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>After being in canterlot university for research for a couple of months, you grow restless of the constant pestering and ask to relocate.

>Princess Celestia reluctantly sends you to meet up with Twilight so that she can show you around the earth pony community, saying that she knows you'll be back.

>Not being able to fly or use magic, you would fit in there the best.

>She kindly puts you in an empty outside shed at the mayor's office, complete with four walls and a bed.

>The mayor leads you to 'Sugarcube Corner' where there is a pink earth pony with a fluffy mane working on some sort of wagon with mysterious wooden components.

>She turns around and sees you, gasping, and something comes over her. Her mane loses it's fluffyness, her color fades, and she sits slumped, looking up at you. The pink in her cheeks is- no, no, she's just- blushing?

"Are you okay? Did you shock yourself? Your mane was-"

>She lets out a weak-sounding "I'm fine, fine," and leaves the wagon outside, going into the giant gingerbread house at a somber pace.

>That was weird, you wonder what her deal is.

>Princess Twilight Sparkle is yet another princess, one that you had only seen a few times.

>But when she was there, Spike the Dragon was, too, and you had gotten to know him a little because he didn't seem to have a lot of friends.

>Now you're glad you did. He gives you the low-down on the whole welcoming party outside the gingerbread house meeting place.

>"Hey, Anon! You're going to be living near us now, right?"

"Yeah, I think so, buddy."

>"That's awwwesome!" he exclaimed, as I did the 'secret handshake' with the baby dragon.

>(Handshakes have to be a secret to ponies so they don't get jealous not being able to snap their fingers)

"So who all is here?"

>"Oh, um, me and Twilight, but you know us. There's some of her best friends, there, too. Rainbow Dash is this super-competitive pegasus who wants to join the wonderbolts-"

"THE Wonderbolts? Not, like, a ponyville offshoot?"

>"I know, right? But she's in the academy and everything."

"Sounds like someone Celestia would like."

>Motivated, with a goal that is completely in her control. Was she evil or did immortality just make you do these things naturally, the same way normal people 'use' their friends for their talents?

>"And then there's Rarity. She's this total bombshell of a unicorn-"

"Spike, wait, I thought you were a baby. And a dragon?"

>"I am!"

"Nevermind. What does she do, other than make you want to fuck a pony?"

>"Haha, good one," he says unconvincingly, not sure how to take the joke, "she does a lot of work back and forth between Canterlot and Ponyville, I guess. Fashion stuff. But she also makes sure to stay on good terms with both princessess. And hey," he says, pointing a claw and tilting his head, "I saw her first, buddy, got it?"

>Poker face.

"Okay, Spike. I respect that."

>He scratches his head with the claw and falls back into describing ponies.

>"Fluttershy- she's really nice, but I don't think you'll get much out of her being there. She's afraid of everything. She knows a lot about manticores and the other creatures you're always going on about, though."

"She's the one that Professor Winter Sky said tamed a manticore and a colossal-plus sized red dragon single- single- single-HOOFEDLY?"

>Can barely say that with a straight face.

>"Yeah, that's her. Total scardeycat. And I think Applejack is supposed to come by later. She's this total bro who was named the most dependable pony in ponyville. And you already met Pinkie Pie, it looks like."

"Oh, she was here for me? She didn't introduce herself or anything."

>"But this is her welcome wagon! Whatever, be careful inside, I guess."

>The ambient music in the background that you always try to ignore starts to swell dramatically as he leans in close.

>"Because there's no telling what she could do."

"Oh! Oh! Wait, what? Is she crazy or something?"

>"Oh, she's pretty crazy," he said happily. They did seem to have unusual definitions of madness here- maybe you had better watch for signs.

>As you sit down at the table, your gaze falls onto the yellow pegasus. That must be Fluttershy, the powerful one.

>You avoid her gaze so as to not anger her- you've heard terrible rumours in high canterlot circles about what she's capable of doing to mythical creatures with her gaze- and you are an extradimensional being, after all.

>Sitting next to her is the pink pony from earlier. She gives a little smile but it fades quickly as she says, "Hiya!" in a practised voice, followed by "I'm, um,"

>The princess hoists a regal eyebrow and remarks in a voice somewhat more childish than you remember, "Um, this is Pinkamena Diane Pie, Royal Master of Ceremonies and one of the owners of this establishment."

"Right. Nice to meet you, Pinkamena."

>She smiles again, this time almost perking up, but quickly falling back down into a slump.

>She seems totally harmless, just shy. Maybe the yellow pony is just shy, too? They always seem pretty transparent.

"So, are going to talk about what kind of job I'm going to do here?"

>The princess smiles and marks something on a scroll. "Oh, you're excited to get working, huh? You'll get along great with Applejack. Whenever she gets here."

>The rainbow pony zips down from the window and says in a voice that's a little hoarse, "I don't think she's gonna get here. Big Apple Macintosh is comin' this way, fast. I mean... not as fast as me. But pretty fast."

>A red stallion nearly as big as you are comes through the door and sits down at the table next to the newly landed blue pegasus.

>Rainbow Dash spoke up. "Granny having trouble with her hip again, I bet?"

>"Eeyup."

>Fluttershy questioned, "Is Applejack coming?"

>"Nope."

>"Aw, man. Here, I'm sitting next to the apple cake, then!" Pinkamena says forcefully, and moves to sit next to you. Thankfully, this makes the mad yellow pegasus distracted with the huge red stallion that takes her old seat, giving him the eye. He speaks up to you, seemingly ignoring the girls, even the princess.

>"Well, friend, you'll be workin' with me and mah family for a while. There's plenty of jobs we could use yer help with, an' Celestia said you should be around Earth Ponies."

"Right. That sounds great. I actually worked a physical job before."

>"Well, now that introductions are over," the princess takes over hastily, levitating far more scrolls and books than you thought was magically possible- to surround you with dusty papers and huge books.

>"I reeeally wanted to talk to you about your theories on what you call 'wires'?"

>This princess is going to be way worse than the last one.

>You explain everything you know, which isn't much, about how electricity works. She writes furiously, looking up every once in a while to clarify a word.

>Princess Twilight seems to be... no.

>Is she starting to make bedroom eyes at you? The expressions on their faces are always so clear.

>Are the deific princessess cruising for no-tails? And more importantly, is Pinkamena actually getting physically hotter on your other side?

>"Hey, Twilight!" she says, her eyes slanting cruelly, "have you been back to Canterlot to see that Flaaaaaash guy?"

>"Oh my gosh, Pinkie, in front of everybody?" she said, blushing furiously and looking down at her hooves.

>Dear sweet mother of god, they really are all still single young women, even the magical princess.

>"Maybe I did once, when I had to go see the princess. She told me that- um-" she looked down, embarrased again.

>"Sooo..." the emo pink pony said, "how far have you two gotten?"

>Twilight's jaw drops down to the table with an audible sound effet as her entire face and body start to blush.

>The blue pony speaks up defensively, "Come on, Pinkie, I don't want to hear about straight pony stuff! Gross!"

>The big red pony giggles a little bit to himself. But with a rustle, the white unicorn at the end of the table lowers her newspaper and looks over her red glasses.

>With a high-class canterlot accent, she intones, "How droll, Pinkie," stretching out the fancy word intentionally. "It's not fitting of a lady like you or Fluttershy to talk about such things."

>Well that shut her up. Somehow. Were Fluttershy and Pinkamena different from the rest of them somehow?

>But why is she still staring at you like that?

>Fucking Pinkamena.

>It's been a while since you started working at Sweet Apple Acres. And something strange has happened to your sense of reality.

>Do you really want to fuck a pony?

>At least you could go on a date, right?

>Working in the field side by side with her, you actually have a lot to talk about. She speaks highly of her friends, but obviously doesn't know Pinkamena very well.

>"You've seen her bouncin' around here like a cricket on a hotplate! Pinkie's the friendliest pony around!"

"I think that's you, Applejack."

>"Heh heh!" Is that laugh nervous? Is nervous good?

>"Don't ah know it, Anon! Enough yammerin', Ah've gotta get these barrels out to the nor-west field already."

"And that's it for today, right? Are you doing anything after?"

>"Rightchya'are, that's it. But you better get home before RD and the rest of the weather team come by with the hail."

"Oh, that is today. Well then," you roll your eyes and decide to just go for it, "We should meet up before work tomorrow instead. Like, at the bridge."

>"Shore, shore, how early?"

"I mean, in the morning."

>"Oh. OK."

>Her face lights up... you think? She has a huge grin plastered on her face, but her eyes look like they're in pain.

>It's a totally new expression among these candy-colored ponies.

>"Whelp, Ah'll be off," her shouting masks any real emotion, ad she stumbles awkwardly, her eyes twitching back and forth.

>Looks like you really got to her.

>Somehow, you didn't think she would be that nervous about it. She's not shy.

>You two work together constantly, and are great friends. And lately she keeps talking about how she's single.

>The Princess is open enough, what's Applejack's problem?

>You've never seen her act like that before.

>You walk across the bridge to get to Sugarcube Corner.

>Big Mac hasn't been around lately since he's on 'Granny duty.'

>Mr. and Mrs. Cake are the only ones there when you get to the shop. Guess no one wants to talk today.

>It's just as well, what would you say?

>The next day, you show up a little late from preparing.

>You're by the fountain when you see a pony come around the corner. It's... no, it' not Applejack.

>You walk all around, making sure you didn't just miss her.

>OK, she's not here yet.

>You just keep telling yourself that.

>At the door to the barn, when it's time for work, you finally see her.

>She is not happy.

>"Anon, Ah feel like you wanna be more'n than friends with me. And Ah ain't alright with that."

>The fuck?

>You raise your eyebrows. You didn't even see this as a possible outcome- but now that it's here, it seems more funny than anything.

>Poker face.

"OK, Applejack, I respect that. You should have just told me before."

>"Ah know! Ah'm mighty sorry."

"It's whatever. Let's get to work."

>"Actually, I'm gonna be on, uh, Granny duty today. Applebloom and Big Mac are already waiting for you in the south-east field."

"OK. Here I go."

>What the actual fuck.

>You work by yourself, mostly.

>Big Apple Macintosh treats you to the silence that you stay friends with him for. Sometimes you just need to work.

>And Applebloom's eager antics are so adorable that you can't help but crack a smile a few times.

>You and Big Mac get to Sugar Cube Corner in time to catch Twilight and Spike hanging out with Pinkamena.

>Rarity and Rainbow Dash are both doing some sort of game with spike.

>Pinkamena is- Pinkie Pie is- She's... giggling?

>Her hair looks poofy again, too. You wait to go in, looking through the window.

>She isn't poking her food at all.

>She's eating entire sandwhiches in one bite!

>Talking with her mouth full?

>That's adorable and infuriating at the same time.

>You're glad you've been hanging out with earth ponies.

>...Where did that thought come from?

>When you walk in the door, you see Pinkamena in her unnatural state again.

>Well, hell. You feel like being miserable.

>You sit next to her rather than making her switch places with somebody for once.

"How's it going, everybody."

>That look.

>You sigh heavily.

"Everypony."

>Miss Rarity's eyes widen. "What in the world is wrong with you, Dear?"

>Is it that obvious?

"I can't fool you guys. I asked Applejack out."

>A tiny 'what' sound barely registers at your ear.

"And she stood me up and then said she wasn't OK with me liking her."

>When your gaze shifts from the left side of the table to the right, you see Rainbow Dash, Spike, and Rarity posing holding their cheeks. They must not hear gossip like this often.

>Princess Twilight looks surprised, while Big Mac is just avoiding your gaze and looking at Pinkie Pie.

>Why does he look so scared?

>Scared of... what's next to you?

>Are those violins plucking?

>Your head doesn't want to turn any further.

>Your eyes start to glaze over as your mouth falls open.

>The music. The music. It's fading. It's just noise now.

>The lights suddenly dim. Or are you getting tunnel vision? Why does the word "vignette" spring to mind?

>Your eyes can't take the suspense and rebel against the rest of your head, seeking at the corners.

>Does everyone hear it? Is this place finally driving you crazy? Is this the breaking point?

>Silence crowds your ears with the sound of your own blood screaming through you veins at a breakneck pace.

>And then, the music. As you turn your head, the melody mercifully comes back, at least making your ears stop ringing.

>But the creeping strings seem to be rubbing all over your neck as you look into the face of fear itself.

>Rainbow Dash becomes a streak of light for a second, patting Pinkamena on the shoulder.

>"Hey Pinkie, you okay?"

>Your eyes water from staying open so long trying to meet her gaze.

>"Okay? Am I okay?" her voice somehow terrifying silent and thunderously loud at the same time.

>"Nope," says Big Mac in a worried voice, backing away with a noticable amount of fear.

>Wait, what?

>"First I find out one of my friends liked somepony and I didn't even know about it," she said in a tiny, sad voice.

>"Then, he tells me that he got rejected, and that... that... THAT..." the difference between her softest voice and her loudest was extreme.

>The ringing in your ears intensifies as tears flow down from your frozen eyelids.

>You've got to get off this train.

>The ride has to end.

"It's okay, if she was never into me than I'm over it. I only thought she-"

>The princess herself is starting to cower behind a wing before the music suddenly makes a record-scratching sound.

>"THAT MAKES ME WANT TO THROW A PARTY!"

>She reaches from somewhere out of your field of vision behind you and grabs a huge blue cannon.

>Everybody hits the deck while the crazy-eyed cotton candy p0n3 aims it at the ceiling.

>There is now a huge banner reading, 'Anon got Rejected!'

>With a smaller banner reading 'Which is something Pinkie Pie would never do!' hanging off of it.

>With a set of red balloons just under it spelling out, 'Also, Applejack is a Bitch.'

>A giant brown sheet cake with white frosting sits under the arrangement. Laughing, you read, 'Anon is back with his real friends now.'

>You can't stay for long. You're too exhausted from your day.

>As you're leaving, Pinkie Pie and Big Mac approach you.

>"Hey Anon, we're all going to the theatre together tomorrow."

"I have to-"

>Big Mac shakes his head, "Nope."

>"Yeah, we're allllll taking a day off," she says while turning her head so far to the side it looks like she has no spine. This time, her accent is on the word 'all' as her eyes narrow. Her eyes turn down into sad watery pools as she speaks in a high-pitched run-on sentence.

>"I thought that maybe if I paid for you, you would want to come out to one of the things we do, and then we could finally get another chance for you to be friends with me after I messed everything up by not welcoming you right and being all nervous."

"I'll go with you."

>Of you'll go with her. Do you have a choice? Maybe after this she'll start to act normally and leave you alone.

>She gives a smile much more genuine than the last earth pony girl you saw one from. Then she just grabs Big Mac and pulls him back into the group with a forceful, "come on."

>Wait, was that... Did she just-

>Fucking Pinkamena.

>Pinkamena always seems to stay to the middle of the group, surrounded by her friends.

>On the walk to the theatre, you barely get a chance to talk.

>There's a song on the way. You hate these.

>It's just like every school play nightmare you've ever had.

>Everyone else knows the words, but you and Pinkamena sit out in the sidelines.

"Hey Pinkamena-"

>"I don't think sooo," she shrugs and looks sad.

>"Sorry, Anon. That was my line."

>Once you're there, you settle down politely.

>Or at least you would.

>There are no seats.

>All of the ponies just stand there, smiling happily while the production happens in the center stage.

>"DOWN IN FRONT!" A tough-sounding pony behind you calls out.

>"SHUT IT!" Pinkamena hollers behind you, throwing a candy bar directly into the stubbled pony's face.

>She comes to stand next to you.

>Of course. She paid for you.

>She glares at the pony on the other side of you.

>The blue-ish pony frowned in a crazed mixed fear and confusion, like she had just opened the door to find her own dead body on the lawn.

>She trots backwards in slow, steady movements.

>As the lights dim, and the spotlights take over, you put your head in your hand and sigh.

>This was going to be a while.

>The other ponies around you have started to pair off, nuzzling each other's necks sometimes.

>"Um, hey-" your partner starts to say a little louder than strictly acceptable at the theatre.

>Really? While the act was happening?

"Shh."

>She looks pissed at first, and you can't believe you did it. There is actual fire in her eyes!

>After only a moment, though, her expression turns to sadness again and she only squeaks, "Sorry."

>Small strings begin to play as her tears well up.

>You bring your arm up and pull her close so that she's sitting on the ground next to you.

>How could someone be this crazy?

>The soft, plushy mane of your date settles against your chest with an audible sigh.

>Every pony around starts to look at the two of you and smile slightly.

>And the newly smiling Pinkie is watching them.

>You look down at her, and when she looks back at you, you don't see the same face.

>It's something more bright, more beautiful than that.

>A smile that literally wrenches your heart.

>There's a home in that smile.

>She settles back down into your shoulder, whispering in a slightly silly voice, "Hey. Hey Anon. Hey."

>She pokes your shoulder with a hoof.

>Then she pokes at your shoulder and your head with a hoof, a more goofy grin on her face.

>You hold back your smile as much as you can as you look down.

>"I don't get whats happening."

"I haven't been paying attention either. I think the guy is having a dream right now, though."

>"Oh, well that's ok then. I thought I was missing something important."

>She settles onto your shoulder again.

>Meanwhile, on stage, someone is burning to death in a dramatic scene.

>You can't really care.

>There's something so right about where you are.

>You suddenly get an urge to make sure this isn't just a dream or that the whole thing isn't some... some...

>"Some kind of disgusting romantic fanfiction?"

>Yeah, something like that.

>It sure feels unreal. But you could say that about anything since you came to this place.

>You grab onto her a little more tightly, and she puts both hooves up onto your legs and puts her head down like a cat.

>Every single nerve that is touching her feels warm.

>You sigh and try to accept the fact that this same shit is happening all over again.

>Somewhere in what feels like the first ten minutes, the show ends.

>You really couldn't say what happened. There was a catchy musical number, though.

>Not ACTUALLY catching. Sometimes the world's background music would rise up and ponies would start singing- even the Princessess participated.

>It was a nightmare, like every nightmare you ever had in theatre class. Everybody, all around you, all singing, while you didn't know the words.

>You shudder. One thing that was great about Pinkamena was that never happened while she was around.

>But somehow- the lights turn on over your head as you smile with a new thought- you'd really like to hear her sing.

>As you turn to tell your date this, however, your lap suddenly feels very empty.

>Pinkie's still smiling.

>She's still beautiful.

>But she also still seems embarrassed.

>Maybe because all of her friends are back.

>You start to get up, squatting at her level.

"So Pinkie-"

>"Okie-dokie-lokie! We gotta go!"

>She throws her hooves around you neck in a hug that you return for a moment.

"Pinkie-"

>In a puff of dust, they've vanished.

>You stand there with your arms outstretched and empty.

>That feeling of being home is gone, too.

>Fuck...

>

>

>Fuck...

>

>Fucking Pinkie Pie.