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The Simple Things

Chapter Nine

By Roofles

I woke not in a smelly armpit belonging to a chocolate Labrador but on the floor, face first against the scratchy brown carpet. It almost missed where I was before, almost. Richard was a gentleman in many aspects, sharing an already too small couch was not one of them however. I'm not even sure when I had fallen off, taking the covers with me as a final conciliation prize I suppose. It was easier to decided it best to just get up for the day than attempt to go back to sleep on a couch I couldn't even see under the large, snoozing dog.

Richard was on his back, having lounged out over the whole thing sometime during the night presumably when or just before knocking me off. His hands were up a bit and legs stretched out over the edge, paws stretched out rather than dangling off the side; he was muttering in his sleep. Something about wanting another refill and extra cotton candy. His leg kicked every now and then and I gave him a scratch on the head as I headed towards the bathroom down the hall. My shoulder was killing me from where the dog had bit it. As well as the need to relieve myself, I wanted to make sure it wasn't too visible that a dog had been mauling me.

The house itself wasn't exactly clean. The bathroom was on a whole other level however. Old cloths, some wet still, hung from the sink and covered the floor, draping off practically everything even the back of the toilet. Toilet rolls had been crudely tossed into the corner forming a ever growing pile that was being crushed under its own weight. The sink was grimy with toothpaste on the edge and over the faucet, each handle had a fine coating as well. Several different colored tooth brushes sat in a small cup on the corner of the sink each, each one properly gnawed on. The medicine cabinet above the sink didn't have a door and was hanging from a single nail. I could make out a few various pills and creams inside. Some for rashes others for worms. I didn't read further as I shuddered at the thought of either.

I took a long piss but decided it best not to use the fur covered stick of soap that had fallen onto the floor and just left it as that. There were several different towels over the shower and hanging from hooks, more than enough for the four dogs. I also found a rather large industrial hair dryer resting a little too close to the shower for comfort. The cord looked as if someone had been chewing on it, several wires exposed. It was an accident waiting to happen, Darwin in the finest I suppose.

The moment I took a step out of the bathroom I knew something was wrong, and not just from where I had come from. The hallway itself was dark even though I had turned a light on when I had come down. The side door was ajar and light was slipping out into the hallway. Even before it spoke I could make out a glistening black bumpy nose, a snout attached to it, sticking out into the hallway. It was too dark to tell which one it belonged too but that was soon resolved.

"Pst, over here." I could tell it was Colby's, the red fur husky roommate of Richard. "I need to talk with you." He went on and the door creaked open a bit more as he gave it a soft shove, inviting me inside. It would've been like walking into a tigers den, no sane man would.

I would have been happy to ignore him and head back towards Richard but seeing as how a bull terrier was blocking my path back I found it best, if not my only option as said Terrier advanced, to do so. Max followed in behind me and shut, locking the door behind. Or I assume he was attempting too but the door knob itself came off when he tried to lock it.

"Take a seat," the dog motioned to a chair that had been set up. A small table had been shoved into the room with a lamp angled down to face towards both of them. I could only make out the shadowy forms of the other two dog's behind the lamp but little else of the room.

"We just want to talk." Colby assured me but a strong paw on my back gave me no recourse to argue and little confidence in his words.

"About what?" I dared to ask as I took a seat, I tried to sound interested but only a dry sarcastic tone came out. I winced as the lamp was angled down to directly shine into my face. I could hear the three murmurr amongst each other about who would go first.

Colby started off slamming a hand onto the table and leaning forward. "We just wanted to ask a few questions is all, get to know you more." The husky was friendly enough and seemed to be enjoying this more than not. "No troubles, just a few innocent questions is all." He pressed as if trying to play the bad cop but was clearly enjoying himself to much to attempt the feat.

"For Rich's sake." Max added on, there was a growl and it was hard to tell if he was mad or not. He was defiantly a better bad cop.

"Things will go a lot faster if you cooperate." Patch said delicately and I could nearly see him smiling the whole time I had entered the room.

"Age?" Max jumped in before I could get the chance to protest.

"Twenty-Seven." I answered with a frown.

"Do you or don't you like the ghostbusters." Colby asked and it took me a moment on that one.

"Yes." Was all I said. There was another murmurr amongst the group.

"Favorite color?"

"Pineapple pink." I replied with a roll of the eyes.

"Favorite meal?"

"Spaghetti with chocolate syrup."

"Song?"

"The way you touch me."

"Movie?"

"Space zombies from planet brains." I continued saying whatever came to mind first.

"What are your intentions with our Rich?" Patch suddenly asked and that took me a moment.

"He's a coworker." I said a bit more defensively than I meant too. "A friend." I added on an tried to give a convincing smile after.

There was another murmurr. One of disbelief at my award winning acting. And here I was thinking I'd take the emmy.

"Right, a friend." Max said around a toothy grin that was plastered on his white fur face. "I'd hate to be on the backside of that friendship." He joked crudely. "Or front. Or upside down,"

"Reverse," Patch suggested.

"Doggy style." Colby happily jumped in.

"All the above." Max growled as he laughed at the notion.

"We're just coworkers." I tried to laugh it off, as if it were just that a joke. It was hard to ignore the fact I was half naked with a rather indented muzzle bite on my neck and shoulder. Or I was sure there was seeing as how there wasn't a mirror in the bathroom to confirm the dull ache where it was.

"Friends with benefits?" Patch inquired but it didn't sound like a question, more like a statement. A fact you'd write down and carve into stone.

"What are friends for if not a pillow biting, ball sniffing, toe licking good time?" Colby tail was wagging now and he had stood up a bit more looking at me. I'm not sure, and I didn't ask, what was going through his head at those thoughts.

"A simple rump is one thing." Max was the one to be the voice of reason to, seemingly, all of our surprise. "You don't invite 'em over with your roomies around an butt fuck on the couch for a simple rump."

"We did no such thing!" I said a little too loudly and felt my face turn a deep red as three sets of eyes continued to watch me.

"Smelled like it." The dog grumbled. The other two didn't seem to have an issue with this but the bull terrier did, not that I blamed him for a single second. If Colby and Patch started butt humping right there in front of me I'd be kind of annoyed, pissed and embarrassed. Possibly slightly aroused as well, conflicting things. If I stuck around with the lot that might just happen unfortunately... I wasn't sure if that was indeed the case or not however. What dogs did when I wasn't around...uh, canine-sapiens I mean.

"Richard's just friendly." I frowned even before I finished it unsure why I was defending the dog's action, let alone to his own friends. "And...sorry." I added knowing that if I was in their boots I'd feel insulted by such a thing. "About doing that..."

"Why apologize?" Patch interjected before I could continue with the already flimsy apology; I wasn't the best at giving one as stubborn as I could be.

"'Cause it was with a dog?" Max jumped in with a growl slamming his paws on the table and making me jump at the sudden move.

"That's not so," Colby jumped in to save my ass before Max bit it off. "I mean if he goes for a guy like Rich it has to be more than that."

It took me a second there before I fully understood the underlining meaning. "What do you mean by a guy like Richard?" I was the one now to growl at the undertone he used.

Colby moved back a bit, blinked a few times before raising his hands up with a half chuckle. "Easy, I mean just 'cause he's well..." He chewed on his words thinking them over before Patch was more than happy to jump in crassly and bluntly saying what the husky was to polite too.

"Rich is mundane. Boring. Dull. Uninteresting and-," Patch droned on trying to contain a yawn, not successfully though he wasn't trying.

"Hey!" I snapped standing up a bit. "Watch it," I half said before clearing my throat wanting to defend the dog but at the same time not sure why I was getting so defensive over it. "There's nothing wrong with Richard." I just pouted like a disgruntled school girl.

"Of course not." Colby agreed with a nod, still there was an underlining I couldn't read.

"You don't see it?" Max was the first one to speak up on the subject. "I mean he's a great guy he's just...so..."

"Vapid?" Patch offered to Max's confusion.

"Dull." Max corrected.

"That's the same thing, philistine." Patch rolled his eyes and sat back.

"He's a great guy, sure. Just..." Colby nodded once more but let his sentence drag on.

"What's wrong with him?" I tried not to grind my teeth and only ended up glaring at the lot now as if I was the one interrogating them.

"Well he's just..." Colby began but stopped. "You don't see it?" The husky half laughed afterward and wagged his tail. "I like him." He added to the other two.

"I think he's retarded." Max just said flatly but didn't seem all that annoyed by it.

"What?" I asked sharply but the lot just waved it off and took a seat and continued this Canadian interrogation. I was left wandering what the hell that was all about.

Max was the first to change the subject. "Are you willing to give belly rubs to others than just Rich?" This he actually leaned in closer towards me and frowned, deep in thought over it. One of those final dilemma's before you get the yes or no.

"Uh...sure?" I gave back afraid I'd get my nose bitten off if I didn't agree as it was or kicked out, either or would've been horrible seeing as how I still wasn't wearing my own cloths. There was an approving murmurr now. With a few "ok, he can stay." And "I don't mind then." There was some more murmurring that followed that before the lot looked back at me.

"So what IS your relationship with our Rich?" Patch began once more steering the conversation onto what this was all about to begin with.

"It isn't an actual relationship." I sad flatly still trying to figure out what the issue with Richard was. Maybe he had fleas?

"So it's a one night stand?" Max shoved the light out of the way and took a seat at the table on the other side. As the light was even out I was able to see this was indeed the other bedroom. And a bunk bed served for the three dogs a bench to sit on.

"What? No, we got plans tomorrow." I frowned remembering we had made plans for the whole weekend in fact. It wasn't exactly clear what we were doing but I was sure it'd involve hanging out with Richard.

"Sounds like a date to me," Colby scratched his chin with a nod.

"Most defiantly a date." Max agreed with a nod picking at his teeth.

"I concur." Patch took a seat, crossed a leg and offered me a mug of coffee. With my eyes adjusted I could make out the breakfast they had been eating seemingly while waiting for me to get up. Pancakes, eggs and bacon. I just took the mug of steaming coffee rather than bothered with the half chewed bacon offered.

"Thank you," I took the mug. "But it's just guys hanging out."

"Oh," Max nodded. "Who else is going?" He asked setting me up.

With a frown I answered, "Only the two of us."

"Sounds like a date to me." He chuckled and picked at the plate he had stashed off to the side on top of what appeared to be a lego statue of a giant dog bone that resembled the Empire State Building.

"It isn't," I argued like, once more, a whiny school girl trying to say she doesn't like the boy in her class.

"What do you plan to do?" Colby asked friendly enough and I felt his paw nudge at my leg and he gave me a grin an a wink. And then he actually "woofed" at me.

"What?" I blushed. "No, no! He was going to show me around the city."

"The doggie bowl might be a good place for him," Patch nodded at that. "Do you like whips and chains?" He added afterward and I didn't ask or reply and just ignored the dalmatian all together. "Are you more of an S or an M?" I continued to just ignore him. "Are you willing to wear a collar?" By this time I just dismissed his very existence from reality. Even if I was ok with it I wasn't about to tell him that.

"More like show you around the bed room." Max suggested picking at his breakfast.

"Or his pants." Colby offered crudely. The lot of us looked at him at the poor innuendo. So he decided to woof at me again and grinned as I flushed once more and looked away. "And if he doesn't, I could show you a few places in my vicinity." And this time I got what he meant, be hard to miss. He didn't need to add another woof either, though he did. Or the paw rub. Which he did. Or have to be rather charming, as he was.

"I don't think that'd take a full weekend though." I replied and got a snorting laugh from the bull terrier. The husky folded his ears back and gave a sheepish grin and wagged his curled tail. It was then I noticed he was wearing only a tight fitting pair of briefs.

Patch was a scrawny guy. On the tall side. Thin and lanky, if it wasn't for his short needle like fur and black spots he'd look malnourished. Wearing only skin tight black shorts didn't help either. The bull terrier had a bulky upper body and looked a bit...stocky, short legs with no real sides and a small stomach. Powerful shoulders and pecs you could bounce quarters off of, sure. It only made him look a bit...lopsided. His upper body must've weighed twice as much as his lower. Colby on the other hand was fit, with a thick coat of reddish brown fur and a white fur underbelly. One dog was too hot, the other too cold and Colby was just right - the Goldilocks syndrome. All around he looked good and those eyes were a bit captivating. The mismatched pair only helping his hearty smile he showed me.

I offered to wake Richard up but the group just waved it off. So we had breakfast without him. The group had gone to bed shortly after I had apparently. Leaving Richard to stay behind to watch the rest of the four hour directors cut of the fifth Zombie Dogs, Zombie Dogs: Return of the Zombie; not wanting to wake me up by turning it off. And thus he was still snoozing away.

Patch worked downtown at some thrift store, knowing those who ran the place a little too intimately for my comfort and he was more than happy to share the details to my dismay. And was the first of our little group to disperse and head off to work. In nothing than a loose sleeveless T and too tight black shorts no less. Max was the next to leave, jumping to his feet thirty minutes later and suddenly remembering he was suppose to go in early to set things up for some spring break sale. I didn't want to focus on the fact both jobs were that of minimum wage, grunt work that was most common with non-human workers.

Leaving just me and Colby here.

"This is our room." The husky said after finally convincing me to sit on the bed, he removed the table (folding it up into the corner) and stashed the equally fold-able chair with it. He cleaned up a bit as well flaunting his junk whenever he could it seemed, my own fault for staring I suppose. "Mine and Patch." He explained as I just looked at him. "Max and Rich share the other room. We switch, sometimes. For kicks and giggles mostly. Or when we're too drunk to find our own," he added with a chuckle. When he laughed he used his whole body.

"Why do you guys call him Rich and not Richard?" I finally asked as Colby took a seat next to me. He was warm, even if the room had three fans going, as well as musky and was clear he hadn't' taken a shower this morning; well that or he naturally looked so...floofy.

"Richpaw," Colby explained. "His family name. Canine names tend to go off of...things rather than anything else." He gave a half shrug. "My name goes off cheese and wine." I knew Colby was a type of wine. "Patch for that ugly birthmark on his fat ass," he chuckled at the joke of the dalmatian being fat. "And Richpaw for Rich's paws." He rolled his eyes as I still just looked at him. So he stuck up his own paws and wiggled them in my face. "Big paws, rich like chocolate. I know, not very original." He didn't lower his paws from my face as he settled back comfortably on his rear. "I know a dog that's called Tail, because he has a tail."

I waited a moment, looking between his toes, before laughing along with him unsure if it would be insulting too or not to laugh at that name.

Colby put his feet on either side of me as I finally did end up facing towards him as if waiting for me to do just that. "So you don't notice it?" He asked nosing at me some and winking with that orange eye.

"About Richard?" I asked still curious of what it was.

"Yeah." He nodded. Then smiled. Then leaned in and stuck his tongue out. "I see why he likes ya'," he added with a grin and didn't explain what I wished to know.

"That I'm retarded apparently?" I asked clearly missing the point still.

"Well and you smell good too." Colby sniffed then chuckled at the look I gave him. "Relax, that's one of the biggest compliments you can get from a dog. IF you smell bad, why the hell would any canine want to hang out with you. On the other hand," he gave another sniff and just finished with a wink on that note. I still wasn't sure if I should feel insulted or not about that. "Just don't wear deodorant," he gagged at the idea and made a "bleh" face.

"Right, right." I rolled my eyes and pushed his muzzle away. I looked at him afterward and he didn't seem to mind me shoving him away. "So what's the deal with Richard?"

"He's dull." Colby just said what the other dogs had still making me have a question mark above my head. "I mean he's just monochrome."

The gears in my head turned slowly on that one. "As in single color?"

"Yup." Still I didn't follow. "As in he's a chocolate Labrador. He's chocolate covered with brown eyes. What else is there to it?"

"He has a nice body." I offered and Colby chuckled again. "He's a great guy and everybody loves him. A warm personality that can turn the bleakest of days into a sunny one. Fun-loving and just..." I stopped at that not wanting to rant about Richard anymore and only flushed to finish what I had been saying.

"Yeah." Colby said with a frown. "Platonically." He nearly spat the word as if it in itself was a curse word. "The worse kind." He glared not at me but the very idea of it.

"So being of single fur color is bad?" I frowned at the idea of such a silly thing. I mean Richard was fit, healthy and handsome as hell.

"Not if you're like a black Labrador... Ok maybe even then. But even a golden retriever has various shades of gold." Colby explained in a voice as if he were some kind of deep, complex artist that wasn't understood by the world. "A German Shepherd isn't just brown and black but multi shades of both that mix together."

"I still don't get it." But I shrugged as he looked at me. "I think he looks great." And the husky continued to stare at me. I flushed a bit, cleared my throat. "And I think you do too...?" I asked as if that was what he was waiting for.

His ears perked up, those dagger pointed triangles, and his curly tail wagged. Apparently he was hoping for that. Colby moved one paw off the floor and pushed it lightly against my belly and stuck his tongue out.

"Well for a guy with only peach fuzz," he wiggled his toes against my happy trail. "I think you look good too."

I chuckled. "So if I was a fuzzy Sasquatch, I'd be your number one man?" I teased and he stuck his big toe into my belly button making me squirm.

"Wouldn't have to be that to make you my number one man." I flushed a bit, laughed and then felt far more abashed as I realized he wasn't making a joke. He gave me a wink after. "Be a good ball sniffing, toe licking good time." He repeated himself.

"Uh..." Was the most candid response I could give. I've been hit on before but even Richard was more subtle and round about with it. "Thanks?" I just asked once more unsure how to fully take the response.

He smile, shrugged and lifted his heads though didn't move his paw off of me. That big paw was rubbing my belly still. "I get it, I get it. You got the thing with Rich. Don't get me wrong, I'm just saying. Not about to lick your toes."

I gave a half chuckle and a frown at that. "You really like the toe licking?" He just shrugged without a yes or no. "Thanks for the honesty. But yeah..." I kind of faltered. "Me and Rich and all..."

"Yup," was all Colby said with a smile and a nod. "I'm a friendly guy, don't misjudge me for it. But," he gave a crude grin. "What are friends for?" And he wiggled his toes once more. "But hey, I'm not about to get in the way of Rich's toe licking good time."

I rolled my eyes and moved back on the bed. Then looked down at it.

"Don't worry, this is my bed." Colby said as if to alleviate my concerns and only hammered them in further.

"Oh," was my voice of reason. "Ok," was my concern. I felt the sheets, still warm as they were. They even smelled of husky. "Don't you have work?" I asked hoping for a refuge to seek.

"I'm a freelance agent that works whenever I feel like." Colby replied. "That or when I can find the work," he cleared his throat. "And when I need to pay rent." He chuckled after trying to lighten the mood he had built for himself.

He was shaggy, his fur untrimmed and was poofy in places like a guy who didn't keep his facial hair in check. Colby was toned and fit, muscular in all the right places and wasn't bad on the eyes. His fur was that reddish brown like rust and melded perfectly into the white underbelly fur that matched his paws and his bottom muzzle. With pointed ears, curled tail and different colors eyes he was indeed...unique. And yet, I preferred the dog knocking at the door and with a yawn walked in.

"Sup." Richard gave us a wave. Looked between us. Shrugged, walked over and sat down next to me. "Who made breakfast?" And then proceeded to finish off what was left on the plates stashed to the side. He also took a few laps at the mug of coffee I hadn't finished, and was semi holding.