Sam's Guilt
#1 of Short Stories
A fanfiction for the novel SPIKE. Fav's, watches, and advice greatly appreciated!
Sam looked over at the sleeping figure of Spike next to him. He took him all in, examining every feature of him... For some reason, he was moving towards
him. He wrapped his arm around Spike, pulling him in close.
"What are you doing?" Sam looked up to suddenly see Spike's deep green eye's staring back at him.
"Oh..." Sam started. "Sorry..." He began to move away.
Suddenly, Spike grabbed his hand, keeping it held in place around him. "Wait", he said. Sam waited. They both just laid there, staring at eachother, deep into eachothers eyes. Minutes passed, just sitting there motionless, when out of the blue, Spike pushed himself into Sam, closing the distance between their lips, getting on top of Sam. He was unbelievably shocked as Spike began to kiss him passionately, but soon returned the gesture as he wrapped his arms tighter around Spike. This was it. This was all Sam ever wanted, and it had been so easy. Everything would be great from now on, they would become a couple, they would be together forever, they would never separate. They would always, always love each other. They would...
That's when Sam's eyes opened. He was laying in bed. He looked to his side, but there was no Spike. Of course there wasn't. Spike was gone.
He couldn't take it, just laying there. Sam got up from bed, tiptoeing to bathroom. He turned the faucet, allowing the water to warm for a second as it let out a steady stream before cupping a pool of it in his hands and splashing it in his face. Then he caught himself in the mirror. He was so... Ugly. Even more so now.
Look at you... You're a monster... It's your fault Spike's gone. You have no one to blame but yourself... No one... You have no one.
Sam knew that was a lie. He still had his father, and Terrance, and his friends at school. But in all his life, Sam never felt so alone... So empty. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he stared deep into his eyes. They say the eyes are the gateway to the soul... And right now, Sam saw nothing.
He didn't even make the effort to sigh, instead just leaving the disgusting image he saw in the mirror. He couldn't bear to look at himself anymore.
Sam pushed open his bedroom door and was about to lay back down, when he felt his eyes gravitate toward something. A picture. He didn't know why, he'd seen it a million times before, but this time, he reached up and grabbed the picture above his bed. He sat on the front side of his bed, legs over the side, staring down at the picture. It was of him and Spike at a younger age, just a simple picture, both of them smiling brightly, even Spike. Sam stared deep into those beautiful eyes, captured in a single moment... He took in Spike, absorbing his beauty, looking him up and down... But it wasn't the real Spike. Spike was God knows where... That's when the tears began to fall. Sam pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and rocking slightly as he began to hyperventilate. He couldn't take it, it was too much. He wanted to drop dead right there, he wanted it all to end, he wanted to leave this place, he wanted to go far away, so far away... He wanted Spike.
He pushed himself up from the bed, trying to breath as he began to choke and gasp. He sat down in a chair near a window in his room, clenching the side of the windowsill as his breath slowly steadied. But the tears still came. They wouldn't stop. They never stopped.
Sam looked out the window, into the darkness of the night.
Spike... Come home... Come home to my heart.... If I keep dreaming of you, and start believing it's true, soon you'll come home... Your home is here. With me. With my dad... You belong here... Please... I need you... I need you like I need air... Soon you'll come home... You have to...
It was thoughts like these that helped Sam get through his miserable existence, his life that was now a living hell. If he believed it, it had to come true... But... What if he never saw Spike again? What if he was gone forever?
No... God, no, Sam wouldn't be able to live with that. He knew if Spike was gone forever, he would be to.
Sam allowed himself a sigh, getting up from the chair and finally laying back in bed. He wrapped the covers around himself, slowly shutting his eyes before whispering one last thing to the night.
"I love you, Spike..." -