Red vs Blue episode 4
#4 of Red vs blue Season 1
RvB season 1 ep 4: Head BNF in charge
Out side the blue base stood the three soldiers as they talked on about the tank and the stupidity of the new guy.
"Yeah I'll let you in on a little secret, I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home." Church said to Tucker as he began to grin and pat Church on the back.
"Oh yeah girlfriend or wife?" Tucker asked as Church slightly chuckled.
"No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out, and... ah, you know how it works." Church said.
"Oh well you gonna marry her when you get back?" Tucker asked as the newb began to raise his hand signaling he wanted to talk.
"I'm not gonna get married. My Dad always said "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" The rookie said as church began to stare at him aggressively.
"Hey rookie... did you just call my girlfriend a cow?" He said as he cracked his knuckles.
"No I think he called her a slut." Tucker said as Church turned away from the rookie and towards his partner then back to the lizard.
"I'll tell you what newb, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do." He said as slowly began to calm himself.
"Great!" The lizard said in search for something to do.
"See, we've got this General." Church said slowly as Tucker began to nod his head.
"Right the general guy." Tucker said as Church began to glare at him for making the lie ridicules.
"...who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by." Church said.
"When is he coming by?" The lizard asked.
"We never know could be today could be a week from now." Tucker said as Church began to grin at his genius.
"You want me to stand at attention for a week?" The lizard said to his allies
" You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag." Church said as the new gave him a puzzled look.
"What's so important about the flag?" The lizard said.
"Oh come on don't they teach you guys anything in training." Church asked as he face palmed at the low education of the rookie.
" They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?" The lizard asked.
" Because it's the flag, man, you know, it's the f... it's the flag, it's... Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important." Church said at loss of words.
" Well, it's... it's complicated. Wuh... It's blue, we're blue" Tucker began to explain.
" It's just important, okay, trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag." Church said.
"Right." Tucker added on.
" So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him." Church said as the lizard began to run towards the base but stopped half way there and tuned around.
"Uh how will I know when I see him?" The rookie asked.
" There's only three of us out here, rookie. He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us." Tucker explained.
" Now get in there, and don't come out!" Church yelled to the recruit before turning back to Tucker.
"Man, this guy is dumber then you are." Church joked as his friend searched for a comeback.
"You mean he's dumber then you are." Tucker said.
"Wow Tucker that was a great comeback..." Church said sarcastically.
"Uh mister church sir?" The nervous lizard said as he slowly walked up to his superior.
" Oh my God, WHAT!? Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!" Church said begging to loss his temper.
"Sorry about calling your girl a slut..." The lizard said as Church pointed his pistols at the rookies head.
" ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!" He yelled as the lizard ran in fear for his life.
He then heard what seemed to be chuckling he put up his weapon and faced Tucker.
"Tucker are you laughing at me?" He said as Tucker swiftly turned around and began to whistel.
Meanwhile the young raccoon bearing red armor stood behind the base trying to find the entrance he then noticed a small ramp leading up to a huskey in light blue armor.
He walked up to the man before nervously taping his back to gain his attention.
"Excuse me sir can I ask you a question?" He asked as the huskey slightly twitched.
" Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you are not inside, I... I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!" He yelled as Donut began to slightly tremble in fear seeing the huskey was brandishing a freshly cleaned Sniper rifle on his back.
"What I do?" Donut asked as Church began to shake in anger.
"One..." Church said as Donut began to drop his jaw in disbelief of what the huskey was doing.
"Aw come on!?" Donut said not liking being treated like a child.
"TWO!" Church yelled as Donut began to walk back down the ramp.
"Fine." Donut said from ground level before finding the entrance to the base and a lizard who was wearing a slightly darker blue armor.
"Wow.. you got here fast." The lizard said thinking that Donut was the general that Tucker and Church where referring to.
" Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon." Donut asked.
"I'm not sir what can I do for you." The lizard said brightening Donut's day a little bit.
"Finally, someone whit a little respect around here." Donut said as the lizard smiled at his new friend.
"Yes sir I assume your here because of this." The lizard said as he pointed at the flag Donut then looked down in disappointment.
"Wait, is that all you have?" Donut asked.
"Uh yes sir thats it." The lizard said to the disappointed raccoon.
" Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about Elbow Grease?" Donut asked.
"Uhmmm..." The lizard replied.
"Headlight fluid?" Donut asked.
"No, all we have is this flag." The lizard said as Donut sighed.
" Well, I can't go back empty handed... I guess I'll take that." Donut said in a defeated tone.
"Sure... that makes sense I guess." The lizard said as he handed Donut the flag.
" Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag." Donut said as he began to run back to red base not knowing how important the item he held was.
Meanwhile Church and Tucker continued there long going talk about the tank.
" Well, enough gabbing out of us, let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker." Church said as Tucker gave him a puzzled look.
"Me? I can't drive that thing." Tucker said as Church began to stare at him.
"Your telling me your not Armor Certified?" Church asked.
" I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle. Don't you know how to drive that?" Tucker asked.
" No! Holy Crap! WHO IS RUNNING THIS ARMY!?" Church yelled as the lizard ran out of the base to tell them about the 'general's' visit.
" Hey! Just wanted to let you know, the General stopped by, and picked up the flag!" He said as Church continued to ignore him.
" Yeah. Okay. Whatever moron! Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing? ...wait a second... what did he just say?"
To be continued...
A/N: Cliff hanger! Yaa sorry bout that but that's just how Rooster teeth wrote it and I know the story may be getting boring but you can definitely look forward for some more humor in the next chapter and the story gets a lot more interesting as it goes along so don't threat it will get better. By the way I do not own Red vs Blue or any of the characters it all belongs to Rooster Teeth now good day.