Chapter XXV: Even Though It All Went Wrong
#25 of Kaeden's Commitment
I don't normally tip my hand at my song references, or at least I haven't in the past twenty-four chapters, but I will here, because it's important.
The song is "Hallelujah" - as sung by Jeff Buckley, but with Leonard Cohen's lyrics, as the last stanza that many covers leave out is quite important to the overall metaphor for this chapter.
Anyway, one chapter left to go. It's almost a wrap! This chapter is short, but the next one will more than make up for it, I promise :).
Kaeden's Commitment
by Draugr
Chapter XXV: Even Though It All Went Wrong
This work is licensed under aCreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
"Kaeden... is that really you?" the older Shepherd asked.
"Yeah. Can I come in, Dad?"
"Of course, of course - ah, are you moving back in?" his father asked, failing to keep a hopeful timbre out of his voice.
"Well, I was hoping you might let me stay the night here, but-"
"Stay as long as you like, son. I haven't seen you in forever, I... " His father trailed off, looking down and feeling uneasy about something.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just, y'know... I haven't heard from you in over a year, Son. I haven't seen you in longer than that" he said, throwing caution to the wind and hugging his son tightly.
Kaeden was a bit surprised, and unsure how to react, but returned the gesture. When his father finally let go and stepped back, he saw darkened fur in the corners of his eyes where he'd been crying.
"Let's, uh, get your stuff in here," his father said quickly, mildly embarrassed at his show of emotion.
Once inside they settled in the living room. Kaeden took his seat on the end of the couch, his father in his armchair across from him. The older dog was the first to break the silence.
"I don't want to dwell on such unpleasant topics, but, what changed, Kaeden? Last I knew you didn't want anything to do with me. Did the therapy work? I didn't expect it to take so long."
"Wait, you knew?" Kaeden asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh! I, uh... I thought they'd have told you."
"You seriously knew about everything?" the younger dog said, growing slightly angry. "Everything I was going to go through?"
His father shook his head. "No. They just said it was a specialized program they'd approach you with. I was a bit surprised to hear you'd accepted it."
"Well, in a manner of speaking."
"Hmm?" the older dog queried curiously.
"Nothing. But, yeah, it worked, Dad. I guess. I'm really sorry about how I treated you. You didn't deserve any of it."
"Yeah, Kaeden, but I still should have given you some space. I should be apologizing too. I did my best... but I don't think I ever really got over your mother leaving, and... "
"You were scared of losing me, too?" Kaeden finished astutely.
"Yeah. How did-"
"I've spent the past year - a little more than that, actually - living with a... therapist, of sorts."
"You were living with your doctor?" his dad said, sounding surprised.
"She wasn't exactly my doctor, no. You know how you said they just told you it was specialized therapy?"
His father nodded.
"Well, there's a reason they didn't go into details about it."
"Does it have something to do with that stuffed wolf on top of your bags?" the older Shepherd asked, pointing at the plushie sitting atop Kaeden's suitcase.
"A little, yeah," Kaeden laughed. "I'm not really sure how to explain this subtly, so, I guess I'll just come right out and say it - I had to live for the past year as a puppy."
"A puppy? How did - I mean, what did all that entail?"
"I wasn't allowed to do anything for myself. My caregiver did all of that. I was fed, bathed, had early bedtimes, slept in a... crib." There was a long pause before Kaeden continued. "Wore diapers." Neither Shepherd spoke for about a minute before Kaeden finally forced a cough, continuing.
"I'm, um, still struggling to... y'know. Control everything," he said, blushing and looking down. His father got up and sat down on the couch next to him, placing a hand on his son's shoulder.
"Kaeden, I'm not going to judge you. I don't care what you did or what sorts of strange things you went through, I don't care if you... have bladder problems, and I don't care why you agreed to it all. I'm just glad to have my son back."
This time, both Shepherds leaned in for a hug, sharing a moment.
"Thanks, Dad. But I didn't exactly agree to it," Kaeden said into his father's shoulder.
"What?" the older dog said, recoiling. "Kaeden, I'm sorry, I mean, I never would have... they told me you'd agree first before-"
"Relax, Dad," Kaeden laughed, holding up his paws. "It all worked out for the best. It's not like I would have told them yes if they'd just_asked nicely_for me to wear diapers for a year and be treated like a two or three-year old."
During the next couple hours Kaeden filled his father in on all that had happened to him. He reassured him that although very unconventional, the 'puppy' treatment seemed to work, and he'd seen it work on more than one other like him. His father was noticeably distressed as Kaeden recalled his first few weeks and what he'd had to endure. The older Shepherd clearly felt responsible, but after a few reassurances from his son, he settled down and allowed the story to continue. Halfway through they stopped momentarily to share a beer and a light, but late lunch. Kaeden remarked that it felt unusual to drink out of a glass bottle, rather than a sippy cup or a puppy bottle. They both shared a laugh at that.
"So, this Ashleigh - do you still consider her to be your mother?" his father asked, once the story was done.
Kaeden nodded, folding his ears back, concerned he might have hurt his dad. "I'm sorry if it upsets you, but she's done more for me than your wife ever did."
His father looked down, slightly distressed. "I still love her, you know. Even after twenty years. But, still, I can't blame you. Ashleigh sounds like a very nice woman, at least the way you describe her."
"She is. If you don't mind though, I need to, uh...change, and I'm sort of used to napping at this time of day, so-"
"Oh, of course! We've been talking a long time. Do you, uh-want me to... " he trailed off.
"Want you to do what, Dad?"
"Well, you sounded like you... don't take this the wrong way, Kaeden, but it sounded like you actually enjoyed being treated like that."
Kaeden blushed, leaning forward and awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. "I guess I did, a little. I like what it did for me. Does for me."
"You don't need me, to, uh, y'know, then... " the older Shepherd said vaguely.
Kaeden sat a few moments, trying to figure out what his father was asking, before it finally dawned on him.
"Oh, geez, no, Dad. No. You don't have to be my dad in_that_way. That'd be weird. I'm glad we're talking again, but that's a little too much."
His father sighed in relief. "If it helps, Kaeden, I don't care what you need to do, and it's not that I'm not willing to help out, but, it's just, y'know... well, I'm glad you can take care of_that_by yourself."
"Heh, yeah. No problem Dad. I like being... y'know, little, sometimes. It really helps me destress, but, I think that would just kill the mood."
Kaeden went to his old room, which was fairly threadbare. He'd cleaned it out when he moved out of the house. He got a towel from the hallway closet so he could change his diaper. With that task out of the way, he realized he didn't have any pajamas or other bedtime clothing that wasn't infantile in nature, so he redressed in his street clothes before going back downstairs. After another awkward conversation with his father about where to dispose of his wet diaper, he took care of that, then went back upstairs to change into one of his onesies for bed.
After a few minutes of tossing and turning, Kaeden realized he wasn't going to get any shut-eye. He was tired, and couldn't figure out why he couldn't sleep. Was it just the new bed?
A few minutes later, he had to begrudgingly admit there was an important piece missing from his bedtime ensemble: his stuffed wolf, Ikici. He got up, and not wanting to redress, wrapped a blanket around his lower half before going downstairs to get his forgotten plushie.
Thankfully, his father wasn't in the room. Kaeden didn't really feel like explaining why his 'shirt' - or at least that's how it would have appeared - had a cute cartoony dinosaur embroidered on it.
Back in bed, Kaeden was finally able to drift off into a light sleep.