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Chapter 31

Fifteen-year-old Theo stretched his strong young body, ignoring the ache of his sore muscles as he watched Roan. As usual, Roan was with his brother Zane, and the young teenagers were laughing together after a training session. It was the end of the day and everyone was going home - though Loryn, their instructor for the day, had hung back to laugh with the young boys, his surrogate sons. It was Loryn's last two years before retirement, and so he often tried to get in as much time as he could with the young boys who looked to him like an older brother.

Theo frowned slightly. He wanted to walk Roan home, but Zane was always in the way. And he didn't think he had the nerve to ask. He was frightened he would offend Roan . . . or that Roan would take his request as flirting. He still couldn't be sure that Roan liked males . . . though he thought he probably did.

It was the end of the year and they were almost sixteen. Then they would have one year until adulthood. After that, they would have to take a mating season or come out as tail chasers. Theo knew he was running out of time.

Loryn noticed Theo's silent struggle and caught his eye. Theo bit his lip, waiting nervously as Loryn clapped the shoulders of the boys he was talking to, then came his way.

Theo was a dark gray wolf with a square jaw and intensely black eyes. He knew he was very handsome: the girls around the village were constantly eying him. The boys too. But Theo only had eyes for Roan and had spent the better part of their lives trying to get him to notice him. He felt frustrated: anytime he wanted to be with Roan, it seemed as if Zane was always in the way, lumbering along at Roan's side, towering ever at his shoulder.

"Hey, Theo," Loryn said, approaching. "What's the matter? Don't wanna go home to Sade?" He was sympathetic.

Theo knew why: everyone knew Sade was always breathing down Theo's neck, pushing him to be the best. There were times when Theo just didn't want to go home, and Loryn - taking pity on him - would invite him to his house for supper.

Theo loved going to Loryn's house for supper. Whenever he was invited over, Loryn would always make sure that Lea would come, also bringing Kilyan and Ohana . . . and Roan and Zane. Loryn seemed to guess Theo's interest and had been trying to help him out for more than a year now.

"No," answered Theo, feeling a little sheepish. He had always felt comfortable coming to Loryn in the past, but now he felt embarrassed. He scratched his ears as he muttered, "I wanna walk . . . him home." He glanced at Roan and Zane with a longing that made Loryn smile.

Loryn clapped Theo on the shoulder. "Alright, kid. Sit tight. I'll get the apple of your eye alone for you." He looked over at Roan and Zane, and Theo's eyes practically popped when he shouted, "Hey, Zane! Come 'ere!"

Zane looked up from his conversation with Roan and his ears pricked forward. He came to them, looking at Theo curiously. Behind them, Roan was staring with the same curious expression.

Theo watched, horrified, as Loryn then went to Roan, threw his arm around his grandson, and left with him. He and Zane were then left face to face, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot or clenching and unclenching paws. They did not have their spears: they had trained with knives that day. Theo wore his knife in a sheath around his neck, as did Zane.

"Um . . ." Big Zane towered over Theo and scratched the back of his ears. "Hey . . . Theo . . ."

"Hey, Zane . . ." Theo said miserably, watching as Roan walked off with his grandfather. Ugh. Loryn thought all this time that Theo liked Zane?

Zane was starting to blush. "Look, Theo . . . I'm gonna let you down gently . . . I'm not into . . ."

Theo laughed. "Save your breath, Zane. It was Roan I was after."

Zane laughed, relieved. "Oh." He looked at Theo curiously again. "So you like my brother, huh?" he said, amused.

"Yeah," Theo admitted, feeling sheepish again. It was weird telling Zane this. He and Zane were friends, but they had never before talked about . . . Roan this way. Though they had talked about many things. Zane was one of the boys close enough to Theo to know he was a tail chaser. Zane was one of the few boys that Theo trusted. Perhaps that was the basis of Loryn's mistake.

"And Loryn thought . . ." Zane laughed weakly. He jerked his head. "Come on. You can come to my house for supper. Roan will be there."

Theo smiled. "Alright."

They walked through the streets together, side bye side, as all around them, wolves walked home in the dusk. Other boys were going home with their spears on their shoulders, while young mothers and wives walked home from the market and from the fields. The dusk was pouring gold and purple across the sky. It was a serene time of day, a beautiful time of day. Theo wished he was spending it with Roan. He had meant to walk him home in this beauty and calm while he got up the nerve to confess his feelings. At last.

"So how long have you liked my brother?" Zane wondered curiously. "I knew you liked guys . . . but I never thought . . ." He laughed flatly. "I guess I should have known. You were always at Loryn's house for supper. I thought he was just being nice to you because of Sade . . ." Zane glanced at Theo anxiously. "You didn't tell your parents where you'd be. Amrosa is gonna be mad."

Theo flattened his ears. It was true his mother hated it whenever he disappeared and he hated upsetting her. But he and Sade had quarreled today. He did not want to go home.

They turned into another street. Roan and Zane's house wasn't far now.

"Zane . . .?"

"Yeah . . .?" Zane wasn't listening: his eyes were following the high breasts of a young female who was passing with a basket. She halted, looking as if she wanted to smack him, and he quickly turned his eyes away.

Theo smirked: how could Loryn think Zane . . .? Not that Roan didn't like females. Every time Yuri came to the village, Roan was all thumbs. Yuri was yet another obstacle . . . Theo set his teeth. It suddenly seemed to him that for the better part of his life Roan had constantly been on a pedestal, out of reach.

"What can I do to get Roan's attention?" Theo wondered and frowned in frustration. "Are you sure he even likes males?" He was terrified that he would hit on Roan, only to discover that he didn't like males at all. What if Roan then told other boys about him? The last thing he needed was for Sade to find out his son was a tail chaser.

"Pft. He does," Zane said with conviction. "But . . ." He hesitated and looked at Theo uncertainly.

"What? What is it?" Theo said irritably. "He only fucks males during the full moon?" More bad news? Another damn obstacle? He was two seconds from bending Roan over and to hell with it!

Zane smiled sympathetically. "I don't think my brother knows who he is yet, Theo. Everyone knows but him," he said, rolling his eyes. "So if you do approach him, be . . ." Zane frowned. "Roan is sensitive."

Theo smiled to reassure Zane. "I'll be gentle, Zane. I promise."

Zane looked away. "It's more than that. Our great grandmother died recently. Roan took it hardest. He was the oldest grandbaby, so Grandma Xela was closest to him. She loved him best because he was so well behaved . . . Enya and I always got popped on the tail." He laughed sadly.

"Ah . . ." Theo frowned. "I didn't know . . ."

Zane glanced at him. "It's alright. Just . . . if he starts gettin' all mopey, comfort him. And maybe he'll kiss you."

"Zane! I couldn't take advantage of him while he's - no! I'll never do that!"

Zane grinned, and realizing that he was being put to the test, Theo elbowed him. Zane laughed as he took the blow. He rubbed his side and looked down at Theo, delighted.

"Just makin' sure you're worthy of my brother before you go after him."

"So . . . you're not against it? I mean . . ."

"Why would I be against you and Roan? If he starts paying attention to you, then I get Yuri all to myself!"

Theo laughed. "You're terrible."

"Don't I know it." Zane wagged his eyebrows.

Roan and Zane's house came into view, and Theo swallowed hard as they reached the curtain. He kept telling himself that it was just dinner at a friend's house. He'd been to dinner at Roan and Zane's before! But tonight was different. Tonight he hoped to finally tell Roan how he felt. If Roan didn't feel the same . . .

Zane started to open the curtain but paused. He laughed to see the nervous look on Theo's face. "It's just Roan! Geez, you've had supper here a thousand times!"

Theo stood listening. He could hear Roan's voice inside. Loryn's laughter rose among the others, as did Lea's and Ohana's. Kilyan's deep voice said something. More laughter. Theo couldn't move when he heard Roan laughing too. Roan had such a nice laugh . . .

Zane dropped his paw from the curtain, watching Theo's dreamy eyes in amusement. "Tell you what," he said, "I'll go in there and send Roan out to you. You guys can talk, then you can go home. You won't miss supper with your folks, and Roan will know how your widdle heart goes pidder pat for him."

Theo hesitated. "And . . . you're sure Roan likes guys?"

Zane laughed. He came up to Theo and squeezed his shoulder. "I understand how you feel. Believe me. Every time I'm around Yuri, I turn to mush."

"What do you do?"

Zane scratched his nose. "You mean before or after she rejects me?"

"After," Theo said dismally.

Zane suddenly grinned. "I don't give up."

Theo drew himself up and nodded. "Alright." He smiled. "Throw 'im at me!"

Zane's grin widened. "Wait here. I'll send Roan out to you." He went to the curtain and paused again, looking over his shoulder and lifting his brows to playfully ascertain that Theo wasn't going to budge.

"Yes," Theo said, laughing, "I'll wait here."

Zane nodded and ducked inside.

Theo's ears pricked forward, and he could hear the others happily greeting Zane. Zane's deep voice answered just as jovially. Zane had always been very cheerful - so much so that everyone around him was always put at ease. It was perhaps the reason that he and Theo had fallen so easily into friendship.

"Hurry back!" Theo heard Lea call. "Your food will get cold!"

"Yes, Mom!"

Theo stiffened: Roan was coming! He licked his paw and smoothed down his long gray mane, which he had pulled back in a low tail for the day's exercises. A basin of water was nearby from the laundry and Theo looked at his reflection in it. He hastily wiped a bit of dirt off his face and straightened up just as Roan emerged from the hut.

"Hey, Theo," Roan said brightly.

Theo sighed inside . . . and he suddenly understood what Zane meant about turning to mush. Roan was . . . perfect. He was cute as ever, and his vivid green eyes, as usual, were gentle and serene. His long black mane was loose behind his shoulders, and the white flecks in his black fur were hardly noticeable in the falling dark. The darkness seemed to consume those little flecks, which sort of saddened Theo, for he had always liked them.

"Zane said you needed to tell me something," Roan went on, tilting his head slightly as he studied Theo. "I know I accidentally knocked you down during training . . ."

Theo laughed. "No, it's alright." You can knock me down anytime.

Roan frowned. "So you're not hurt? I'm sorry if you are . . ." He took a step closer and peered hard at Theo in the darkness, as if trying to find a scrape or wound.

"No, I'm alright," Theo insisted, laughter still in his voice. He didn't think it possible that Roan could really hurt him: Roan was not much of a warrior. In fact, Roan was clumsy and not nearly as strong as Theo. His muscles were thin and his body slender. . . . and completely desirable, Theo thought with a quiver in his tail. He looked at Roan and wanted to touch him.

Roan nodded. "Good," he said, moving past Theo. "Because I know I've been distracted lately. I haven't . . . had my head on right. Zane and I were told we could take some time off training . . . but that would've just left me with a bunch of time to think of her."

Theo watched Roan's back sympathetically. "Yeah. Zane told me your great grandmother . . ." He frowned. "I'm sorry."

Roan didn't turn and bowed his head. He bent his muscular arms, and even though he was standing behind him, Theo could tell Roan was pressing his fingertips together. It was something he did whenever he was thinking hard.

"I spent all my life thinking she would be there forever. Then one day . . . she wasn't. And I realized how fragile life is. I realized . . ." Roan lifted his head. "That I needed to start stepping up! Because tomorrow could be the end."

Theo gulped. Now was the moment when he was supposed to spill his guts. "I feel the same way, Roan," Theo said, a little breathlessly. "Which is why I want to tell you --"

"I decided," Roan went on happily, too engrossed in his own thoughts to have even heard Theo, "that I should finally tell Yuri how I feel!" He turned to Theo and grinned.

Theo felt his heart sink into his foot. He slumped slightly and was glad it was too dark for Roan to really see his crestfallen face.

"The next time she comes to visit," Roan went on resolutely, "I'll tell her that . . ." He sighed and looked off, shaking his head, "I love her. . . .so deeply."

Theo pinched the flesh between his eyes, thinking that today could not get any worse. No doubt he was going to go home and get yelled at by his parents for being late to supper, and for what? So that he could come here and have Roan unwittingly rip his heart out? He wanted to hit something. Or drink something . . . Ugh. What was it going to take to make Roan open his beautiful green eyes and see him standing there with his heart beating in his paw?

Roan looked at Theo, as if he'd just realized he was there. "You wanted to tell me something, Theo?"

"Just that . . ." Theo swallowed hard, looking into those oblivious green eyes. ". . . I'm sorry about your loss."

Roan smiled warmly. "You're a good friend, Theo. I know Zane admires you a lot. I hope we'll always be friends."

Theo tried not to wince. Why didn't he just stab him in the face already? "Yeah," Theo repeated dully, "friends. Goodnight, Roan."

Theo stiffened when Roan clapped him on the shoulder and said happily, "Goodnight, Theo." He then moved past Theo and into the hut, fanning his delicious musk after him with his tail.

Theo stood a long time, sadly inhaling that musk. As Roan was passing, he'd had a sudden desire to yank him back by the tail and kiss him. But standing in front of the hut, he glanced around at the dark streets and saw other wolves talking outside their homes. A young female passing with her mother giggled and fluttered her lashes. She cupped one of her perky tits and gently squeezed. Theo quickly looked away, almost laughing when the girl's mother grabbed her arm and angrily dragged her on.

Another night then, Roan . . . baby.

Theo was steeling himself to go home and face his father's wrath when Loryn emerged.

"How'd it go, kid?" Loryn said. "Did Roan fall into your arms?" He went to a wicker torch standing near the hut and lit it. Theo tried to back away before he did, not wanting Loryn to see how miserable he was. He was too slow, however.

"Ouch," Loryn said, seeing his face. He clapped him sympathetically on the shoulder. "So he let you down hard, huh?"

Theo snorted miserably. "He didn't let me down at all. He doesn't even know how I feel!" Theo tossed his paws. He looked at Loryn incredulously. "And you thought I wanted Zane?"

Loryn grinned. "I guess the big, tall, and muscular ones are my type, not yours. That's what I get for projecting on you." He looked at Theo with concern. "But you say Roan doesn't know how you feel?"

Theo looked at his mentor glumly. "All he could do was rant about Yuri. If I have to hear her name _one_more time I'll . . . I'll . . ."

"And you never got a word in?"

"By the time he asked me what I wanted to tell him . . . he'd already ripped my heart from my chest and tore it to little pieces."

"Ah . . ."

"I'm starting to think I should just let him go."

Loryn's ears pricked forward. "What? No! Yuri is not in love with Roan and probably never will be. If you want my opinion, she's got it out for Enya."

Theo's brows shot up.

"Roan is setting himself up to be crushed. But he can be happy with you." Loryn smiled. "And I'll see to it that he's with you. I look after my grandpuppies."

Theo looked at Loryn gratefully, but he did not feel very convinced. "How are we going to make Roan notice me? He won't stop talking about Yuri long enough to listen. Talking to him is impossible!"

Loryn grinned. "Then you may just have to fuck him."