifference. "Consider the fact that if you misunderstand science, you change its core meaning. Consider 'pseudo' or 'fringe' science. Consider scientists convincing laymen to understand science the way they want people to view it. Now consider that a large pool of faith-driven people can change religion."

"We're getting off topic, Tamamo-san."

"You are here out of obligation to your employers. Please, take the conversation in the direction you please," she said.

The doctor drew in a calming breath of air and placed his palms together. He folded his hands, which she felt was particularly western-like, then he leaned back in his chair. "I would like to start with the reason that put you into the hospital."

"I am not receptive to that topic ... yet."

He sighed. "Very well. Then let's start with your recent claims of possession. Again, Kitsune-tsuki is nothing more than a synonymous modern term for the clinically insane. Having reminded you of that, so you know where I am coming from, I'd like to talk about your claim."

"There is no claim. Have you seen my eyes?"

"Mm, yes, the head nurse tells me that there are no contact lenses in your eyes. An interesting pupil shape. I'm unaware of any laser surgery to make an eye perform that way. But I'm not here to make a medical discovery about your eyes. I'm here to help you in other ways."

Tamamo shifted her weight. "Release me from this restraint and I will show you that I am speaking the truth - I am Tamamo-no-Mae, the honor-bound messenger of Inari-no-kami."

"How would you prove such?"

"I would create a controlled orb of fire."

"And why should I remove your restraints for you to create such a thing?"

"Because if I conjure flame over my palm with my arms bound in this restraint, the cloth jacket would ignite in flame. I would harm my vessel. I am currently trying to earn her trust. I will not harm her. I would like you to release my hands."

"How about an arrangement?"

Tamamo tilted her head.

The doctor folded his arms. "You earn my trust, and eventually I will remove your restraints. It will not be today, but remember - you are the one who attacked a man at the hospital. The restraints are a safety measure."

"I swatted at him to the best of my ability, considering my restraints, because he was an idiot."

The doctor offered a wry smile. "You're judging him? Why?"

"He believes he is a make-believe antagonist from an American motion picture. I felt mocked by him. Did you know that victims of kitsunetsuki were often victims of cruel physical treatment in hopes of forcing the fox to leave the victim's body? Humans will mock anything they can, and then claim it is for the best. It is tantamount to emotional abuse. You are a child-like species."

"So now you mock me?"

"I am speaking the truth. You are a child."

"I am forty-five years old, Tamamo-san."

"Are you? Do you feel old? Because, Hakase, I lost count after three millennia. Only _some_humans have proven worthy of my time or affection. Konoe-tenno, for example."

The doctor withdrew a small device and unrolled it into a cellphone. He thumbed the screen then paused. His eyes danced across the screen, moving right to left in traditional Japanese reading style. After a moment he looked up. "Konoe died in 1155, Tamamo-san."

"Konoe-tenno. Show him respect, Hakase."

"My apology. But did you know it says here that he was a teenaged boy when he died? This means you're over two thousand years old at the time you were dating a child."

"You are correct. Conner-kun, my current lover, is fifteen."

"Are all your lovers this young, Tamamo-san?"

"No. I was married to Di Xin. He was nearly sixty years old when he took his life. I used to consider Azazel a lover, and he was of considerable age. But I was happiest with Konoe-tenno, and now with Conner-kun."

"What is Conner's surname?"

"Parker. On paper, however, it is Nevada."

"Care to elaborate?"

Tamamo shrugged. "It is ... complicated."

"And you prefer the romances with Konoe-tenno and Conner-san?"

"I do."

The doctor tilted his head. "Have you considered why?"

"Why...?" she asked. "Why what?"

"Why you prefer boyish youth to an adult man."

"They are adult men," she told him in a firm tone. "Need I remind you of my age? Only in recent years was the age of fifteen considered anything less than an adult man."

"Have you slept with fifteen year old boys, Tamamo-san?"

"I have."

The doctor nodded, glad to be making progress. "So, why do you think you need to date a fifteen year old? What is it you prefer about these relationships, Tamamo-san? Do you like control?"

"No, Hakase. I do not demand control from my mates. I expect_them_ to be in charge. I expect them to take up the role of man. I only date men who live up to my expectations of masculinity."

"So what do they offer you in this relationship? Conner-san and Konoe-tenno - the teenaged boys."

"I feel safe with them."

"Safe from what?" asked the doctor. "They are deemed children by society. How can they protect you?"

"Safe in general. And yes, actually, they can protect me. One was Emperor of Japan. The other ... mm, you would have to meet him to understand. Conner-kun is quite capable."

"So you feel safe with_them? Safe _from them? Safe how?"

Tamamo furrowed her brows. "Does it matter, Hakase?"

"Help me get to know you better, Tamamo-san. You are here because society has deemed you guilty of insanity. I am here to prove you are sane. But you are the only one who can help me prove your sanity."

She eyed him for a moment. "This is a special interest ward, Hakase. You study people who believe they are possessed, or think they are gods. I overhead that your patients from this ward are affectionately called The Pantheon by your peers." Tamamao smirked in a taunting manner. "Help me prove you are sane to take on such a group. Or were you ordered here as part of this study?"

"It fascinates me, Tamamo-san. How people can proclaim self-importance with such deep devotion and conviction in their hearts ... it's a curiosity of mine. So this study group is mine. Nobody ordered me here. So, the more I understand about you, the more I can help you. And once we've made progress, I can help integrate you back into society, where you can live amongst the rest of humanity, happy with who you are."

Tamamo rolled her eyes. "You do not accept who I am. I am quite capable of living amongst whoever I wish. I am the one here against my will. I am happy with myself. Are you happy with _your_self?"

"Are you? Are you truly happy with yourself, Tamamo-san?"

She eyed him. "What do you mean?"

The doctor lifted his finger then thumbed his phone screen. After a moment, he looked up. "Your husband, Di Xin, can we start there?"

"If you must. He was a coward; he took his own life."

"It says here that King Zhou of Shang was quick tempered, quick witted, intelligent, and he possessed powerful physical strength."

Tamamo looked away for a moment then nodded. "Yes. That is accurate."

The doctor placed the phone on his desk and rolled it shut. "You looked away when I mentioned his strength."

"He could hunt wild animals with his bare hands," she said.

"The mention of his strength made you appear uncomfortable, Tamamo-san. Now, this article also says that he was married to Su Daji. Are you claiming to be her?"

"I lived as a noble in the state of Yousu. When my state was conquered, Di Xin considered me a spoil of war. I saw his fascination in me, and so I treated him the way he craved to be treated. I engaged his mind and his heart. I did not wish to be dominated as a 'prize fuck.' I made him see me as an intellectual equal, and he made me a romantic interest, and eventually queen."

The doctor tilted his head. "It says here that Su Daji was portrayed to have been possessed by an evil fox spirit in a novel called Fengshen Yanyi. So you believe yourself to also have been Su Daji?"

"I am Daji Su, you child. I was Daji. I have distanced myself from that part of my life."

"Why?"

"Why are you asking me this? How is it relevant to the fact I am a hostage of this hospital? I can prove my identity without fire. If you allow me to speak to the Emperor, I can prove it. Then you will be forced to release me."

"Trust takes time. Earn the trust, Tamamo-san. And then we will talk about your options. You cannot be integrated into society until you can prove you will not endanger others. You were in the hospital because you attempted to take your life."

"That wasn't me. It was the woman I now possess."

The doctor appeared unaffected by her claim and said, "my point exactly. You are here because you claim to be possessed; you are restrained because you demonstrated that you have no compunction about resorting to violence."

Tamamo drew in a deep breath and sighed. "What else do you wish to know, Hakase?"

"You looked uncomfortable when I mentioned his physical strength. Did your husband ever strike you?"

"He was asserting his dominance."

"Was his willingness to strike you indicative of his personality?"

She tilted her head. "How do you mean?"

The doctor shifted his weight in his seat. "Was it part of his normal behavior? Also, should we call him 'Zhou'? Or do you prefer Di Xin?"

"Do you wish to know what kind of man he was?" Tamamo muttered. "I'll tell you ... Zhou had many concubines. One day, the daughter of Lord Jiu protested one of the King's childish little games. So, Zhou had her executed. But that wasn't enough. He also had her father ground down into shredded meat and served to the king's vassals. My husband was sadistic and twisted. My husband would kill you for disagreeing with him. So I played along. I acted amused by his antics and it kept me alive."

"This article claims you enjoyed them."

Tamamo looked away. "I enjoyed the attention. Sometimes he acted out in an attempt to amuse me."

"And were you? ...amused?"

Tamamo frowned. "I was amused only by the way he showered me with attention. The most powerful man in the known world at the time, and he was obsessed with me, Hakase. When drunk, I laughed and clapped as he did whatever it took to get my attention."

"But you didn't dare to oppose him?"

"He was torturing everyone who opposed him!" she exclaimed. "His uncle, his own uncle disagreed with him while the king was in one of his moods. My husband knew of my curiosity about humans. He also knew I was a fox spirit. So he brought me his uncle."

The doctor remained stoic. "What happened?"

"There was an ancient saying about a good man's heart. It was said they had a numbered amount of holes. It was just a saying!"

"What happened, Tamamo-san?"

"I..." she drew in another deep breath followed by a shuddering sigh. "I said I was curious if the expression had any truth to it. His uncle was a minister ... and Di Xin had his uncle's heart removed so I could see if there was any truth to the metaphor."

"Did you look?"

She glared at the doctor. "Doctors often look at cadavers to learn more about the human body. Yes, I looked. I was also curious of a pregnant woman. Does that make me a monster?"

"You've seen the insides of your husband's uncle ... and a pregnant woman?"

Tamamo glared down at the floor. "Is this what you're doing here? You're having me admit to my past for your judgment or personal amusement? You wish to see me squirm?"

The doctor glanced back at the article on his phone screen then said, "Tell me about the 'Paolao' torture."

"No." Tamamo grimaced and narrowed her gaze, keeping her eyes on the floor.

"Very well. Tamamo-san, it says here that King Wu of Zhou had Daji executed."

"That lie brought solace to the people who feared me. It was obviously not true, as I am still here. I do not claim to be proud of my actions but it was three thousand years ago."

"Do you believe these myths are historical fact?"

"No. Humanity got some of it wrong. Yunzhongzi was an immortal and tried to pry me from the King. That_was true. King Di Xin had supernatural strength. _That was true. There are things that are true, and there are things that are created by story tellers to make their tales more interesting. Do you understand?"

"So the question, now, is have you killed people? The pregnant woman, for example?"

Tamamo's lips twitched. She swallowed and nodded in silence.

The doctor stood up from his desk and adjusted his tie. "We made progress today, Tamamo-san. The more progress we make, the more I can trust you. We take things one step at a time. But I need you to understand that your actions were unacceptable behavior."

Tamamo looked up at him, eyes wide, jaw agape. "You think I find that to be acceptable behavior? Have you ever read the book? Have you ever read 'Fengshen Yanyi' and finished it? I am cast as the antagonist! It claims I corrupted the so-called righteous king, and caused his empire to crumble! Next, I will somehow be to blame for possessing Yoko Ono!"

An awkward silence followed.

Tamamo exhaled and shook her head. "An acquaintance of mine, a succubus, deflects her hurt by making jokes. I thought I would try such."

"And are you hurt, now?"

"You are breaking my heart - yes, I am hurt. I am not that woman anymore."

"Di Xin, your husband - has he ever done anything romantic for you?"

"Yes, of course. I made myself the perfect wife for him. He loved me deeply. But he was not a good man."

"What sort of things did he do to make you happy?"

"Mm, well, I am fond of animals. He had a zoo created for me."

The doctor glanced at his phone screen, scrolled back up a bit, then asked, "A zoological Xanadu?"

"I suppose it could be referred to as such. Why?"

"It appears you are quoting things you've memorized from articles about this mythology, Tamamo-san."

Tamamo glared at the doctor. "Listen, Rabbit, you asked these questions. And, to be clear on the issue, I would never allow myself to be partnered with such a man ever again. Do you understand? My heart aches for something beyond my control. I have repressed those memories to the best of my ability. I found love with Konoe-tenno and have seen life in a different way ever since."

"Mm, let's talk about that a bit." The doctor settled back down in his seat. He picked up a pen and scribbled down a memo in her file. "First, when is the last time you've taken a human life?"

"In 2023; it was in combat. I struck down attackers with my katana. I defended myself. Ultimately, the vessel I possessed during that battle..." Tamamo trailed off, drew in a somewhat shaky breath, and continued. "The vessel was struck down."

"She died?" asked the doctor, adding, "Do you blame yourself for her death?"

"Hai, I am to blame for her death. I thought you wished to talk of my love for Konoe-tenno?"

"Ah, not exactly. First, however, I wished to know if you still take lives."

Tamamo swore under her breath. She lifted her chin in an attempt to salvage her dignity and said, "Only in self-defense, Hakase."

"Now, you have told me that you found love with Konoe-tenno, and Conner Nevada-Parker. They are teenaged boys. You've also told me you felt safe in a relationship with them. Did your husband, Di Xin, provide safety?"

"Yes, of course. I was under his protection."

"So what is the difference between the types of safety that you felt with your husband compared to the safety you feel with these fifteen year old boys?"

Tamamo rolled her eyes. "They are not boys. They are young men. And it is very different. Di Xin was controlling and hungered for amusement. He lacked empathy for any but himself and myself. Yes, I was honored that he loved me so deeply, but he was a mad man who killed himself to avoid capture."

"And Konoe-tenno?"

Tamamo relaxed somewhat. "Narihito was quietly sentimental. He was pragmatic and romantic. He was traditional." She frowned and, in a reverent tone, said, "My pardon. Konoe-tenno. I should not refer to his imina. It is proper to respect him with his posthumous name. I ... I did not mean to slip."

"I do not judge you," said Usagi. "It does not matter if you refer to a lover by their personal name. And it shows character that you wish to show respect for them in such a way. So tell me about Conner Nevada-Parker."

"What about him?"

"He is another young man." The doctor consulted his phone briefly then looked back up. "Interesting. Sorry. So Conner-san is your current romantic interest?"

"Yes. I did not think to find love again. I thought it was in my past. My relationship with Conner has been a blessing."

The doctor nodded. "Alright. I'm happy for you. But let me back up to Konoe-tenno. Did you feel betrayed that he had you killed? And, incidentally, how did you survive an arrow through the heart?"

Tamamo became visually annoyed again. "I was killed. I was locked away, confined to stone. I was released by an act of compassion. Inari-no-Kami resurrected my spirit but I was forced to live only in the Celestial Realm. I left the Celestial Realm for personal reasons. That is why I had to possess this woman at the hospital. Now I am here."

"And what of feeling betrayed by Konoe-tenno?"

"I have learned that he was the victim of a will-bending man who called himself 'Sire.' Konoe-tenno was forced to send his armies after me. There was no betrayal, only a very sad ending to what should have been a happy story."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"It gives me the clarity to appreciate what I now have with Conner-kun. Hakase, let me ask you a question, please?"

"Very well, Tamamo-san. What is your question?"

Tamamo lifted her sleeved-bound-arms and rubbed her face against the inside of her bicep. "Okay, we have had three sessions so far. I see that you think I live in a fantasy world. If that is true, why indulge me?"

"You are talking to me. That's a start. I call you by the name you prefer. I listen to the things you talk about. I admit, though, that I am concerned about your admittance of having taken lives."

"You think I am some lady who tried to kill myself. You do not believe I am possessed," said Tamamo. "So tell me what you think I am. Please, I will not become upset - I wish to know what you think about me."

"Honest opinion - you promise not to become defensive or upset?"

"I promise."

The doctor turned off his tape recorder as though the action somehow made a weighty statement. Usagi folded his hands on the desk and leaned forward.

Tamamo arched her brows expectantly. "Please, do not hold back."

"I believe you are a human woman," said Usagi in a firm tone. "A normal, upset human woman. I believe you were married, and it ended tragically. I believe you found solace in the arms of an underage boy, who was approximately fifteen years of age. I believe a tragic event occurred and you're blocking it out. I believe you attempted to kill yourself and wound up in that hospital when someone stopped you. I think you may have attempted suicide because you have experienced an extremely traumatic event. It is possible that you have taken a life, and I am almost certain you have seen lives taken to some degree. Whether or not you were the one who took them is what I would like to determine. You internalized this stress when your attempt at death was disrupted. You created a fantasy world based on mythology and are selectively using your knowledge of that mythology to express yourself. It's easier to blame Su Daji, and Tamamo-no-Mae, than it is to blame yourself."

Tamamo offered a genuine smile. "And you think I am the one with a bold imagination? You came up with all of that based on our conversations?"

Usagi picked up his pen and jotted in her file.

Tamamo arched her back and craned her neck, reading the inverted characters on the paper. "You wrote that I smiled when 'confronted with the truth,' doctor. That is inaccurate."

He looked up and angled the file so she couldn't read it. "You weren't supposed to see that. So, tell me, why is it inaccurate?"

She nodded towards the recording device on the desk.

Usagi pressed the recording button. "I just wrote in the file that you smiled when confronted with my hypothesis of the truth. You said it was inaccurate. Can you elaborate?"

"You weren't supposed to give conjecture, Hakase. Is that why you turned off the tape?"

"Can you elaborate on the real reason you smiled?"

Tamamo shrugged somewhat. "I was amused. You were so excited yesterday when I told you how Sekhmet rescued me from the man who hiked my kimono and held my katana against the bare skin of my backside. Why is that, Hakase?"

"I was not excited," said Usagi. "I felt we were making a breakthrough. That was an emotionally traumatic incident. The way you described feeling helpless - that is difficult for the mind to process at times."

Tamamo stood up and tried to open her arms, causing the jacket to puff up. "I feel helpless, Hakase. I am restrained now, just as I was before In the Celestial Realm, but I do not have Sekhmet to help me, now."

"Yesterday, you described that defining moment in detail. You said you recall thinking you were about to die. You felt ashamed to have the man's fingers in your mouth, and to be exposed in such a way. You said you were making peace with your 'imminent end,' to use your phrasing. You are not going to die, here. No one will shame your body, here. Therefor, it is unfair to compare my restraints to that incident. That jacket is to guarantee the safety of everyone, including yourself."

"I am still helpless," she replied. "I am helpless to show you that I am a kitsune. I am helpless to prove myself. I am helpless to return to my mission. I am _stuck_inside the body of a woman who has, in fact, been through a traumatic experience. But she has locked down. I must learn what she has been through. She refuses to surface at this time, even if I were to go dormant. So, what shall we talk about next, Hakase?"

"Our time is up, Tamamo-san. We'll resume tomorrow. I have other patients. And you're right. I stopped the recording and I shouldn't have. I made speculation and I shouldn't have. But I was trying to indulge you. If I can help you trust me, you'll open up to me. And then I can better help you. Are you sure you weren't offended by my assumption?"

"No, I was entertained by your story. As I said, you have quite an imagination, Doctor Rabbit. Again, I need to hear The Promise."

"The promise you've asked me to make during our last two sessions?"

Tamamo nodded in reply.

Usagi folded his hands again. "Tamamo-san, I promise these recordings are for me, only. I promise no one will hear them. I promise I will only use them to help me postulate how better to help you in your therapy. I promise what we say to one another is protected, by law, and will remain completely private."

She offered him a semi-bow and he returned the gesture. Tamamo stood up and walked to the office door.

Usagi pressed a button beneath his desk and the door opened.

Tamamo was greeted by a guard who guided her back to her plain, non-descript room. She stepped in and waited for the door to be shut behind her then she settled down in the middle of the room, closed her eyes and meditated.

X

X

August 4, 2029 - 7pm PDT San Francisco, California ...

Karla Loupe cradled a glass of wine in her palm then took another drink. She set the glass down on a pair of nightstands stacked one upon the other, which stood even with her shoulders.

A voice came from behind. "What'n the hell is all'a this shit, Blondie?"

A hint of a smiled tugged at the corner of the succubus' mouth. "My personal storage space. This is four hundred fifty years of 'Karla the Succubus,' hon. Everything I wanted to keep, I hid away in a little corner of Jonathan's basement when he moved in.

Rufus Darken moved alongside of her and put his hands on his hips. "Damn you got a lot of crap in here."

"Yeah."

He carefully placed his feet on a desk with chairs stacked atop. He eased up and reached for an enormous six-foot framed hoop in the back corner. "This ain't what I think it is, izzit?"

Karla bit her lip for a moment but couldn't hold back an amused giggle. "It's a crinoline bustle cage." She paused then squinted. "Wait, no, that's not the bustle."

"Farthingale?"

"No, Rue, I don't have my cartwheel anymore, hon. That thing up there is a full hoop crinoline. It's two meters."

Rufus hopped down and landed in a crouch with a grunt. "Christ, you actually wore that damn thing? How'ja get inna stage coach? Let alone inna damn door?"

She laughed and reached for her glass of wine. "In the late 1850s, I had a large crinoline. It amused me. The diameter was nearly two hundred centimeters - absolute largest you could get at the time. It's made of spring steel. You could push the hoops and bend them a bit, but let's face it ... the rich people have two front doors and two bedroom doors. It was never a problem so long as I kept my standards high."

"Boys with billfolds ain't high standard. Not necessarily."

"True." She looked up at the large round cage in the top corner of the storage space. "I liked the bustle that came afterwards. Every woman had a great ass, because it was framed and layered with drapery and a train."

"Christ. Y'er too much."

"Mm-hmm. So I'm told."

"What'cha doin' down here anyhow, Blondie?"

"Hiding."

Rufus quirked his brows and turned to face her. "From what?"

Karla sighed with a shrug. "This is my past, Rue. Everything good or bad that has ever happened to me. It's all right here, where I can look at it and think about the mistakes I've made, and then I can look at the positive parts of my life, piled on top. Topaz agreed to let it stay here after Jonathan died."

"I thought you pissed her off. Why didn't she chuck it?"

Karla turned to face Rufus directly. "She's not that mean. Jesus, Rue. This is a part of me. Look." She opened the drawer on the desk Rufus had climbed on moments prior. She pulled out an old Sony Vaio laptop and showed it to him. "See that?" Karla traced her finger over a wireless card sticking out the side. "I told Chance he could have this when I upgrade. He never lived long enough to take possession of it. You think I was just going to throw it away? I told Chance he could have it, Rufus. It would have been his."

"I'm ... I'm sorry, Karla."

She put it back in the drawer and pushed it shut. "Topaz was angry with me. But she wasn't spiteful. Not like that. She knows I earned this little spot of sovereign soil in the Parker Mansion because it was her father that gave me this space. It's mine."

"Ayup. I see tha'. So the Vienna Convention says Topaz foreswears th' right to enter yer lil' ole embassy here?"

Karla took a sip from the wine and grinned. "You try to pretend you're some 'good ole boy' from Georgia. But you're actually smarter than the average hillbilly."

"Maybe," said Rufus with a smile in return. "Or maybe hillbillies are smarter than you realized, and I'm the first 'n only one you talked to. Look, Karla, I don't wanna be enemies."

She finished the glass and carried it back to the opening of the storage space. The succubus held it beneath a box of wine and thumbed the nozzle. "Isn't it sad? We're in a mansion with a top-tier wine cellar. And what am I drinking? Card-Bordeaux wine from the local liquor store." She filled her glass and turned back to Rufus. "We're not enemies. I fucked up and betrayed you."

"Karla..."

"No, my life is full of betrayals. Look at Elvena. My own daughter goes and works for Watson - the_one_ person I secretly hated. And now she's gone. My little girl is gone." Karla took a sip from her glass then used her other hand to reach behind the stacked up nightstands.

Rufus remained silent, respectful.

She pulled out a small baby outfit on a hanger. "Elvena came home from the hospital in this. This was the first thing she ever wore. Look how tiny she was, Rufus."

"Yeah ... reckon she was a lil' ole thing."

Karla shoved the outfit back onto the hanger behind the two nightstands. "Four hundred twenty-five years without children. I never thought it would happen, and then along comes Elvena. She was my miracle baby."

"Karla, we're gonna go down there and get that bastard who took yer kids from ya."

The succubus brought the glass of wine to her lips then tilted her head back and drank the entire glass. She set it down on the desk and made her way through an aisle between furnishings and dropped onto a leather sofa near the back.

One of the corner lights cast a soft glow over the area.

Rufus followed her through the narrow gap and sat down on the other end of the couch. "What's on yer mind?"

"What if I can't have any more kids? What if I can't get mine back?"

"Karla, you can't think about that shit, darlin'."

"Have you been drinking?" she asked.

"Not enough to argue with you."

"I'm not arguing," she said in a soft voice. "Just ... lamenting, I guess. Rue, I went four hundred twenty-five years without kids. There was a time when I'd feel nauseous watching a happily married couple share a kiss. They'd have their toddler or infant in their lap, sitting on a park bench. Picturesque."

"Because they were a family?"

"I guess. I don't know."

"I'm not sure I understand, Blondie."

"Valentine's Day, Christmas, Mother's Day - I was resentful. I was hurting. And then some yuppie comes along and invents holidays that made me want to just die."

"How, uh ... how so?"

"I look young, I know, but back in those days ... I looked the prime age for having a family. I wanted to stab myself anytime somebody asked why I didn't had any kids."

"Jesus, really?" Rufus folded his hands and hunched forward over them. "Why not just tell people you was waitin' for the right man to come along?"

"The thing that killed me most was flowers on Mother's Day, when they were delievered to my friends and acquaintances. You're expected to be happy for all the women who get them. The women who get them have kids, so they all gather together to compare and giggle."

"So Valentine's Day was like ... single's awareness day?"

Karla leaned back on the sofa, reveling in the buzz. "Mother's day was like Forever Alone Day. A reminder I couldn't have kids. Or, at the very least, didn't think I could. Or maybe it was a reminder that nobody wanted me enough to try and have a family. I don't know." Karla paused then fidgeted. "One time, this older guy comes in to deliver flowers to the mothers at the council chambers. I was there with Jonathan. He and Sinopa were still trying, and the holiday upset her. So Jonathan left to go and spend time with her."

"Yeah? What happened?"

"Well, the older man - the delivery guy - he gives out the flowers to the mothers. And he noticed I didn't have any. So he stole one of the carnations from some other girl's delivery and gave it to me on the sly."

"Aw. Right good feller."

Karla pursed her lips and closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears in check. "I waved him away; I just wanted to die. I left and cried for the next goddamn hour. Valentine's Day," she took a deep breath and swallowed, adding, "that one wasn't so bad. It was kind of a made-up holiday to bring recognition to the Catholics trying to steal the spotlight from Cupid. That holiday felt forced, like an obligation for lovers. But Mother's Day ... that holiday has real meaning behind it."

Rufus remained quiet and nodded to show he was listening.

"It was a guilty pleasure ... getting little art gifts made by Elvena while she was in school. I've kept everything she ever made; it's all in this storage space. It's packed away, safe and sound. Nothing will ever happen to it down here in this ... freaking ... bunker."

"Tha's a right good thing, knowin' it's safe 'n secure."

Karla sighed with a half-hearted shrug. "But now she's gone. And so is my little boy, Donovan. I'll never get another pink heart made out of construction paper. I'll never get another card written in crayon."

"Karla, you gotta stay positive. If there's even a chance you'll see them again, you gotta work for it."

"You never knew Sinopa from before she was recruited for the Celestial War, back in 2014. I had a few run-ins with her after the twins were born, but when Sinopa was recalled back to the Celestial Realm, everyone who knew her was forced to forget her. Gods tying up loose ends, you know?"

"Yeah?"

Karla shrugged. "Sinopa went through the same thing. She found her husband and had children later in life. People would roll their eyes at Sinopa when she started babbling about what her kids did that week. But I knew why she did it. So I'd sit and listen to her babble for twenty minutes, because she was so damn happy. And for the other deities to just ... take that away from her? And then make everyone forget? _That_was shit, Rue."

"Damn. Yeah, I'd say so. But Sinopa got her kids back ten years later, right?"

"Yeah. In 2024. But Sinopa went through a lot. And thank God that Vincent came by recently to visit his brother. He told me that the twins are fine. I told Sinopa on the phone that her kids are hiding out down there. It was a huge relief to her."

"But you ain't got that peace of mind."

Karla shook her head. "No. Sinopa is lucky. But I'm all alone."

Rufus opened his mouth to say something but words failed. He glanced down for a moment then opened his arms. "Get'cher ass over here."

Karla bit her lower lip for a moment. She slowly slinked across the sofa as though ashamed.

"C'mon, now."

The succubus rubbed her eyes and crawled up next to him, resting her face against his chest. Rufus brought his arm around her and placed his chin on her head. "You ain't alone, Blondie. It's only August. Next Mother's Day ain't until May of next year. Tha's plenny'a time to get a team together, head down to Falcon's city and get'cher kids back."

Karla hid her face against his chest. In a muffled sob, she said, "I am so sorry I betrayed you."

"Karla, we been over this. You came back, got me out of that bastard's death-grip. Ya' saved my life. I was jus'... upset."

"I'm sorry I upset you. I shouldn't have left you there with that man."

"Naw, not about that."

Karla blinked and lifted her head. Trails of tears covered her face. "Then what? What else did I do to upset you?"

"I, uh, was catchin' feelings for ya, Karla. I accepted yer need ta' have lovers on the side. I din' care you banged Johann. The kid need to lose his virginity. I didn't care you was bangin' Topaz. But ... you _chose_Eric."

Karla swallowed. She rubbed her face and rolled over, putting the back of her head on Rue's chest. She gazed up at the overlapping shadows on the ceiling, cast by the furniture. "Chance accepted me for who I am. You accepted me for who I am. But Eric begged me to change. He was never happy with who I am. I was too hyper, or too mouthy, or too sexual, or too young looking. But I had to choose him, Rufus."

"Yeah, I know."

"I was carrying his child. He gave me something no one else could. I felt obligated to give him all of myself."

"I know, Karla. I ain't jealous no more. You made the right decision. Ya' put family first. If I had a kid, I'd put'em before everything else. I'd think with my heart. How can I hold you to a different standard? I cain't, Blondie."

"We had fun while it lasted, though, right?"

Rufus grinned a bit at the memories. "Yeah, that we did."

Karla sat up, turned to face him and pressed her lips against his.

Rufus froze but didn't fight it. Instead, he tilted his head slightly.

Karla slanted her mouth over his, pushing her tongue past his lips. Her drunken kisses were hungry and full of need ... a need to belong, a need to feel less alone ... a need to feelanything. She brought her hands up and cupped his face firmly.

After a moment to really enjoy the kiss, Rufus brought his hands up, overtop hers, and gently eased her palms from the stubble of his cheeks. He broke the kiss and tilted his head down so that his forehead was pressed against hers. "Karla..."

"Rufus..."

"Darlin', I ain't drunk enough fer this. It might be better if we don't let emotions 'n all this hormones 'n shit go cloudin' our judgment."

She swallowed and nodded, feeling completely embarrassed. "Awkward."

"I just mean ... it's too soon, ain't it? For you I mean. You had a bit of tha' wine, and I don't want you to regret it later." Rufus cupped her face and used his thumbs to wipe the moisture from her cheeks. "We both know this ain't a good idea."

"Yeah, you're right. It'll just complicate things. God I'm fucking drunk."

Rue grinned. "Yeah. You is. Don't you go teleportin' upstairs. You're liable to kill yerself in a wall."

"Just one more glass."

"A'ite, but I'm takin' you upstairs and puttin' yer ass to bed." He stood up, took her hand and guided her back through the narrow gap, towards the front of the storage space. He stopped in front of the cardboard wine box, filled her glass for her and handed it to her. "C'mon, let's get you t' bed, girl."

Karla nodded and took a drink from the refreshed wine glass. "I can't help myself sometimes. I'm sorry, that was really forward of me."

"Nah, I'm _lucky_you'd still wanna."

She laughed weakly. "Yeah, you're right. You are lucky." Another drink. "But I'm a widow. It's okay, you know."

"Karla, hon, tha's the wine talkin'. C'mon. Let's get'cha in bed before you wake the rest of the house."

She pouted softly and stumbled a bit. "Slow down. Coordination isn't good."

Rufus put his arm around her shoulder.

She leaned in, thinking he was about to kiss her.

Instead, he reached his other arm down, beneath her legs. Rufus lifted her up, carried her through the lower level subfloor, and then up the stairs. "Keep it quiet, now. Dun' wanna wake anyone."

Karla finished her wine glass and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Rue. I never should've hurt you."

"Just ... shit's fine now, Karla."

"No it isn't. You won't even kiss me."

"I respect you, Karla. Can't do that sorta thing if yer drunk. It'd be one thing if you were still doin' the succubus gig. But you take them pills; you just lost Eric. I cain't go takin' advantage of you, girl."

"Yeah, yeah." She closed her eyes. Karla felt safe against his chest, in his arms. "You said you weren't going to judge. You said you accept me for who I am. This is who I am."

"No it ain't. This is drunk Karla. Tha's different from sober Karla."

She didn't reply. Instead she drew in a deep breath ... followed by another, and another.

Rufus grinned in realization that she'd fallen asleep in his arms. He carried her up to her room, put her to bed under the covers, tucked her in, kissed her forehead, and closed the bedroom door on his way out.

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Next chapter: https://www.sofurry.com/view/737125