FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Choosing Lycanthropy

Here it is.

It is lying right here in front of me on my empty desk: The vial with the powder of dried werewolf blood.

I am already holding an old rusty penknife in my right hand.

I can still remember the instructions clearly; "The blood sample must make plentiful contact with your blood."

Just a quick cut in my left arm should do just fine. I think.

Below the sleeve of my T-shirt, I put the penknife against my forearm, slightly pushing the brown rusty blade against my soft skin. Then I hesitate and pull it back.

The rust could cause blood poisoning, right? Or... the increased healing rate should take care of that. I'm not sure about that though. Werewolves have an increased healing rate, right?

I stand up and take the penknife to the sink of the cabin. I glance back to the vial, still sitting on the desk. Then I turn back to the sink and start trying to rub the rust off the knife with a sponge and some water and soap. Only after rubbing it a while, most of the rust is washed away. After drying the small blade with a towel, I go back to my chair behind the desk. Again, I put the penknife against my left forearm.

This is it, right? Wait...

I look at the place where the sharp edge touches my skin.

This would make a nasty scar on my forearm. I don't want that.

Stretching my arm, I pull up further my sleeve, showing my upper arm. The sleeve is not staying put however. So I decide to take off my shirt.

Now, where was I?

Now bare-chested, I put the penknife against my bicep. If the cut would leave a scar, it would not be very noticeable any more.

I cringe before I even start pushing the knife harder against my upper left arm. Suddenly, I realize something. I quickly release the pressure. The dull knife only leaves a red line on my skin.

Would I change immediately? They didn't mention anything about that during the instructions, right? Shit...

Not wanting to waste my jeans, I pull them off, leaving me wearing my shorts only.

I'm ready now, right?

Again, I put the knife against my skin.

This is going to hurt...

Then I start pushing. It hurts and the pain is telling me to stop, but I persist. After a few moments of pain, the dull knife cuts through the skin. Warm crimson blood wells up at both sides of the blade.

"Fuck... this hurts..." Is this enough?

After a last strong push, I pull out the knife. Blood starts trickling down my arm.

Now quickly!

I uncork the vial and I want to pour its contents over the wound, but something causes me to freeze.

Wait!

I stare at the vial.

Should I really do this? Family. Friends. Home.

I glance at the wound, blood still trickling down my arm, drops of blood ending up on my desk.

Fuck that, I've thought over this already.

I put the vial against my wound, but without pouring the contents onto the wound. My hand and the vial are being dipped in the blood.

This is the moment. Yes or no? Make up your mind damnit!

I start to tremble, the vial still close to my wound.

This kinda feels like cheating though...

The tension in my arms releases, and I put the bloody vial back on the desk, quickly corking it. My whole left arm is drenched in blood.

Damned mess... Why the hell am I doing this?

I play a bit with the vial.

Why the hell am I stopping? This is what I always have dreamed of! Becoming a werewolf! It's no dream! It's real!

I stop playing with the vial and stare at it.

Becoming a strong werewolf, looking bad-ass and cool, being wild, roaming the ends of the world, ... Hell, it will come with a lot of benefits.

The thought cheers me up, but another thought comes up and I leave the vial on the desk and sit back into my chair, the blood now dripping from my arm onto the floor.

I'm not worth becoming a werewolf. Yeah, probably I just want to become a werewolf to boost my self-esteem? To become stronger? To be accepted in a pack? To be truly free? I can do this as a human, right?

I stare at the vial again.

This is making me feel guilty. It feels like cheating. A shortcut. Some kind of cheatcode to enter godmode.

I slump into my chair.

I don't even know if they'd accept me into their pack. Hell, I don't even know if there's a pack. I've even never seen a werewolf in werewolf form.

The puddle of blood on the floor is slowly getting bigger.

Why can't I just go the gym, take better care of myself and other, and do things that matter?

I tilt my head backwards and stare at the ceiling.

I want to live, but I don't have anything to live for... Is that what I'm looking for in lycanthropy? Having purpose in life? Why can't I just live life? Will living a werewolf life solve this?

I raise my head, although this time slower as if my head has gotten heavier.

I don't know... Should I take the shot? I know that there is no way back.

Little stars start to dance in front of my eyes. Then I notice the large puddles of blood on the desk and the floor.

"Urgh... crap..." I'm losing blood...

I stare at the vial. My head is getting dizzier. A distant buzz is engulfing me.

I have no choice now, it's too late.

Groggily, I grab the vial. The buzz has become more prominent, and I cannot hear myself popping off the cork from the vial. As quick as my conscious can process, I pour the contents over my wound. Because of my flailing arm, only half of it ends up on my wound. Dropping the vial on the floor, I rub the powder into the wound.

I hope this better works...

A strange feeling tingles my wound before my vision starts to blur.