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Dal Segno

By

Al Song

I remember being in the front row of the symphony and playing the flute for the dark crowd in front of me. I loved the heat of the blinding lights above me reflecting off my glasses and the silver of my flute. It was great to see everyone dressed to the nines behind me and in the audience, okay maybe it was only a couple people in the audience, but it made me feel fancy. I played in the University of the Pacific Northwest woodwind symphony and I had the time of my life as I was earning credits to graduate. Playing finger breaking music for the crowd created a feeling like no other and it made me feel like the happiest kangaroo in the world. It showed that I worked hard and improved my skills and now I'm able to perform this for everyone's enjoyment. In the end the applause and cheers from the audience fed my soul and empowered me.

"Mr. Lee!"

That quickly snapped me out of my reminiscing.

"You didn't answer my question," Jeffery, the little otter sitting in a chair next to me said as he tapped my arm with his index finger. He was a good and kind student. It was just that he was usually a little more forte than appreciated.

"What? Oh, sorry I didn't mean to space out like that," I apologized quickly. "What did you ask?"

"Is it better to finger b-flat with four or three fingers?"

"I would prefer you use four unless you want to trill. I know that it's only your third lesson but again I want you to call me Nathan and not Mr. Lee," I said kindly but semi firmly. It's mostly because it makes me feel older than I really am. It's only been four years since I graduated and I wish I could just be one of those people that just doesn't care about their age after they turn twenty-one but I keep thinking about that gap between the present and when I used to perform.

"Okay. What's trill?" he asked. "I heard some older kids talking about it."

"_A_trill is when you hold a note but you also move a key or multiple keys really fast but you don't need to know that until later," I explained as accessibly as I could.

"Sure thing, Nathan!" he shouted.

"Alright, let's do another run through of 'Ode to Joy' and remember to count evenly, okay?"

"Yep!" he yelled.

We played again and there was a good amount of improvement from the last run through. We went over a few more songs and smoothed out the trouble areas and then I heard a knock at the door. I looked at the clock and it was half past four. I got up and opened the door to see Jeffery's mother standing in the hallway.

"Sweetheart, I'm here. How was your lesson today?" she asked him as he started to clean out and pack up his flute.

"It was fun! And Nathan gave me a really cool star sticker on my book. It has a face and eyes! See!" he said pointing into his book.

"That's nice sweetie, but you should call him Mr. Lee," she said disapprovingly.

"Oh, no please don't call me that. I really do prefer everyone calling me Nathan."

"Okay, well it was a full hour and how much is that?" she asked and it sounded like I could make up any number and it would be okay.

"It'll be forty dollars even, please," I said honestly since that's what I advertised.

She started to comb through her bag and said, "Oh dear. I think I forgot my checkbook at home."

"Do you have a debit or credit card? I've got a card reader," I said as I took out my tablet and plugged in the plastic rectangle.

"Why, yes I do," she said in a singsong voice and slid it through. "Thank you so much Mr. Lee, oh, I mean Nathan. Hopefully Jeffery will be first chair next year."

"Yeah, I will be. Bye Nathan! Thank you!"

"You're very welcome Jeffery. See you next week."

I looked back at the picture in the gold and black frame standing on my piano. The photo of me, the chubby red kangaroo sandwiched between a tall vixen and a plump wolf. They were and still are my two best friends in the world. College was a busy time in my life but it was also the most productive time of my life and the most fun time I've had. Sarah and Harry were the first two people I ever came out to and Sarah also came out to us. Sarah's now living in New York as a music teacher in a private school with her girlfriend, a really sweet and kind deer who works as an EMT. Harry's in Los Angeles with his cousin and aunt, and he's working for a record company that started up just a few months ago. He's still trying to find the right girl but he doesn't seem to mind the single life.

I'm still in Seattle, well Kenville. It's close to Seattle but it's still the suburbs and the tempo of my life has slowed down dramatically since college. I miss Sarah and Harry and I miss those concerts and practice sessions where I would sit between them and feel completely at ease and at home. The flute is what brought us together and we all loved the incredible instrument to no end. We did other things besides play the flute together too that I miss. We went out to movies and always had pizza together. We played video games and board games without getting into too many competitive fights. Now those are just memories on a slowly dying social media website.

I cleaned out my flute and stuck it on its stand and walked to the piano. I caressed the frame and frowned at the trio smiling giddily back at me.

I heard the doorbell ring and then Dennis talking to Mrs. Grant, the rabbit from across the street. She's a stay at home mother of two middle school children who volunteers at any chance she gets. I heard her walking through the living room then towards the hall. She knocked on the door even though it was opened. I looked at her and smiled and said, "Come in."

"How are you doing today, Nathan?" she asked sweetly.

"Oh, I'm fine. I'm surrounded by music and people that love music," I said still trying to look like I was grinning. "It's great."

"I asked Dennis if the two of you would like to join Jason and me for a picnic at the park on Saturday and he said as long as you wanted to go then it would be fine with him."

"Of course I'd love to go, but only if it doesn't rain," I said jokingly.

"Goodie, well I'll make sure to bake my special toffee cookies."

"Mm, I'm definitely excited for that. Now, let's get started."

We went through a few etudes then a few songs together. I periodically looked up at the picture again and then at the others surrounding it. I absolutely adore the one picture of me making it to the national competition, and the small trophy awarded to him for best musician from my high school, and pictures of other friends from high school and college.

"How do I count six eight time signature?" the rabbit asked quickly when we got to a new page. "I know it says that it goes 'one, two, three, four, five, six" but that takes too long in my head."

"Try to think 'one, and, a, two, and, a' and make sure it's even and try not to mistake it for sixteenth note counting," I said gently.

"Okay, I'll try that," she said brightly.

Before I felt weird tutoring people older than me in math and teaching music to them too, but now I just think of it as people at different levels at skills and other things. It's more about experience than the age of someone and I wish I could have been a child genius but I wasn't and everything was hard work rather than talent. I struggled as a child with my big ears down as I tried so hard to create the correct embouchure and to count correctly in my head and not use my tail as a metronome. I had to work harder than the other children and I had to practice longer but I loved it. I mean I still love it and I didn't mind working hard with music because I enjoyed it so much.

I was drawn to the flute because of a wind symphony concert I went to for a fieldtrip as a little joey. The class was sitting near the front and when the curtains rose my eyes went immediately to the sparkling flutes. I then started to listen to more flute music and learn about music at the local library. When my parents asked me which instrument I wanted to play for band class I think they already knew the answer.

After the half hour lesson Mrs. Grant wished me a good afternoon and left me with a twenty dollar bill. Sometimes it feels like she only takes lessons from me in order to humor me but she said that she wants to be able to play the piano at the retirement home during the days she volunteers there.

My next student was Jane, a coyote who was an excellent flutist and needed my help with achieving a music scholarship for college. She reminds me of myself when I was in high school. I was completely in love with music and my education. Just like her I also didn't see eye to eye with a good amount of people but I made it through and I know that she will too.

I had her play the trouble spots she said that she was having from the last session and if she had any questions. As she played I had my tuner out and I watched for the times it went off kilter and became too sharp or flat. I had to critically pay attention to everything and make sure to comment on everything positive and negative. It's not that I'm stricter with her but I do want to push her and to make sure that her potential shines through. I also know that we're all somewhat sensitive so I try to be as kind and tactful as possible when it comes to my critiques and I always tell her what she played well to counter any negativity.

When the clock hit six she thanked me and left with a nervous smile. It was just like the one I had back then. I turned back to the piano and stared at the picture again and sighed. I wish things could be different and I wish I could see those two every day like before.

Soon I felt black striped orange arms wrap around me and hug me tightly.

"Hey, I finished dinner," my husband said as he kissed my cheek and nuzzled my neck.

I relaxed my back into his chest and thick belly and said, "Thanks, Dennis."

"You look sad. What's the matter?" the big tiger asked as he squeezed me again.

"Nothing, just thinking about them," I said and turned my gaze back to the picture.

He took a breath and sighed. "I miss them too," he said and nuzzled my neck and shoulder again.

We turned to the door and I walked down the hallway towards the kitchen with Dennis' arm around my shoulder. The scent of the vegetable casserole became stronger as we approached the kitchen. The table was set for two with a bottle of pinot gris with two stemless wine glasses to the side of the white casserole dish. The two plates between forks and knives were lying at opposite sides of the round tabletop. I wish I could cook and make the table look as presentable as he does but I'm glad he's done everything in his power to try to help me understand the foreign world of culinary arts.

He pulled the seat out for me and I sat down and thanked him. He then leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips.

"So, how was work today?" I asked as he seated himself.

"Oh, you know. It's the same old same old," he said as he poured me a glass of wine. "I seem to be doing more paper work and going to meetings these days than before though."

"Thank you," I said as he passed me the tear shaped glass. "And I'm sorry about that sweetheart."

"It's fine. I don't mind paperwork," he said with a smile. As he poured himself a glass I noticed that he looked a bit more tired than usual. He had been working a bit more than usual. He was wearing his collar open with no tie and his sleeves drawn up. "How was the tutoring today?"

"Today went well. Everyone seems to be improving and actually practicing. I've got two more students scheduled for seven and seven thirty tonight for math help."

"Has it been a long day for you too?" he asked with concern in his blue eyes and his strong yet sensitive voice.

"Sometimes it feels that way but I'm surrounded by math and music, so what could be better?" I paused and grinned. "Being with you."

In college I majored in music performance and math education, and Dennis majored in chemical engineering. Now he's actually a chemical engineer and I do teach math and music, just not through any type of institution. I met Dennis through Harry since they had a chemistry class together during their freshman year and I fell in love with this genius of a tiger. Harry had invited him to see a performance and we kept talking about math afterwards. Yeah, we were and still are a couple of nerds. We took a couple math classes together and studied together and he became my first and only boyfriend. When my parents stopped going to my concerts in high school it made me feel completely distraught but then Dennis would always be there in the front row of the concerts I had in college to see me. Thinking about that made me feel less lonely and less abandoned. Now we've been married for half a year and we're both only twenty six and I'm so glad that I'm with someone who makes me so happy. Now if only I could be happy about my career choices.

"Well, it's just," he said carefully. "You just seem to be a little more distracted lately and you seem kind of sad. Is it because of Harry and Sarah?"

"Yeah, they're a part of it," I said with my eyes pointing downward and then I hesitated to say the next part. "I just really miss them and I miss performing."

"I know you'll get into a symphony one day," he said gently. "I believe in you."

"I hope so. It just feels like my skills aren't as good as before."

"Do you want to take time off of teaching and just focus on practicing? I can afford to pay the bills for both of us."

"No, I can't let you do that," I said quickly. "I can't rely on other people to take care of me all the time."

"But, I want you to make you happy."

"I am happy just..."

"You're not as happy as you could be."

"I know you make more money than me and I know that if you do everything then that makes me feel... useless. My students need me too. I can't just cancel on them because I want to follow a dream that I keep failing at because I'm not good enough for any professional symphony or orchestra," I said angrily at myself. "Who am I kidding? They can get someone else to teach them how to play the flute or how to do integral and derivative problems."

"Nathan," he said calmly and reached over the table to my paw. "I know you hate rejection but there's no shame in trying again. I want to help you achieve your dreams. You're my husband and I love you dearly. I miss my happy, bouncy kangaroo."

I sighed. "I guess I can tutor and teach fewer students then and then I can focus more on getting a contract."

He smiled again. "I also don't want to force you to do anything that you don't want to do."

"I really do want this and I appreciate this but I don't want to feel like a failure that can't make any money."

"You make forty dollars an hour. That's a lot of money."

"I guess but I don't always get eight hour days and I'm under _your_insurance."

"Come on, you're great at what you do."

We finished up dinner and I had only one glass of wine since I had to do math later and I didn't want to be completely drunk or even buzzed. I feel like I'm partly responsible for these student's grades when I tutor them and being intoxicated in front of them will only make me look bad. I've had a pretty good record when it comes to helping people. I worked part time at the University of the Pacific Northwest's mathematics center helping fellow students out and it was a pretty fun job.

Tutoring students in math in my office has other advantages too since I can play songs on the piano and sing mnemonic devices for them. I try to be a fun tutor and I try to show how math can be just as fun as music.

Teaching has been a way for me to help connect with my neighborhood and community in Kenville. Dennis and I moved here so he could live close to work and so he can just walk or jog a couple blocks to the business park nearby. He hates commuting to work and wants us to be a one car family in order to help the environment. He also became a chemical engineer so he could help the environment.

After the two math tutoring sessions I walked to the living room and plopped onto the couch next to Dennis. I snuggled into him and nuzzled his chest.

He looked down at me and said, "Hey. What's up?" He put an arm around me and massaged his fingers into my side.

I watched the college football game silently next to him as he cheered when the team he liked did anything positive and roared at the other team when the paw of fortune led them to any type of success.

I loved seeing shots of the marching bands playing. It reminds me of being in the marching band for the football games. I mean the UPNw football team didn't win very many times but I sure felt like a winner when the crowd roared after our performances and how that filled me with joy and passion. The memory also made me sad since I could never do that again.

After the game he lifted me up (with some struggling and grunting) and carried me to the bedroom. I told him that he was going to ruin his back but he managed without hurting himself too much. I then said that I still needed to brush my teeth but I appreciated the lift anyway.

I slept with my head in his creamy white chest and his orange and black arms holding me tightly. I was extremely comfortable in this position and I usually slept like this but I kept thinking about how I could end my lessons for the majority of the students. It kept me up for a while but eventually I succumbed to the strong powers of fatigue and drowsiness.

Over the next couple weeks I kept tutoring and teaching but I stopped taking in new people as students. When those that needed only a few weeks of help for math, flute, or piano had stopped their lessons I used that time to help prepare for auditions. Eventually I had to tell a few people that their lessons would have to be spread out to only once every two weeks but I kept it weekly for a select few students like Jane that absolutely needed me.

Eventually I had a lot of time for my flute and myself, and I decided to take lessons from my old flute professor at the university. He was a tiger and was tall like Dennis. He was always ruthless in his critiques, which I needed in order to improve. I found his information on the university's website and called him during his office hours. I asked if he still had any timeslots available to help me with my auditions. He agreed and I was happily on my way back to school.

The morning of my first day of lessons again I was feeling excited and a little groggy from having a hard time falling asleep the night before. I couldn't fall asleep right away since I kept thinking about my professor and the hope that I had in my heart and head since I knew he could help me with my auditions.

I had a simple breakfast of cornflakes in almond milk and fruit salad. I put on a plain white shirt, a plaid gray tie, and a pair of black slacks. I made sure my fur wasn't messed up and put on my favorite pair of black loafers and headed out.

I took the bus to the university and tried to relax in the semi-padded seat with my tail in the slot between the back and bottom of the seat. The ride brought back a lot of memories when I got closer to UPNw's district. I smiled as I saw the small "take a book leave a book" library that looked like it was made from an old armoire. I also saw the apartment building painted electric blue and hot pink. It always made me smile since it was in a sea of pastel buildings. As we got closer to the campus I saw my old apartment and the café at the ground level where I would always study during my junior year.

Soon I got off the bus at the stop nearest the music building. I walked from the environmental sciences building and turned my head from side to side like a tourist and was taking in all the old memories. I made it to the quad and placed my paw on one of the trees where Dennis and I first kissed. I ran a finger down the bark and looked up at the sunlight filtering through the pine needles. I smiled and looked at my watch. I still had a few minutes before I had to see my professor. I sat on a bench and scanned all the foliage around me in the quad. I always loved the greenness of the campus and how environmentally conscious it was. When I saw students flooding out of the surrounding buildings I knew that was my cue to go to the music building, which was only on the other side of the quad.

As I stepped in I heard a cacophony of students and faculty talking as they were entering and exiting the building. I made my way to the department office and asked a cheery squirrel behind the large desk which room Professor Williams' office this quarter. He told me office 201A and wished me a good day. I thanked him and left the room.

I walked up the stairs and looked at the flyers for different clubs and classes taped to the walls of the stairwell. I got to the hallway of classrooms and stepped into a smaller corridor with teacher's offices. I knocked on the door and hefty tiger opened the old wooden door.

"Hello, Professor Williams," I said with a big grin.

"It's been a while Mr. Lee," he said to me with an equally large smile.

"Please just call me Nathan like you used to," I said as politely as possible. I didn't want to say it made me feel old since he was older than me and I didn't want to seem disrespectful to him since he was also helping me.

"Alright then Nathan, how have you been?" he asked.

"I've been okay, I've had a lot of time one my paws lately and you?"

"Pretty busy but I'm glad that I have time in my schedule to help you. You were always one of my favorite students."

That warmed up my heart when I heard that. I said back to him, "Thank you. It means a lot to hear that from you."

"It doesn't mean I will go easy on you now," he said sternly but then his face returned to a kind smile.

"I know," I replied and nodded. "I prepared myself for this."

It still made me feel great to know that I was a good student to him. He was a great professor and one of my favorites. He was always so tough but also so kind and helpful to me.

I headed into the little office and we discussed what I had been working on lately. He suggested a few other pieces that he thought about working on and ones that would be good for auditions. They were more difficult than what I usually used for my practice repertoire.

I met with Professor Williams three times every week and he taught me that I still had a lot to learn even though I had my degree and was teaching people already. He ironed out any bad habits that developed over time and he was pretty harsh on me but was also encouraging. My circular breathing didn't last as long as when he tutored me before. My articulating was always sloppy to his standards. It frustrated me at times. He would ask me things like if I was actually listening to myself or if I was listening to him when we tried a duet. I wanted to talk back and argue with him when I completely disagreed but I always bit my tongue. He was the one that knew more than me and he was the one that had played in concerts around Europe, Asia, and North America. I knew he was there to help me improve and I will always be thankful for his guidance. The lessons I had with him made me become hyper observant of my lone practice sessions and when I applied his advice I actually did improve.

My life did become somewhat more painful. I was usually alone which meant I became pretty lonely. I was used to having lunch by myself and sometimes breakfast alone when Dennis had to leave early but I didn't think that practicing this many hours without anyone around me and could make me feel this way. My morning time slots were usually empty but I had a fair amount of adults that wanted piano lessons but soon some had to stop the lessons and that time was devoted to my own improvement. But I knew this would only be good for me in the end, well hopefully.

One day I was practicing and cursing at myself for missing a grace note and I yelled at myself a little too loudly. Apparently I shouted loud enough for Dennis to hear me and he knocked on the door.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" he asked with concern in his tone after he rapped on the door.

"How many times have I told you not to bother me when I'm practicing?" I yelled at the closed door.

"I'm sorry," he said and I heard his footsteps retreat.

Then I felt like throwing my flute through the window, my flute that costs the same amount as a decent used car which was bought by Dennis out the window. At the same time I also felt like breaking down and slowly dissolving into the ether. I took a breath and put my flute on its stand and walked out of the office.

I stepped into the bedroom and saw Dennis sitting down on the edge of the bed and he was sulking. A few tears were dripping out of his eyes as he looked up at me.

"No, I'm sorry," I said as I looked into his pained face.

"I thought you would be happier pursuing this but you seem even less happy than before." He then wiped a tear away.

"I'm not unhappier, I'm just... lonelier."

"I know that you're a hard worker but I've never heard you yell at anyone like that before."

I sat next to him and held him and said, "I was out of line. I feel horrible for yelling at you and again I'm really sorry. Please forgive me."

He took a breath and tried to compose himself. "Okay, I forgive you but please, just never do that again."

"I promise," I said and then kissed him on his orange cheek.

"Do you want me to watch you play?" he asked gently. "I mean I don't want to be in your way but if you want company I would love to be in there with you."

"Sure, of course you can," I said smiling at him. "Actually, I have another idea."

When we were back in my office I pulled out 'Bergamask'and put it on the piano stand.

"How about a duet?"

"I don't know, it's been a while since I've played the piano and I might screw up a lot," he said timidly.

"It's fine. I just want to play for fun."

"You won't be upset if I make a mistake?" he asked and playfully pouted.

"No, of course not. I want to share some time with you and I don't want my students to waste their talents."

"It's been a while since you've taught me piano."

"It's an easy song and it's one you know."

We played the song through once glancing at one another during the rests and bobbing side to side with the tempo. I took the tempo a bit slower since Dennis didn't warm up and was playing like he just dove into a pool after years of not swimming and was struggling a little. I put my own spin a few phrases and he looked like he was enjoying himself. After we finished we smiled at one another and Dennis hugged me.

"That was fun," he said and then kissed my neck.

"It was and I'm sorry again," I said as I looked down.

"It's fine. Now I'll just sit back be your audience," he said and it made me feel so warm at the bottom of my belly.

It was like this for the rest of the time being. My tiger watched me play for at least an hour a day and he even drove me to a couple auditions and watched me. He helped eliminate my nerves and all the horrid thoughts that rushed through my brain cells and clouded my thinking process.

After a couple weeks I usually got rejection letters in the mail from the different symphonies and orchestras. It always stung to know that I wasn't good enough but I knew it didn't kill me and it would only strengthen me.

Then on one momentous day I forgot to check the mail and Dennis walked in with a letter addressed to me. We both held our breaths as we slowly tore into the paper. I took out the letter and read the first few lines. I then smiled at my tiger and laughed. He then kissed me and I felt like the happiest kangaroo in the world.