Furry Fan Interviews #8: FIESTA interviews CRUNCH from CRASH BANDICOOT
#9 of Furry Fan Interviews!
Newcomer Fiesta interviews his first time, and major problems ensue. Which is normal, but these problems may be too much for the team to handle. We learn that metal folding chairs hurt, Silver isn't good in court, and that cake is delightful.
*Silver angrily enters the prep room. The "Angry Bowser" theme from the first Paper Mario plays*
NITRO: Whoa! What happened there, buddy?
SILVER: Stuff.
ERIK: What kind of stuff?
SILVER: Fiesta STILL hasn't answered! And he was supposed to interview today!
SOMBRA: I thought you said you just wanted him as an intern.
SILVER: That's what I SAID. Remember, I'm a coyote. I trick furs.
NITRO: So do I, and I'm a husky...
ZIGGO: You're getting really excited and...loud over this. Like when you were the defense in court...
(Flashback...)
SILVER: It is possible that the two 'yotes-
FROG JUDGE: The...the two what? I don't understand.
SILVER: Understand WHAT?!
FROG JUDGE: Two what?
SILVER: WHAT!?
FROG JUDGE: Did you say...two "yotes"?
SILVER: Yeah, two 'yotes!!
FROG JUDGE: What is a yote?
SILVER: ....................oh, excuse me, your honor.....
(Silver slams his fists down on the table in front of him and shouts)
SILVER: THE TWO COY-O-TES--
(end flashback)
SILVER: It's not MY fault he didn't know our lingo!
(FIESTA, an orange fox with a teal tuft of hair enters the prep room)
FIESTA: Um...I'm here to intern.
SILVER: THERE you are.
FIESTA: Oh, dear. Was it something I said? And what's with the music?
(Erik touches a key on a nearby laptop and the music stops.)
ERIK: Sorry...it was for effect.
EVERYONE ELSE: ...
SOMBRA: Was there anything else that made you mad?
SILVER: Some idiot almost ran me over.
SOMBRA: ...you HAVE to be kidding me. THAT'S your reason?
SILVER: Of course it is! I'm a coyote, and being run over is a huge stereotype! And I NEVER get run over because I'm an expert jaywalker! Where I come from you HAD to jaywalk to get anywhere without a car!
ERIK: Did you happen to see who it was?
SILVER: Nope, he went too fast.
TOMMYFOX: Then how did he not hit you?
SILVER: I'm fast.
ANIRO: You're also a dog.
SILVER: ...
FIESTA: So, Silver, what do you want me to do, exactly?
SILVER: You're interviewing.
FIESTA: Already?
SILVER: Yup.
FIESTA: You said I'd do simple little chores.
SILVER: This is simple.
FIESTA: No it's not!
SILVER: Well the coyote said so.
FIESTA: Fine...who am I interviewing?
SILVER: Crunch from Crash Bandicoot.
FIESTA: I don't remember a Crunch...
SILVER: He was in Wrath of Cortex and a few others.
FIESTA: Oh. That's probably why I don't remember him.
SILVER: Well I have made question cards.
FIESTA: Ok.
TOMMYFOX: So when is Crunch gonna get-
CRUNCH: SO WHICH ONE OF YOU HAD THE NERVE TO HAVE ME COME HERE?!
TOMMYFOX: -here. I didn't do it!
FIESTA: You're looking for the coyote with the turquoise mohawk.
SILVER: I'm not here right now.
(Silver inches his way to the door)
FIESTA: Don't be silly, yes you are >:3
CRUNCH: YOU!!!
SILVER: Eep!
(Crunch runs over and pins Silver to the ground)
NITRO: Oh, damn!
CRUNCH: YOU HAD THE NERVE TO GIVE ME A HOWL TO BE INTERVIEWED?!
(Silver smiles sheepishly)
SILVER: Um...can't we just be friends?
(Crunch roars in SIlver's face)
SILVER (aside): ...Kinda starting to feel like inviting the interviewees backstage before the show was a bad idea.
NITRO: No, ya think?
CRUNCH: YOU STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION!
SILVER: Ulp...well I can't say no.
CRUNCH: Oh. Okay. Thanks for inviting me. Not many people seem to care about me or have just forgot about me. Imbeciles.
SILVER: You've gotta be kidding me...
CRUNCH: DO YOU WANT ME TO GO BACK TO YELLING?!
SILVER: Okay, okay! Don't go back to yelling! Anything but that!
CRUNCH: Good. So who is interviewing me?
FIESTA: Um...that would be me...sir...
(Crunch walks over to Fiesta and gives him a very strong pat on the back. Fiesta staggers and falls face first)
CRUNCH: You're alright!
FIESTA: Um...please...don't...do...that...
CRUNCH: I'm sorry.
FIESTA: Can we just...go out there and start the interview please?
CRUNCH: Sure thing.
(Fiesta and Crunch leave. Nitro can be seen putting together his GoPro)
NITRO: Be out there soon, just give me a sec...
TOMMYFOX: Wow, Silver, seems like you get hurt in every interview we do!
SILVER: So I've noticed.
ANIRO: What do you expect? He's a stupid dog!
SILVER: I don't think I can feel anything that isn't my arms and legs.
ANIRO: Dog.
(Fiesta and Crunch walk onto the stage.)
FIESTA: Oh, hello...huge amount of furs out there...welcome to the eighth episode of furry fan interviews.
*coughing can be heard from the audience*
FIESTA: So, as Silver howled to me earlier, no hoomans are allowed here.
NITRO: Hello!
FIESTA: You're a husky, not a hooman.
NITRO: I know! :3
FIESTA: ...okay. So let's get started.
(Fiesta holds up the question cards)
FIESTA: Question 1. What did it feel like to be controlled by the elemental masks in Wrath of Cortex?
CRUNCH: Really...REALLY weird. Rok-Ko put me inside a giant ball made of rock that tried to roll over Crash, so it was dark and very dizzy. Wa-Wa turned me into water while still having my body's structure intact, so that feeling was very weird. And apparently it was a tough fight so early on for the players. I don't see why. All I did was basically create limbo sticks from lasers and fire. Py-Roh got drunk and turned me into living, breathing, walking magma, which was unbearably hot.
FIESTA: Hotter than a full suit?
CRUNCH: Let's not go that far. Plus, Py-Roh only gave me the ability to have a giant fire wall in front of me, run fast, and throw and poop flaming boulders.
FIESTA: Ouch!
CRUNCH: Yeah, my hands got really painful after a couple of throws. And Lo-Lo turned me into a cloud. That was really cool though because I had a ton of attacks to throw at Crash.
FIESTA: Okay, question 2: What was with your Mr. T accent in Crash Tag Team Racing?
CRUNCH: I give up. I don't know what the creator was smoking when he thought of that, but it was probably something that killed brain cells. That game is still pretty good though. I had a lot of fun in it.
FIESTA: Can't say I have played it, but it sounds interesting. Question 3: What was up with the random cake you were holding in Crash Twinsanity?
CRUNCH: Oh, that? I baked it. Cortex told me that we were having a party for Crash, and I'm a good cook.
FIESTA: That sounds delightful! Final question and then we will go to audience questions. Do you remember anything before Cortex genetically altered you?
CRUNCH: Nope. He wiped my memory.
FIESTA: Okay, guess it's time for audience questions. I've been told I give out a number and then whoever is in that seat asks a question, and only four questions can be answered, and stupid questions count.
(backstage, Silver slaps his forehead)
FIESTA: Seat 99.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG: Are we related?
CRUNCH: Not that I know of.
FIESTA: Seat 83.
KODI (From Balto III): How did you get so muscular? I could pull so many sleds with those muscles!
CRUNCH: It was part of the genetic altering process. Plus, I work out.
FIESTA: Seat 29.
ANNOYING GAMER FURRY: That stupid side quest in Tag Team Racing to go get your stupid pink teddy bear was stupid!
CRUNCH: HEY!!! NOBODY INSULTS PINKY BEAR!!! NOBODY!!!
(Crunch goes on a ferocious, murderous rampage, attacking everyone in the audience with a metal folding chair and causing massive destruction to the seats.)
FIESTA: HEY! This is NOT Jerry Springer! SECURITY?
(Two giant Lucarios drag Crunch out of the studio)
CRUNCH (while being dragged away): YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME, FIESTA FOX!!! NEXT TIME WE MEET I'M GOING TO FEEL WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR PUNY ORANGE NECK!!!
(Hours later...)
(Silver and the others dangle their legs over the edge of the stage and look at what is left of the audience seats. Nitro is bruised and is covered with bandages and has a sling around his right arm.)
TOMMYFOX: I didn't do it!
ANIRO: Shush, you.
SILVER: Man... this sucks.
NITRO: Damn...just...damn...I can't feel my everything.
SILVER: Now you know how I feel every episode...
FIESTA: I'm a failure at interviewing!
SILVER: Yup.
(Sombra pushes Silver off of the stage, making him do a face plant on the ground causing his body to make accordion sounds as his legs dangle over his head)
SILVER: What I mean to say is, it's not your fault. It was kind of my fault, too.
(Kataze enters the audience area.)
KATAZE: Hey guys, I wanted to congratulate you all on all the amazingly supremely awesome work you have done!
SOMBRA: Hate to be the one to say this but...have you seen what's in front of you?
KATAZE: All I see is unadulterated awesomeness, because you guys are awesome! The chairs don't look the same way as they did before, but modern art is always a mystery! See you guys later!
(Kataze leaves)
SILVER: Man, are we lucky to have a boss like him! :3
EVERYONE ELSE: ...
ZIGGO: Happy tails.