Primal Breakdown
This is not porn. This is barely a animal tf story. This is barely readable.
This probably should have been best left as some short prose, but I had too much I wanted to say. This story is more of a rant than anything else. I'm not entirely that frustrated right now with work, just dealing with a lot of bull crap I shouldn't have to deal with. And don't take everything in this story as if this is my life; this is still a fictional story with a fictional 1st POV character. I'm just...frustrated.
And seeing how it is a full moon tonight, I thought I throw in the Werewolf bit to further express my frustrations and how I feel like doing sometimes.
Anyways; I won't feel too disappointed if no one reads this let alone likes this. It's just a fictional rant.
Peace.
I gnash my teeth together sounding a beastly growl, sucking in a raspy breath to drown it out secretly clenching my fists and shaking my head to control myself. I feel like I'm slipping further down this pit of fire, hearing the fierce bellows of barking and howls traveling up from it; growing louder and wilder. Some sort of animal is pacing impatiently within my being getting fed up with its imprisonment; frustrated as I am emotionally about my personal predicament, a deep desire to growl with this primal entity; a longing to test claws and fangs tearing into anything that could slate my desperation for solace, to release my hated tensions grips my soul.
I want to leap from my countertop and attack this unruly customer, sink my teeth into any part of his flesh and silence him to end his constant whining and bickering.
But I hold back, once more. I'm not an animal, I'm a human being. And human being's don't attack people like wild vicious animals when confronted with a customer service issue. I can lose my job over that, let alone be arrested and possible sent to a psych ward. Perhaps I should see a shrink someday if these urges continue to fester like this; I'm bound to go on a rampage if I don't seek help. But really; I believe this isn't my fault.
This customer, this middle aged wrinkled gentlemen baring a constant disapproving scowl even since he first came to place his order giving me infuriating looks and words about his experience with our service; he is only one of many I have had the unfortunately pleasure of dealing with in the last few months. He feels that we haven't done nearly everything for his order despite having gone over his request with a fine tooth comb at least three times demanding it be redone again and again. He is never satisfy, and when he demands to speak to my manager I am appalled that my boss sides with this decrepit customer even though he knows outright how much his impossible requests has waned me and my crew.
But not even my crew is innocent from the insanity I have had to suffer these past months. New employees have come and gone because of either their lack of knowledge, their unwillingness to study and understand how their position works, lack of desire to better themselves and find new ways of tackling problems, or just flat out abandon their post and not show up to work. My current staff has improved their mannerism since then, but even as nice and willing as they are to take their job seriously; I am constantly bombarded with questions and assistance to pull them out of a tight situation they need to prepare themselves better for. I find no peace even when on my day off called time and again to answer questions they should already know or seek out my Lead of my department or my manager for advice.
My Lead; the position my manager and my parents continue to bug me about. I've worked at my establishment for several years; I should be running my department now considering I already do in spirit. But I have had several Leads come and go as much as our new associates, and though I valued all of them save for two their position is less glamourous as one would wish to believe. A Lead is perpetually cleaning up after everyone's messes and dealing with the corporation's policies and practices let alone extra work that should be assigned to other associates. A Lead has little time to really work with incoming customers, and THEY are supposed to have the finally say in what projects we can take and what must go through proper channels AS WELL as dealing with the unruly masses that wish for compensation for a poor job or attempting to snake their way into getting their assignments done first over the large queue we have daily, or even worse shame us when we are unable to reduce the price when it is set in stone and we have no say in cutting the value in half or more like they demand.
My Leads do their best to be the rock star, as some would say, of our department. But due to the abundant duties they are forced to contend with, said decisions and management actions get sent to me leaving me to deal with flow of ungrateful and horrible customers that care little for our time and sanity; for proper guidelines and rules we are all abound by. And where are my store managers in all this when we need the help? I fully understand that not all of them can come to our aid in a timely matter as they must attend to hundreds of other customers wandering our store with similar gripes and complaints. But our station is supposed to have ONE manager trained to handle our department whenever the need arise; a manager that knows how to handle our system and can help run the easiest of jobs and take in the bigger orders to be handled by us later when we are swamped to our knees or in need of a break and lunch. But this was all for naught as our assigned manager cares little to be trained appropriately on our side, taking five to fifteen minutes to rush to our side for assistance when we needed it within two (and that's if that manager comes at all).
Why do I continue to work here if management of this store is so god awful? Our Time clock system is screwed up that every time I try to punch in or out it lags for 30 seconds making it seem I'm punching late when I'm not or it crashes and I have to redo it again, sometimes three times for it to work. I barely even get breaks or lunches anymore when it take five or pages to even grab the attention of any manager on duty, and this happens even when we are NOT busy. My Lead is doing little to lead our department when the time can be made, brushing off incidents and mishaps perpetrated by my fellow associates as if it wasn't a big deal. Our machines are out of date and rarely supplied that we lose time and production because of needing to borrow supplies from other stores or waiting on our own supply truck that takes a week or two to arrive, and that's if it arrives at all! I should have quit a long time ago and saved me this headache.
And a headache is exactly what I'm suffering from this moment, rubbing the side of my forehead habitually zoning out on the one-sided conversation between me and the middle aged idiot trying to blame the lateness and poor quality of our production solely on me to my good for nothing manager. Weary bloodshot eyes look up to my manager muffled hearing listening to him trying to calm the customer and persuade him that we will discount his order further if we get the order done by tonight, glaring disapproving at me as if this was all my fault.
Do you know whose fault this is sir? YOU, for promising this customer and several like him impossible turnaround times and practices that cannot be done so easily within the store; orders like these are meant to be sent out to our Outsourced Production Center (and even they have gradually declined in quality of their work forcing me to redo what is needed half the time). My LEAD, for allowing the problems of our center and our associates to slip and not fix the problems needed. My FELLOW CO-WORKERS, for not taking better care of improving their education with how our department works, constantly turning to me and no one else with mundane and technical questions they should have learned to deal with by now. And on top of that, for leaving large projects unattended because they don't know how to handle it, leaving it to me on the last day to finish said projects that should have been sent out or started earlier in the week. The CUSTOMERS, for being thick headed and impatient wanting everything to be done right then right now with little consequence to how their demands affect us, uncaring if they are running us (me) ragged.
But the person I blame the most is myself. Why have I allowed everyone to step over me this long? I continue to play "Yes Sir or Ma'am" wanting to show my worth and dedication to my position all the while keeping in my complaints and gripes about how things are being run in this department, in this store. This was never a career I desired. I am so sick of this job and sick of practically being everyone's punching bag. I sick of people belittling me and taking advantage of me. I'm sick of being...human!
The howling in my soul cries out again from that fiery pit in my mind, and I'm not as shocked as my manager or the customer as they watch me cry out as well, my head pulled back high as I howl like an animal. My body shakes violently as I stumble away, shielding my face from everyone's eyes scampering to a corner wanting to hide. My manager rushes over to me, expressing the rarest concern I ever got from him before as he places a hand over my shoulder.
I think this must be what it's like to breakdown, to lose it and just accept the weight crushing down upon you. I feel like I have given up, wanting the waves of all that frustration and desperation to crash down upon me and sweep me away from all this. I wanted to blank out and disappear, escape to where all of this noise and hardness was a distant memory, somewhere peaceful and free. Somewhere away from all this garbage piling around me, the stench so much more noticeable and digesting the longer I sit here and try to slip through the cracks.
My manager gets a frightening jolt when instead of me turning my head to look up solemnly in acceptance of his help I snap at his hand with my teeth, his hand pulled away quickly as he starts to grow wide eyed and cowardly as the decrepit customer and others onlooking around the department. I can't honestly say I was in control of my actions, but I felt little remorse or modesty for my beastly behavior coming over me as I rolled onto my hands and knees, wild eyes piercing the both of them as I flashed gnashed teeth snarling like a vicious animal.
There was a voice whispering in my head when this feeling took over me, a voice that matched the gruff tone of my animal behavior. It nurtured my frustration and desires, wanting me to let out my hate and act the way I felt like wanting to; to let out the animal I've been trying to keep at bay deep in my soul. It was agreeing with me, at how much I had begun to loathe my job, humanity, this life. I wanted something else from all of this, something simple and pure. Perhaps as was taking the easy way out, that I didn't fully understand what it was that was happening to me.
But I don't care anymore. It feels good to act like this, better so to sound out my anger and rage barking and growling at everyone that annoyed me; that treated me like dirt and left me hanging with all the unnecessary work. I just want it to end; I want to be freed from all this bullshit. I want to be free.
The animal inside agreed. Too fueled by my angst to notice; to my coworkers and customers baffled eyes, things about me were beginning to change in bizarre ways. My teeth were sharpening and nails lengthening into monstrous visions, hair sprouting from untouched skin spreading quickly in a unnatural pace. My clothes began to feel tight and constricting; my shoes slipped away with my socks as inhuman vestiges of hindpaws replaced flat bipedal feet. A hairy lump pushed out from above the waistline of my pants, stiffening out as it grew longer and thicker with the same hair; fur, in a threatening posture.
These changes, it felt so great to feel like this. I didn't want to try to stand back up anymore, comfortable with my animal posture on all fours. My body could breath after my clothes tore away and left me naked with only my thickening fur to cover and warm me. My face throbbed and ached as it pushed forward into a canine like muzzle, carnivorous teeth filling in open gums hungry to bite into anything to slate my rage. But the addition of a animal face felt satisfying; it was as if I was getting MY face back; getting MY body back.
People were already beginning to run for the hills before this transformation ended, but not my manager and the customer. They stayed perfectly still in fear, smelling urine and even feces from the older man. My wolfish lips curled into a crooked smile as I snarled ferociously, taking that leap and pinning my manager onto his back against the hard floor roaring as if like a lion onto its prey.
The last thing I remembered was blood trickling down my throat biting down my manager's neck and tasty his flesh before waking to reality. It was just a daydream. I was still facing the customer and my manager completing their conversation and shaking hands. I was told what we needed to do to fix the customer's order and was asked to stay an hour longer to see that it was done as fast as possible.
I reluctantly agreed to this, returning to my station and doing what I could to fix this order.
My fingers clenched tightly, feeling sharpen nails digging into my palms; nostrils flared as my teeth ached and pulled at my gums, uttering a soft animal growl.