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Kaeden's Commitment

by Draugr

Chapter XVII: I Won't Shed A Tear

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This work is licensed under aCreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

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Sleep didn't come easily that night for Kaeden. He was too wound up thinking and worrying about tomorrow's events. When Ashleigh woke him up, he wasn't sure how much sleep he'd gotten - only that for the first time since he'd been under her care, he was glad he had such an early bedtime and all those extra hours to try and get some sleep.

He was much less talkative than usual - Ashleigh was a little concerned about this, but figured Kaeden had a lot to process, to mentally prepare himself for the sleepover. Truth be told, she wasn't quite sure he was ready to handle this, and wished she had more time to slowly introduce such new things to him, but Joseph had been sure... so right after an early lunch she went upstairs to pack him an overnight diaper bag to last a couple days. She filled the large duffle bag with sixteen diapers - more than enough to last him Friday afternoon through Sunday morning. She added three extra outfits - one for Saturday and one for Sunday, and one in case of a diaper leak or extra-messy accident. His freshly laundered puppy blue sleeper went in, as well as his favorite dinosaur onesie. Two puppy bottles followed, with Kaeden's name taped on them, as well as his favorite bedtime story - just in case he needed a touch of home to help get him through. Kaeden's plush timber wolf could be carried, of course, but she set Ikici out so he would not be forgotten. She grabbed Kaeden's shorts and hurried downstairs. Now that he was no longer embarrassed about his appearance, his normal daytime attire consisted of only a t-shirt and diaper in order to facilitate easier diaper checks. Heading out to see others, of course, Kaeden would want a bit more clothing.

Luckily, Kaeden had just finished his lunch - though he nearly spit out his last sandwich bite when Ashleigh unceremoniously slipped her paw inside the leg band of his diaper to check him for wetness. Kaeden wasn't wet enough that she would normally bother changing him, but she was hardly about to send him off to a good friend in a wet diaper, no matter how few drops wet it was. Kaeden whined a bit as he was picked up to be carried off to his nursery - that wasn't something that happened very often anymore as he'd earned the privilege to travel through the house under his own power rather than be carried everywhere, but he didn't complain. As they passed the entryway, Rashid was just letting himself in to wait for Kaeden.

"We're running a bit late, Rashid, I let the time get away from me," she said, slowly down momentarily. "Let me get Kaeden's diaper changed and we'll be right out."

"Mommmyyyy!!!" the Shepherd complained, flushing bright red. Rashid just chuckled as they disappeared around the corner. In short order they both reappeared, although this time Kaeden was dryer and wearing pants. Ikici was clutched tightly in one paw. Ashleigh handed Kaeden's blue diaper bag off to Rashid.

"Be good for me, okay, Kaeden? It's only two days, and I know you'll learn a lot. I know you'll miss me, and I'll miss you, but be brave. I know you can do this." They gave each other a hug and said their goodbyes. Kaeden required a few tears to be wiped from his cheek first, before taking his first step outside Ashleigh's home since he became her puppy. Rashid helped him up into his vehicle, a roughly decade-old black sport utility vehicle in good condition. There was a 'puppy seat' large enough for someone of Kaeden's size in the back.

"Of course I'd have to sit in that... " Kaeden groaned.

Rashid smiled. "Don't worry, the windows are tinted. Puppies need proper traveling protection, though, so you do need a car seat. I'm afraid I can't budge on that."

"I know, I know... " Kaeden groaned.

"What's the matter, pup? I thought you liked being Ashleigh's puppy now."

"I like seeing her happy, and she likes seeing me be a puppy... and maybe some of it is, y'know... okay, I guess. A lot of it I could really do without. I don't complain much anymore though, I'm used to it. I was just hoping something as little as the trip over wouldn't just be yet another reminder to me that I'm a 'puppy'," Kaeden said, making quotation marks with his paws.

"Well, it's served you well so far, so I see no reason to discontinue. Now, hop up, it takes a minute to get you buckled into this thing."

Kaeden did as he was told. Rashid leaned over to buckle him in - there were two straps that came over his shoulder that connected to a round dial-looking thing that had more slots in it. Once that was over his head, Rashid pulled two more straps from either side of his waist and attached them to the dial, and finally another one from between his legs, pulling it up and buckling it into the dial as well. He tightened up all the straps until he was sure Kaeden couldn't escape, but wouldn't be too constricted, either.

"I feel like a baby," he said, plainly. "And don't say 'that's the point'," he added, at a sudden look from Rashid, "because I know that's what you were going to say."

"Guilty as charged," the Rottweiler said, throwing his paws in the air. Kaeden couldn't help but share a good-natured laugh at that - he may have had a love/hate relationship with the puppy treatment, but it was something he understood and accepted now.

The drive was a little over an hour long, so to pass the time, Rashid asked Kaeden if he had anything he wanted to talk about, such as worries over the upcoming sleepover.

"Are we there yet?" he asked smugly. Rashid shot him a warning look, knowing what he was up to. "Hey, I'm supposed to be a puppy..." he defended himself.

"Well, perhaps the_puppy_would like to talk about something else," he asked, giving Kaeden a way out.

"Yeah... okay, so, it took me a long time to get comfortable with Ashleigh changing my diaper. I know you aren't going to suddenly let me start doing that myself, and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle having another caregiver, no matter how nice, do that to me."

Rashid nodded. "I can understand that," he added. "I-"

"You can? Kaeden interrupted in disbelief. "I find that hard to believe."

"Why is that?" he asked. "I was in this program not so long ago, and I still remember my first sleepover."

"_You_were a puppy here?" the Shepherd asked, in further disbelief.

The Rottweiler nodded. "Many of us, and even a few of the caregivers too, have been through the program. It's easier to vet a potential new employee if they've already been transformed by the program. We have the added benefit of understanding the ins and outs, so, it's not resource that Chainbreakers leaves untapped."

"Was Ashleigh a puppy?" he asked, curious.

"No, I don't think so, pup. She's never explained to me how or why she was introduced to the program, but I do know she is a natural and cares for you just as much or more than she would for her own. She is very good at her job."

Kaeden solemnly nodded, giving no indication he knew of Ashleigh's true reasons. He didn't want to betray her trust by letting Rashid even know he knew something more of it.

"So... were you, like, as bad as I was, when I came?" Kaeden said, changing the subject.

Rashid laughed. "Even worse. I got spanked so many times my first week with my caregivers I'm surprised I can sit down even now, twenty years after the fact."

"Caregivers? You had more than one?"

"This program has been through a lot of changes, little one. When I was... introduced, they were trying to re-raise charges with both a mother and father figure. It worked, but ultimately proved unnecessary. Now we simply use the influence of a loving parental figure - something many of our charges are missing."

"Well I'm glad I didn't need spanked that much," he said, grinning.

"I wouldn't boast too much about your bad behavior, puppy," Rashid said in mock sternness. "We don't spank puppies as much as we used to. Twenty years ago it was the standard punishment, however. Now, I don't see it used as much. Sometimes not at all, though a lot of people, including me, still feel it's a useful tool in our cabinet."

"I think Ashleigh would disagree with you. She never seemed to like having me spanked."

Rashid nodded. "Yes, but she still felt it was necessary. Just because Ashleigh is in charge of you doesn't mean she can do whatever she likes."

"You seemed to like it," Kaeden grunted, a phantom pain crossing his thickly padded bottom.

"I was acting, puppy. Remember? I don't_like_doing it, but it doesn't bother me, either, not like it does Ashleigh. Though, I have to say, I didn't have any regrets about spanking_you_after you spit in my face the first time we met."

"You were making fun of me," Kaeden said, sounding grumpy. "You shouldn't have gotten so close."

Rashid laughed. "I probably deserved it, even if it was an act. Anyway, Ashleigh is much more reserved about it than I would be. Sometimes your mommy has to make difficult choices in order to help you, though."

"Hey, Rashid, that reminds me of something, sort of. Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, pup, I told you that you can always come to me for anything."

Kaeden nodded. "Was my father actually a problem in how I was raised?"

Rashid didn't say anything for awhile, thinking on his answer. "That's a difficult one to answer, Kaeden, and only one that you truly know the answer to. However, in my opinion? Yes. He is part of your problem. He is a great father and really wants the best for you Kaeden, and I'd encourage you to reconnect after you graduate. But he is afraid to let you fail, and hasn't let you figured out in a healthy and safe environment how to deal with failure. Failures do happen, and I suppose the way he raised you didn't allow you to learn any of that."

"Hence the re-raising puppy stuff."

"Yes, exactly like that."

Kaeden fell silent, trying to imagine Rashid, once more, as a 'puppy' and failing. His curiosity got the better of him, as did the long car ride.

"Are we_there_yet?" he asked, this time genuinely whining.

"Kaeden, remember that conversation we had just a little bit ago about spanking, particularly the part where it doesn't bother me?" The threat was empty, of course. Kaeden had long since grown past the point where that was necessary, and although he was responsible for Kaeden's care_and_discipline while he was in charge of him, he was honor-bound to stick to Ashleigh's regimen.

Kaeden knew this, but the threat, hollow or not, was enough to move him on to the next topic of conversation.

"So, I've been trying, but I really can't imagine you in a diaper. You're so... grown-up."

Rashid snorted. "I guess that's a compliment, so, thank you. Was there something in particular you wanted to know?"

"You were in this program twenty years ago. You mentioned it was different then with the spanking and two caregivers...how else?"

"The biggest thing is that we try to eliminate as much punishment as possible. We can't forego it all, not with pups who come in as unruly as you were, but my... adjustment period was a lot more unpleasant than yours. It's an evolving program, and it continually gets better. There's a lot more encouragement and patience used in dealing with new charges than there used to be."

"I kind of gathered that. So, if you had to go through this again, what's, like... the biggest change you'd be glad for?" Kaeden asked.

"Well, pretty much everyone uses disposable diapers now. I was kept in cloth diapers. Plastic pants, big diaper pins, the works. When I was in the program our company was having some financial issues, and to cut costs, they quit offering disposables, unless caregivers wanted to make up the difference out of their own salary. From what I gathered my caregivers were a bit old-fashioned to begin with, so they didn't have to switch over at all. I think they liked using cloth better as they, ah...well, like Ashleigh, they specialized in very difficult cases. It's much easier to lock up a cloth diaper to prevent it from being removed. Anyway, as a reward for good behavior, during my last three weeks my caregivers switched me back to what you're used to."

"That's a strange reward," Kaeden said, laughing. "But, I don't get why you'd be glad for that change. It's still a diaper, right? What's so different?"

"If you think you feel uncomfortable when you need changed, try sitting in a cloth diaper for an hour before Ashleigh comes and checks you," Rashid said plainly. "Cloth diapers can get_really_itchy when they're wet."

"I guess that's one thing to be glad for. Did you have trouble...y'know...with, going?"

Rashid nodded. "They didn't handle that with anything as pleasant as a suppository, either."

Kaeden shuddered. "I won't ask. But why don't they use oral laxatives? I know they make them."

"The effect is too distant from the point of punishment, which lessens the impact. It's also less reliable, and less immediate. Some caregivers might use them, but most go with, well, what you went through."

"Caregivers can pick what they want to use with that sort of thing?" he asked, his curiosity piqued.

"Ashleigh pretty much has complete control over how she raises you. There's a few things she has to abide by, of course, but each caregiver raises their charges in different ways. They learn from others, picking things they like, leaving behind the things they don't, and sometimes even putting something new into the mix. Most caregivers, for instance, now always gift their charges with a plushie, like your Ikici. That wasn't a standard thing until we all started to see how well it worked within the confines of the program."

"So, like, if I'd gotten a different caregiver, I wouldn't have to go to bed at eight-thirty?"

Rashid laughed. "Don't let Ashleigh hear you talking like that."

"No, I'm glad Ashleigh is my mommy, I just... I'm just curious!" Kaeden quickly explained.

"That's a pretty normal bedtime for puppies, but it can vary. You started off at eight o'clock, didn't you?"

Kaeden nodded. "Yeah. Ashleigh said she was going soft letting me stay up later."

"I have to admit, I was surprised at that. Ashleigh hasn't let any of her puppies stay up that late since I've worked with her. Anyway, you wouldn't have gotten another caregiver. Among other things, your handler, Joseph Boden, is responsible for picking charges and placing them with the caregivers he oversees. You were matched, in other words, with Ashleigh's particular strengths."

"Wow," Kaeden said. "This all sounds so big. It's like... as far-reaching as government is."

Rashid laughed. "The world can seem pretty big when you're still little, pup."

"Hey!" Kaeden said, crossing his arms.

A few minutes later, Rashid pulled into a drive, which surprised Kaeden. With the headrest of his carseat blocking some of his vision, and having been so engaged in conversation with Rashid, he didn't even remember leaving the highway.

Rashid came around to get Kaeden out of his carseat. He gripped Ikici much more tightly than he had upon leaving Ashleigh's home, growing increasingly nervous the closer they got to the front door.

"Be brave now, Kaeden. I know you can do this."

"No, I won't be afraid," Kaeden said, though his voice wavered a bit.

"Stand by me, pup," he said, putting an arm around his shoulders. "Just try your best, that's all we can ask of you." Kaeden nodded, trying to steel his resolve - but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw next.