FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Equestria's Lost Souls

"You've come such a long, long way... and I've watched you from that very first day. To see how you might grow, to see what you might do, to see what you've been through... and all the ways you've made me proud of you."

Celestia's voice rang out through the infinite reaches of her heavenly realm, yet hit Twilight Sparkle's ears as softly as sweet music.

"It's time now for a new change to come, you've grown up and your new life has begun. To go where you will go. To see what you will see. To find what you will be, for it's time for you to fulfil your destiny!"

Bright, vibrant magic flared into life, swirling around the nervous pegasus pony as she stood before her ruler. Her goddess. She felt herself being lifted high into the air, away from the shimmering ground and the Alicorn beaming up at her with knowing wisdom and joy. In a split-second, Twilight Sparkle was engulfed in radiant light. She shone like a violet star in the heavens, and all across Equestria, everypony with a view of the sky was able to see that something truly incredible had just happened.

She burned like a brilliant flame, and sank towards the earth; not like a burning comet, but as though carried upon a cushion of the very light still surrounding her. Down towards Ponyville. Her home, and the friends who loved her so dearly.

Though all her friends were dumbstruck by what they were seeing, as the light finally began to fade it was Applejack who spoke first; asking what they were all thinking, and hoping, after seeing their dear friend seemingly explode after performing her spell to restore their rightful destinies.

"Twilight... is that you?"

***************

High above, Celestia watched as Twilight was welcomed back to the world by her dearest friends. She beamed as they realised the truth, and as Twilight Sparkle herself stared in wonder at her own wings. She giggled as Rainbow Dash whooped and cheered at having a new aerial practice partner, and laughed merrily aloud as Pinkie Pie swung through the air on a hastily constructed pully system, shrieking gleefully at the top of her lungs.

"Alicorn Party!"

The more she watched though, the more Celestia's smile began to grow tired upon her long, elegant snout. She felt a heaviness in her heart, and guilt swiftly followed in the wake of that initial feeling. She was jealous. It was silly of her. Petty. Unbecoming of a Princess, never mind a living god. But the fact remained, she was jealous of the friends that Twilight Sparkle had made since being sent to Ponyville on the path that had led her to this point.

There had been a time when Twilight had been the closest thing she had to a true friend. Before the return of her sister. Before she was welcomed as a family friend into the home of Princess Cadence and Shining Armour. A time when Twilight had lived to spend time with her, and now... now, after sharing what, all bias aside, was probably the most important moment of Twilight Sparkle's life with the lavender coated filly, she could only stand and watch as Twilight was reassured, congratulated and praised by her other friends. Blushing, beaming, and far too caught up in the moment to wonder why Celestia wasn't with her.

But of course, the Alicorn herself knew the answer. She knew why she wasn't with Twilight Sparkle right now.

Her time was precious, and while she might have wanted to go many places... she could only afford to go where she was needed. And right now, the simple fact was that Twilight Sparkle did not need her.

Celestia winced as she felt something cold and clammy run down her face.

She lifted a hoof to see what it was... to see what sort of moisture could possibly have worked its way into this heavenly realm of hers.

Wiping it clear of her pure white fur, the Alicorn held up her hoof to see what the offending droplet was.

She sniffled, and shook her head as she realised the truth.

"Oh, Celestia... what are you doing?"

She was crying.

She... the symbol of light and hope in this vast land, was weeping like a child, mourning a lost friend when really and rationally she knew that Twilight still loved and cherished her. Just... not as much as she used to.

The Princess closed her eyes, squeezing them shut as though hoping to keep more tears from falling.

"When did this happen? When did you start feeling so lonely?"

She addressed herself aloud, genuinely questioning her heart, which seemed somehow to have kept this knowledge from her until now; as it all became too much for her to bear.

Before it could answer though, another voice spoke out in the empty infinity of this otherworldly realm.

"Sister? Are... are you okay?"

Celestia turned, ashamed but too emotional to try and hide her tears from her sister, who had materialised just a few feet away from her.

Luna took one look at her sister's face, and knew something was terribly wrong. Then Celestia opened her eyes. Shining with tears as they met the smaller, dark furred Alicorn's gaze. She shook her head wordlessly, and let out a soft, desperate sob as she sank to her knees... letting Luna rush forward and embrace her, and weeping with gratitude into her sister's shoulder.

Just like herself... Luna knew instinctively when she was needed somewhere. And right now, it was her big sister who needed her more than anything in the world.

***************

Days passed.

It had only taken a few hours of warm embraces and silent, wordless conversation between the sibling goddesses of day and night for Celestia to be able to get control of her emotions, but it was only after the coronation of Princess Twilight Sparkle that Celestia dared tell the whole truth to her sister. Not simply because she couldn't delay the planning of important events such as a royal coronation, particularly one which needed to be organised at such short notice. But quite simply because she didn't know if she would be able to hold herself together once she started to confess the worries and feelings surging inside her. She couldn't risk showing that sort of weakness to her subjects. It wasn't that she didn't trust and respect them enough to understand her feelings, but... she was their monarch. It was expected of her. Like so much else, it was all unspoken, yet implicitly expected.

Finally though, the time came for the talk.

Celestia and Luna sat together in the royal throne room of Canterlot castle, the room still strewn with the decorations from the coronation but the guests and even the guards having departed... or in the case of the latter, dismissed to wait outside the room. They sat face to face upon their haunches, and waited. Waited for the other to say something first. To open the wound once more.

Seeing the fear in her sister's eyes, it fell to Luna to play that painful role.

"How can you be lonely, sister? I know loneliness... I... I let it consume me for a thousand years, fester within and turn to darkness blacker than the night. But since I have returned, I have felt kindness and forgiveness from the ponies of this land like nothing I ever knew before, or dared even dream of. They are capable of such kindness and warmth, and even though they sometimes treat us as though we are somehow above them... they cherish our presence here as dear as any normal friend."

Bowing her head, Celestia sighed in bitter frustration.

"I don't know how to explain it in a way that doesn't make me sound petty and selfish, Luna... so forgive me for being just that. It isn't about not having people who care. It's... it's about losing someone who used to care more than they do. Of having regrets for how things have turned out. How relationships have changed and... and how lives once so carefully and intimately entwined, are now held together by mere words on paper carried by dragon-fire. Messages telling me week after week the wonders of friendship which our dear Twilight Sparkle has discovered. Lessons so important, but so simple... and yet ones which I was unable to teach her when she was here in Canterlot as a full time student in my care. All because I myself didn't realise that friendship is more than caring. It's showing that you care."

Luna frowned.

"So... show it. As someone who took a Millennia and a kick in the cutie-mark from your prize student to realise their mistakes, I think the phrase 'better late than never' certainly has a place where Princesses of Equestria are concerned."

Shaking her head, Celestia's eyes clouded with bitter tears once again.

"You don't understand, Luna. It is too late. I had my chance to be Twilight Sparkle's dear friend, and I missed it. Now, I'm still dear to her... I know that, but not in the same way. If she needs help now, she does not turn me. She turns to Pinkie Pie. To Rainbow Dash. To Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack. To countless other friends she has made in Ponyville. I may long for her companionship... but it would be selfish of me to seek it out, and attempt to take her away from her other friends just so I can reconnect with her."

The dark haired mare sighed heavily, trying not to let her frustration with her sister show through too obviously.

"Well then, what are you going to do about it?"

Celestia's eyes widened slightly.

It wasn't that she didn't know the answer to that question. That in many respects was the entire reason that she had set aside this one on one time with Luna, so she could explain her plan clearly and without any need for haste. But she hadn't expected that question to come so quickly.

"I..."

She closed her eyes, but raised her head up as though gazing through the vast throne-room's windows and out into the beautiful daytime sky.

"I need to help others who feel as I do. Those who have lost friends. Those who are lonely, and are close to despair because of it. I need to practice what I have preached to Twilight Sparkle and her companions for these past few years. I need to go out into the world, and befriend Equestria's lost souls. In doing so, not only will I be helping some of my subjects in dire need... but maybe I will make some true friends of my own, at last."

The white furred Princess opened her eyes, and saw the look of sorrow and reproach in her sister's expression. She stepped forward, and pressed her snout gently up alongside Luna's face.

"Some other true friends, I mean. My sister... Luna, please, do not think that because I have not mentioned you as a friend, I do not consider you one. I would hope that my love for you as more than just my kin does not need to be spoken with words. Besides, while this journey may take me far and wide... I'll only ever be a teleportation spell away. If you need me for anything, whether the fate of Equestria hangs in the balance or you simply want someone to talk to... you know I'll be there."

This time it was Luna who sighed deeply, nodding as she nuzzled her sibling affectionately.

"I do know that. But it is nice to hear you say it... even if it isn't entirely necessary. Like you said, showing that you care is just as important as caring itself."

She drew back from their tenderness, and though she was smiling her expression swiftly faded back to a more serious and solemn one as she looked deep into Celestia's eyes.

"Honestly though, if this is something you feel that you truly need to do, I will support you every step of the way. I don't want you feeling sad or lonely, and if by helping others with their problems you can help yourself too... I think everyone will come out of this a winner. So, when do you plan on starting this adventure?"

Celestia glanced towards the nearest window, at the sun shining high in the sky. She said nothing, but the meaning of the gesture was obvious.

Luna nodded.

"Today. Okay then. Well... would you like any help packing? Or shall I go and find a couple of pegasi who are able to take leave from their family's long enough to fly your chariot?"

Another nervous, bashful expression crossed Celestia's face, and she shook her head.

"No. That won't be necessary. I'm... I'm not taking a chariot. In fact, I am not doing anything. Much as I dislike deception of any kind, you must realise that most ponies will not be able to relax and open up to me about their problems if I appear as I stand before you now. As Celestia."

The dark haired Alicorn's brow furrowed deeply.

"But, you are Celestia. The one and only."

Celestia smiled, and nodded graciously.

"Yes, but I don't need to be. Not for this. I need to be someone approachable. Someone... normal."

The Princess' horn began to glow, and soon that shining light surrounded her entire body. Then, in a flash... Celestia was gone.

Standing before Luna, stretching out each of her hooves in turn and glancing around at the length of her body, was a cream-coated earth pony with a long, chestnut brown mane and flowing tail tied with a simple band of pale green cloth. Upon her flank, there rested a cutie-mark which still shone gently as Luna observed its image. A crisp white sheet of paper, upon which a myriad of criss-crossing lines and arrows were detailed in miniature. A map, though its location or destination were unclear.

"There. How do I look?"

The voice which emerged from the filly was not that of Celestia, though it was similar in inflection and intonation. Indeed despite knowing that her sister was perfectly capable of essentially performing the same magic as a changling, it did take Luna a moment or two to rationalise that this was Celestia, and that her sister hadn't simply swapped places with another pony via teleportation.

"You look, um... different."

The earth pony giggled softly.

"Good. And if need be, I can always make the occasional alteration!"

In a sudden flash, the cream coated pony bore a horn upon her head; no longer an earth pony, but a unicorn. Another flash, and she was a pegasus; winged but with no visible horn once again. A third flash, and she was an earth pony once more.

"Now all I need is a name. Something approachable, but fit for a pony of common standings; one who has spent most of her life on the road by choice... seeking friends wherever she roams."

Echoing herself, the newly created filly spoke that final word again, eyes closed in concentration as something danced on the tip of her tongue.

"Roams. Roam. Roma... Roma!"

Bouncing around in a tight little circle, the pony formerly known as Celestia rushed up to her sister and bumped noses with her giddily, marvelling at how the dark haired Princess suddenly stood slightly taller than she herself.

"Please to meet you, Princess Luna. My name is Roma. Roma Roads."

Though still slightly taken aback by the suddenness and completeness of the change, Luna couldn't help but get a little caught up in her sister's somewhat infectious glee. She seemed so happy, as though even beginning to embark upon this venture had filled her with new promise and hope. Thus, as Luna replied to this new pony standing before her she did so with a wry smile spreading across her face.

"It's wonderful to meet you... Roma. I'm sorry my sister could not be here to greet you as well, but... well, at least you got to meet the cooler of Canterlot's Princesses."

Roma stuck her tongue out playfully, but curtseyed in an over-exaggerated gesture of respect and adoration nonetheless.

"Truly, I am not worthy. I shall take my leave of you, dear Princess, lest I look upon you for too long and spoil the beauty of the rest of the world by comparison."

Luna laughed, but only briefly. She fell silent as she saw Roma take a step backwards, away from her and the throne beside which they were standing.

"W-wait... you're serious? You're leaving right now?"

Pausing mid-way through her second step, though only briefly, Roma turned her head to look at Luna. For a moment, her eyes twinkled with familiar magical energy.

"I... I think so, yeah."

She started to walk once again, jerking her head to indicate that Luna should follow. Together, the two female ponies made their way to the side of the throne room; out onto one of the many balconies lining the ornately decorated chamber. Early today, Twilight Sparkle had launched herself into the air from this same balcony, riding high on the adrenaline of her coronation and not quite aware that she hadn't learned how to fully control her wings yet. Now though, only Luna and Roma stood upon it; staring out over the beautiful city of Canterlot, and the rolling green hills, valleys and plains of all Equestria beyond.

Once more, Roma's body flashed brilliantly bright with magic. Her wings were back, and without a moment's hesitation she leapt up onto the nearest ledge.

Looking back over her shoulder, Luna was actually surprised to see a couple of tears running down her face.

"Let's not make this a long goodbye. Like I said... I'll pop back in a flash if you need me. Right now though, I need to get going. I need to find someone to help, s-so I don't feel like I'm just running away and hiding behind someone else's skin."

Luna nodded. She understood how it felt to be conflicted. To want to do the right thing, but not be entirely sure what the right thing was under the circumstances. What really mattered at moments like this though, was having someone to count one. A friend to give you their support when you really needed it.

"You're not running away from anything. You're flying to the ponies you need to help. So go already. And, um... remember that... uh..."

Roma blinked the tears out of her eyes as Luna's voice trailed off bashfully, and she nodded with a warm, albeit rather shaky smile.

"I love you too, my sister. My dear, sweet friend. I'll see you soon."

With that, she spread her wings, and leapt from the castle balcony.

Into the air.

Into the unknown.

One very lonely soul, setting off in search of the friends she simply hadn't met yet.

By Jeeves