A simple story I ( 15 /22 )
#16 of A simple Story
Joshua Silverston was near the end of his career. His black and white coat let see shades of gray almost similar to that of his costume. Sitting at the table of a small neighborhood restaurant, his back to the window to get a perfect view of Jimmy's face in front of him, Joshua ate with relish the salad in front of him. He had ordered the same thing for the tiger but he was not really hungry, still reeling from the announcement. Jimmy did not knew him. The opposite was mutual. Perhaps they had seen from afar at one time or another, but it changed nothing.
Jimmy looked, a little stupid, at his full plate, then to the face of the badger who clearly had the intention to finish eating before speaking.
« You do not eat ? You would have preferred more meat maybe ?
No, my doctor convinced me of the usefulness of vegetables but I do not feel good.
I understand why. »
Joshua continued his meal, throwing an occasional eye on Jimmy. After ten minutes of waiting, the nerves of the tiger began to drop. He finally understood that he was being questioned.
More specifically, the judge let him stew on his own juice to squeeze him more easily later. It was a technique of psychological domination, a proven effective one. Jimmy sat back in his chair, waiting for the first words of the judge who would open hostilities.
The badger wiped his mouth, put down his fork and drank some water.
« You are wrong. This salad is better crunchy. The dressing will soak it if you wait too long. »
Jimmy hesitated, then he took his fork and began to eat. Perhaps the judge would end at last to talk.
« You have an excellent service record. Why to risk everything for a teenager ? »
The judge put his glasses on his nose and joined his hands, fingers over his mouth. Jimmy put his fork down, his eyes reflective guess about what the judge meant. Review of his current issues gave him Greg's story as the only alternative.
« Why are you telling me that I risk anything ? I do my job. I respect the procedures... »
A finger lifted by the judge asked him to be silent. The voice of the latter remained incredibly calm and collected. Almost friendly.
« You should have recuse yourself, and you know it. A police officer can not deal with a case in which he is involved. As a judge must do so if it happens.
Only if his family is concerned. I understand this because you have to keep impartiality but...
This boy is not your family, I know, but regarding his uncle, it is different.
Mark is not my family. He... »
Jimmy was silent. The judge gave him a gratified smirk. In his haste, he has called Mark by his first name.
« He is a friend to you. Very close to that I guess. That is enough. »
Jimmy shook his head in denial.
« I know him a little, it is true, but I am not a judge. A police officer has the legal right to work on a case of a friend, right ? »
The judge grinned, looking up.
« Yes and no. The laws of that State are rather vague about it, and its interpretation is very wide, which does not help things.
Listen, you have this case in charge, right ? So you know what's going on. A 15 year old boy was kicked off his house when his parents discovered his homosexuality. He was lucky to have a member of his immediate family who welcomed him under his roof. Why do you want to send him in a home or a foster family ? I have not changed anything anyway in this case. I have added nothing, removed nothing. I checked the boy's home. He lives now on a nice one. This is my only contribution.
Not really.
How so ? »
Joshua's eyes became more inquisitive. His voice became stronger, but still not aggressive. Jimmy knew Mark well enough to know that it was not a good sign in anyone.
« The boy's uncle is not a friend. He is more than that. Right ? »
Jimmy did his best not to jump.
« We drink a beer occasionally, yes, but... »
The index of the judge made a " no " facing Jimmy.
« We just do not drink a beer with a man you've known... »
The badger looked down at the table. Jimmy noticed then a sheet of paper blackened by some few lines.
« For nearly ten years. Friendship does not last much longer unless more serious than a few beers in the evening after the service is involved. »
Jimmy could not replicate it. The judge was a connoisseur of the human soul. But how ?
« I have nothing against this man. Or against you. But checking his criminal record, I saw he was charged on a double first degree murder. Enough to make him met Old Sparky. »
Jimmy relaxed somewhat. A smile on his face.
« It's that old story ? Mark was formally cleared before any trial. All clues concluded to his innocence.
- You are truly very close to him to remember that case anyway. »
Jimmy's smile faded. The judge was truly gifted. But Jimmy was not helpless either.
« A story like this is not easily forgotten, your honor. Even retired, I will always remember.
Certainly. But...
But ?
It is rare to see a same name appear in two different procedures, this is what caught my attention. Nothing too bad, we are in a relatively small town, but still. You are a policeman. You know that sometimes we have to trust our instincts. A judge and a cop are the same.
I thought so.
And my instinct tells me that you're not telling me the whole truth, this is why you are facing me.
I'm not hiding something. »
The judge looked more severely.
« You would have done better to remain silent. Because I feel that you are lying to me. Do not deny it, I raised four children, I know when someone tries to tell me stories. »
Jimmy remained silent. His eyes never left the judge in order not to add about suspicions.
« As I have said, the illegal taking of interest is frowned upon here.
I do not see what interest I have to intervene in this story.
For you, no. For your friend, yes. »
Jimmy felt his calm dissipating. He did his best to keep control of himself and he took care that the judge in front of him to take good notes too.
« Mark is a friend. But I would never do anything to help or to harm him. »
The judge looked at Jimmy, crossing his arms behind his head to relax somewhat.
« Are you gay ? »
Jimmy looked stupidly at the badger.
« Huh ?
- I just want to know. This is not a judgment. »
From the time that Jimmy worked as a policeman, he had also learned to see when some would told him stories. The judge lied.
« No. I am married to my wife, I had a daughter with, and I've never cheated her with another woman.
- I believe you. »
Joshua rested his hands on the table. A waitress brought him coffee. He drank half.
« If I asked you this question, it was to determine if there was a possibility that you and Mark would have sex together. If this were the case, you would be in big trouble because I would have to open some disciplinary proceedings against you. »
Jimmy wisely kept his mouth closed. It was out of the question for him to answer. He could not tell him the truth or lie to him. Silence was his only way out. But even that was difficult. There was so much at stake.
« But also, you had to specify " with another woman. " This made shroud the mystery. »
Jimmy swallowed hard. He had said too much. He looked at his plate still half full, looking sad. He was trapped and he knew it. The judge was a really good connoisseur of the human mind.
« Do you mind if we go out ? I would walk a little. »
Joshua looked curiously at the tiger. He did not expected this. He accepted, paid for the two meals despite Jimmy's protests. The two men walked side by side, Jimmy taking care to go towards the quiet streets. He was looking for a quiet place. His instinct dictated that the alley between a records store closed for a long time and a pawnbroker would be a good place. Joshua followed him without saying a word. Jimmy knew he knew it too.
The badger leaned against the red brick wall grungy. Jimmy came and went nervously.
« The only thing that matters to me, your honor, is that poor boy. I just want nothing to happen to him. »
Jimmy took a deep breath stopping before the judge.
« We are not lovers. Mark and me I mean. But it's true, I know him from almost ten years. And yes, sometimes we have sex together. He... »
The tiger looking for the most accurate words. Also the most chaste.
« I love my wife. If I married her, it's to have her with me all my life. Or at least as long as she wants. I 've never tried another woman because she gives me all. Everything I want in a woman. But I'm made so that some of my desires can be met only by men.
I think I understand.
I will not go into details, I promise. You just have to know that. I have absolute confidence in Mark and his husband. If something should happen to me and if my wife was no longer able to take care of Dottie, they are the ones I named in my will as her guardians. »
The judge's mind was considering at a fast speed. Dottie ? Dorothy. Jimmy's daughter.
« You really should trust in them.
You were right, your honor. When Mark called me, I should have to recuse myself and ask a friend to take care of this case. But I can swear that I would never have acted against the interests of the boy. Mark and I, we can fight against homophobia. Not Greg. Not at the moment anyway. He is too fragile.
I think I can imagine. He just lost everything in which he believed.
Yes. This is why I ignored ethics. It is a mistake, but I assume it. »
The judge looked at Jimmy quite severely.
« You are not unaware that the conduct is what we use to help us to do our job properly. »
Jimmy supported the view of Joshua's sharp eyes.
« In this case, following the rules could have disastrous consequences. »
The judge looked down.
« You're right. You just protected and served. And to do that, you put your career at risk. It is both foolish and admirable. »
Jimmy could not help but smile again.
« Those who write legal texts can not think about everything.
- You are right. That is why we, judges have the right to make our own contribution. You have acted in the interest of the boy. The good thing being in a city such as ours, is that such a crime can easily go unnoticed. Who has time to read and reread criminal records ten years old when you do not look for something specific ? »
For the first time since the beginning of the meal, Jimmy began to really relax. The judge went on his way to a busiest street. Jimmy followed.
« You have protected and served. Proceedings against you will be beneficial to anyone, especially since you have been honest with me, and that you acted for another, not for yourself. It worked for your favor because I would have found out what you wanted to hide out. The truth needs courage, and you have it. More importantly, you put at the service of others.
- I do my best. »
This time, Joshua was smiling.
« I have to meet certain legal deadlines. You must respect a certain silence, you must understand that.
Of course.
The boy's parents will be contacted in due course. They will have to answer for their actions, but that does not concern you. The boy's uncle will also come to see me, I'll see with my secretary when it will be possible.
This is the procedure, and he knows it.
Fine. »
The judge stayed behind, looking for a taxi.
"You can go drown you finishing your paperwork, I have my own business to attend to now. Mr. Stewart, you are the honor of our police. »
Joshua stretched a hand to the policeman. Jimmy shook warmly and firmly.
« And you are the honor of our judiciary.
- Do not be so obsequious, I have easily swelling ankles. I have a few members of my cabinet to get back on the right track too. But again, this is not your business. I just hope I will not have to talk to you so. »
A car finally stopped, called by the outstretched arm of the judge. He went to the back. Jimmy had just enough time to make him the promise before the judge was out of reach. The officer looked around him, relaxed.
He raged against himself when he realized he did not had a car either, and he could not avoid being late now at work.
« Damn ! »
--
FJ sighed, shaking his head.
« You can not do anything, no. Not now anyway. »
FJ put down his fork, the plate being empty. He finished his can before crashing into the palm of his hand and put the piece of aluminum on the board.
The boy was quite annoyed. He still felt anger toward Fred, but his words had come to touch him somewhat. What he liked most was that he wanted to help him. And despite his behavior, FJ understood what he wanted to do. Doesn't he had thought to use Fred to beat up Gruff ?
FJ understood more the boy, and it bothered him now he was also experiencing the anger he deserved though. As so often, the disaster came from someone wanting to do well. FJ held to keep enough resentment in his voice. He felt that it was important for him to save face.
« You can not do anything, yes, but maybe later...
- Is that true ? »
The voice of Fred showed enthusiasm.
« I'll see ! »
FJ rose and carried his tray to the nearest trash can. Fred rolled his paper bag in ball after FJ.
« It is... it would be great, yes... You know, I never wanted...
- Yeah, well, it's not worth getting on your high horse either ! »
The waste dumped, FJ went back to the outside. It remained to both a quarter of an hour before resuming for the afternoon, FJ wanted to enjoy the sun a bit. To his chagrin, Fred followed. His face lit by a new joy.
« I'll do whatever you want ! You or Gruff, of course. I was too stupid until now... It is...good of you to allow me to redeem myself. »
FJ went outside and down the steps on which a few days before the trio had its first meeting. Veering right, he avoided a compact group of students too busy talking amongst themselves to pay attention to him. Going to the gym, there were fewer people and FJ wanted to stay away from eavesdroppers. A phenomenon not so mysterious, the students had the habit of avoiding the vicinity of the gym, even outside of school hours. Mark was truly trying to mark his presence in the school.
FJ wanted to send away Fred, believing he had done enough by offering a hope of redemption. But just as the arrival of Fred in high school allowed him to change his life dramatically, his presence at his side now offered him an ear on which he may discharge.
FJ needed such listening, but he had no one at his disposal. Gruff ? No, of course. They were too close. Same for his uncle and husband. His father knew nothing of his sexual life. Apart from the fact that he suspected that his son had a sex life. His friends ? Out of question. Not before coming out anyway. A teacher ? And then what ? The new would circulate even faster !
FJ looked at Fred's smiling face. Despite his resentment, he was the perfect boy for it. He does not realize that his mood had darkened before Fred makes him the note.
« You have a problem ? Do not tell me not, seeing your face, it looks like you'll bury your grandfather... »
FJ turned his head a little to avoid Fred's gaze. He went to sit on wooden platforms present along the sports field. Again, the residual presence of Mark was enough to vacate them yet welcoming.
« Can hold your tongue ?
- I think so. I always in the head tricks that former friends did and I've never talked to anyone. »
FJ rested his chin on his hands, his elbows on his knees.
« You have a problem ? »
Fred sat beside FJ, at a minimum sufficient distance.
« I do not know what to think of it.
- How so ? »
FJ gave little glances at Fred, from time to time.
« I have not told anyone, but I do not know what to think of it. »
Fred looked FJ in the same way.
« I do not understand...
- Just imagine that, Fred... At the beginning of the week, I counted the days that separated me from the moment I will go to college. That is the moment I would finally get rid for good of you know who ! My father... I only saw him lying half naked on the couch, with enough alcohol in the blood to disinfect a hospital ! And now who you know is in my bed and in my heart, and dad is present almost every night at home to detoxify himself with coffee ! You can imagine how I feel ? »
Fred looked straight ahead.
« It's been great changes, yes.
You meant it. I love it. What happens to me is awesome. But it is so great that I feel it is wrong ! I'm dreaming, or...
Or what ?
This is silly. I do not know if I should say...
I'm here for this !
You will say nothing ? This is so stupid, but I can not stop thinking about.
I will never say anything.
Ok.»
FJ scratched his cheek.
« Ok. Sometimes, I feel that everything is false. Dad hid alcohol in his coffee, and Gruff not... is with me because he wants to humiliate me by surprise. »
Fred looked FJ a look surprised.
« To humiliate you ? By surprise ?
Yes. Like I said, it's silly...
FJ, I think you watch too much TV sometimes... »
FJ blushed slightly.
« I know, this is something so commonplace in movies and TV series, the handsome boy who gives a date to the ugly to laugh at her in front of everyone... But you saw Greg ! This guy is hot ! And I'm not... »
FJ ran his hands over his big belly, a sad look on his eyes. Fred looked at the big fingers moving. He still felt the desire to run his owns on that body, taking them one by one and kissing them. He forced himself to look at FJ.
« No.
Not ?
Not FJ, you're not ugly. You're not thin, it is true, but I like your forms. You're a very attractive boy. You have just been bullied for months and years. You have lost trust in you. But you know, if I let you come to me the first time, it is because I was hoping to have the chance... Finally you understand me.
I think so.
I behaved like an idiot. I know that I would never have this opportunity, and I deserve the penalty. I say, FJ, if I find you attractive, then others will. And I'm sure Greg is sincere.
Really ?
Yes. And then, you fucked him, right ? I heard him squeal like a pig in your room... »
FJ's face turned crimson. He looked nervously around him, but the two boys were alone.
« He would have never let you had him if he wanted to humiliate you.
- It is true, yes. If you knew how I feel stupid to have thought... »
FJ now stood hands in his face, ashamed of his thoughts, embarrassed by the intimate conversation.
« It is nothing. Mommy would probably say that you'll earn insurance over the years, or something like that. I do not want being selfish, but I'm glad that you be open to me, FJ.
- You were the only one I could be with. But I was right to do so. »
FJ rose, Fred followed. The donkey shook him in his arms.
« It helped me. Sometimes it takes a few things, but you knew bring me this little I needed. »
Fred returned the hug.
« If you knew how much it makes me happy.
- Tomorrow is the big day. Everything will change for me. And Greg too. And for the first time, I feel a little more reassured. Thank you, Fred. »
FJ broke the friendly hug and began to return to the school. Fred walked next to him.
He, too, had lived a week full of surprises and sensations. He knew what FJ felt.
And for the first time, he felt his pain and guilt to lighten somewhat.