(Furry satire) Joining the furry fandom
A satire I attempted to write because I was sick of people trying to convince me to conform to being the boring fox or wolf.
I was scrolling around some message boards, just thinking about this thought in my head. The thought of joining the furry fandom. I thought about it because I have always been interesting in writing about anthropomorphic animals, cartoon animals, and enjoying the very creative furry art. Luckily, one of my close friends is a furry, so I can go ask him about everything I need to know. The next day, I decided to take a trip down to my friend Andrew. Andrew is the one that has been a furry for quite some time. I think he's been one for 5 years if I'm not mistaken. I open up his front door, and I see Andrew at his table with his mouthful of food.
"Umm...hi!." I greeted him in a very awkward manner. "Did I come at a bad time?"
"No, not really. Just eating." Andrew quickly swallowed his food. I then sit at the table in front of him. "What's up?" Andrew asked
"Oh, just come to hang out for a little bit. It gets boring living in a place where your roommate does nothing but play World of Warcraft 24/7." I chuckle a little bit as a means of joking around.
"What a stupid game, I know how you feel." Andrew laughed with me as well.
"I was wondering about something." I asked Andrew.
"Sure what is it?" Andrew asked in response while still shoving food in his mouth.
"You're a furry right?" I asked Andrew.
"Yes, why?" He responded.
"Oh I was thinking about joining the fandom just to see what it's all about." I told Andrew in a very cheerful way. Andrew put down his fork and pointed his finger towards the living room.
"To the living room!" Andrew shouted unnecessarily. We are in the living room while I'm sitting on the couch, and Andrew brings out his chalk board and starts writing stuff on it for some weird reason.
"Now -" Andrew claps his hands together lightly. "Before you join, you need a fursona." Andrew said. I look at andrew with my eyebrows slanted.
"What's a fursona?" Confused, I asked him to explain the word.
"Do you have an animal that you represent by your personality?" Andrew asked me.
Umm...I...don't know." I replied.
"Ok, then let me make it easier for you." Andrew starts writing the words:
•Fox
•Wolf
•Husky
•Cat
•Dog
"Ok, lets break it down to these animals." He finished writing the animals then placed the chalk in the holder. "You only have a choice between these animals." Andrew stated while pointing his finger at the board.
"Umm...that's not exactly freedom of choice." I stated to Andrew. "Why can't I just choose any animal I want? Like what if I wanted a raccoon?" I argued with him.
"Well, you can choose any animal you want, but these animals are the most yiffable." Andrew went on.
"Yiffable?" I asked in confusion.
"Nobody will want to have sex with you if you are anything other than those animals." Andrew was being a little more serious that time. I looked at him with no comment for about 20 seconds of pondering.
"Look, why can't I just simply JOIN the fandom?" I moved my hands around.
"You can simply join." Andrew replied.
"Then why are you telling me that I have to be this particular animal or else nobody will want to fuck me? Why is this a requirement? What if I wanted to choose a kangaroo?" I started raising my voice at him.
"Nope, not yiffable, and not enough personality traits as a fox, wolf, husky, cat, or dog." Andrew nodded his head.
"What if I choose a certain animal because I like the certain animal?" I asked while still having the same voice level but not necessarily yelling. "What if I don't want to look at furry porn?"
"The porn in the fandom is what gives the furry fandom definition. If you don't like porn, you're not gonna be a part of the fandom." He smiled at me.
"You know what, fuck this!" I yelled while getting up from the couch and started walking out. "Because of this, I am gonna be a lizard, and if you don't like it, then haters gonna fucking hate. I don't need to conform to some standard like everybody else. I am gonna be who I am. I am a scalie. Goodbye!" I started walking out to the kitchen and walked out the door.