F E E L
#16 of Poetry
A slam poetry piece I did since I wasn't feeling too well.
All around me
Are these faces
Reminding me of places in my memory
Places that I wish to be
To be free from these shackles I put on myself
Tellin' myself I'm doin' it for me
While I just sit there, left to die and to atrophy
Walkin' around like a contradiction
Like a piece of fiction that makes no damn sense
A lion without pride or livin' in this present tense
But I just can't asked to be helped
Cause I'm a waste of their time and a waste of their metaphorical wealth;
Golden hearts and diamond minds
So precious, like a gift from the Divines
Wasted on a fool who's going deaf and blind
Scrambling to write out his useless thoughts on the walls of his prison
Livin' out his days like a prisoner when he isn't
But what would you know of that?
Living your life so contently never worrying of that
Which you'll never have to feel
Forever thinking my Hell is fiction, but it's real!
Every day it just gets worse and worse and there's nothing I can do
Left to my own devices in this crisis that I'm livin' through
Always pissed off at who I am and what I do
Never able to understand
Why I can't fit the mold;
To be part of their fucked up conformity,
Quietly slipping into this uniformity
I just want to find peace!
I want to quit feeling this burning anger and hate
I want to put an end to this fucking jealously I feel
Writhing inside me like an animal I've locked behind bars
Telling it to go away and that it's not real
Trying to deny that I feel what I feel
Putting on a face to keep myself from losing my fragile grip on it all
But in the end, I just want to close my eyes and have a taste
Of this joy that everyone else seems to feel
To look in the mirror and to be happy with what's real
To put an end to all this negativity and ire inside me
To look out and just find someone who wants to love me for me
So I can quit feeling like I'm a waste of space in this place
Wasting away like a book on a shelf that'll never be read
Constantly filled with this dread of abandonment
Trying to strike a balance between myself and my demons
Fighting day in and day out to keep it all together and to not freak out
To keep my mouth shut so I don't break down like an animal
Losing all sense and curling up into a ball
Crying tears I've kept bottled up for so long
Letting it all out, feeling a momentary peace
A release from this bondage of mine
But I assure you, they'll be back in time
Ravaging my mind and taking it all back again
Making me feel this anger all over again
Poising me with this jealousy and this hate
Filling me to the brim with this ungodly taint
Repeating this cycle over and over again
Dooming me until the day that I die
Following me around until I say my last goodbye
Departing from this place where I never belonged
Leaving behind all the people I've wronged
Putting an end to all this shit that I feel
Dashing my memories to the wind
Telling myself that it was never real