What was it?
#13 of Short Stories
This is heavily inspired by my own experiences with a person I fell in love with
I guess that you didn't really have any real feelings for me... and now you've left me severely heartbroken, truly devastated.
We've experienced some things together, all rather sentimental actions... from my point of view, at least. I remember that you asked me to sleep at your place after we finished our first project together. I don't know how to describe what I felt when the soft words left your muzzle. Of course I said yes... I couldn't resist it. You wanted me to teach what I knew about playing on piano... I tried my best to make you understand that it wasn't something you could learn in one run but I did teach you one piece to the fullest. Then you wanted me to play against you in video games and further more you wanted me to make some sandwiches to you... and I obeyed your words, did what you wanted me to do. At one point you asked me to massage your foot... I hesitated at first even though I clearly wanted to do it. Your teasing words made me do it and even though I massaged you, you continued gently to tease me... I teased back. We laughed.
Why would you do this to me when we had something together? It was clear for us both that our lives were meant to be together... but instead you left me.
It turned dark and we went to our separate beds but did not sleep, instead we talked to each other through soft whispering, talked about a lot of things. What I especially remembered was you asked if there were guys I found interesting and... that question surprised me endlessly but I still answered honestly: I did find some of our classmates attractive... and by accident I said you were beautiful. It was dark but I was sure I saw you make a faint smile... our eyes met in few seconds which I reluctantly interrupted by looking away... in fear of getting busted. Then you boasted that you were stronger than me and that I was the weak one... it escalated to a play fight on his bed. He was stronger than me which resulted in my defeat; he sat on me and held both my hands in a way so I couldn't move. I wanted to be submissive for him.
As I lay on my bed silently crying I wanted to see you again, see you smile and be happy, hear your voice, your laughter and feel your domination over your 'little slave', as you called me.
At school you would intuitively rub my head unnoticed when he went past me... you did it many times and I didn't had anything against it... I wanted it to continue. After few months I gladly carried your school stuff along with my own to the classes, showed my submission towards you and you accepted it. We eventually began to play fight at school while the others where there and rumors began to spread about us being together. Either you or I had anything against it, continued our days as close classmates. Sometimes you would take my shoes, which I didn't have on in school time, and throw them out of the window just to tease me. I did felt a bit irritated but at the same time I felt that I meant something for you.
I saw out of the window and stared hopelessly at the bright stars and moon... this view was something that I shared with you many times when we walked together at night at your place.
We never kissed but I didn't really need that for I knew, or I thought I knew, you wanted me and showed it through the actions we had. I would voluntarily help you with the exercises and problems from the school, even made them sometimes for you and I asked nothing in return but recognition from you which you gave every day. Then you introduced me that you did played on instruments; drums. I had few rhythmical problems and you wanted to learn more about piano... we taught each other and many times under the lessons he would make fun of me and I responded in the same way.
I was your 'good, little slave' and I still want to be like that... to be yours, truly. It ended when I confessed my love to you right before the summer vacation started. I thought you knew but saw nothing but shocked and went out of the class and didn't return. As you had told me long before the summer you had plans to go to Australia for a year, a sabbatical year... Since then you haven't spoken, seen or written to me
Now I'm left here without you, not knowing what will become of us and I didn't know if you're going back to your own place.
But no matter what I'll still love you...