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Adventures in Misadventures

Written By: J. R. Harlow

Ch. 1

"Ah, Goldshard City," Alrick, the young gray wolf, remarked with an exaggerated sniff "ah, I'd forgotten what the very bowels of civilization smelled like."

"My word, this is a dirty place indeed." Clarin, the saturnine squirrel, said wiping off her small spectacles. "It makes me wonder why you missed this place so much."

"It's hard to explain Claire," He replied turning towards his surly companion. "When you're born here I guess you just get used to it." The wolf said with a grin and a stretch of his arms. "Yes, perfect place for a vacation." He laughed loudly.

As the two walked, the squirrel crossed her arms. "Not only is this place filthy, there's no library, no academy, wherever did you people read?" She said haughtily.

"There's no time for readin' Claire and you know it. We're here on a purpose." The wolf sobered, "besides, reading in a place like this? A book in front of you can distract you from a knife or a thief behind you." He said, cocking his ears to listen to his surroundings. "In a place like this, you don't learn from books, you learn from brawls and fights, if you're lucky they end in bruises n' drinks. If you're not, it can end in a knife through your belly." He suddenly looked down at his companion. Her eyes had grown wide and her ears pulled in. "Did they ever teach you THAT in your academy?" He said. "Fold your ears back up, you don't want people seeing you're afraid," He became more upbeat again, "Just show me that big ol' smile of yours!" He said.

The look that came onto Clarin's face could have been a smile, or it could have been really, really bad indigestion. Either way, figured Alrick, it's less likely to get her run through. As the two companions walked on, Arlick began thinking about their task again. "So you're sure we've got him this time?"

"Yes, all the authorities under Queen Stargazer have been thus far unable to capture our target. Erick "Scourge" Latimer. He was recently spotted in this city by one of the Black Brothers."

"Good," Alrick said with a nod, "I don't want to face the rams if we're wrong on this."

"Don't worry, don't worry," The squirrel said with an actual smile, "you and I are going to be fine, just like we always have been." The two stopped outside an inn. On the sign above the door, a giant squid held a foaming flagon in each of its tendrils. "This is it." Clarin said, indicating the doorway.

Alrick was all too familiar with this inn. In his pirating days, before his redemption, he would come here often to sell off his stolen goods. At this in it was possible to get all manner of things, legal or otherwise. Opium flowed like loose sand in the desert, the pillaged jewelry was sold as fast as the beer and ale, and occasionally someone would nearly level the place trying to sell a magic item they didn't really understand. The young wolf steadied himself as he pushed his way in. He was hit immediately by the cloying aroma of opium smoke, mingled with the putrid-musk of vomit and drunkenness.

Alrick and Clarin sat at a small table in the corner, backs pressed firmly to the wall. The barmaid came past the table, "A dark and a pale, lass and maybe somethin' to get me in a happier mood." Alrick said with a wink and an attempted pinch. Clarin winced at the sound the maid's hand made as it impacted the side of the young wolfs face.

"Why did you do that?" The Squirrel asked, planting her face in her folded arms.

"It's a bizarre type of conformity." Alrick admitted, "But I'm doing everything I can not to blow our cover." He made a kissing face at the same young vixen, who giggled softly. "Besides, I need something to look forward to after we're done here." Clarin glared at her partner over the top of her glasses. "What?"

Further conversation was interrupted when a nearby table flipped over. A ferret jumped onto the over-turned piece of furniture, a set of daggers in his hands. "Scourge, ya've fucked up now!" An enraged ferret is a funny thing to see, tiny bodies about half the size of anyone else, quivering with rage, overall kind of adorable. Until they stick their blades into whatever they can reach. "Stand up and face the rams you coward!"

The cat on the ground stood his rich purple jacket swirling as he drew his own saber. "This is the last time I try to fence to a ferret. " He said indignantly. He parried the ferret's feral blow, and the two began to dance around the inn.

"Something tells me that's our man." Alrick said dryly.

"Ataxia..." Clarin said suddenly.

The two battlers' blades flew from their hands as their fists collided with one another. Suddenly seeming drunk, the two swerved and attempted to punch at each other until both of them collapsed in a heap on the floor. Neither of them seemed able to get up. Alrick calmly walked over, placing his foot in the center of Scourges back, while Clarin knocked the ferret out cold with her flagon. Several patrons of the bar began to cast threatening looks in the direction of the partners. Alrick realized something was horribly wrong. "I had good money ridin' on that fight." Someone said, standing up from the tables nearby. "So did I," said another from the table next to him. Several angry crowd members began to advance on the pair.

Clarin's ataxia spell and her short-sword flashed in the dim light of the inn. Alrick was pushed back to back with her, he fought the way he'd been raised fighting, taking every advantage he could get and forsaking honor. The crowd surged around them, pressing them against a wall. Alrick was in mid parry when he felt a sharp pain in his side. He looked down, the cursed ferret stood next to him, a broken bottle in hand wedged into Alrick's side. The ferret stuck his tongue out, "That's for interrupting my fight, and for conkin' me head." The ferret sneered.

Alrick looked at the spreading pool from his side, oblivious to the broomstick aiming for his head. There was a meaty crack and the sticky thump of a face hitting ale covered floor. The last thing Alrick felt, before fading into blackness, was a foot kicking into his side. Somewhere far away now, he heard Clarin's voice yelling out a spell, followed by silence as he fell mercifully unconscious.