FSE

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KHAE: Say "Nevermore." Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? Just this once, for me?

DUO: Well, if I am going to do this I might as well do it properly.

*flies off*

*comes back with a bust of Pallas floating behind him, which sets itself down on the ground*

Hmmm, not quite enough.

*flies off again*

*comes back holding a small cube* This ought to do it.

*presses a button on the side of the cube. the illusion of a Victorian style room appears. the bust of Pallas moves to above the illusory door*

*the raven perches on the bust*

Ahem....

"Nevermore!"

KHAE: *Falls out of chair laughing* I can die happy now.

DUO: *falls off the bust*

Damn, that thing is slippery.

I am glad I could be so entertaining.

*bust of Pallas falls through the illusion, and lands heavily behind the raven*

KHAE: You know, you could have just asked me to make the illusion for you. I am skilled in such things after all :D

*Khaesho snaps his fingers, and after a brief moment, Duo is sporting rainbow plumage that a Parrot would be jealous of.*

DUO: But I have a stash of magic items. No sense having them if I don't get the chance to use them.

*looks at himself and makes a disgusted sound*

Bright colors are not suitable for a raven! I may be entertaining, but I prefer not to look like a clown! Please restore my natural darkness.

KHAE: *GASP* YOU'RE LIKE MR. POCKETS! Except you don't have any pockets.

*A lazy snap of the fingers, and Duo is the precise shade of brown commonly seen in thick mud*

DUO: *the raven sighs and shakes his head*

Please cease these illusions, or I will up the stakes. The illusion cube wasn't the only item I grabbed just a moment ago.

KHAE: *Khaesho grins malevolently, and jagged blue runes appear across his body.*

DO YOUR WORST!

*He snaps his fingers three times in quick succession, and Duo acquires a Clown suit, a Cowboy hat, and a bright green beak.*

DUO: *Duo calmly uses one of his feet to reach into what appears to be empty air next to him, and pulls out what looks like a ball made out of dozens of metal loops*

Oh, I don't think I will do my worst. I would like this area to remain mostly intact, instead of a burning crater.

But I think this should be enough for now.

*the raven tosses the ball at Khaesho. It appears to fall apart as each of the loops expands and tries to bind the snake up*

KHAE: *The illusion laughs as the bands close around thin air.*

OOH OOH, I KNOW!

*More snaps, origionating from somewhere to Duo's left, and then Duo appears to be the worlds first gummy bear in the shape of a large and irritated raven. The Flavor? Yellow Banana Pudding.*

DUO: *the gummy raven glares for a moment, then shakes himself. As he does so the illusion falls off and starts affecting the grass instead*

Okay, now I am getting annoyed.

*he again reaches into the air, this time pulling out a small blue stone carved into the shape of a skull, a feather that glows orange as it moves, and a roll of duct tape.*

KHAE: This is either about to get unfortunately kinky or really really weird.

*He cracks his knuckles this time for variety, and multiple illusory Serpents become visible. One of them might be real, of Khaesho might still be invisible. Also, Duo is now the exact shade of orange as fresh Cheez-its*

DUO: Lets go for weird.

*grins as he pulls out a signal mirror, a prism, and some sunglasses*

*puts on the sunglasses, then places the mirror flat on the ground with the prism on top of it, and the stone skull on top of that, with the roll of duct tape around the whole thing*

*grips the feather in his beak as the ring around his leg starts glowing*

KHAE: *One of the illusions, immediately revealed to be the real Khaesho, hefts a small stone and neatly lobs it through the air, where it topples his carefully arranged tower and sends the objects scattering.*

Well. That was easy.

*And then Duo was a fish.*

DUO: *as the stone flies toward his structure, Duo looks scared*

Bad idea! Duck now!

*just before the stone hits, both it and the duct tape disappear. The blue stone skull glows, and suddenly hundreds of streamers of duct tape and thousands of small stones fly in every direction from the mirror and prism*

KHAE: *Khaesho noticed the fear in Duo's voice, and folded himself backwards just in time to avoid a wave of shrapnel and duct tape streamers. The lowest pieces still strike his outer coils, but the brunt of the blast misses him. He groans, but snaps his fingers again, and now Duo is a bird shaped glass of root beer. Even after the close shave, he can't help but laugh.*

Damn, Kalokin, that's the funniest one yet!

*A spiral of blue fire leaks from Khaesho's eyes and expands outwards to form a rather mischievous looking Blue Racer Naga. The god bows and joins Khaesho in laughter.*

It sounded like a good idea at the time. I thought it was particularly inspired.

DUO: *Duo fails to notice his status as a glass of root beer, as he was knocked unconscious by the shower of stones. The glowing feather lays next to him, dropped when he shouted his warning*

KHAE: *The two snakes notice that Duo isn't moving, and they slither over to where he lays. Kalokin drops the illusion, and Khaesho checks for wounds.*

No flesh damage. Must have been the concussion from the blast. Kalokin, you any good at healing?

Not at all.

*He looked like he wanted to say more, but didn't*

Alright, well, lets get him inside then.

*He gently picks up the large Raven an starts to slither towards Duo's home.*

DUO: *Duo stirs as he is carried. He looks around a bit, then slowly points at a nearby tree*

Over there. Entrance in the roots. Third vial from the left. Don't touch anything else.

KHAE: *Kalokin shrinks his form to fit in more easily, and retrieves the vial indicated, bringing it back to the semiconscious raven.*

DUO: *Duo drinks the contents of the vial, and glows green for a moment before standing up, fully healed*

In the future, I would suggest that you never interrupt a magic ritual in progress. I have learned from experience that it doesn't matter how horrifically evil a ritual may be, nine times out of ten if it is interrupted the result will be worse for all involved than just letting it complete itself.

You were lucky you threw that just when you did. A moment earlier or later and I would be looking for a new home right now.

*looks a bit ashamed*

So, shall we call a truce?

KHAE: *Duo exists as a potted petunia for all of thre seconds before Khaehso swats Kalokin on the nose.*

Truce. Really, he just likes a good joke is all.

DUO: Don't we all? I just get into a mood sometimes.

Lets see, I think the line was "Oh no. Not again."

So, what do you say we go for a drink or something? Now that we have mostly stopped antagonizing each other.

KHAE: Depends on what we're drinking. Have you ever seen a god with power over illusion drunk?

*He thinks for a moment, then nods.*

Yea, you need to see that. Where should we booze up?

DUO: *the raven thinks for a moment, then points with a wing*

Well . . . there is a tavern about ten miles that way. I am a regular there. They basically don't care who you are or what you do, so long as the building remains standing when you leave.

Or, I have a stash of dwarven drinks around here. Took them from a caravan that refused to give back one of my shinys. Half of them are old enough the labels are unreadable, so I have no idea what might happen if we drink them.

KHAE: Oh, no, no way are we wasting alcohol in private. If we're going to get good and drunk, I want to be somewhere we can enjoy it.

DUO: Tavern it is. Should I get one of my teleportation items? Or would you prefer to slither?

KHAE: "I think we should walk. It'll give Kalokin time to really wind up with anticipation."

At the mere mention of the word "Drinks," Kalokin had literally begun bouncing up and down like a spring.

"Damn, calm down man."

"I can't, boss! I mean, it's been forever since you got drunk."

"With good reason. Only doing it this time because it's a once in a lifetime experience to watch us get drunk, and I think Duo would have a good time."

DUO: "Ah. I see you mean 'wind up' literally, not figuratively. This should be fun."

The raven chuckles, then thinks for a moment.

"I don't actually know the quickest way there for a landbound creature. I usually fly."

Waits for a moment more, the hesitantly says:

"I think I may have a flight item, if you would like me to look for it. Otherwise it would probably be easiest if I were to ride on your shoulder, so I don't have to tire myself out flying in circles."

KHAE: He thinks about this for a moment. It looks like he's considering it with great thought, until a sly smile reveals that he's really just enjoying Kalokin driving himself insane.

"FUCK IT! Khaesho's flying, COME ON MAN, LETS GO!"

"Wait, but I-"

And then Khaesho ceased to produce any noise. At all. His mouth was still moving, but the fact that the noise was being stolen caused him to stop and glare at Kalokin.

"See? Look at how happy he looks! Let's get him in the air, GOGOGO!"

DUO: "Yes, I see exactly how happy he looks. If I were you I would be feeling very glad I was mostly incorporeal right now."

"I will go see if I can find the item. It may take me a few minutes. Try not to hurt each other until I have popcorn and a good perch."

The raven flies off cackling. He is gone for almost five minutes, but then he flies back from a completely different direction. A large cloak covered in bright blue and green feathers hovers after him.

"Here, try this on. It should work, so long as you don't try to perform any maneuvers that are too impressive."

As Khaesho puts on the cloak it transforms into a pair of feathered wings, in the same colors as those that the cloak had.

KHAE: Kalokin dove back into Khaesho's skull, but he continued to block all sound his host tried to make.

"Oh, lookie! We'll be a Feathered Serpent! Come on Khaesho!"

He still looked dubious, but nonetheless, he shrugged into the coat. The feathers wrapped around his arms and extended outwards, until he indeed looked like one of the wyverns of old.

"Hm? Hey, this is... Wow, I'm surprised this still even works."

There was a pop not unlike the sound of breaking bones, and the wings almost doubled in size.

DUO: "The thing to remember with magic items like this is that the shape they take isn't very important. They respond to desire and thought. In this case I think that if you will yourself to fly in a particular direction, the item will do its best to comply."

Looks thoughtfully at the two of them for a moment.

"I think that means you should decide which of you is driving and stick with it. Conflicting commands might end up with you crashing into a tree or something worse."

Becomes lost in thought for a moment before chuckling.

"Though even with perfect control you still might find yourself stuck in a tree. I have had it happen more than my fair share of times."

KHAE: Khaesho looked worried, but Kalokin didn't seem to have heard. He continued to mutter to himself as the wings made multiple odd noises.

"No, no, no... that goes over HERE... and then this can... AHA"

With a fizzling crackle, the wings expanded yet again, in breadth this time. Now, they were as large, if not larger than Khaesho himself. In his distraction though, Kalokin let slip the Silence he'd maintained around Khaesho's mouth.

"Kalokin, what the HELL are you doing?!? Stop messing with magical artifacts you know NOTHING about!"

"Aw, come on, I was just making a few improvements. This piece is blue-green, and blue magic is my specialty, you know that. I can't say much for the green half of the enchantment, but the blue part was poorly done indeed. Hey, beaky, while I'm fixing this thing up, do you want me to bind this to an amulet or a ring or something? Capes are cool, but they take too much room to store."

DUO: The raven looks startled at the changes being done to the item. His speech conveys his distraction.

"Yeah, um, you should only do that if you really know what you are doing. I think the feathers are essential to the function. . . ."

". . . . Amulet if you can. I am going to wait over th-."

Duo's speech suddenly cuts out. He turns and glares at the pair, the magic item being forgot about for a moment.

"Wait a second. Beaky? Beaky!?"

KHAE: "Duo, don't take it personally, he's just-"

His hurried apologies were cut off by Kalokin's magic once again. This time though, Khaesho looked angry. He snapped his fingers twice and sparks danced among his knuckles.

"OUCH, jeez, I'm just having some fun, no need to start zapping me."

"As I was saying, don't take anything he says or does personally, he's kind of an idiot. Did I ever tell you the story of why he's here at all? He was literally so annoying that the other gods kicked him out of the divine realm for a few decades. To try and limit the damage he could do, they bound his soul to mine. I get a few perks on the side, but he gets distracted easily, and he distracts himself when no distractions are available. I think we should go get those drinks now."

No sooner did he complete his sentence than did Kalokin seize control of the wings and rocketed them into the air. With the "repairs" he'd made, they were more than easily able to carry Khaesho aloft.

DUO: Duo takes off almost immediately after Khaesho, but has to flap furiously to catch up.

"I think I remember hearing that story. Don't worry, I know how tricksters get. If I get drunk enough remind me to tell you of the time I helped play a prank on the God of Death."

"Well, it was actually somebody who was going to replace the God of Death with himself. But I think that counts."

Duo is silent for a moment, except for the constant flapping of his wings.

"Do you think you could slow down a bit? This may be effortless for you, but flying is hard work for me unless I can glide for most of it."

KHAE: Kalokin was silent, focusing on trying to not crash them into a tree

"Wait, the god of the afterlife, or Death the Reaper? Either way, I'd like to hear that one."

Kalokin did indeed slow down, but only to open his mouth.

"Effortless? While I get that most people won't know that their spirit is being tapped for an artifact like this, anyone with even a spark of magic would feel the strain. Ugh, Khaesho, you weight a ton. What do you eat, man?"

"Any non-sentient made of meat. Now hush, you're the one who wanted to fly in the first place. What about you Duo, what's your food of choice?"

DUO: "The Reaper one. Though he took the form of a corpse when he told me to take care of the person trying to usurp him. But I really should be drunk before I continue telling this one."

"For full Artifacts that is true, but that one is only a Major level enchantment. If cast correctly it should be able to function on what it can pick up from the nearby force lines. Are you sure you didn't break it with your changes? Or turn it into an Artifact? I guess you are a god, so the second is likely. If so you can keep it. True Artifacts are not my thing."

"My favorite food is eyeballs. They are a raven delicacy. Of course they have to be fresh. They go bad fast."

"I usually take them from people who steal from me and refuse to give back what they have stolen. Of course most of them don't know the things they find in my territory are mine until the talking raven demands that they give me what they found."

Duo flashes an evil grin and cackles.

KHAE: "Ah... wait, that's right, I need to-"

There was a snap not unlike breaking bones, and the wings turned into a small amulet on a thin silver chain. Khaesho fell through the air screaming for several seconds before Kalokin pulled the wings back out, catching them and beating back up to duo's level.

"ICE DAMN YOU KALOKIN, YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!"

"So what if I did? You're fine, and now this'll pull exclusively from the leylines, which doesn't particularly help me at all, but it should help whoever else uses it."

"Gah, Duo, where were we? Food? Eyeballs? And here, I thought that was just a vicious stereotype. Still though, as a thief, if you leave something laying around, you surrender the right to own it. If it's in your home, that's yours, of course, but if it's just laying in a field, well, I can think of a few honest thieves who'd get offended if you accused them of theft when they just picked a curiosity up out of the grass."

DUO: Duo laughs a bit at Kalokin's antics, but shuts up at a look from Khaesho.

"Stereotype it may be, but true in this case. What can I say? Sometimes I'm not a nice bird."

"I don't just leave things lying around. I cache them. Usually somebody finding them involves digging, or cutting down a tree. Either way it is clear that the item wasn't just dropped. And I do ask for them back twice before I get aggressive."

He flies for a bit longer, then looks around.

"We are getting close. Which reminds me: do you have some way to pay for your drinks, or will I have to pay for you?"

KHAE: "Oh, you ask twice? Nicely? yea, I can totally see that then, they forfeit their eyeball privileges at that point. About me paying though, that really depends. Do you feel morally obligated to pay for drinks you could get for free? Would you feel obligated to leave behind money even if the barkeep was happy to give me free alcohol? Kalokin is a god of Thieves after all."

Kalokin cackled maniacally, and mischief danced in Khaesho's eyes.

DUO: "Well, the first time I ask is nicely. The second involves threats, but if they still don't hand it over then I know they were warned of exactly what would happen."

"Like I said, this bar will serve you no matter who or what you are. The owner used to be an adventurer. He has ways of ensuring even the most powerful individuals pay."

"Plus, I am a regular there. I would appreciate it if you didn't ruin my reputation with them."

Thinks for a moment, then gives his evil grin again.

"The other patrons, on the other hand, are fair game. Though if you incapacitate them you are expected to take care of their tab."

KHAE: Both Khaesho and Kalokin laughed softly, and the odd double tone sounded pretty damn creepy. Kalokin continued as Khaesho sniggered softly.

"It wouldn't be power that would get us out of a bill. We might run into an 'old friend' who insists on paying our tab. Or perhaps the barkeep sees us give him gold, even if we don't actually give him gold. My favorite one is when the bartender 'loses track' of how many drinks we've had, and charges us for far less than we owe. Still, if he's a friend of yours, I suppose we could cough up some spare scratch though, its well worth the price."

"Don't worry Duo, I'll make sure Kalokin doesn't try to leave without paying. We have enough spare money to indulge a bit."

DUO: "I have amassed quite the stash over time. I could help pay."

Thinks, then gives the flying snake a look.

"So long as Kalokin makes a good attempt at sounding grateful."

Soon a building comes into view in the middle of a clearing. It looks to be three stories tall, but the giant door set into one side indicates that at least part of it is all one space. A big sign on the front shows a gold dragon holding a mug.

KHAE: "Kalokin? Grateful? Surely, you jest. I'd rather pay my own tab than rely on him attempting to sound anything but arrogant."

"Hey! That's hurtful."

"It hurts because it's true."

That shut him up again, and a wooden building rapidly approached in the distance.

"That looks like our stop."

DUO: "What! A trickster who can't fake humility? How did you ever become a god?"

Duo gives him a look that makes it clear he is joking.

"Yes, that is the place."

The raven lands next to the main door in the front. He pecks a bell mounted there, at just the right height for him to reach easily, three times, then he waits a moment. Seconds later a man opens the door, and greets the raven. "Hello there Duo. It has been a while. Who is this?" he indicates Khaesho

Duo responds: "Hello Evan. This is Khaesho. We are here to get smashed."

KHAE: "He started as a god! Besides, he can fake it if he wanted to, I just don't think he'd care enough to try."

"Oh Khaesho, you know me so well."

"Go stuff yourself."

They spiraled downwards, to the bar, though the landing Khaesho/Kalokin made was far from graceful. Slithering down out of the tree, Khaesho held out his hand.

"Make sure that I pay ahead of time, I'm going to lose track of my money, and I don't want to run too high of a tab."

DUO: "Don't worry sir, I will remember to do that. Now if you would come in, I need to get back to the bar."

As the raven and the naga go inside they see that there are around thirty other patrons. A dragon and a gryphon stand out at the first glance. The ceiling is almost sixty feet above, and the room is over a hundred and fifty feet to a side, which is fifty feet longer than the outside of the building would suggest it could contain. There are tables and chairs of a huge variety of sizes and styles placed around the space. A set of yellow glowing crystals suspended from the ceiling provide adequate lighting.

"I think I will start out with my usual. What would you like Khaesho?"

KHAE: Rather than sink slowly down, the wings snap into a small amulet on a thin silver chain, which Kalokin maneuvers to Khaesho's neck. They entered the bar, drawing stares from multiple people as they did; Nagas were not a common sight in this part of the world. Undaunted by the weight of their attention, Khaesho bellies right up to the bar.

"I need three shots of Black Sun Whiskey. One for me, one for my raven friend, and one to silence the voices that scream inside my head."

He says it in a joking tone, and a female Gryphon sitting next to him can't help but stifle a chuckle.

DUO: Duo hops up next to Khaesho. He also takes on a joking tone.

"I have heard those voices. I don't think two shots will be enough. But it will be a good start."

He tosses Evan a gold coin.

"A pint of my usual, and my shot."

Evan makes sure to get payment from Khaesho as well before placing three shots in front of the pair, as well as a beak-friendly mug of something that looks and smells like fresh blood.

KHAE: Black Sun was an unusual favorite drink. It was bitter, unbearably to some, but to the serpents who brew it, the bitterness becomes... something else. No Snake has ever adequately described the taste of Black Sun, and the few who try give conflicting accounts. Khaesho opened his mouth wide and casually tossed both shots straight down his throat, enjoying the fire they started and the feeling of heat as it burned all the way down to his tail. With a mental signal to Kalokin, he leaned back, and illusory black fire smoke spewed from his lips to dance in vaguely flame like patterns, before fading as it touched the roof.

"Ah... Nothing quite like the feeling of good Black Sun to liven up a boring day. What about you Duo, are you MAN ENOUGH to drink a whole ssshhhot of BlacksssSun, or are you jus' gonna sit there 'n' drink down meat juice?"

It had been three days since Khaesho's last large meal, enough time to empty his stomach, but not quite enough to make him hungry yet. As a result, the alcohol went more or less straight into his bloodstream, and his words were beginning to slur slightly already. The gryphon laughed at Duo's joke as well, and turned to stare in fascination as the smoke/flames danced into the air. She watched with a curious grin as Khaesho held out the shot.

"Open up reeeeeeaaaaaaal wide, like a ssssSnake, and I'll pour it down your beak."

Surely, this couldn't possibly end badly. A drink legendary for making non-reptiles gag, and he would pour it directly down Duo's throat. It was an idea that was legendary in its wisdom and intelligence, truthfully.

DUO: Duo obliges, leaning back and opening wide. Surprisingly he doesn't flinch as the drink goes down, but afterward a shiver goes through his whole body.

"Wow, that reminds me of the time I found a bottle of liquor in a buried tomb. That thing must have been at least three thousand years old, and I still can't remember what happened the week after. Still the most bitter thing I have ever tasted."

He shakes his head vigorously. His speech and movements still seem unimpaired.

"Thanks for that. I have one for you. You ever tried a shot of FeatherBlack?"

KHAE: "HA! Didn't even flinch. Tomb liquor? Yesssss, I ssssuposssse it would taste a bit dead to a ssscavenger. Alright then, let's see what your drink is. BARKEEP! Let'ssssssee sssome of thissssssssss... FeatherBlack."

Khaesho was being loud, boisterous, but worst of all, entertaining, and more than a few people watched the snake at the bar.

DUO: Evan produces two shots of clear liquid, and places a small white feather next to each of them. Duo explains how the drink works.

"When you are ready to drink you put the feather in, then wait till the liquid turns completely black. Then drink it a quickly as you can."

He demonstrates, levitating the glass next to him and dropping the feather into it. The feather dissolves quickly and the drink turns a flat dark black. Without delay Duo tilts his head back and swallows the drink.

As a drink designed for avians, FeatherBlack has a mild flavor. It is a bit sweet, and a bit salty. But as it goes down chemical reactions occur that cause it to have a unusual texture. It is most often described as tickling on the way down, but when it reaches the drinker's stomach it begins to have a thermal reaction, producing a mild amount of heat for several minutes. This makes it have what for avians and reptiles is a pleasant warm sensation, but mammals often dislike it.

KHAE: "oh ho? Now THAT sssoundss like a drink."

Feather went in, and the moment it turned dark he threw back the shot. He writhed as it went down and opened his mouth with a gasp afterwards.

"By the Dark Moon, now THAT'sss an odd drink! I felt it sssquirm all the way down I... wait, something's still squirming."

He turned away from the bar, towards the onlookers, and opened his mouth wide. His right hand went in, down his throat up to the elbow, and they gasped at the show.

"Ea, 'omethin's still ssqwormin'."

His left hand joined the right, reaching deep into his throat, and they slowly pulled out, drenched in his slime. After a small struggle, he managed to pull a white rabbit out of his throat. Duo knew it was an illusion, but the rest of the crowd didn't, and shocked gasps and cheers accompanied the act.

DUO: Duo looks at Khaesho and realizes that he will need to get busy drinking if he is going to get intoxicated before the snake passes out. While Khaesho is busy entertaining the crowd the raven drains his bloody drink and signals to Evan to bring him several more shots; the strong stuff this time. In the mean time he decides to play along a bit.

"Where were you keeping that one Khaesho? I didn't think you were into that sort of thing."

Duo has no idea what the sort of thing he might be mentioning is. He just finds it amusing.

KHAE: "Absssolutely! One of the benefits of being a snake is that I can fit all kinds of things into my mouth."

Half the bar was oblivious to what he meant, but the other half coughed, and turned aside as they realized what he was talking about. He gave a meaningful wink to the Gryphoness, and she blushed beet red beneath her tawny fur.

"Come on now Breakfast, back in you go, and this time, no kicking, it tickles, and it makes the digestion harder."

He tossed the illusory rabbit into the air, and used both hands to stretch his mouth wide. Breakfast fell neatly down his waiting gullet, and his audience watched the lump as it travelled down his body.

"Bartender, that was a hell of a drink! Mix me up something else odd and unusual, and then I think I'll start in on the cards."

He pulled two decks of cards out of a pocket, one of standard playing cards, but the second appeared to be a custom made tarot deck.

DUO: Despite knowing the rabbit isn't real, Duo looks away in discomfort as Khaesho swallows it. The raven turns to the collection of shot glasses in front of him and takes a very businesslike attitude to downing them.

Soon he looks up, and actually seems to have a buzz going this time. Khaesho notices that Duo seems to have consumed almost more of a volume of liquid than the volume of the raven's body, but doesn't seem to be showing any sign of it. Indeed he has consumed enough alcohol to leave an average human unconscious in a puddle, but only looks slightly affected by it. Evan the bartender doesn't seem surprised at the raven's constitution, and gives Khaesho something that looks like glowing orange smoke in a glass.

Duo looks at the cards Khaesho holds.

"Oooh, card games. I think I could afford to play a few hands of those. What game shall it be?"

KHAE: "That depends. How much money do you want to lose? I was planning on using them for sleight of hand, but they can serve both purposes at the same time."

Without looking, Khaesho reaches behind him, grabs the mug, and throws the entire drink back in one gulp.

DUO: "I can lose some. But what makes you think I will lose?"

He tries to look mysterious and wise, or at least competent, but fails miserably at all of it when he snags one of his feet with a wing and falls behind the bar. The bartender doesn't seem to be surprised at this either, and just gets a few more shots ready.

KHAE: "Well... you're drunk... and I'm drunk... that means we are both about to lose a lot of money. We'll bet with copper bits then. Who here would join us for a few casual hands of Texas Hold 'em?"

A cacophony arose as many people wanted to join, but eventually there were six players. Khaesho, Duo, the Gryphoness, a Badger, a Fox, and a slightly surly looking Dragon. Khaesho took the deck and spread it across the table face up, so all could see that all cards were present.

"Now... I mentioned sleight of hand. I will attempt to put a few extra cards into this deck. If you draw one of my 'extra' cards, you have to do what it says. If you catch me in the act, I have to perform it instead. Sound like a game?"

Colorful smoke began to curl out of Khaesho's mouth from the strange drink he'd had, and it lent him a comical appearance. All heads nodded, and a beginning hand was dealt. Khaesho's "bonus cards" were all blank; Kalokin wrote an illusion across their surfaces whenever one was needed.

DUO: Duo pulls out a stack of copper coins from thin air, causing some of the other players to give him a curious look. The raven drinks a few more shots before the first hand, then puts out his ante. He looks at his pair of cards, and finds himself unable to be surprised when one of Khaesho's special cards is contained therein.

KHAE: A message is inscribed in bold, all capital letters across the card. DO THE CHICKEN DANCE!!!

Khaesho is already snickering as he glances at duo, and slide a third card in his direction.

"Go ahead, read it aloud, someone has to go first."

DUO: Duo gives the air next to Khaesho a murderous glare, then sighs. He downs another shot and reads the card. The other players chuckle, except the gryphoness who gives Duo a sympathetic look.

"I have no idea if I can do this. Real wings don't act like arms."

He does okay for the first bit, but when it comes to the clapping he manages to hit himself in the head with his wing and fall over into Khaesho, and then onto the floor once again with a croak. He gets back up and perches back in his original spot.

"That good enough for everybody?"

KHAE: The Gryphoness, despite her pity, can't suppress a smile. The others had no such inhibitions, and they laughed uproariously. A few hands passed, and everyone kept a close eye on the crafty serpent, especially the dragon with a sour look, but they saw nothing until he dealt the dragon a third card, from the top of the deck. He picked it up gingerly.

"It seems I must buy drink for whole table. It does not say what drink I must buy though. Bartender! You keep Hardline Whiskey in stock, yes? I will have entire bottle, bring shot glasses for the table."

He and the bartender laughed while the Fox and the Badger exchanged nervous glances. Hardline was one of the most potent drinks ever brewed, and not just because of the alcohol. When it is describing as "burning all the way down," sometimes it leaves actual burns. The Gryphoness smiled, and Khaesho either didn't know, or was too drunk to care.

"You hear' th' man! Let'ssssssshave sssssome... Hardline? Yea, that."

DUO: Duo uses his telekinesis to pick up his Hardline shot, like he has been doing with the cards and other glasses all evening. The shot glass wobbles, indicating the raven's level of inebriation. He is definitely drunk, though for having drunk enough to kill a human he seems to be doing incredibly well.

He accidentally spills half the glass off the side of his beak, but what does make it down his throat seems to be more than enough. He starts having a coughing fit, and falls to the floor a third time. This time he fails to reappear quickly.

"Can somebody help me back to my perch? I can't seem to stand right."

KHAE: The Badger and Fox were too busy likewise coughing to hear, but Khaesho, the Dragon, and the Gryphoness had recognized a challenge, and were enacting the ritual that always occurred whenever more than one experienced drinker took a shot of Hardline. They kept the liquid in their mouths, mulling it over with their tongues, enduring the pain for as long as they could in an attempt to outlast the others. Khaesho's surprisingly steady tail wrapped around Duo, and set him on the table rather than at his perch on the back of the chair, but his eyes never left the Dragon as the contest continued. After twenty seconds, the drake began to sweat, and he looked slightly ill. Rather than suffer the ultimate shame of coughing his shot over the table, he swallowed it with a gasp, and began panting. He grabbed one of the mugs of mead the bartended had placed after the bottle of whiskey, and drank it down gratefully.

Khaesho, at this point, left his position at the table, and slithered around to where the Gryphoness sat. He put his face inches from hers, then performed every ventriloquist's dream of speaking with his mouth closed.

"Give it up, sugar. I take magma baths and call it laughs, I drink Black Sun and call it fun, and I don't mean to sound so crass, but you aren't gonna win this one."

She smiled sweetly, and swallowed her drink down.

"Only because we both have better things to do than hold a staring contest. Like this."

She grabbed his head and pulled him in for a kiss, worming her tongue between his surprised lips. He swallowed, and kissed her back, but she drew back abruptly. Realization slid over her face in an easy smile as she noticed that his mouth most certainly did not taste like Hardline. She didn't call him out on it though, she merely gave him a knowing glance. He picked her up, pushed the chair out of the way with his tail, and coiled himself beneath her to provide a seat.

"I think the two of ussssswill be sharing a hand from now on. Isssssthat alright?"

DUO: That should be, um, okay. Wow that one hurt. Remind me to avoid that in the future, or at least to put on my acid immunity ring beforehand."

He reaches into his invisible pocket and pulls out a pouch containing small white pills, one of which he swallows. He holds still as a wave of red magic runs over his body, after which he looks to be in much less pain.

"Minor restoration pills. Anyone else want one?"

The badger and the fox take him up on his offer, then the game continues with Khaesho and the gryphoness sharing their cards. It continues for several more hands, then Khaesho discovers an extra card in is hand. It is blank except for the message: DANCE. He looks over to see Duo looking at him with an evil grin, waiting to see what the naga will do.

KHAE: When Duo dealt Khaesho a third card, rather than look uneasy, he looked bemused. He pulled it up slowly, and showed it to the pretty bird on his lap only. Between the time he'd placed his fingers on it and the time it was in the air, Kalokin worked an illusion over the card. It now read; let me rent a room here for the night, and I'll show you what a real good time feels like. She blushed crimson, but she made no move to get up from Khaesho's comfortable coils. Noticing the extra card, the Dragon became curious.

"Well, speak! What does card say?"

"Thisssscard issss for her eyesssssalone."

He looked at her meaningfully, and after a moment of hesitation, she snuggled a little deeper under his arms. Play continued for several rounds more, and both Badger and Fox got a blank card, but not a one saw Khaehso slipping them into the deck. As the last hand folded, Khaesho pulled out his deck of Tarot Cards.

"Fancy a fortune, anyone?"

DUO: Duo somehow manages to raise a wing without knocking himself over again

"Me! I would like one!"

He stares at his wing as he brings it back down, obviously concentrating very hard on keeping the motion steady.

"Also, I remember that I promised you a story when I was good and drunk. After your fortune telling session is done you might want me to get to that, before one of us loses consciousness."

KHAE: Khaesho laughed as he shuffled the cards.

"My friend, it would take far more than this pittance to knock me unconscious. Let's see though, what do the cards say for your past."

He spread the cards on the table face down and ran his fingers along them. Seemingly at random, he picked one out, then repeated the action to get two more. He flipped them all face up at once, revealing The Crooked Man, The Crooked Path, and The Crooked Spyglass. The Crooked Man hung from a hangman's noose.

"Now that is interesting. It is rare to get three from the same set. The Crooked Man is a criminal, a vagabond who is hunted for breaking the law. The Crooked Path is the long winding road, fraught with danger and peril as you are hunted every step of the way. The Crooked Spyglass is misdirection, or misunderstanding. Something did not happen the way it seemed. As a set, played in order like this, you past is clear. Somewhere, you are believed to be a criminal. Either you made a mistake, someone misread a situation, or you were deliberately framed, but you are wanted by the law for something you didn't do. You flew a winding path to escape that, but your past still haunts you, and you doubt your pursuers have given up the chase."

DUO: Duo seems a bit shocked at the reading. He gives the naga a sideways look, then stands up straight with a surprisingly serious posture and expression.

"Escape isn't the term I would use. I am still seeking revenge for what happened. But I won't tell that story until the day my revenge is complete, so go on with your reading."

Then he grins, as though to relieve the tension. But to Khaesho the raven still looks to be far more serious than the Naga has ever seen him.

KHAE: "Alright. Your present? I don't even need the cards for that. You're at a bar, getting drunk."

They laughed, and he re-shuffled the cards, spreading them out again.

"Your future..."

The same ritual, three cards pulled.

"The Black Dagger. The Moon's Eclipse. The Pauper's Grave."

"The black dagger is death in the dark. A murder is in your future. The moon's eclipse is secrecy. Something hidden from view, or an act carried out without discovery. The pauper's grave is a burial. Putting to rest your past, your ghosts, your fears, or any such thing that would be buried. With the three played in that order, you will find your vengeance, and not a soul will know."

DUO: Duo's expression grows vicious, and his voice drops to a whisper that only Khaesho and Kalokin can hear.

"Well I hope that isn't quite true. There are a few Souls I would love to know about my vengeance, just before they are sent screaming to join Death in his halls."

He closes his eyes for a moment, then suddenly opens them and appears just as happy and cheerful as he had been all evening. He makes some lame joke about the prophecy, and thanks Khaesho for the reading.

"Now, anyone else want to get their fortune told by the Naga, or would you like to hear the drunk raven tell a story?"

KHAE: "In such case, they would be part of you vengeance, no?"

They laughed at Duo's joke mainly because they were all drunk.

"I think I'd like my fortune told."

The Gryphoness on his lap spoke up, and he absentmindedly petted the back of her hair.

"But of course, my sweet. I read the past mainly to build credibility, but since you already believe me, I think we can skip to future. You can pick the cards, to prove the validity."

The deck was laid out, and he laid his hand over hers. She slid her hand down the row, gently caressing each card. She chose three at random, and Khaesho was hissing with satisfaction even before they were revealed.

"The Chance Encounter. The Forgotten Cliff Side. The Broken Lock."

"The chance encounter represents opportunity. It doesn't specifically mean good luck, but you will have the chance to take something if you reach for it. The forgotten cliff side represents anything or anywhere that is hard to reach or obtain. The broken lock represents anything that can only happen once. Together, in that order, you will have a once in a lifetime opportunity."

She cooed with curiosity, snuggling up against him. He turned to where Duo wobbled drunkenly.

"Alright Duo, let's hear your story."

DUO: Duo gives a single laugh, then erratically flies up to one of the mounted crystal lights. He stands up as straight as he can this late into the evening, spreads his wings, and takes on a deeper tone than it looks like he should be able to. His voice projects through the space, and soon almost everyone is watching him. A few of the regulars roll their eyes and ignore the raven, but most give him their willing attention. It appears that Duo telling tales isn't an unusual occurrence.

"Many years ago, and on the continent across the sea, we were called to an audience with the king of those lands. At the time I was the familiar of a human sorcerer, and was content to go along with whatever he was doing. Also in our group was a thief, a healer, and a former barbarian who converted to the worship of the local god of trickery, Garl. We had already faced many challenges and fought many foes. However, though we didn't know it at the time, we were about to face one of our greatest challenges yet!"

He punctuates the last line with a raven's natural croak.

"The king transported us many miles to meet with him. He informed us that he was concerned that someone was going to try to kill him, and tasked us to find out who it was. He gave us a place to sleep in the capitol city, and invited us to join him at the court later in case we could find any clues. Already my maser and I were quite skilled at manipulating people, without even the need for our magic. We decided that the best way for us to help would be to separate ourselves from the rest of our group, and try to get recruited by the potential assassins. To that end we faked an argument, and avoided any unnecessary contact with our companions."

He makes gestures with his wings as he talks. The gestures are so uncoordinated that it is unclear what they are supposed to mean.

"During the court session the healer noticed a small magical portal opening, and managed to push the king out of the way just in time for him to avoid a crossbow bolt that came through the opening. The portal closed immediately afterward, but since such a spell would need someone to guide it the king's guards kept everyone for questioning, including our group. Sensing an opportunity, I convinced my master to undertake another plan. Faking another argument with our companions, my master proceeded to pretend to be drunk and obnoxious so that he would get thrown in the dungeons for the night."

"The plan worked a bit better than expected, in more ways than one. At first the both of us were hung up in one of the antimagic cells. My master was lucky enough to have arms by which to hang. I was hung by my feet. The two of us had to wait several hours, then unexpectedly someone came by, unlocked us, and told us to follow him. We followed him to an abandoned house, and were told to go inside. What we encountered was the last thing we would have ever expected to find."

He pauses for dramatic effect, but is drunk enough that he has little sense of timing, and the pause seems to just keep going for a time.

KHAE: Khaesho, listening with rapt attention, wavered, unable to keep his spine straight from the copious amounts of drink. At the seemingly unending silence, he motioned Duo on with a hand.

"Well, who did you find? Tell us!"

DUO: Duo seems to be shaken out of a thought by Kahaesho's question. He looks confused for an instant, then continues as though he hadn't stopped at all.

"In the room ahead of us was a altar with a dead body placed on it. The body was obviously long dead and mummified, but we still sensed a presence coming from it. We then heard a voice. I am still not sure how that voice sounded. It may have come from the body, or from the air, or have just been in our heads. Even at the time it was indistinct. But it was a voice that seemed perfectly designed to cause fear."

Duo shudders with the memory.

"The voice introduced itself as the God of Death. It told us that the king was planning on performing a ritual which would destroy the current God of Death, and have the king replace it. It wanted us to kill the king instead, and preserve the current state of affairs. We argued with it for a short time, getting it to tell us the full story. But eventually it dismissed us and we left to rejoin our companions. We told them what occurred, and discussed what to do."

"Unfortunately it turned out that the king had somehow heard of our meeting with Death, and decided to remove us. We were attacked, though fortunately only by hired thugs and not the royal defenders. After we killed them we left to seek a hiding place. Somehow we got lucky and found a place the king would be hard pressed to dig us out of. From within this safety we continued to try to figure out what to do. We didn't want to work for the king anymore since he tried to kill us, and we didn't want to do things for the God of Death. So we sought another option."

KHAE: "Another option? What other options did you have?"

DUO: "We eventually sought help from Garl, the God of Trickery. With his help and guidance we decided to trick the king into picking up a cursed amulet that would drive him insane. The last part was my idea."

He looks proud that he was the catalyst for driving someone insane.

"We then called upon a ghost that owed us a favor to hide the amulet past a set of traps in his former home, and then lead the king to it. The goal was to make the king think the amulet was an artifact that would help protect him from the intervention of the other gods during the ritual, so that he would willingly pick it up and subject himself to its magic, which would drive him insane and prevent his completion of the ritual. At the same time the King would still be alive, and therefore the God of Death wouldn't be helped either. It was brilliant!"

"However we didn't know if it would work for sure, so I suggested a backup plan to my master. While the king was hunting the amulet he would move through the populace, using his magic to keep from being recognized. He would the use his powers of persuasion, along with some more magic, to convince the populace that the king and the other rulers were unfit. They would rise up, and destroy the king's powerbase for us."

He looks down on the crowd.

"Some might say it was impossible, but they would be underestimating how good my master was at getting people to go along with whatever he wanted. The capitol city was in flames within two weeks, and the news that the king went insane caused the rulership to fall apart soon afterward. I think they have some kind of representative government now."

He looks contemplative for a moment.

"Okay, so the raven's story is done. Back to your drinks!"

He flies down next to Khaesho.

KHAE: "You know, I was expecting something to go dramatically wrong for a moment. Then I remembered who I was talking to."

Khaesho was well and truly drunk by now, and he was starting to lose some of his self control. He began making small, almost unnoticeable illusions, but as each went unnoticed he gradually made them more and more extravagant. He and Khaesho had an idea at about the same time, and they were just drunk enough to go for it. Khaesho's hand snapped outwards like a striking snake, grabbed hold of the air just in front of Duo's beak, and snapped backwards.

"HA HA! GOT YOUR BEAK!"

As he did this, Kalokin enacted a few illusions and several complicated hallucinations, all designed towards convincing the table, and Duo himself, that Khaesho had indeed stolen his beak.

DUO: "I may have omitted a few parts. Though that actually was one of the times where things went almost perfectly right. The last time they did."

He sighs, looking a bit depressed for a moment then switching back to happy cheerful in the blink of an eye.

At Khaesho taking his beak, Duo initially looks shocked, then he just glares. The crowd shares the raven's shock, but then laughs at the sight of a beakless bird.

"Very funny. I though we had a truce, hmm? Should I take your nose?"

KHAE: "But Beaky, I don't have a nose! Oh, wait, I guess I can't call you Beaky anymore."

As far as jokes went, it was pretty bad, but they were drunk enough to not care. After a second or two, Khaesho tried to keep talking through his laughter.

"Wait, wait, I have a better idea!"

Beak was tossed into the air, and Khaesho appeared to swallow it whole. They gasped, and then Khaesho opened his mouth to show it was empty.

"Come on now Duo, fetch!"

DUO: Duo's expression changes rapid-fire for a few moments. Without his beak it is harder to tell what the expressions are, but finally he settles on what looks like determination. He reaches into his invisible pouch and starts pulling out items. Soon he has a large stack of jewelry, clothing, armor, bottles, weapons, and other less identifiable items. He starts picking items out from the pile and assembling what looks like a suit for a bird.

"Are you sure you want me to fetch? I don't think either of us will find that pleasant."

KHAE: "I've eaten rougher things than you! Let's see if you're brave enough."

He then proceeded to stretch his mouth wide, providing Duo a nice, large target.

DUO: Duo exchanges some of the items he chose for ones with spikes.

KHAE: The entire inn was watching by now, and on request, the bartended brought over a large pint of mead. Khaesho cradled it in his hands as Duo suited up in some rather sharp looking armor.

DUO: Soon Duo is fully kited out for his adventure. Surprisingly none of the items with spikes actually made it onto his body; evidently they were more of a bluff tactic on the raven's part.

On Duo's head sits a helmet with attached goggles covering his eyes. He has switched out his ring for one with an emerald set in it, that glows faintly. Around his neck is a necklace with a pendant; the pendant has circular symbol on it. On his feet are boots, designed for an avian. He is also wearing a silvery cloak, that appears to shift as it is viewed. He holds a brightly glowing stone in one foot, and a vial of some oily liquid is hovering over him.

A green glowing necklace floats over to Khaesho.

"Put that on. I have no idea if this stuff is non-toxic, and the necklace should protect you from any side effects. Don't mess with it Kalokin! At least until an hour after I am finished."

The vial of liquid upends itself, covering Duo in a thick coating of oily fluid. He then prepares to make his dive.

KHAE: At which point Khaesho upends the tankard of mead over the bird.

"And now you taste DELICIOUS!"

DUO: "You want to bet on that?"

Duo takes a moment to confirm that Khaesho actually put on the necklace, before throwing himself at the naga. With the oily coating the raven is nearly frictionless, allowing him to slip around Khaesho's teeth and down his throat before the naga can register what is happening. However even with the addition of the mead the coating tastes like gasoline.

With the oil and his natural aerodynamic shape Duo slides down the throat and into Khaesho's stomach within seconds. Once inside the necklace Duo is wearing activates, creating a small area of fresh air for him to breathe. His ring protects him from the acid, and the helmet and stone allow him to see and move freely.

Duo is in Khaesho's stomach for thirty seconds, and then suddenly Khaesho feels the raven disappear. Duo stays gone for a few seconds, then reappears just as suddenly, standing on the table next to the naga with his beak back where it belongs. The whole procedure takes less than a minute.

"Ta-da!"

KHAE: The entire bar erupted into cheers, completely drowning out anything Khaesho might have said in response. Duo was suddenly flooded with people trying to congratulate him, and every person in the bar offered to buy him a drink. In the chaos, Khaesho slipped away with his Gryphon to pay the bartender, then find their way to a room upstairs where they could spend the night, though they did very little sleeping. In all the mayhem, it would be awhile before Duo noticed Khaesho was missing, but when he did, Kalokin whispered into his ear.

"The boss is busy. He says he had a wonderful time, but he's with the dame now, and I still need to cause some trouble while we're still drunk. Hey, there's an idea."

The disgruntled red dragon had moved back to his table, but he very slowly started to shift in color until he was much closer to pink.

DUO: Duo whispers back to the god, with an evil smirk.

"A suggestion: Give him yellow stripes as well. Then give the elf at the table next to him a slight bonze hue to his skin, and a very faint blue aura. Then do the same to the fox over there, the lizard there, and the human there."

He indicates with his wing each time.

"There is a bronze dragon that has a habit of coming in here disguised as a humanoid. He also likes making Red look foolish. Should be amusing to give Red more than one target this time."

KHAE: "Oh, Duo, I love the way you think!"

He spun the proper illusions for several seconds, and by the time he was done, many people had started sniggering at the red's new colors. He cast about, furious for the bronze, and laid eyes on the elf before any of the others.

"I HAVE YOU THIS TIME COWARD!"

It took all of three seconds for a bar fight to break out.

DUO: "Same to you. Bronze dragons are known for their trickery, and one of my master's distant ancestors was a bronze. He inherited quite a bit of the temperament, and I picked it up from him."

During his explanation Duo barely seems to notice the fighting, though he does watch with fascination as the elf with the illusion on him goes flying right over the raven's head, followed closely by the pink stripped dragon. At first glance Duo seems to be doing his best to avoid being involved in the fight. However Kalokin notices that in places the furniture seems to be moving into just the right positions to keep the fight going strong, as though guided by an avian with telekinetic abilities.

KHAE: "A dragon as a distant ancestor to a human? Now that seems like a fun story."

Now that there was a decent level of chaos, Kalokin started creating multitudes of small illusions. People threw punches at targets half a foot further back, they tripped when they tried to step through tables and chairs, and not a single person had any idea what was going on except for a slightly inebriated, mead soaked raven.

DUO: "Dragons can produce viable offspring with almost any species. Part of their magic. The event in question was something like fifteen generations ago, so the dragon traits in my master were unnoticeable at first, but they were likely responsible for his sorcerer powers emerging. Once he began to get more powerful his magic started to bring out the dragon traits more strongly. Claws and teeth and such."

Duo continues to watch the fight with fascination, but it is beginning to wind its way down. Not because of a lack of willingness in the participants, but because of the increasing number of people left knocked out by the stronger fighters.

KHAE: "Fifteen generations? Yea, that sounds about right for a mostly human looking figure. Hey, those guys look like they're having quite a lot of fun. I think I'll join them."

On time with his words, a dark scaled Naga slithered down the stairs. At first glance, it was identical to the one who had just recently vanished with the gryphon, but as Kalokin looked over to duo, his eyes flashed bright blue. With a gleeful cackle, he dived headfirst into the fight, going straight for the red dragon who was still standing. He wrapped several coils low to bind his legs together, then stretched up to the rafters. Using his own body as a rope, he hung the dragon upside down, with his torso level with the drake's. Thus suspended upside down, he started a rather unorthodox claw fight.

DUO: Duo takes flight, going into a rough circular orbit around the fighting pair. As he flies he croaks loudly, seeming to be encouraging them.

KHAE: Kalokin had clearly done this sort of thing before, so he had the advantage of experience. He was a Deity, so he had the advantage of strength. Add in his uncanny skill with misdirection, and the red never stood a chance. Kalokin took slices out of his flesh until he just tucked into a ball, whimpering, at which point the beast fall straight down and crack his head on the table. He was a hardy one though, and he wobbled to his feet to the sight of Kalokin handing him a fresh mug of ale.

"That was a rousing fight! Thank you kindly, DRINKS ALL AROUND!"

This proposal was met with a general shout of acceptance, and the dragon numbly accepted the drink. Kalokin bowed to the crowd, then slithered back up the stairs, where he promptly vanished again.

I hated to end the brawl early, but I couldn't let it get out of hand. That, and there is some business I must see to, divine stuff. Both Khaesho and Myself wish you a happy parting, we had quite a good time.

DUO: "Have fun. I had a good time as well. Good luck with your futures."

The raven bows to the air, then goes off to settle his own tab.

The End