A Cruel Fate

Story by Darius The Dragon on SoFurry

, , , , , , , ,

A bit of writing practice I did. Some fanfiction of Naruto. I've been wanting to write one but I'm unsure on how People will feel about it so here's what's basically a sample of the story. Please tell me how it was and what could be improved.


Thud! The body of a hero's only son hit the concrete hard as lightning flashed throughout the village hidden in the leaves, blood splattering on the ground from his wound. The soaked, sobbing mess of a child coughed up blood due to the kunai in his back. Cries of "We've got him!" and "We got the demon now!" He tried to get up but he was too tired, and the crowd had just caught up. As he was roughly pulled to his knees one thought went through the young child's head. "Why.... What did I do?" 'CRACK' the sound of his nose breaking as a knee met his face. Cheers erupted all around while the torrential downpour only seemed to get worse. Blood streamed down the child's face, joining the other drops of crimson liquid on the pavement. The child was knocked onto his back from the sheer force of the blow. Time seemed to slow as a flash of thunder illuminated the mob's faces... faces of pure rage, and glee at his suffering. Another man took his kunai and buried it into the child's chest, twisting it then pulling it out roughly with a sickening 'schlurp' sound. Another flash of lightning illuminated the scene, giving the child a view of his own blood on the weapon. Tears ran down his face, both from the physical and emotional pain. 'Why... why do they hate me? Have I done something wrong...?' A swift kick was delivered to his throat, closing his airway and making it very difficult for the child to breathe, or keep his consciousness. Another flash of lightning could be seen. Someone stomping on his ribs, cracking or breaking most of his ribs with a sickeningly audible _'CRUNCH',_was followed by yet another lightning strike. More brutal hits were delivered while people continued to cheer, each one followed by a flash of lightning. The situation escalated quickly each hit as the crowd began to frenzy with more of the "demon" blood spilled. The ninth hit was a spiked club to the torso, causing immense bleeding. 'Why... why don't I fight back? Why not fight back? They've... they've taken everything!' In his head the child heard a dark voice. "Come... come to me Kit... use my power." The child felt a tugging sensation as everything went black for a moment before he could see again, though his vision was blurry. As his vision was refocusing the child noticed the sound of running water, and saw that he was in a sewer, standing in very shallow, running water.. "Come... follow my voice to gain power. Power to fight back, power to kill!" Exciting at the mere thought of the power the child started sprinting down the pipes the voice seemed to echo from until he reached a large cage. "Ah, my container... what is your name Kit?" Large, red slitted eyes opened behind the bars and stared at the young boy. "My name is Naruto..." There was a rumbling that Naruto recognised as chuckling from this.... Being in front of him. "Well then... Naruto... I promised you power, come to this paper and rip a small piece off of it and I'll give you power." Without hesitating Naruto ran up to what he didn't know was the seal and tore the corner of the paper. "Good... Now, accept my power!" Naruto stared in awe as a crimson wave of energy illuminated the room as it headed for him, giving him the quickest glimpse of nine tails in the darkness. Though the amount of power that the being had given him forced him out of the sewer like place and back into the real world, where he saw the power explode outward while unrestrained. Standing as his wounds closed and healed Naruto looked at the forms of the downed and terrified villagers. He still isn't sure what happened that night but he moved on his own and lashed out with no mercy. His arm ended up through the chest of one man, whose heart had been obliterated by such an attack. Pulling his arm out of the limp body Naruto ran on all fours at another whose face he grabbed, ignoring the man's screams and pleas of mercy as the corrosive energy caused his skin to bubble and burn. Spinning around Naruto slammed the man's head into the nearest wall, crushing the man's head against aforementioned wall. Turning to the rest of the mob that were attempting to flee desperately Naruto got angrier, seeing as they were begging for mercy while they had ignored his pleas. His vision became red and Naruto ran forward. When he came to Naruto got up from a crouch the ground and turned around. Hearing an unnatural sound Naruto looked down to see he had his foot buried in someone's skull. Pulling it out Naruto tried to ignore it and turn to see the destruction he caused. And it was a gruesome sight, causing Naruto to smirk. Looking down to his bloody hands Naruto felt only a little regret, regret that it had not lasted longer. He felt himself getting weaker and saw that the powerful energy cloaking him was fading. A shout of "Naruto!" Was heard and said blond headed boy jerked his head up to see one man who cared for him, the Hokage. Then Naruto's vision went black and he collapsed.