FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Have you ever found yourself face to face with the one individual that your heart longs for? That one special person that you have imagined over and over in your head but have never met and know for certain that they are not out there? I'm sure that even if you found someone that is close, it still would not be exactly the one you pictured. Maybe their hair color is different, or their eyes. Maybe their nose is slightly off or they are feline instead of canine. Maybe you always saw yourself with a leporine but ended up falling in love with one of the reptilian or avian persuasion. Even though you feel so connected to them they are still not what you imagined every lonely night before drifting off to sleep. With me, this was not the case. I was one of the lucky ones who met that imagined embodiment of the perfect mate. I touched him, felt the softness of his fur and the warmth of his breath against my cheek. It was a moment in time where I finally felt like the world had rewarded me for all the hell it has put me through. I was given the opportunity to finally meet that someone and he was exactly as I pictured him even down to the most minute of details. The world had given me a reason to love, and then had given me reason to give up on my own existence altogether.

I suppose that I should start from the beginning. Most of you will probably think me an idiot. A senseless, lazy child who is too much of a coward to go out and attempt to find real love. You are absolutely correct in that assessment. Congratulations on being able to state what everyone else knows. I would reward you with a cookie but I hate you right now and therefore am not in the mood to bake. That being said I must thank you if you are still here. My therapist told me that talking about it would help me through. I think he is an idiot, but I'm sure his doctoral degree would beg to differ. Anyway, I am willing to try anything as long as there is the slimmest of chances that I will stop lying awake at night dreading the thought of sleeping only to wake up to my life the next day. So without further ado, here goes nothing. I am Todd Reynolds. I am a red fox standing 5'10 with a stocky frame and not even a modicum of social skills. I am not ugly, at least I don't find myself to be, but in a world where perfection is recognized and all else is cast aside I definitely fit in with no one. I am introverted and enjoy reading in my room and wishing I was even brave enough to post my opinions on social media. Hell I don't even have a social media account. Now that you know a bit about me you can picture my pitiful self as I regale you with a sad little tale of how the world screwed me once again. I hope you all enjoy as you sit in front of your screens all happy and full of life...

I got the invitation on a fittingly dreary day in which the pouring rain soaked me on the way from my car into my home. I was already in a horrid mood. Once again I had been the butt of a cruel joke orchestrated by the jocks of my high school. You would think by the time we became seniors they would have grown tired of ridiculing me. The red stain on the front of my shirt was evidence to the contrary. It was a good thing that I despised lunchroom spaghetti.

I saw the envelope and sighed, knowing all too well how these companies worked. You donate to their cause one time and they badger you for more from then on. Though, I hadn't heard from this particular company since the first thank you letter I received after my "hefty" donation of 200 dollars. Why give that much to a company promising something so far-fetched? Call me crazy, but I just felt charitable that day. I guess that was the day I finally got my raise at my job with the public library. I work in the archives department as a sorter. New things come in and I separate them into stacks by genre. It is good, quiet work with minimal interaction with others. Right up my alley.

I broke the seal and pulled out a slip of paper that was somehow sleeker than the last piece I received. Obviously they were doing well enough to afford higher quality paper. That is something I suppose. I read the words spanning the paper and by the end found myself holding my breath. I exhaled and read the words twice over to ensure that my eyes were not playing tricks on me. It was an invitation to attend a three hour test of a new virtual reality technology that promised to reshape my sense of reality. I have never won anything before, and the feeling of actually being selected to test new technology was a bit exciting I admit. The letter went on to say that the entire process would be kept confidential unless otherwise notified as each individual's experience was their own private matter. So they obviously knew some would use their tech for less than savory purposes. However, even to someone as lowly and lazy as I could not pass up the opportunity to make any fantasy a reality. Especially when the fantasy I had in mind would be my only chance of ever finding out what it meant to truly be happy. Needless to say I replied swiftly and in a matter of weeks was on my way to my scheduled appointment; butterflies and all.

I arrived in the front lobby of an enormous building. The large mural on the ceiling left me slightly awestruck. The flame-comprised fox staring down at me seemed to be trying to assure me that he was watching over me. My experience in different literatures had me guessing that this must be a depiction of the Kyubi, though my net experience toyed with the idea of a firefox emblem rip-off. At any rate it was very well done and it surprisingly complemented the rest of the lobby surrounding me. I was so engrossed that I failed to notice the young feline approaching me from behind. Her forepaw on my shoulder almost made me jump out of my skin. I may have even yelped a little... but that is neither here nor there.

"Welcome to Foxfire Industries Mr. Reynolds. If you would please follow me I will guide you to the testing chamber." She was very pretty. Not quite a super-model but at the same time she was prettier than any of the older females the girls his age tried to mimic. She also had a very kind face for a cat, though he was only basing that off of the scornful looks he received from the majority of felines that attended his school.

"It's Todd..." I didn't stutter surprisingly. My soft voice seeming to carry across the floor even as we padded down the hallway.

"Todd then. It is wonderful to meet you. I am Arianna. If you have any questions feel free to ask. You are, after all, one of our original patrons."

"I only gave two hundred," I said awkwardly. I felt inadequate that the only claim I had in this huge company was a measly 200.

"That 200 helped out more than you could possibly know. The ones who believed in us each gave their own amounts with your donation finally putting this company over their goal mark. Six years ago we began this venture and now we stand at the precipice of a new age of gaming. One that you helped usher in." She did nothing to hide the excitement in her voice.

"So this is going to be a game?" I did nothing to hide the disappointment in my own.

"This is going to be whatever you want it to be. The other five candidates are using this opportunity as a gaming experience, yet it is not limited to that. Based on what you sent us we have developed a scenario that you should find to your liking."

"So... you saw my description?" Fantastic. As if she didn't think I was weird already. Let the judging begin!

"Not me personally. Our developers are the only ones who see those. It is not my place nor my concern what you request no matter how lewd it may be."

"It's not lewd!" Her smile was playful. Was she actually joking with me?

We arrived at a set of metal doors bearing a smaller ink depiction of the mural which served as the logo. The feline motioned me through and departed with a smile and a wink. I felt myself blushing as the doors closed tightly cutting off my view of her. I turned and stared at what lay in front of me. My memory of this part is quite vivid, but the only word I can think of to describe my reaction is awe. An awe so complete that I felt as if my entire being had been flung into a world where everything dwarfed even my own imagination. The room was massive. Wires and cables weaved their way about the ceiling before converging into a large machine shaped almost like the bulb of an onion. A smaller room protruded from the front towards me, both doors open in welcome.

"Ah Mr. Reynolds! How wonderful of you to join us today! Thank you so much for your contribution and might I add your project has been quite interesting to develop! Your description of the leporine was impressively extensive. He has turned out to be quite the cute bunny if I may say so myself." A tall panther in a black coat smiled as he trod eagerly up to me. "Excited about the test I assume?"

This was the part in the discussion where I was supposed to answer, and by the fact that he kept talking I guess I must have without realizing it. To be honest I never heard what was said as my mind had already wandered. My thoughts went from awe at the vast machinery to disbelief. Did he say that my description turned out cute? Like he had seen him? There was no way they could know what he actually looked like... They must have drawn him up or just generated him on the computer. Would this be some type of lame hologram that would leave him feeling laughably empty after the fact?

"Now, what say we get started? Step into the Calibration chamber and prepare yourself! I think you will be quite pleased." His voice shook with excitement. Obviously he was looking forward to testing out this side of the equipment.

I was resigned to try and give a good show of things no matter how disappointed I ended up. I stepped in and was locked inside. The only light came from a small monitor running a strange code. The screen went black before a visual popped up on the screen. The sight made my heart skip a beat and to this day I will never forget that feeling of longing I felt just staring at that screen. Little did I know that the doors opening to my left would lead me into the place where all of my dreams would forever remain.

I stepped into the larger chamber. The field surrounding me was all too real. The grass underneath me swayed with a light breeze that caressed my cheek warmly. The blue sky overhead was cloudless, the clear waters of a nearby stream gurgled as the swept past the rocks jutting from below. I remember clearly how I could see straight down into the bottom. I remember running my forepaw through the grass and giving a start when the cold water touched the tip of my tail. It had all been so real. Even the scent of spring was perfectly mimicked. I could not help but smile, after all I was getting to see a piece of history. A technology so advanced that anything could happen. You can imagine my surprise when I found myself falling face first into the icy waters.

Of course I gasped when I stood up, my clothes soaked and clinging to me awkwardly. Someone had pushed me, once more I was the butt of some cruel bully who was here with me. The thing is, no one was supposed to be here. It was then that my ears picked up the sounds of laughter. They twitched as the melodic sounds reverberated through my head. I turned and my heart stopped. The bunny standing before me smiled, his blue eyes sparkling as they stared into mine. His long blonde hair was worked into a braid and seemed to shine like spun gold. He was almost a head shorter than I with a slender yet curvy frame that seemed graceful even when standing. His muzzle turned upwards into a smile and his ears flopped back behind him framing an innocent face. In short, he was astonishing. A breathtaking example of what perfection truly was. I fell in love instantly, not caring whether all of this was just an illusion. For now, it was my reality.

"Hi there cutie. You going to just keep standing there or are you going to come over here and greet me properly?" His voice was as calming and as beautiful as the ocean waves. He did not just speak to my physical self, he spoke to my very being.

"I just..." I don't remember stepping forward. All I can recall is holding him before I was able to speak further. "I can't believe you're here. Ari... I never thought this possible."

"Yet here I am." Indeed there he was. I inhaled his scent deeply as we stood in our embrace. Ari smelled of honeysuckle, like the ones that grow by the stream at my grandmother's home. His white fur was soft and warm against my own. If heaven exists, it is here at this very moment. This was my heaven; my paradise.

Ari took my forepaw and pulled me along the bed of the stream. We spoke not of the past, for Ari nor I did not want to remember a world where we were not together. Instead we spoke of the present and of our future. We planned out our life together, every twist and turn brought up more questions and even more prospects of happiness. It was decided that we would allow life to take us where it will. As long as we were together there could be nothing but happiness. It was after an hour of such discussions that we came to a field of wildflowers and our subjects turned a bit more... intimate.

"So..." Ari blushed and released my forepaw, brushing his bangs out from in front of his eyes. "What should we do now? Any ideas?"

My mind raced as I thought of all that I wanted to say, yet one thing seemed to remain in the forefront. I have never been the type to make the first move. The fact that I took the next step says a lot about my state of mind at that time. I remained silent, opting instead to lean in and press my muzzle against his. Warmth flooded me as our lips met; tongues dancing as time slowed to a crawl. Before I knew it we were both lying on the ground, breathless and laughing at nothing in general. Ari draped his arm over my waist and squeezed as he stared into my eyes. The longing in my own must have been obvious, for he wasted no time in kissing me once more. This time we did not stop at just that.

The red on Ari's cheeks was evident through the white of his fur. I could spend years attempting to describe what the bunny was like lying bare on the ground beneath me. Years that would be wasted as they would still not do the vision justice. He was all I could ever want and the kicker was that he wanted me. There has not been a time in memory where I have felt so wanted, so needed as when I was with Ari. My only wish is that it could have lasted forever.

I leaned in kissing him deeply. His moan spurred me on as I felt myself grow in his forepaw. It felt like hours that we lay together exploring each other's bodies. Some things I must leave out, for those memories are mine alone, but I will say that when he pulled me into him, the world itself erupted into one of love and pleasure. Each thrust sent a shiver up Ari's petite frame. I never could have imagined how amazing it was to be so loved, to finally become one with another. For it to have been Ari just made it all the more special. Even after we had both spent our energy and lay there cuddling each other amidst the sea of flowers, the feelings kept growing at an unnatural rate. That was when a terrifying thought struck me. To this day it was the most horrific thing to have ever entered my mind.

Ari noticed my pained look almost immediately. I thought he would inquire as to why I looked so afraid, yet being who he was the bunny just kissed me once more. My fears melted away into nonexistence and were replaced once more by those feelings of love and belonging. I felt Ari release the kiss and opened my eyes to nothing.

The room was dark, with a dimly lit doorway some few feet in front of me. Someone screamed loudly and I fell to the ground. The voice was that of my own and the wetness matting the fur of my cheeks was the result of my own tears. The panther from before rushed in and began pulling me to stand. My legs wouldn't move, though that may have been because I did not try to move them. I did not want to leave. Ari was here, he was real and I could not leave him behind. I fought as I felt myself being dragged from the chamber. The large feline was saying something, most likely words meant to calm me. I was inconsolable. They took him from me. My reason for living was inside that chamber and they refused to allow me to stay. It was unfair, it was torture, it was... death.

I remember waking up in a hospital bed. Obviously the stress caused me to black out. It was embarrassing, yet I did not apologize. I did not feel sorry. I did not feel anything at all. It has been two years and still I feel nothing. I have tried to return to Foxfire Industries in an attempt to find Ari once more only to be turned away at the door. I am now resigned to live a life without him. A life that is not a life, but a bleak endless monotony in which every moment is spent thinking of him. I have promised to attend therapy daily in order to try and break me out of what they call a depression. They don't understand. They cannot help me. Yet here I am following along with their plans for me. Who knows, maybe something will work, or maybe I will live forever with my loneliness. I suppose only time will tell.