Sunshine Days - Chapter 11
That night, Jonathan and David walked back to their cabin under the orange glow of the lamp posts. The silence of the night was punctuated by the hum of insects, the sound of air conditioners kicking on, and the loud chatter of cubs from distant cabins. The boys from Cabin A and the girls from Cabin C would go on their camping trip the following weekend.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" David said with a little grin.
Jonathan shook his head. "No, not really."
They'd arrived back at camp just after sunset and much to the bemusement of the other Leaders who had stayed behind from the trip to watch over the rest of the campers. David had managed to talk their way out of a punishment, explaining that they'd fallen behind the rest of the group after falling down the side of the trail and forgetting which way to go when they got back up. It was partially true though certain details were omitted for the dignity of certain parties. Instead of a punishment they were given a minor warning. With everything that had happened, their mild punishment seemed like an anti-climatic end to their otherwise exciting day. They were both mentally and physically exhausted from the hike but a warm shower and a hot meal brought back some of their vitality before heading to bed.
Jonathan flipped the switch and the florescent lights flickered on. It was similarly comforting and unnerving to see the cabin as abandoned as it was. It was a bit like staying behind after school and wandering the empty halls, looking in on the empty classrooms while no one was around. It was also a little exciting, like he had free reign over the building now that they were the only ones that would occupy it for a few nights.
They dropped their bags down at the foot of their bunk. David rolled on to his mattress and sighed heavily. Jonathan wondered if he was still thinking about the intensely personal moment they'd had out on the trail or if he was just tired, though he supposed that baring one's soul to another often took a lot out of a person.
"What a day, huh?" David muttered, draping a wrist over his eyes.
Jonathan nodded, "Yeah..." He sat down on the edge of David's bed and took his sneakers off, looking down at his socks. They were relatively clean in comparison to his shoes, which were covered in dirt and pine needles. He left them on as he got up and changed into his pajamas.
Jonathan climbed up the ladder just as David was rolling off his own bed. He opened his book out on his lap but he looked over curiously as David got undressed. He noticed that the pup was uncharacteristically quiet that night. There was something off-putting about his silence. Jonathan had seen him depressed and contemplative before but not like this. He looked as if he'd had his spirit pulled out and wrung dry like a washcloth. There was no light or joy in his eyes, only pain and sorrow.
A sense of guilt washed over Jonathan when he thought about how he had pushed the pup into opening up about his beliefs. He felt a little like crying himself when he remembered how devastated David looked when he said he felt that God had abandoned him. He couldn't imagine living with the image of eternal damnation hanging constantly over his head because of who he is and wondered how David managed to be so positive and cheerful all the time. He felt guilty, like he had broken his friend in an irreparable way. There was already a flaw in his friend's system but instead of trying to fix it, Jonathan had only made it worse.
David stripped down to his underwear and crawled back onto his bed. Jonathan heard him sigh softly as he settled under the covers. He set his book aside and rolled over to the edge of the bed. Peering down at the bottom bunk, he could see David gazing tiredly off into space. The pup flicked his eyes up towards Jonathan, giving him a weary smile.
"Hey, David?"
"Yeah?" David asked, rolling on his back to look up at him better.
Jonathan looked away. "I just wanted to say sorry...about today."
David blinked, "Sorry? What for?"
Jonathan folded his ears back a little in shame. It felt awkward apologizing to the pup as he was the sort of type who didn't like to admit when they were wrong. Even when he accepted his faults and took accountability for them, it was still difficult to admit it out loud.
"I'm...sorry about bringing that thing up this afternoon. I really didn't mean to make you feel bad..."
David smiled softly and shook his head. "Don't be, man. I mean...it's just one of those things I don't think about a lot, you know. It gets me all depressed so I try not to. There's no way you could have known that."
"Yeah but still...I shouldn't have pushed you into talking about it like that. I feel really bad..."
David looked down with the ghost of a smile on his lips. "I'll be fine..."
"Are you sure?" Jonathan asked.
David nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. "Yeah. It's just been a weird day."
"Yeah...weird," Jonathan concurred.
He sat back up in bed and read quietly while David listened to music on Jonathan's mp3 player. All was quiet until Jonathan happened to look down at his watch and saw that it was approaching 11:30.
"No one's come to turn out the lights yet..." Jonathan remarked.
When he didn't get a response, he looked over the side of the bed. It appeared that David had fallen asleep while listening to music. Trying not to disturb his friend's slumber, he slowly and carefully crept out of bed. David's eyes opened up in surprise as the bunk shifted when Jonathan was half way down the ladder.
The pup pulled one bud out of his ear and inquisitively asked, "Going somewhere?"
"Just turning out the lights. I don't think anyone's gonna come and do it since we're the only ones. Were you asleep?"
David smiled, "Nah. I was just resting my eyes. You've got some pretty good taste, you know?" He added, referring to the music.
Jonathan smiled back, "Thanks." He was glad for now that David was returning to his normal self again. He wondered though how long it would be before his normal self would become exasperating. He chastised himself for that thought, knowing it was a terrible thing to think. Even if it was kind of true.
~~~
Jonathan sighed and opened his eyes after nearly an hour of tossing and turning, trying to get to sleep. He checked his watch, squinting sharply at the glowing teal digital screen that read 12:23 AM.
'That's it,' he thought to himself. 'I'm going back on the Lunatol.' He wasn't even sure at this point why he had stopped taking it in the first place. The accident he had on his first night was probably a fluke, a one-time thing that was the result of drinking too much soda before bed. And even if he did wet the bed again, there was no one else around to witness it other than David. He knew his fears were unfounded and taking simple precautions would prevent those events from happening again. And yet that fear of judgment resided in him, keeping him awake at night with unwarranted anxieties.
He lifted himself out of bed and peered over the edge, expecting David to be asleep. He was startled to find that David was very much wide awake and staring off into the darkness again. He looked more troubled than he did before. His eyes shifted up to meet Jonathan's as his head stayed planted on the pillow.
"You can't sleep either?" David asked, noting the slight irony of the situation in his tone.
Jonathan shook his head and climbed down the ladder to sit on the edge of David's bed. David sat up and sighed, crossing his arms over his legs under the sheets.
"Is this what you go through?" he asked softly, even though they had the entire cabin for privacy. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on his wrists.
"Is 'what' what I go through?"
David looked up tiredly. "I feel tired...but...my brain doesn't want to go to sleep. It just keeps thinking and it's like it won't shut off."
"Usually," Jonathan responded, "My doctor says I have a lot of anxiety that it causes me to not be able to sleep."
"Yeah..." David said. He lay back on his bed, staring up at the mattress above.
Jonathan flicked an ear, looking down at the troubled pup. "I'm guessing you're still thinking about that stuff we talked about...right?"
David's empty gaze shifted downward.
Jonathan looked down to the floor, furrowing his brow and rubbing his paws together. They were both quiet and contemplative for a moment before Jonathan stood up and went to his bag. He dug out his bottle of medication and a water bottle that had been for the hiking trip but wasn't opened. He took one capsule just to be on the side of caution and chased it with room temperature water. He thought about offering David a pill to help him sleep but a different idea came to mind. It felt like something that he should do, even if it was a little risky, to make up for that afternoon.
Jonathan stood to his feet slowly and turned around to face David. David was turned around, facing away from him on his side. After a brief moment of hesitation Jonathan stripped out of his shirt and shorts, leaving him standing there in just his briefs. David's ears pricked and he turned his head lightly at the sound of clothes hitting the floor. He shifted and turned himself over on his mattress to see the tabby better.
Jonathan just stood there awkwardly for a moment while the pup eyed him up. His arms and legs were drawn together, the tip of his tail twitched anxiously, and he had a little blush creeping under his cheek fur. He grinned sheepishly and rubbed his forearm. He wondered what David's reaction would be, considering what he'd been through that afternoon.
David gave an amused smile, much to Jonathan's relief. He wasn't sure how he would have handled a different reaction. Anger would have been surprising, indifference would have been the most painful, and sadness seemed most likely. Jonathan took David's smile as a simple sign of forgiveness.
David pulled back the covers and rubbed the empty spot next to him. Jonathan clenched his teeth to keep his mouth shut as his brain went back to its old habits of thinking up excuses to avoid doing something that made him even the slightest bit uncomfortable. 'The bed's too small; one of us will fall out. Don't you think it's too warm to be sleeping in the same bed together?' He pushed those thoughts back way back into his mind as he took the proffered space.
Jonathan slid himself under the covers, shifting his body a little to get comfortable. Jonathan tensed up a little as the pup moved in closer to drape the blanket over him before letting his body relax again. He felt David pause after he braced his body, hoping that he didn't take it as being discourteous. He then felt David resume, putting his arm over his chest and pulling his body closer. He was close enough to smell the pup's minty breath from brushing and the warm scent of his fur. He turned his head, looking over at him. He saw David looking back at him in the darkness, an expression of conflicted longing in his eyes that he hadn't seen before.
("Do you think it's wrong?")
Jonathan rolled on his side facing David. He saw David's ears pick up again as he turned over and laid a paw on his waist. His ears folded back lightly, trembling a little with apprehension as he leaned in and kissed David softly on the lips. It wasn't a deep kiss but it was certainly a telling one. He closed his eyes softly as his lips stayed against David's. He remembered what the pup had said about it 'just feeling right' and wondered if this was what he meant. It felt good to kiss the pup; to feel his lips against his and touch the pup's thick body with his paws. He wasn't sure if it felt as natural as David had described it to him since this was his first kiss with anyone. He hadn't kissed a girl yet to give him a frame of reference but he doubted that there would be this much intensity to such a gentle and simple kiss. His body felt electric with sensations just like the last time they kissed. This time it wouldn't be interrupted with a mouthful of his own cum.
Jonathan pulled back and opened his eyes. David's eyes were still closed and his lips were still lightly parted. His eyes fluttered open and they stared at each other for a second, neither one sure how to respond.
"What'd you do that for?" David finally asked.
Jonathan's ears folded back and his eyes flicked down. He blushed and stuttered out, "I was just...It was just...to say sorry..."
David grinned, "You already apologized to me."
"I know but..."
"But what?" David said, leaning in closer. Their eyes locked together as their lips drew nearer to one another's.
"But..." Jonathan stuttered softly. He had told himself that his motive for kissing David was a form of penitence but refused to admit to himself that it was mostly for his own enjoyment.
He was cut off before he could finish making a response by David pressing his lips to his again. He conceded and closed his eyes.