How It Goes - Part 1
#1 of How It Goes
This is a story I began writing a year and a half ago.
Then I took a year's pause. I continued on the story as the characters were alive in my head.
Reading through this is rather embarrassing. It's written in a different style, with a different goal in mind. But it's part of the entire extravaganza.
Hilariously, when I first started writing this, it had a codename: "No drama."
Guess I failed rather hard on that one.
The original title for the story was "If It Kills Me," same as Jason Mraz's song. The revised title is based on a different song.
I think that's enough of a preamble.
The canteen is brimming. Students chatter, a thunderous rumble that rolls out into the hallways. Scott stands by the half-open door, and gazes into the mass of people.
"Come on, Scott. You'll know for sure. Just do it," Tom says softly in his ear. Scott bites his lower lip, looking the otter in the eye.
"What if they... beat me up or... or out me or..." He shudders.
"They're abrasive cunts. They'll never shut up about it. If they do beat you up, they risk suspension. But look on what you'll gain, Scott. You won't be tearing yourself apart wondering if he likes you or not. If he says no, you can walk away and get on with your life."
Scott lowers his head. "What if he says ..."
"Yes? I'll be fucking Tom before that happens," Brian grins, haunched to be on height with Scott and Tom.
"As if," Tom sniggers.
"Bet on it?"
Tom surveys the bull carefully. He then throws a glance at Scott, who is shivering, his eyes wide. "Sure, Scott won't charm anyone in this sorry state."
"You two are awful friends," Scott mutters.
"I believe in you, Scott," Tom says, patting him on the back; Scott throws him a hurt look. "Okay, I'm sorry for being so negative, but... seriously, Scott. Go in there, ask him, and get back out. Get this over with."
"If they do anything to hurt you, Scott, I will hospitalise them," Brian says without a smile. Scott looks at him, nods and clenches his fists. He pushes the door open.
"Go get them, Scott!" Tom bellows into the cafeteria. The chatter stops for a brief second, and Scott hides his face in his hands as laughter comes flooding over him. Feeling the tears in his eyes, he peers between his fingers, at the table over in the corner. They're all there. The gang. Byrne in his leather vest. Colton with his piercings and spiked collar. Stewart, chewing his snuff; Patterson with his half-torn ear and missing teeth. Travers with his perpetual glare. And...
"Oh, look, it's Scott," Colton sniggers loudly as Scott walks up to the table.
"Going to get us, ya little shit?" Byrne smirks.
"Should shove him into his locker," Patterson sneers. Scott feels his throat close as he tries to breathe, looking at the bear sitting on the edge of his seat. He surveys Scott with narrowed eyes.
"Uh...Theo, I..." he stammers.
"He can talk!" Travers bellows loudly. People turn to look at him. There's a collective snigger from all around.
"I..."
"Come on, ya pansy, say it or feck off."
"Theo, will you go out with me?" Scott blurts out, his voice cracking. There's a stunned silence. And then...
"Holy. Shit. He's a queer." Stewart's voice breaks the silence. There's a soft murmur, a series of insults, everyone around the table guffawing. Everyone, except the bear, who smiles.
"Sure," Theo mouths. His gang is still laughing, but Scott stares at the bear. Theo nods again, in apparent confirmation. "I'll see you later," he mouths, gesturing to his watch. Nodding frantically, Scott hurries out of the canteen, catching his breath.
"See?" Tom says as Scott steps into the hallway. "Told you it'd be better after you asked. We can go get a burger or something if you'd like, to wash down the disappointment."
Scott smiles at the otter, who looks at him, puzzled.
"Scott?" Brian says, leaning to look at his face.
"He said yes," Scott says, his voice disbelieving. Brian's eyes widen; Tom's face distorts into utter astonishment.
"You're shitting me!" Tom grabs Scott by the shoulders. "Are you sure you heard right? You might be in denial."
"He said yes. Well, mouthed yes," Scott repeats, feeling the laughter in his voice. "He's going to see me later."
"Probably to beat you up," Tom says darkly.
"No, look, he didn't laugh or call me names or tell me to go away. He said 'sure'."
"Well, shit me," Brian says with a grin. "Guess I get to claim your arse then, Tom."
"What? Hey, no, nope, I haven't seen definite proof that Theo said yes," Tom replies, with a hint a panic in his voice. Brian's grin widens. "Look, let's go buy a burger, I'm starving. Stop eyeing my arse!"
Brian laughs as he drapes an arm around Scott's shoulder, starting towards the exit. Looking a little anxious, Tom hesitates before following. They step out onto the sun-bathed school grounds and get halfway to the parking lot when a voice calls out behind them.
"Scott!" Theo hustles towards them, stopping ten feet away, out of breath. Scott looks at the bear, his breathing hard. "Cinema, tomorrow evening? Eight o'clock? Odeon?"
"Yes," Scott replies quickly.
"Okay. Cool. See you tomorrow." Theo grins, and hurries back inside. Tom looks stunned.
"Remind me to buy lube," Brian says with a smirk. Tom throws him a horrified glare. "Let's go celebrate. Scott's got a date, I'm getting laid..."
"No, no, no, nope, nope" Tom mutters angrily. "Nope."
"You're getting laid too," Brian continues. "I mean, you've been complaining about not getting any for a couple of weeks now."
"Yeah, but! No! Fuck off!" Tom glares, and stomps off. Scott and Brian both look at him as he rushes back into the building, and they laugh. They walk over to the parking lot as their laughter dies down.
"I can't believe it," Scott says quietly, finishing his burger.
"Me neither. Guess Theo's queer too. Or he's got a soft spot for wolves."
Scott looks at his now empty-platter. "You don't think it's a joke, do you?"
"If it is..." There's a hint of a growl in Brian's voice. Scott looks up at him. "I don't think it is, though. He ran after you before we went here, after all. Don't think he'd have bothered if he wasn't going through with it."
Scott nods and looks out the window.
"Wonder if Tom's still mad," Brian voices quietly.
"Huh?"
"Well, he didn't really look happy. Then again, we did a wager..."
"Yeah, thanks for betting he'd reject me," Scott mutters sullenly. Brian laughs and claps him on the back, almost knocking him off his stool.
"Hey, I bet in your favour and won. Anyway, if he really doesn't want to go through with it, that's fine with me. He's just being stupid."
Scott nods and sighs. "Yeah..."
"Anyway," Brian rises from his chair. "Let's get back to class. Food's on me."
Scott leans against the cinema wall, watching the falling snow. The cold evening wind brushes up against his face, throwing occasional glances towards the parking lot. He checks his watch. A quarter past eight. He splays his ears.
"Scott!"
Scott looks up. Theo's walking up towards him, dressed in a thick jacket, a scarf around his neck. Scott's ears perk and he smiles. "Sorry for being late. You look cold, how long have you been waiting?"
"Not that long," he says quickly.
"How long?" Theo repeats, his voice sterner.
"Thirty minutes," Scott mutters. Theo smiles apologetically.
"Let's get inside." The bear points to the entrance; he leads the way, and they enter the warmth. They navigate through the crowds to the ticket queue. "Got any films you want to see?"
"So long as it isn't scary," Scott says, looking at the posters on the wall.
"Seen the Avengers?"
"I have."
"Oh, shame. Haven't had a chance to see it myself."
"We can watch it if you want to," Scott says hurriedly.
"Won't it be boring, seeing it again?"
"No, I..." Scott's voice falters. He splays his ears. "I want to see it again."
"Okay," Theo says, a little brighter. Scott lowers his ears a little more.
"That was awesome!" Theo proclaims as they step out of the cinema into the cold night air. "Thanks for watching it with me. How are you getting home?"
"Bus," Scott replies. "No. 27."
Theo nods. "Mine's No. 14." He smiles and gestures to the bus shelter; they start walking that way, Scott listening to Theo as he highlights his favourite moments of the film.
"Was Thor supposed to look like he belonged in a shampoo commercial?" Theo guffaws, as they near the crowd waiting for their buses. No. 5 skirts to a halt by the stop, and a handful of passengers board. "I mean, his fur..."
Theo tenses slightly. "So, uh. Literature on Monday? See you then?"
Scott blinks and looks up at the bear, but Theo is shying away.
"Yo! Magnus!" Travers's voice calls from across the crowd. Theo doesn't look at Scott as he jostles through the crowd brusquely, calling out "Travers, mah dog!" in return.
Scott bites his lip and casts Theo a glance as he boards the bus. He watches the gang engage in another bout of passive-aggressive bullying. He mutters quietly, more to himself, "See you Monday", as he pays for his ticket and slumps into his seat.
"I could've told you he's a cock," Tom says indignantly, tossing his controller aside as another brutal death scene involving a chainsaw plays across the television screen. Scott gazes down at his 3DS, his eyes consciously avoiding Tom's game as the otter shuts down the PS3. "Whole bunch of them's thick idiots, insecure cunts too worried about the sizes of their minuscule dicks and overcompensating like twats to worry about such mundane things as feelings."
"Where's Brian?" Scott asks, cautiously.
"Told him to fuck off," Tom snarls; Scott whimpers. "Said he'd 'bring condoms'. If he'd only shut up about that 'bet', not like I meant it or anything."
"Tell him that," Scott mutters quietly. "Not me."
"You say something?" Tom growls.
"Tell him that," Scott snaps. "If that bet thing bothers you so much, tell him, not me."
"Or you could bend over and take it," a voice suggests from the open door; Brian grins at them. "Got the condoms and lube and everything, y'know."
Tom's face turns a deep crimson, and he rises from his seat. He opens his mouth to speak; angry gibberish and curses, all aimed at Brian, sound through the room before he clenches his teeth together, curls his fists, and storms out of the room in a hurry. The sound of him thundering down the stairs ring through the house. Brian snickers, walks over to Scott and sits down next to him. He drapes an arm around Scott's shoulder.
"Stop teasing him," Scott says quietly, closing his 3DS. "He's really unpleasant when he's mad like that."
"You kiddin'? His reaction's priceless. Bet was a joke from my end, but fuck it, the way he's acting is hilarious."
"It isn't," Scott mutters sullenly.
"Okay, okay, I'll stop of he does." He nudges Scott's face upwards with a finger. "What's got you down? Things not work out yesterday?"
"It was nice." Scott's voice is flat. "Only when we were headed home he ditched me for his gang."
Scott lowers his head, hating how bitter his voice is. Brian sighs and pulls him into a hug.
"Well, he ain't open, is he? Maybe he didn't want to get outed-"
"Like I was the day before?" Scott growls against Brian's chest.
"Well, yeah. Some people are cowards, Scott. Besides. First date. You'll see him in class tomorrow." Brian lays down in Tom's bed, pulling Scott on top of him into a tighter cuddle. Scott shuffles his snout into Brian's neckline.
"It hurts," Scott admits, after several minutes.
"I know," Brian says, softly.
Footsteps ring from the stairs. Tom enters the room, his face still red, but now in a half-frustrated, half-embarrassed flush. "Sorry, I-"
He spots the two of them. His voice turns hard again. "What are you two doing?"
"Well, Scott got rejected and you won't bend over, so we thought we'd use your bed," Brian says, his voice merry. Tom's face contorts into a horrified grimace, and he slams the door shut, bolting down the stairs a second time.
"It's not funny," Scott mutters.
"Sorry."
"All right, class, books out. Open to page 257, and read out chapter 8." Mrs. Sharpe's voice booms throughout the classroom. The sound of chalk against blackboard is a soft scrape in her announcement's wake. The door opens; she halts her writing. "You're late, Theo."
Scott looks up, and looks at Theo. Their eyes meet; Theo's expression is blank and inscrutable. He walks towards the opposite end of the classroom, and sits down. Scott feels his heart sink. The class remains quiet, bar the soft swish of pages being turned. Scott can't help but look up every now and then at Theo, and he is surprised when he catches the bear looking back almost every time.
After forty minutes, Mrs. Sharpe's voice echoes through the room, followed by the bell. "Recess. Be back in ten minutes, class."
Almost everyone gets up at the same time. Scott remains seated, trying to keep his eyes on Theo. The bear melds in and out of the crowd and, to Scott's confusion, Theo walks past his desk, drops a folded note onto Scott's book, and hurries out of the classroom. Biting his lip, Scott unfolds the piece of paper.
"Hey Scott! Soz about Saturday. Didn't have your number. Wanted to call. Dinner with me on Wednesday?" Underneath is a phone number.
"Looking good," Brian says softly; Scott lets out a yelp of surprise, not having noticed the bull towering behind him. "You should ask him when on Wednesday, though."
"Yeah, I... I should." There's a tone of reluctance in his voice.
"You don't sound happy."
"Yesterday's angsting just feels stupid now," he replies, pulling his mobile out of his pocket. "Sorry."
"Don't be. You're allowed to be worried. Seen Tom?"
"No, not today," Scott mutters, fiddling with his phone, before sending the message to Theo: "When on Wednesday?"
"Shouldn't be surprised, he was furious yesterday," Brian shrugs. The rest of the class starts pouring into the classroom. "I need to get back to my desk."
Brian strides over to his seat in the corner. Scott looks up, trying to catch a glimpse of Theo. He's last in the stream of students.
"Theo, close the door", Professor Sharpe calls from the end of the room. Theo looks over at Scott with a grin, patting a lump in his pocket that must be his phone. Scott smiles back.
There's a knock on the door. "Scott?"
"Yes, dad?" The door opens. Scott lays on the bed, his fingers fluttering over the lower half of his 3DS.
"Scott, I... we need to talk." Mr. Oliver closes the door and sits down in his computer chair. "Me and your mother had just finished shopping when the neighbour, Mrs. Gibbs hurried over to us and told us... well, apparently her daughter's told her..."
Scott throws his father a quick glance, but doesn't divert his attention away from the game. There's a long silence. And then...
"Are you gay, Scott?"
The 3DS slips from his grip. He looks up at his father's face. His father's expression is worried. Scott looks away. "Yeah... yeah, I am."
"Why didn't you tell us? We're your parents, Scott."
"I didn't mean for it to happen," Scott says, anger growing in his chest.
"I can understand telling your friends first," his father continues. He doesn't seem to have heard. "But to get these news from the neighbour, your mother is really embarrassed, Scott-"
"She's embarrassed!?" Scott explodes. He bolts upright, glaring at his father. "I was outed in front of the entire school! How do you think I feel about this? Did you think I wanted you two to find out from that gossipy hag next door? I didn't want to tell anyone and now..."
Mr. Oliver's face is horror-struck as Scott buries his face in his hands. He feels his fingers grow numb.
"Scott, I... I didn't mean..."
Mr. Oliver goes quiet as the sobs grow louder. He lowers his head, splays his ears, gets out of the chair and leaves the room.
Scott wipes his face on the pillow. Two hours of crying. He feels a lump in his throat, ashamed of his outburst, for breaking into tears.
There's a knock on the door. Before Scott can say anything, it opens. Mr. Oliver peers at him with a heavy gaze. "You hungry? Brought supper if you are."
Scott doesn't say anything. Mr. Oliver enters the room, with a platter of warm soup. He puts it on the bedside table and sits down in the computer chair. "Scott, I wanted to tell you that we love you very much. Me and your mother, I mean. You'll always be our son."
Scott remains quiet.
"We've been talking. We're going to report those who outed you to the school-."
"No," Scott mutters.
"Yes, Scott. The... the people who outed you... the school needs to take disciplinary action. And we need to consider... you haven't had an outburst since..."
"No, dad." Scott pushes himself up to a sitting position.
"Yes, Scott!" His father's voice is stern and hard. "You expect me and your mother to just sit-"
"Yes, I do. I don't want you to report anyone. I won't tell you who did it. Just... just stop."
"But why? Are you going to continue having episodes?"
"Of course I am," Scott snaps. "I have to live with them every time they happen, and they can happen and they will happen. Why won't you get that?"
Scott's voice breaks and he lowers his head.
"Scott, are you..." Mr. Oliver says quietly. "Look, I want to be here for you. Can't you... can't you understand that?"
"I do! I... I do." Scott looks up at his father. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too. Are you sure you don't want us reporting-"
"Yes, dad, I'm sure. Please."
Mr. Oliver sighs. "I'm sorry. You're right. You should start eating." He pauses. "Do you want me to drive you to school tomorrow?"
Scott nods and shifts onto the edge. He wipes his face. "Uh, yeah, if you could. If you want to."
"Of course I want to. I love you, Scott. I'll wake you up tomorrow." Mr. Oliver rises from his chair, and moves towards the door.
"Dad, are we... doing something tomorrow evening?"
"No?" Mr. Oliver replies. "Why?"
"I... I got a date." Scott doesn't look up. In the corner of his eyes, he can see his father open his mouth to say something, but there's a nod, and what looks like a smile. Mr. Oliver closes the door. Scott takes the bowl of lukewarm soup off the nightstand and moves over to his desk.